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"God bless Smernof"

This story is fictional any similarities between this and your own life are purely coincidental.

January 1st
11.27am
WOOHOO! Good morning world, good morning diary, and why not, good morning moderately priced Argos alarm clock.

Ok, I need to calm down.

11.35am (one coffee later)
I know I have never written in you or one of the many other diaries that I have accumulated over the years from different elderly relatives on birthdays and other such special occasions, but this is mainly due to never having had anything interesting enough to write about. Well this all changed at about 11.15pm last night.

I LOST MY VIRGINITY! I think its one of those life defining moments, when you really become a man. Other such moments include, discovering your first pubic hair, the first time you realise you have the ability to grow a full moustache, waking up to find your very first chest hair. Come to think of it, most of the defining moments in a man’s life seem to involve some sort of body hair.
So, if you couple the fact that last night I had sex for the very first time and this morning I discovered my first chest hair (just to right of my left nipple), you can begin to understand just how masculine I am feeling at this moment.

I think it’s a little strange that having felt less then a man for years, that both these events happened for me at the same time. Maybe there connected in some way? Maybe the more times you have sex the more hairy you become? If this in fact turns out to be the case, hats of to Pete Sampras. Who would think that after 5 hours of tennis that you would have the energy?
Anyway, I digress. It was a wonderful moment, and one that I will remember for the rest of my life. You know the story,

December 31st
10.30pm
*Boy meets girl*

10.31pm
*Girl politely listens to boy’s nonsensical waffle*

10.31pm – 11.12pm
*Girl drinks around seven Smernof Ice’s*

11.12pm
*Girl starts to believe she misjudged boy and he is in fact much better looking then first thought*

11.15pm
*Boy and girl get pelvic*

That old chestnut.

I did enjoy last night, very much so in fact. But oh, my, god I am glad that it’s over and done with.
I liken losing ones virginity to having the Tuberculosis inoculation. You know, you here about it from older people after it’s happened to them. As you get older you know that the time is getting closer and closer, and then when the time comes…as it turns out, you needn’t have worried so much…because it’s all over in a matter of seconds anyway.

Upon waking up this morning I then had to endure the ranting about how this was a "one time thing", how "it was the alcohol" and I was to "never tell anyone". I swore I wouldn’t tell, so this is between you and me diary.

GOD BLESS SMERNOF!!

Thanks for reading

Goatboy wrote:
> Smirnoff.

Gezundheit.

Smirnoff.

Maybe it works better with a Raaa, instead of a Boo.

I know, I tried it at the gym earlier. Ah well, at least I made her scream in one respect.

Insane Bartender wrote:
> You don't need drugs to have sex with beautiful women.
>
> You just have to take them by surprise...


*sneak*

*sneak*

*sneak*

.....

*jumps out*

BOO!!!!!!


I remain to be convinced of this approach.

phi11ip wrote:
> English_Bloke wrote:
> Maybe the more times you have sex the
> more hairy you become? If this in fact turns out to be the case,
> hats
> off to Pete Sampras.
>
> haahah!
>
> I loved that bit!
>
> And I've got to tell you this because it's annoying me...
>
> "Smirnoff"

Thanks, and my sister also pointed out my spellig mispake when she read it.

English_Bloke wrote:
> Maybe the more times you have sex the
> more hairy you become? If this in fact turns out to be the case, hats
> off to Pete Sampras.

haahah!

I loved that bit!

And I've got to tell you this because it's annoying me...

"Smirnoff"

I was joking, it is genuinely made up.

English_Bloke wrote:
> Odin wrote:
> Is this guy you?
>
> Nope, read the very top...fake, made up...ahem.

good cover up

Odin wrote:
> Is this guy you?

Nope, read the very top...fake, made up...ahem.