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A West Ham fan was in a pub last Sunday as the football scores come on the
tv. The announcer says that West Ham have lost 3-0 and the dog immediately
rolls on its back, sticks its paws in the air and plays dead.
"That's amazing" says the barman, "What does he do when they win?"
The West Ham fan scratches his head for a couple of minutes and finally replies "I dunno....I've only had the dog this season."
Glen Roeder was caught speeding on his way to Upon Park today. "I'll do
anything for 3 points", he said when questioned.
The fire brigade phones Glen Roeder in the early hours of Sunday morning...
"Mr Roeder sir, Upton Park is on Fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" cries Glen.
"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire
contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man
with a claret and blue carpet.
Someone asked me the other day, " what time do West Ham kick off?"
"About every ten minutes" I replied.
Glen Roeder was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car
park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping.
He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?"
To which the old lady replied "No way, you got yourself into this mess,
don't ask me to sort it out!"
A man desperate at West Ham's current situation decides to top himself. In
his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last
moment he decides upon wearing his full West Ham kit as his last statement.
A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident informs the police.
On arrival the police quickly remove the West Ham kit and dress the man in
stockings and suspenders. The man totally confused asks why.
The policeman simply replied "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
A little Welsh lad who has just moved from Cardiff to East London is
practicing his free kicks in a park near Upon Park.
He takes 50 kicks at goal, everyone finds the back of the net. Glen Roeder
is watching and walks over to talk to the boy.
"How old are you son?" asks Roeder.
"13" replies the young fellow.
"Well I am very impressed with your shooting and I must say if you continue
in this vein of form, when you get older you may be good enough to play for
the West Ham 1st team" said Roeder.
"F**k off" said the boy, "it's bad enough being Welsh."
David James is so distraught after his latest blunder that he decides to end
it all. He walks straight out of Upon Park and throws himself down in front
of a number 9 bus.
Luckily it passes under him
tv. The announcer says that West Ham have lost 3-0 and the dog immediately
rolls on its back, sticks its paws in the air and plays dead.
"That's amazing" says the barman, "What does he do when they win?"
The West Ham fan scratches his head for a couple of minutes and finally replies "I dunno....I've only had the dog this season."
Glen Roeder was caught speeding on his way to Upon Park today. "I'll do
anything for 3 points", he said when questioned.
The fire brigade phones Glen Roeder in the early hours of Sunday morning...
"Mr Roeder sir, Upton Park is on Fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" cries Glen.
"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire
contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man
with a claret and blue carpet.
Someone asked me the other day, " what time do West Ham kick off?"
"About every ten minutes" I replied.
Glen Roeder was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car
park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping.
He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?"
To which the old lady replied "No way, you got yourself into this mess,
don't ask me to sort it out!"
A man desperate at West Ham's current situation decides to top himself. In
his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last
moment he decides upon wearing his full West Ham kit as his last statement.
A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident informs the police.
On arrival the police quickly remove the West Ham kit and dress the man in
stockings and suspenders. The man totally confused asks why.
The policeman simply replied "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
A little Welsh lad who has just moved from Cardiff to East London is
practicing his free kicks in a park near Upon Park.
He takes 50 kicks at goal, everyone finds the back of the net. Glen Roeder
is watching and walks over to talk to the boy.
"How old are you son?" asks Roeder.
"13" replies the young fellow.
"Well I am very impressed with your shooting and I must say if you continue
in this vein of form, when you get older you may be good enough to play for
the West Ham 1st team" said Roeder.
"F**k off" said the boy, "it's bad enough being Welsh."
David James is so distraught after his latest blunder that he decides to end
it all. He walks straight out of Upon Park and throws himself down in front
of a number 9 bus.
Luckily it passes under him
GENIUS!
Very Good
=D
=D
Funny, though given our currect predicament, near to the bone.
The speeding one was my fave. {:)
The penultimate joke - no offence to any Welsh intended...
"I just tell it like it is, man"
"I just tell it like it is, man"
A West Ham fan was in a pub last Sunday as the football scores come on the
tv. The announcer says that West Ham have lost 3-0 and the dog immediately
rolls on its back, sticks its paws in the air and plays dead.
"That's amazing" says the barman, "What does he do when they win?"
The West Ham fan scratches his head for a couple of minutes and finally replies "I dunno....I've only had the dog this season."
Glen Roeder was caught speeding on his way to Upon Park today. "I'll do
anything for 3 points", he said when questioned.
The fire brigade phones Glen Roeder in the early hours of Sunday morning...
"Mr Roeder sir, Upton Park is on Fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" cries Glen.
"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire
contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man
with a claret and blue carpet.
Someone asked me the other day, " what time do West Ham kick off?"
"About every ten minutes" I replied.
Glen Roeder was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car
park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping.
He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?"
To which the old lady replied "No way, you got yourself into this mess,
don't ask me to sort it out!"
A man desperate at West Ham's current situation decides to top himself. In
his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last
moment he decides upon wearing his full West Ham kit as his last statement.
A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident informs the police.
On arrival the police quickly remove the West Ham kit and dress the man in
stockings and suspenders. The man totally confused asks why.
The policeman simply replied "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
A little Welsh lad who has just moved from Cardiff to East London is
practicing his free kicks in a park near Upon Park.
He takes 50 kicks at goal, everyone finds the back of the net. Glen Roeder
is watching and walks over to talk to the boy.
"How old are you son?" asks Roeder.
"13" replies the young fellow.
"Well I am very impressed with your shooting and I must say if you continue
in this vein of form, when you get older you may be good enough to play for
the West Ham 1st team" said Roeder.
"F**k off" said the boy, "it's bad enough being Welsh."
David James is so distraught after his latest blunder that he decides to end
it all. He walks straight out of Upon Park and throws himself down in front
of a number 9 bus.
Luckily it passes under him
tv. The announcer says that West Ham have lost 3-0 and the dog immediately
rolls on its back, sticks its paws in the air and plays dead.
"That's amazing" says the barman, "What does he do when they win?"
The West Ham fan scratches his head for a couple of minutes and finally replies "I dunno....I've only had the dog this season."
Glen Roeder was caught speeding on his way to Upon Park today. "I'll do
anything for 3 points", he said when questioned.
The fire brigade phones Glen Roeder in the early hours of Sunday morning...
"Mr Roeder sir, Upton Park is on Fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" cries Glen.
"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire
contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man
with a claret and blue carpet.
Someone asked me the other day, " what time do West Ham kick off?"
"About every ten minutes" I replied.
Glen Roeder was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car
park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping.
He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?"
To which the old lady replied "No way, you got yourself into this mess,
don't ask me to sort it out!"
A man desperate at West Ham's current situation decides to top himself. In
his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last
moment he decides upon wearing his full West Ham kit as his last statement.
A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident informs the police.
On arrival the police quickly remove the West Ham kit and dress the man in
stockings and suspenders. The man totally confused asks why.
The policeman simply replied "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
A little Welsh lad who has just moved from Cardiff to East London is
practicing his free kicks in a park near Upon Park.
He takes 50 kicks at goal, everyone finds the back of the net. Glen Roeder
is watching and walks over to talk to the boy.
"How old are you son?" asks Roeder.
"13" replies the young fellow.
"Well I am very impressed with your shooting and I must say if you continue
in this vein of form, when you get older you may be good enough to play for
the West Ham 1st team" said Roeder.
"F**k off" said the boy, "it's bad enough being Welsh."
David James is so distraught after his latest blunder that he decides to end
it all. He walks straight out of Upon Park and throws himself down in front
of a number 9 bus.
Luckily it passes under him