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Dear Prime Minister,
I know that this proposal will send shock waves throughout the country, the reverberations will be felt for years, however I smell trouble. Methane emissions are contributing considerably to Global warming and the biggest producer has been identified* as being boys below the age of ten**. One kid in Tonbridge Wells, Tubby Tommy Thunderpants, for example, has squeaked out enough methane, in his life to date, to keep a small group of pygmy monkeys warm for several minutes. This feat will go down in the annals of history and I cannot see any significant challengers, to his undesirable record, in the pipeline. I digress.
This facetious farting has to stop and I recommend that the following actions be taken. Firstly each school should create a “skid patrol” consisting of the most resolute pupils, preferably those without asthma or who are incompetent (or incontinent), whose task will be to conduct regular spot checks. Secondly to assist these bastions of the planet in their duties, every boy should be forced to wear white y-fronts, one size too small. Finally each boy is to be issued with a tiny motion sensor, that will detect any silent but deadlies. The only eggy pumps in a school should be those found in the “spare PE kit” box.
I take the issue of rectal abuse very seriously and I am very much determined to get to the bottom of the problem.
Mr W.C Bartholomew
Greenpeace Office Junior
*In a random survey of 100 housewives, 99 expressed a preference for Nescafe.
** In a not so random survey, we monitored the output of seven Primary schools and as expected the boys were the top trumps.
I know that this proposal will send shock waves throughout the country, the reverberations will be felt for years, however I smell trouble. Methane emissions are contributing considerably to Global warming and the biggest producer has been identified* as being boys below the age of ten**. One kid in Tonbridge Wells, Tubby Tommy Thunderpants, for example, has squeaked out enough methane, in his life to date, to keep a small group of pygmy monkeys warm for several minutes. This feat will go down in the annals of history and I cannot see any significant challengers, to his undesirable record, in the pipeline. I digress.
This facetious farting has to stop and I recommend that the following actions be taken. Firstly each school should create a “skid patrol” consisting of the most resolute pupils, preferably those without asthma or who are incompetent (or incontinent), whose task will be to conduct regular spot checks. Secondly to assist these bastions of the planet in their duties, every boy should be forced to wear white y-fronts, one size too small. Finally each boy is to be issued with a tiny motion sensor, that will detect any silent but deadlies. The only eggy pumps in a school should be those found in the “spare PE kit” box.
I take the issue of rectal abuse very seriously and I am very much determined to get to the bottom of the problem.
Mr W.C Bartholomew
Greenpeace Office Junior
*In a random survey of 100 housewives, 99 expressed a preference for Nescafe.
** In a not so random survey, we monitored the output of seven Primary schools and as expected the boys were the top trumps.
News
Public flagellation imposed for those flatulent, petulant people who don’t care about our planet.
Inuit tribe purchases record amount of Baked Beans, Chicken Madras and soothing Rectalube-“like Batman we always respond to a hot ring”. Their tribe leader quoted as saying “Global warming sounds a reasonable idea to me, we are going all out to make it a reality”.
Boyz r us, the new Eco band, have released their new single “Every time your fart away, you take a piece of me with you”, a message to us all.
Whopi Goldberg murdered in bizarre “they’ve thought it through a bit too far” crazed attack.
Public flagellation imposed for those flatulent, petulant people who don’t care about our planet.
Inuit tribe purchases record amount of Baked Beans, Chicken Madras and soothing Rectalube-“like Batman we always respond to a hot ring”. Their tribe leader quoted as saying “Global warming sounds a reasonable idea to me, we are going all out to make it a reality”.
Boyz r us, the new Eco band, have released their new single “Every time your fart away, you take a piece of me with you”, a message to us all.
Whopi Goldberg murdered in bizarre “they’ve thought it through a bit too far” crazed attack.
nice post. made me chuckle
I thought it was going to be something to do with Trumpton.
Oh how I love Trumpton.
Oh how I love Trumpton.
Heh, nice one.
The sagacious one wrote:
> annals of history
Pun or no pun that made me laugh.
Nice one :-)
> annals of history
Pun or no pun that made me laugh.
Nice one :-)
Dear Prime Minister,
I know that this proposal will send shock waves throughout the country, the reverberations will be felt for years, however I smell trouble. Methane emissions are contributing considerably to Global warming and the biggest producer has been identified* as being boys below the age of ten**. One kid in Tonbridge Wells, Tubby Tommy Thunderpants, for example, has squeaked out enough methane, in his life to date, to keep a small group of pygmy monkeys warm for several minutes. This feat will go down in the annals of history and I cannot see any significant challengers, to his undesirable record, in the pipeline. I digress.
This facetious farting has to stop and I recommend that the following actions be taken. Firstly each school should create a “skid patrol” consisting of the most resolute pupils, preferably those without asthma or who are incompetent (or incontinent), whose task will be to conduct regular spot checks. Secondly to assist these bastions of the planet in their duties, every boy should be forced to wear white y-fronts, one size too small. Finally each boy is to be issued with a tiny motion sensor, that will detect any silent but deadlies. The only eggy pumps in a school should be those found in the “spare PE kit” box.
I take the issue of rectal abuse very seriously and I am very much determined to get to the bottom of the problem.
Mr W.C Bartholomew
Greenpeace Office Junior
*In a random survey of 100 housewives, 99 expressed a preference for Nescafe.
** In a not so random survey, we monitored the output of seven Primary schools and as expected the boys were the top trumps.
I know that this proposal will send shock waves throughout the country, the reverberations will be felt for years, however I smell trouble. Methane emissions are contributing considerably to Global warming and the biggest producer has been identified* as being boys below the age of ten**. One kid in Tonbridge Wells, Tubby Tommy Thunderpants, for example, has squeaked out enough methane, in his life to date, to keep a small group of pygmy monkeys warm for several minutes. This feat will go down in the annals of history and I cannot see any significant challengers, to his undesirable record, in the pipeline. I digress.
This facetious farting has to stop and I recommend that the following actions be taken. Firstly each school should create a “skid patrol” consisting of the most resolute pupils, preferably those without asthma or who are incompetent (or incontinent), whose task will be to conduct regular spot checks. Secondly to assist these bastions of the planet in their duties, every boy should be forced to wear white y-fronts, one size too small. Finally each boy is to be issued with a tiny motion sensor, that will detect any silent but deadlies. The only eggy pumps in a school should be those found in the “spare PE kit” box.
I take the issue of rectal abuse very seriously and I am very much determined to get to the bottom of the problem.
Mr W.C Bartholomew
Greenpeace Office Junior
*In a random survey of 100 housewives, 99 expressed a preference for Nescafe.
** In a not so random survey, we monitored the output of seven Primary schools and as expected the boys were the top trumps.