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You fall sick and decide to take a day off work. You have felt worse in your life but you figure why risk it? I've had about 3 days off work for sickness in my life, so it's I'm not being excessive. Now, up until about a year and a half ago I was a student, so got my fair share of daytime TV, but then we also had Sky so the was a lot of crap to keep us entertained...
However now I am living on my own earnings and am trying very hard not to get into the black I have to do with terrestial TV. No wonder all the adverts are for loan companies!! You either want to buy a new car now to get away from the TV as fast as possible, get the money so you can get Sky, or rent DVDs non-stop for the rest of your life, or, and this was my choice, hire a hitman to take out the daytime TV controller. So I rang up dial-a-buck(i've seen the ad so many times it's ingrained on my memory now).Here goes the conversation:
Dial-a-buckdude: Hello Dial-a-buck, how can we make your life easier?
Me: Howdy, I would like a loan for £50K please, as soon as you can.
D-a-b: OK, lets get some details so we can outline your credit history..
Follows a chat about my address and banking details blah blah blah..(now I have a reasonable credit record so there weren't any probs).
D-a-b: OK, everything seems in line, now from the computer, the APR we can give is 40% sir.
Me: Pardon, i thought the ad's say that the typical APR is 9.9%? How does that work?
D-a-b: Well that is for customers with abn A1 superb credit rating and a sound financial background and can prove that they can pay back the loan easily.
Me: Right OK , fair enough, I need the dough man!
D-a-b:Great, you're just the customer we're looking for, now here are the terms. The loan will be paid off over 50 years, at an APR of 40% gives a monthly payment of £1666.67. If you fail to pay any payment, then you'll forfeit you house, car and girlfriend plus goods to the value of the end figure of the loan.
Me: Blimey, that works at about £1million after all that time! Hey man that kinda sucks.
D-a-b: I'm sorry sir but that is the standard conditions for this size of loan.
Me: Sure OK, it'll have to do, I really need it now!
D-a-b: Excellent, so, waht do you require the loan for sir?
Me: DO I have to say?
D-a-b: Of course sir, it's part of the statutory requirements sir.
Me: OK, I'm hiring a hitman to take out the Controller of Daytime TV.
D-a-b: Excellent sir, you understand that we offer a hired assassin discount this month, which brings your payments down to £1500 a month?
Me: Oooh sounds good, I'll take it!
So 3 hours later the funds are magically transferred to my account. Now on Channel 5 during the daytime, they also advertise a hitman service. You know the one with the jingle that goes: "If you got a pain, that you really want to maim, no questions asked..." The guy with the dress, pulls out a gun and gets the traffic warden, and Mrs Jones is happy. Well it looked reliable so I gave them a call. I spoke to Tiny, who agreed that they can dispatch an "engineer" straight away, charged out at the emergency rate of £50000 per "service". This was spot on! Tiny then asked if I would like to fill out a survey regarding the service I received, which will not cost me anything extra. Of course I was delighted to.
So, having got everything in order, I settle down to watch that Doctors crap they have on BBC1. About 10 minutes in, after Mavis has fallen over and broke her hip, the program goes off air! A news bulletin has cut in to say "Unfortunately the daytime TV Controller has been "serviced" and we cannot resume normal service. Since we have no idea what to show, we will be taking calls for suggestions from the public. Until then, enjoy this rerun of the classic cartoon Transformers which we found lying on the floor in the broom cupboard."
Well what a result! I might call in sick again if things turn out like this! Needless to say I filled in the survey saying how delighted I was with the service. In return the company sent me a novelty butcher knife with matching black glove.
Anyway, I fell behind in my second payment, so I am waiting for Dial-a-buck to send the bailiffs round. In the meantime, I'll settle down to watch season 2 of Transformers.
However now I am living on my own earnings and am trying very hard not to get into the black I have to do with terrestial TV. No wonder all the adverts are for loan companies!! You either want to buy a new car now to get away from the TV as fast as possible, get the money so you can get Sky, or rent DVDs non-stop for the rest of your life, or, and this was my choice, hire a hitman to take out the daytime TV controller. So I rang up dial-a-buck(i've seen the ad so many times it's ingrained on my memory now).Here goes the conversation:
Dial-a-buckdude: Hello Dial-a-buck, how can we make your life easier?
Me: Howdy, I would like a loan for £50K please, as soon as you can.
D-a-b: OK, lets get some details so we can outline your credit history..
Follows a chat about my address and banking details blah blah blah..(now I have a reasonable credit record so there weren't any probs).
D-a-b: OK, everything seems in line, now from the computer, the APR we can give is 40% sir.
Me: Pardon, i thought the ad's say that the typical APR is 9.9%? How does that work?
D-a-b: Well that is for customers with abn A1 superb credit rating and a sound financial background and can prove that they can pay back the loan easily.
Me: Right OK , fair enough, I need the dough man!
D-a-b:Great, you're just the customer we're looking for, now here are the terms. The loan will be paid off over 50 years, at an APR of 40% gives a monthly payment of £1666.67. If you fail to pay any payment, then you'll forfeit you house, car and girlfriend plus goods to the value of the end figure of the loan.
Me: Blimey, that works at about £1million after all that time! Hey man that kinda sucks.
D-a-b: I'm sorry sir but that is the standard conditions for this size of loan.
Me: Sure OK, it'll have to do, I really need it now!
D-a-b: Excellent, so, waht do you require the loan for sir?
Me: DO I have to say?
D-a-b: Of course sir, it's part of the statutory requirements sir.
Me: OK, I'm hiring a hitman to take out the Controller of Daytime TV.
D-a-b: Excellent sir, you understand that we offer a hired assassin discount this month, which brings your payments down to £1500 a month?
Me: Oooh sounds good, I'll take it!
So 3 hours later the funds are magically transferred to my account. Now on Channel 5 during the daytime, they also advertise a hitman service. You know the one with the jingle that goes: "If you got a pain, that you really want to maim, no questions asked..." The guy with the dress, pulls out a gun and gets the traffic warden, and Mrs Jones is happy. Well it looked reliable so I gave them a call. I spoke to Tiny, who agreed that they can dispatch an "engineer" straight away, charged out at the emergency rate of £50000 per "service". This was spot on! Tiny then asked if I would like to fill out a survey regarding the service I received, which will not cost me anything extra. Of course I was delighted to.
So, having got everything in order, I settle down to watch that Doctors crap they have on BBC1. About 10 minutes in, after Mavis has fallen over and broke her hip, the program goes off air! A news bulletin has cut in to say "Unfortunately the daytime TV Controller has been "serviced" and we cannot resume normal service. Since we have no idea what to show, we will be taking calls for suggestions from the public. Until then, enjoy this rerun of the classic cartoon Transformers which we found lying on the floor in the broom cupboard."
Well what a result! I might call in sick again if things turn out like this! Needless to say I filled in the survey saying how delighted I was with the service. In return the company sent me a novelty butcher knife with matching black glove.
Anyway, I fell behind in my second payment, so I am waiting for Dial-a-buck to send the bailiffs round. In the meantime, I'll settle down to watch season 2 of Transformers.
Weird.
Probably why it won :)
Nice story, didn't see it until now.
Probably why it won :)
Nice story, didn't see it until now.
Great post. Got off pretty lightly with the loan company though. If only we really did have Tranformers and Thundercats back
One of my Uni mates is a total gun freak. He's gonna have a pleasure overload and probably cream himself when we tell him we're going paintball for our end of year bash!
Amusingly good
:^D
:0)
Excellent.
Excellent.
You fall sick and decide to take a day off work. You have felt worse in your life but you figure why risk it? I've had about 3 days off work for sickness in my life, so it's I'm not being excessive. Now, up until about a year and a half ago I was a student, so got my fair share of daytime TV, but then we also had Sky so the was a lot of crap to keep us entertained...
However now I am living on my own earnings and am trying very hard not to get into the black I have to do with terrestial TV. No wonder all the adverts are for loan companies!! You either want to buy a new car now to get away from the TV as fast as possible, get the money so you can get Sky, or rent DVDs non-stop for the rest of your life, or, and this was my choice, hire a hitman to take out the daytime TV controller. So I rang up dial-a-buck(i've seen the ad so many times it's ingrained on my memory now).Here goes the conversation:
Dial-a-buckdude: Hello Dial-a-buck, how can we make your life easier?
Me: Howdy, I would like a loan for £50K please, as soon as you can.
D-a-b: OK, lets get some details so we can outline your credit history..
Follows a chat about my address and banking details blah blah blah..(now I have a reasonable credit record so there weren't any probs).
D-a-b: OK, everything seems in line, now from the computer, the APR we can give is 40% sir.
Me: Pardon, i thought the ad's say that the typical APR is 9.9%? How does that work?
D-a-b: Well that is for customers with abn A1 superb credit rating and a sound financial background and can prove that they can pay back the loan easily.
Me: Right OK , fair enough, I need the dough man!
D-a-b:Great, you're just the customer we're looking for, now here are the terms. The loan will be paid off over 50 years, at an APR of 40% gives a monthly payment of £1666.67. If you fail to pay any payment, then you'll forfeit you house, car and girlfriend plus goods to the value of the end figure of the loan.
Me: Blimey, that works at about £1million after all that time! Hey man that kinda sucks.
D-a-b: I'm sorry sir but that is the standard conditions for this size of loan.
Me: Sure OK, it'll have to do, I really need it now!
D-a-b: Excellent, so, waht do you require the loan for sir?
Me: DO I have to say?
D-a-b: Of course sir, it's part of the statutory requirements sir.
Me: OK, I'm hiring a hitman to take out the Controller of Daytime TV.
D-a-b: Excellent sir, you understand that we offer a hired assassin discount this month, which brings your payments down to £1500 a month?
Me: Oooh sounds good, I'll take it!
So 3 hours later the funds are magically transferred to my account. Now on Channel 5 during the daytime, they also advertise a hitman service. You know the one with the jingle that goes: "If you got a pain, that you really want to maim, no questions asked..." The guy with the dress, pulls out a gun and gets the traffic warden, and Mrs Jones is happy. Well it looked reliable so I gave them a call. I spoke to Tiny, who agreed that they can dispatch an "engineer" straight away, charged out at the emergency rate of £50000 per "service". This was spot on! Tiny then asked if I would like to fill out a survey regarding the service I received, which will not cost me anything extra. Of course I was delighted to.
So, having got everything in order, I settle down to watch that Doctors crap they have on BBC1. About 10 minutes in, after Mavis has fallen over and broke her hip, the program goes off air! A news bulletin has cut in to say "Unfortunately the daytime TV Controller has been "serviced" and we cannot resume normal service. Since we have no idea what to show, we will be taking calls for suggestions from the public. Until then, enjoy this rerun of the classic cartoon Transformers which we found lying on the floor in the broom cupboard."
Well what a result! I might call in sick again if things turn out like this! Needless to say I filled in the survey saying how delighted I was with the service. In return the company sent me a novelty butcher knife with matching black glove.
Anyway, I fell behind in my second payment, so I am waiting for Dial-a-buck to send the bailiffs round. In the meantime, I'll settle down to watch season 2 of Transformers.
However now I am living on my own earnings and am trying very hard not to get into the black I have to do with terrestial TV. No wonder all the adverts are for loan companies!! You either want to buy a new car now to get away from the TV as fast as possible, get the money so you can get Sky, or rent DVDs non-stop for the rest of your life, or, and this was my choice, hire a hitman to take out the daytime TV controller. So I rang up dial-a-buck(i've seen the ad so many times it's ingrained on my memory now).Here goes the conversation:
Dial-a-buckdude: Hello Dial-a-buck, how can we make your life easier?
Me: Howdy, I would like a loan for £50K please, as soon as you can.
D-a-b: OK, lets get some details so we can outline your credit history..
Follows a chat about my address and banking details blah blah blah..(now I have a reasonable credit record so there weren't any probs).
D-a-b: OK, everything seems in line, now from the computer, the APR we can give is 40% sir.
Me: Pardon, i thought the ad's say that the typical APR is 9.9%? How does that work?
D-a-b: Well that is for customers with abn A1 superb credit rating and a sound financial background and can prove that they can pay back the loan easily.
Me: Right OK , fair enough, I need the dough man!
D-a-b:Great, you're just the customer we're looking for, now here are the terms. The loan will be paid off over 50 years, at an APR of 40% gives a monthly payment of £1666.67. If you fail to pay any payment, then you'll forfeit you house, car and girlfriend plus goods to the value of the end figure of the loan.
Me: Blimey, that works at about £1million after all that time! Hey man that kinda sucks.
D-a-b: I'm sorry sir but that is the standard conditions for this size of loan.
Me: Sure OK, it'll have to do, I really need it now!
D-a-b: Excellent, so, waht do you require the loan for sir?
Me: DO I have to say?
D-a-b: Of course sir, it's part of the statutory requirements sir.
Me: OK, I'm hiring a hitman to take out the Controller of Daytime TV.
D-a-b: Excellent sir, you understand that we offer a hired assassin discount this month, which brings your payments down to £1500 a month?
Me: Oooh sounds good, I'll take it!
So 3 hours later the funds are magically transferred to my account. Now on Channel 5 during the daytime, they also advertise a hitman service. You know the one with the jingle that goes: "If you got a pain, that you really want to maim, no questions asked..." The guy with the dress, pulls out a gun and gets the traffic warden, and Mrs Jones is happy. Well it looked reliable so I gave them a call. I spoke to Tiny, who agreed that they can dispatch an "engineer" straight away, charged out at the emergency rate of £50000 per "service". This was spot on! Tiny then asked if I would like to fill out a survey regarding the service I received, which will not cost me anything extra. Of course I was delighted to.
So, having got everything in order, I settle down to watch that Doctors crap they have on BBC1. About 10 minutes in, after Mavis has fallen over and broke her hip, the program goes off air! A news bulletin has cut in to say "Unfortunately the daytime TV Controller has been "serviced" and we cannot resume normal service. Since we have no idea what to show, we will be taking calls for suggestions from the public. Until then, enjoy this rerun of the classic cartoon Transformers which we found lying on the floor in the broom cupboard."
Well what a result! I might call in sick again if things turn out like this! Needless to say I filled in the survey saying how delighted I was with the service. In return the company sent me a novelty butcher knife with matching black glove.
Anyway, I fell behind in my second payment, so I am waiting for Dial-a-buck to send the bailiffs round. In the meantime, I'll settle down to watch season 2 of Transformers.