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In his most outspoken interview yet God has spoken out against all of the non believers, calling into question all of those that dare to doubt him.
"I've had this crap ever since the day I turned omnipotent, and I'll tell you, I'm sick of it. It's jealousy, simple as that, if only I'd have stuck that down as one of the commandments, this world of mine would be a much better place. I grew up in the ghetto, just like a lot of others out there, and you know what? If it were them sitting here on this fluffy cloud, I'd be proud of them, proud that one of my own could rise up to create Heaven and Earth. Not them though, they just stay in their other worldly ghettos, and snipe at me.
How dare they say I'm not real? I've been keeping it real since the day I got here. I'm street, through and through, ain't nobody gonna get away with saying otherwise. Vengeance is mine and I shall smite them with an almighty thunderbolt, should it be necessary to but a stop to their blaspheming ways.
I'm glad of the support of my fans though. Every time I listen in to one of my church gigs and I hear the praise, I just well up. There's a whole lotta love going on in them churches, and the turnout is pretty good too.
But sometimes I look down, and see that they're all old folks, the coffin dodgers that suddenly realise that they're getting close to their time. Where were they when they were young? Laying in bed, in sin, that's where. These days people just seem to think that they can repent in their twilight years and everything will be alright, well I got news for those mofo's. If your names not down, you're not coming in, and I'm not putting your name down when you only become a regular when your body starts failing. You've got to earn your place up here with me, so it's church every Sunday, and I'll check to make sure you've been, I'll know if you don't have severe piles, you've not spent long enough in church.
What really gets me is that if the young kids knew what I'd been through, where I was coming from, then they'd want to know me, want to hang out in my other-worldly gardens of goodness. They just see me as this old guy with a big white beard, ignoring the plight of the little guy. Well they're wrong, it's just that I can't guide them every step of the way. You've got to fight for the right to party, that is a fact. It was actually written in the first drafts of the bible, but I believe that my ghost-writer edited it out. I lost a pretty cool anecdote about the Dirty Sanchez too, which was an awful shame, I believe people could have learnt from that story.
Sorry, I was getting off track there a little, back to the kids. If they knew more, they'd realise I'm down with them homies. As I said before, I'm street, I'm real, I know where they're coming from. I haven't always perched up here you know, I did used to live a normal life, having to work and the like, creating this planet, the seas, all life as we know it. It was a hard time, but I wouldn't change it, it's what makes me who I am. They think I'm not street? Without me there would be no street!
Another thing that gets me is all these kids that think they could do a better job. I've seen them, being the all knowing all seeing streetwise kinda geezer from the 'hood that I am. Yes, I've seen them on their computers, on their home consoles, playing 'Sims'. Taking pretend people, controlling them, shaping them to live life. Funny how they all want to be me, yet they fail to acknowledge me. It's a funny world we live in, for which I can't help but feel partially responsible.
Anyway, time moves on and I must be off. Keep keeping it real, and get down with that thing. Wicked-like!"
That was God, speaking from Heaven, earlier today.
"I've had this crap ever since the day I turned omnipotent, and I'll tell you, I'm sick of it. It's jealousy, simple as that, if only I'd have stuck that down as one of the commandments, this world of mine would be a much better place. I grew up in the ghetto, just like a lot of others out there, and you know what? If it were them sitting here on this fluffy cloud, I'd be proud of them, proud that one of my own could rise up to create Heaven and Earth. Not them though, they just stay in their other worldly ghettos, and snipe at me.
How dare they say I'm not real? I've been keeping it real since the day I got here. I'm street, through and through, ain't nobody gonna get away with saying otherwise. Vengeance is mine and I shall smite them with an almighty thunderbolt, should it be necessary to but a stop to their blaspheming ways.
I'm glad of the support of my fans though. Every time I listen in to one of my church gigs and I hear the praise, I just well up. There's a whole lotta love going on in them churches, and the turnout is pretty good too.
But sometimes I look down, and see that they're all old folks, the coffin dodgers that suddenly realise that they're getting close to their time. Where were they when they were young? Laying in bed, in sin, that's where. These days people just seem to think that they can repent in their twilight years and everything will be alright, well I got news for those mofo's. If your names not down, you're not coming in, and I'm not putting your name down when you only become a regular when your body starts failing. You've got to earn your place up here with me, so it's church every Sunday, and I'll check to make sure you've been, I'll know if you don't have severe piles, you've not spent long enough in church.
What really gets me is that if the young kids knew what I'd been through, where I was coming from, then they'd want to know me, want to hang out in my other-worldly gardens of goodness. They just see me as this old guy with a big white beard, ignoring the plight of the little guy. Well they're wrong, it's just that I can't guide them every step of the way. You've got to fight for the right to party, that is a fact. It was actually written in the first drafts of the bible, but I believe that my ghost-writer edited it out. I lost a pretty cool anecdote about the Dirty Sanchez too, which was an awful shame, I believe people could have learnt from that story.
Sorry, I was getting off track there a little, back to the kids. If they knew more, they'd realise I'm down with them homies. As I said before, I'm street, I'm real, I know where they're coming from. I haven't always perched up here you know, I did used to live a normal life, having to work and the like, creating this planet, the seas, all life as we know it. It was a hard time, but I wouldn't change it, it's what makes me who I am. They think I'm not street? Without me there would be no street!
Another thing that gets me is all these kids that think they could do a better job. I've seen them, being the all knowing all seeing streetwise kinda geezer from the 'hood that I am. Yes, I've seen them on their computers, on their home consoles, playing 'Sims'. Taking pretend people, controlling them, shaping them to live life. Funny how they all want to be me, yet they fail to acknowledge me. It's a funny world we live in, for which I can't help but feel partially responsible.
Anyway, time moves on and I must be off. Keep keeping it real, and get down with that thing. Wicked-like!"
That was God, speaking from Heaven, earlier today.
Not a single made-up lyric to mock Jennifer Lopez. I'm shocked.
www.when-consoles-attack.co.uk/god.gif
A picture of God, taken before the interview.
A picture of God, taken before the interview.
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> http://www.theonion.com/ onion3731/god_gives_shout-out.html
Takes you to the front page.
But you can find the article if you search "God".
They got a whole lot of God articles.
> http://www.theonion.com/ onion3731/god_gives_shout-out.html
Takes you to the front page.
But you can find the article if you search "God".
They got a whole lot of God articles.
http://www.theonion.com/ onion3731/god_gives_shout-out.html
I believe that The Sun has conducted an interview with an angry Vishnu in reply to the “god interview”.
Meka, did you conduct this interview yourslef, or was it in the Daily Mail?
In his most outspoken interview yet God has spoken out against all of the non believers, calling into question all of those that dare to doubt him.
"I've had this crap ever since the day I turned omnipotent, and I'll tell you, I'm sick of it. It's jealousy, simple as that, if only I'd have stuck that down as one of the commandments, this world of mine would be a much better place. I grew up in the ghetto, just like a lot of others out there, and you know what? If it were them sitting here on this fluffy cloud, I'd be proud of them, proud that one of my own could rise up to create Heaven and Earth. Not them though, they just stay in their other worldly ghettos, and snipe at me.
How dare they say I'm not real? I've been keeping it real since the day I got here. I'm street, through and through, ain't nobody gonna get away with saying otherwise. Vengeance is mine and I shall smite them with an almighty thunderbolt, should it be necessary to but a stop to their blaspheming ways.
I'm glad of the support of my fans though. Every time I listen in to one of my church gigs and I hear the praise, I just well up. There's a whole lotta love going on in them churches, and the turnout is pretty good too.
But sometimes I look down, and see that they're all old folks, the coffin dodgers that suddenly realise that they're getting close to their time. Where were they when they were young? Laying in bed, in sin, that's where. These days people just seem to think that they can repent in their twilight years and everything will be alright, well I got news for those mofo's. If your names not down, you're not coming in, and I'm not putting your name down when you only become a regular when your body starts failing. You've got to earn your place up here with me, so it's church every Sunday, and I'll check to make sure you've been, I'll know if you don't have severe piles, you've not spent long enough in church.
What really gets me is that if the young kids knew what I'd been through, where I was coming from, then they'd want to know me, want to hang out in my other-worldly gardens of goodness. They just see me as this old guy with a big white beard, ignoring the plight of the little guy. Well they're wrong, it's just that I can't guide them every step of the way. You've got to fight for the right to party, that is a fact. It was actually written in the first drafts of the bible, but I believe that my ghost-writer edited it out. I lost a pretty cool anecdote about the Dirty Sanchez too, which was an awful shame, I believe people could have learnt from that story.
Sorry, I was getting off track there a little, back to the kids. If they knew more, they'd realise I'm down with them homies. As I said before, I'm street, I'm real, I know where they're coming from. I haven't always perched up here you know, I did used to live a normal life, having to work and the like, creating this planet, the seas, all life as we know it. It was a hard time, but I wouldn't change it, it's what makes me who I am. They think I'm not street? Without me there would be no street!
Another thing that gets me is all these kids that think they could do a better job. I've seen them, being the all knowing all seeing streetwise kinda geezer from the 'hood that I am. Yes, I've seen them on their computers, on their home consoles, playing 'Sims'. Taking pretend people, controlling them, shaping them to live life. Funny how they all want to be me, yet they fail to acknowledge me. It's a funny world we live in, for which I can't help but feel partially responsible.
Anyway, time moves on and I must be off. Keep keeping it real, and get down with that thing. Wicked-like!"
That was God, speaking from Heaven, earlier today.
"I've had this crap ever since the day I turned omnipotent, and I'll tell you, I'm sick of it. It's jealousy, simple as that, if only I'd have stuck that down as one of the commandments, this world of mine would be a much better place. I grew up in the ghetto, just like a lot of others out there, and you know what? If it were them sitting here on this fluffy cloud, I'd be proud of them, proud that one of my own could rise up to create Heaven and Earth. Not them though, they just stay in their other worldly ghettos, and snipe at me.
How dare they say I'm not real? I've been keeping it real since the day I got here. I'm street, through and through, ain't nobody gonna get away with saying otherwise. Vengeance is mine and I shall smite them with an almighty thunderbolt, should it be necessary to but a stop to their blaspheming ways.
I'm glad of the support of my fans though. Every time I listen in to one of my church gigs and I hear the praise, I just well up. There's a whole lotta love going on in them churches, and the turnout is pretty good too.
But sometimes I look down, and see that they're all old folks, the coffin dodgers that suddenly realise that they're getting close to their time. Where were they when they were young? Laying in bed, in sin, that's where. These days people just seem to think that they can repent in their twilight years and everything will be alright, well I got news for those mofo's. If your names not down, you're not coming in, and I'm not putting your name down when you only become a regular when your body starts failing. You've got to earn your place up here with me, so it's church every Sunday, and I'll check to make sure you've been, I'll know if you don't have severe piles, you've not spent long enough in church.
What really gets me is that if the young kids knew what I'd been through, where I was coming from, then they'd want to know me, want to hang out in my other-worldly gardens of goodness. They just see me as this old guy with a big white beard, ignoring the plight of the little guy. Well they're wrong, it's just that I can't guide them every step of the way. You've got to fight for the right to party, that is a fact. It was actually written in the first drafts of the bible, but I believe that my ghost-writer edited it out. I lost a pretty cool anecdote about the Dirty Sanchez too, which was an awful shame, I believe people could have learnt from that story.
Sorry, I was getting off track there a little, back to the kids. If they knew more, they'd realise I'm down with them homies. As I said before, I'm street, I'm real, I know where they're coming from. I haven't always perched up here you know, I did used to live a normal life, having to work and the like, creating this planet, the seas, all life as we know it. It was a hard time, but I wouldn't change it, it's what makes me who I am. They think I'm not street? Without me there would be no street!
Another thing that gets me is all these kids that think they could do a better job. I've seen them, being the all knowing all seeing streetwise kinda geezer from the 'hood that I am. Yes, I've seen them on their computers, on their home consoles, playing 'Sims'. Taking pretend people, controlling them, shaping them to live life. Funny how they all want to be me, yet they fail to acknowledge me. It's a funny world we live in, for which I can't help but feel partially responsible.
Anyway, time moves on and I must be off. Keep keeping it real, and get down with that thing. Wicked-like!"
That was God, speaking from Heaven, earlier today.