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[Extract from the diary of Long Fingers the thief]
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16/2/1903 - 'My Fairground Attraction/Distraction'
"After winning the arm-wrestling contest with the help of a spike deviously concealed in my palm, I rounded up a bunch of unruly yobs with the intention of provoking a 'rare old rumpus' on the village green. To get things under way, I caused animosity between Bob & Brendan [the twisted twins] by declaring that Bob was by far the fairer. As the two of them argued the toss as to whether this was the case, I hired an annoying little toerag and a buck-toothed bother to 'make eyes' at dangerous Doug Millstone's missus. The touch-paper was well and truly lit.
In no time at all, the name-calling and isolated scuffles descended into a raucous free-for-all, and as the fairground-goers gathered round and cheered, I seized the opportunity to embark on a sly looting spree. My plan of 'attraction/distraction' had worked a treat. With the stealth of slinky tom cat, I tiptoed away from the village green brawl wriggling my long fingers, speculating feverously on what curious fancies and rare trinkets I could get my grubby mits on whilst the yokels were preoccupied....
From the workshop of stern Sidney Sideface the grumbling cobbler, I slipped into my deepest pocket his most prized possession: a genuine four-leaf clover encased in a glass pyramid.
From Lofty Summit, the tower of Redlock the Wise, I pilfered 7 rare books: 'The Rumps of Stallions & Powerful Catapults'; 'Distorted Mirrors for Shapely Maidens'; 'The Placement of Trip-wires for Mountain Goats on High Pastures'; 'Grey Wizard Infuriation Tactics'; 'Strutting in the Presence of the Underprivileged'; 'The Ears of Bulls & Elastic Flex'; and 'A Field Mouse's Guide to Scurrying' - all penned by the world-historic crackpot Berty Wheelbarrow.
From the cottage of Old Grandpa Fathom the merry butcher, I absconded with a greasy pot-bellied pig in tow.
From the dark interior of Gregory Grey's dismal grotto, I stole a bag of magic mushrooms, a deck of obscene playing cards, a grimoire of black magic, a jar crammed with human eyeballs, a talisman written in the blood of butterflies, the skull of a dead felon, and his collection of sinister voodoo dolls.
And finally from Old Ma Tickle's kitchen, I spirited away a huge delicious-looking cherry pie, which I gorged on to my heart's content at my journey's end.
All in all, it was a very profitable jaunt - definately up there with the time I pilfered those precious jewels from Lady Lockhart's bedchamber then covered my tracks by pointing the finger-of-suspicion at her mute butler."
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16/2/1903 - 'My Fairground Attraction/Distraction'
"After winning the arm-wrestling contest with the help of a spike deviously concealed in my palm, I rounded up a bunch of unruly yobs with the intention of provoking a 'rare old rumpus' on the village green. To get things under way, I caused animosity between Bob & Brendan [the twisted twins] by declaring that Bob was by far the fairer. As the two of them argued the toss as to whether this was the case, I hired an annoying little toerag and a buck-toothed bother to 'make eyes' at dangerous Doug Millstone's missus. The touch-paper was well and truly lit.
In no time at all, the name-calling and isolated scuffles descended into a raucous free-for-all, and as the fairground-goers gathered round and cheered, I seized the opportunity to embark on a sly looting spree. My plan of 'attraction/distraction' had worked a treat. With the stealth of slinky tom cat, I tiptoed away from the village green brawl wriggling my long fingers, speculating feverously on what curious fancies and rare trinkets I could get my grubby mits on whilst the yokels were preoccupied....
From the workshop of stern Sidney Sideface the grumbling cobbler, I slipped into my deepest pocket his most prized possession: a genuine four-leaf clover encased in a glass pyramid.
From Lofty Summit, the tower of Redlock the Wise, I pilfered 7 rare books: 'The Rumps of Stallions & Powerful Catapults'; 'Distorted Mirrors for Shapely Maidens'; 'The Placement of Trip-wires for Mountain Goats on High Pastures'; 'Grey Wizard Infuriation Tactics'; 'Strutting in the Presence of the Underprivileged'; 'The Ears of Bulls & Elastic Flex'; and 'A Field Mouse's Guide to Scurrying' - all penned by the world-historic crackpot Berty Wheelbarrow.
From the cottage of Old Grandpa Fathom the merry butcher, I absconded with a greasy pot-bellied pig in tow.
From the dark interior of Gregory Grey's dismal grotto, I stole a bag of magic mushrooms, a deck of obscene playing cards, a grimoire of black magic, a jar crammed with human eyeballs, a talisman written in the blood of butterflies, the skull of a dead felon, and his collection of sinister voodoo dolls.
And finally from Old Ma Tickle's kitchen, I spirited away a huge delicious-looking cherry pie, which I gorged on to my heart's content at my journey's end.
All in all, it was a very profitable jaunt - definately up there with the time I pilfered those precious jewels from Lady Lockhart's bedchamber then covered my tracks by pointing the finger-of-suspicion at her mute butler."
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[Extract from the diary of Long Fingers the thief]
---------
16/2/1903 - 'My Fairground Attraction/Distraction'
"After winning the arm-wrestling contest with the help of a spike deviously concealed in my palm, I rounded up a bunch of unruly yobs with the intention of provoking a 'rare old rumpus' on the village green. To get things under way, I caused animosity between Bob & Brendan [the twisted twins] by declaring that Bob was by far the fairer. As the two of them argued the toss as to whether this was the case, I hired an annoying little toerag and a buck-toothed bother to 'make eyes' at dangerous Doug Millstone's missus. The touch-paper was well and truly lit.
In no time at all, the name-calling and isolated scuffles descended into a raucous free-for-all, and as the fairground-goers gathered round and cheered, I seized the opportunity to embark on a sly looting spree. My plan of 'attraction/distraction' had worked a treat. With the stealth of slinky tom cat, I tiptoed away from the village green brawl wriggling my long fingers, speculating feverously on what curious fancies and rare trinkets I could get my grubby mits on whilst the yokels were preoccupied....
From the workshop of stern Sidney Sideface the grumbling cobbler, I slipped into my deepest pocket his most prized possession: a genuine four-leaf clover encased in a glass pyramid.
From Lofty Summit, the tower of Redlock the Wise, I pilfered 7 rare books: 'The Rumps of Stallions & Powerful Catapults'; 'Distorted Mirrors for Shapely Maidens'; 'The Placement of Trip-wires for Mountain Goats on High Pastures'; 'Grey Wizard Infuriation Tactics'; 'Strutting in the Presence of the Underprivileged'; 'The Ears of Bulls & Elastic Flex'; and 'A Field Mouse's Guide to Scurrying' - all penned by the world-historic crackpot Berty Wheelbarrow.
From the cottage of Old Grandpa Fathom the merry butcher, I absconded with a greasy pot-bellied pig in tow.
From the dark interior of Gregory Grey's dismal grotto, I stole a bag of magic mushrooms, a deck of obscene playing cards, a grimoire of black magic, a jar crammed with human eyeballs, a talisman written in the blood of butterflies, the skull of a dead felon, and his collection of sinister voodoo dolls.
And finally from Old Ma Tickle's kitchen, I spirited away a huge delicious-looking cherry pie, which I gorged on to my heart's content at my journey's end.
All in all, it was a very profitable jaunt - definately up there with the time I pilfered those precious jewels from Lady Lockhart's bedchamber then covered my tracks by pointing the finger-of-suspicion at her mute butler."
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16/2/1903 - 'My Fairground Attraction/Distraction'
"After winning the arm-wrestling contest with the help of a spike deviously concealed in my palm, I rounded up a bunch of unruly yobs with the intention of provoking a 'rare old rumpus' on the village green. To get things under way, I caused animosity between Bob & Brendan [the twisted twins] by declaring that Bob was by far the fairer. As the two of them argued the toss as to whether this was the case, I hired an annoying little toerag and a buck-toothed bother to 'make eyes' at dangerous Doug Millstone's missus. The touch-paper was well and truly lit.
In no time at all, the name-calling and isolated scuffles descended into a raucous free-for-all, and as the fairground-goers gathered round and cheered, I seized the opportunity to embark on a sly looting spree. My plan of 'attraction/distraction' had worked a treat. With the stealth of slinky tom cat, I tiptoed away from the village green brawl wriggling my long fingers, speculating feverously on what curious fancies and rare trinkets I could get my grubby mits on whilst the yokels were preoccupied....
From the workshop of stern Sidney Sideface the grumbling cobbler, I slipped into my deepest pocket his most prized possession: a genuine four-leaf clover encased in a glass pyramid.
From Lofty Summit, the tower of Redlock the Wise, I pilfered 7 rare books: 'The Rumps of Stallions & Powerful Catapults'; 'Distorted Mirrors for Shapely Maidens'; 'The Placement of Trip-wires for Mountain Goats on High Pastures'; 'Grey Wizard Infuriation Tactics'; 'Strutting in the Presence of the Underprivileged'; 'The Ears of Bulls & Elastic Flex'; and 'A Field Mouse's Guide to Scurrying' - all penned by the world-historic crackpot Berty Wheelbarrow.
From the cottage of Old Grandpa Fathom the merry butcher, I absconded with a greasy pot-bellied pig in tow.
From the dark interior of Gregory Grey's dismal grotto, I stole a bag of magic mushrooms, a deck of obscene playing cards, a grimoire of black magic, a jar crammed with human eyeballs, a talisman written in the blood of butterflies, the skull of a dead felon, and his collection of sinister voodoo dolls.
And finally from Old Ma Tickle's kitchen, I spirited away a huge delicious-looking cherry pie, which I gorged on to my heart's content at my journey's end.
All in all, it was a very profitable jaunt - definately up there with the time I pilfered those precious jewels from Lady Lockhart's bedchamber then covered my tracks by pointing the finger-of-suspicion at her mute butler."