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Following in the footsteps of many famous musicians going into cinema, like Eminem in 8-Mile, and not forgetting the fantastic performances from Michael Jackson in Moonwalker, Sting in Dune, Kylie Minogue in Street Fighter The Movie, Vanilla Ice in Cool as Ice, and the great success of Spice World and Honest, a number of British recording artists are jumping on the movie bandwagon…
Ronan Keating in ‘Ronan the Barbarian’:
Namby-pamby nice little Oirish boy of pop Ronan Keating, from the now defunct Boyzone, is going against his charming boyish character by starring as a singing barbarian in this epic fantasy action adventure musical.
When his mother and father are killed and his village burned in a raid by a group of vicious bandits led by an evil cult leader (pop mogul Jonathan King), Ronan is forced to grow up as a slave. After enduring years of hardship, he develops into a pale weakly built man with denim pants and a good singing voice, still determined to get revenge for his parents' death, and all the years of tough slavery and rage haven’t dampened his desire to be a singing barbarian and sing weepy ballads about life being a rollercoaster.
His master trained him to be a singing barbarian, and made a fortune by using him in karaoke bars and barbarian discos. But there comes one day when he gives Ronan his freedom, and the chance to take his revenge after so many years.
Along his journey, he meets a singing Mongol and a singing thief, and together they do lots of singing, and take time out to battle Jonathan King and his minions.
Garry Barlow in ‘Dirty Garry’:
Garry Barlow takes time off from composing flop albums to play a Northern tough-as-nails anti establishment cop Dirty Garry, who teams up with token black comedy sidekick Richard Blackwood in this gritty looser-than-loose remake of the classic Clint Eastwood original.
Instead of having a crazy sniper in San Francisco, there’s a more ‘up North’ style story to compensate for Garry’s accent.
(*Read in a Northern accent*) There’s corruption and murder going on down t’local pit area, and there’s only one northerner with t’ balls to crack t’ case. Garry must not only battle t’ evil criminals up North, but must also struggle t’ overcome t’ political red-tape constantly getting in t’ way of his investigation.
Thankfully, like all Dirty Harry’s partners end up shot t’ pieces in t’ hospital, so does the annoying Mr. Blackwood.
Garry even gets to say the immortal line, “Go ahead, make my day m’lad”.
Rik Waller in ‘Rik Waller and the Hendersons’:
The Henderson family are just your normal all-American family with a gas-guzzling family truckster and annoying little dog, one day though they venture into the forest for a weekend hunting break and accidentally run over a giant beast. At first they think it’s the legendary Bigfoot, but upon closer inspection, it turns out to be giant crooning pop star Rik Waller! When they take the injured monster to their typical suburban home, they discover that far from being the ferocious pampered beast they fear Rik to be, he's a friendly giant singer.
From that moment on, they have a series of crazy capers with the tubby singer, mostly involving him sitting on furniture and breaking it, just like in the movie it’s based on.
Right Said Fred in ‘Drop Dead Right Said Fred’:
Despite not being “on the scene” in the last god knows how many years, the huge demand for a Right Said Fred movie has finally come to a head, and those deeply dippy butch singers have got their very own movie!
The guy with the shaggy hair who nobody knew the name of stars as a guy whose imaginary childhood friends (the bald brothers) suddenly appear again. He’s a successful businessman who has grown up and matured into a headstrong and sensible man who’s on the verge of marriage, but the imaginary brothers are still highly mischievous cads with leather trousers and want the shaggy haired man-with-no-name to join them in their tomfoolery. He doesn’t want to partake in any silliness, so the imaginary brothers proceed to spend all 90 minutes of the film annoying him with silly japes, pranks and plenty of innuendo filled jokes.
Craig David in ‘8-Mile 2’:
The success of Eminem’s debut motion picture has given Craig David the inspiration to star in this sequel/cash-in directed by mockney geezer Guy Ritchie.
Craig stars as an aspiring young R & B singer and self proclaimed “Lurve Doctor” with a penchant for tea-cosy headwear and denim clothing who wants to be an international R & B star. He struggles through life and hopes his musical talent will see him escape from the slums of London, where his violent gangster father (Guy Ritchie collaborator Vinnie Jones) constantly beats him and swears a lot.
Can Craig escape his life of torment and achieve his dreams of R & B stardom?
So Solid Crew in ‘Gone in 21 Seconds’
A remake of the remake.
So Solid Crew are well-wicked geezers, popular with “da kidz”, so it’s only right that they cash in on their image by releasing a controversial movie about glamorising gang culture and car theft.
Some of the Crew’s fifty or so members have been kidnapped by a rival well ‘ard posse rapper gang, and their leader, DJ MC Ice-P Monkey Fingers, wants the remaining So Solid members to steal 50 exotic cars and deliver them to a container ship by the end of the week.
The task seems impossible, but seeing as there are so many members in the group, it shouldn’t be too hard…that is until the fuzz start breathing down their necks.
Delroy Lindo appears again as the put-upon cop on their tails.
Blazin’ Squad in ‘Blazin’ Saddles’
Bringing the Western genre to the British yoof of today is this Western-style adventure musical set in the west.
The quiet Cornish town of Polperro is right in the way of a proposed motorway, so to get rid of the townsfolk, the motorway developers send in the roughest, toughest gang of thugs to drive them out. When the local lawman is killed, a new one must be appointed, so the governor decides to call in The Blazin’ Squad to clean up the town. They’re unsophisticated prefabricated wannabe rappers from the ghettos of London who have trouble fitting in with the Cornish yokel townsfolk due to their gold chain wearing eastside vs. westside rapper culture mentality. But, they eventually win the day by driving the villains out of town and still have time to do lots of well cool rapping.
Ronan Keating in ‘Ronan the Barbarian’:
Namby-pamby nice little Oirish boy of pop Ronan Keating, from the now defunct Boyzone, is going against his charming boyish character by starring as a singing barbarian in this epic fantasy action adventure musical.
When his mother and father are killed and his village burned in a raid by a group of vicious bandits led by an evil cult leader (pop mogul Jonathan King), Ronan is forced to grow up as a slave. After enduring years of hardship, he develops into a pale weakly built man with denim pants and a good singing voice, still determined to get revenge for his parents' death, and all the years of tough slavery and rage haven’t dampened his desire to be a singing barbarian and sing weepy ballads about life being a rollercoaster.
His master trained him to be a singing barbarian, and made a fortune by using him in karaoke bars and barbarian discos. But there comes one day when he gives Ronan his freedom, and the chance to take his revenge after so many years.
Along his journey, he meets a singing Mongol and a singing thief, and together they do lots of singing, and take time out to battle Jonathan King and his minions.
Garry Barlow in ‘Dirty Garry’:
Garry Barlow takes time off from composing flop albums to play a Northern tough-as-nails anti establishment cop Dirty Garry, who teams up with token black comedy sidekick Richard Blackwood in this gritty looser-than-loose remake of the classic Clint Eastwood original.
Instead of having a crazy sniper in San Francisco, there’s a more ‘up North’ style story to compensate for Garry’s accent.
(*Read in a Northern accent*) There’s corruption and murder going on down t’local pit area, and there’s only one northerner with t’ balls to crack t’ case. Garry must not only battle t’ evil criminals up North, but must also struggle t’ overcome t’ political red-tape constantly getting in t’ way of his investigation.
Thankfully, like all Dirty Harry’s partners end up shot t’ pieces in t’ hospital, so does the annoying Mr. Blackwood.
Garry even gets to say the immortal line, “Go ahead, make my day m’lad”.
Rik Waller in ‘Rik Waller and the Hendersons’:
The Henderson family are just your normal all-American family with a gas-guzzling family truckster and annoying little dog, one day though they venture into the forest for a weekend hunting break and accidentally run over a giant beast. At first they think it’s the legendary Bigfoot, but upon closer inspection, it turns out to be giant crooning pop star Rik Waller! When they take the injured monster to their typical suburban home, they discover that far from being the ferocious pampered beast they fear Rik to be, he's a friendly giant singer.
From that moment on, they have a series of crazy capers with the tubby singer, mostly involving him sitting on furniture and breaking it, just like in the movie it’s based on.
Right Said Fred in ‘Drop Dead Right Said Fred’:
Despite not being “on the scene” in the last god knows how many years, the huge demand for a Right Said Fred movie has finally come to a head, and those deeply dippy butch singers have got their very own movie!
The guy with the shaggy hair who nobody knew the name of stars as a guy whose imaginary childhood friends (the bald brothers) suddenly appear again. He’s a successful businessman who has grown up and matured into a headstrong and sensible man who’s on the verge of marriage, but the imaginary brothers are still highly mischievous cads with leather trousers and want the shaggy haired man-with-no-name to join them in their tomfoolery. He doesn’t want to partake in any silliness, so the imaginary brothers proceed to spend all 90 minutes of the film annoying him with silly japes, pranks and plenty of innuendo filled jokes.
Craig David in ‘8-Mile 2’:
The success of Eminem’s debut motion picture has given Craig David the inspiration to star in this sequel/cash-in directed by mockney geezer Guy Ritchie.
Craig stars as an aspiring young R & B singer and self proclaimed “Lurve Doctor” with a penchant for tea-cosy headwear and denim clothing who wants to be an international R & B star. He struggles through life and hopes his musical talent will see him escape from the slums of London, where his violent gangster father (Guy Ritchie collaborator Vinnie Jones) constantly beats him and swears a lot.
Can Craig escape his life of torment and achieve his dreams of R & B stardom?
So Solid Crew in ‘Gone in 21 Seconds’
A remake of the remake.
So Solid Crew are well-wicked geezers, popular with “da kidz”, so it’s only right that they cash in on their image by releasing a controversial movie about glamorising gang culture and car theft.
Some of the Crew’s fifty or so members have been kidnapped by a rival well ‘ard posse rapper gang, and their leader, DJ MC Ice-P Monkey Fingers, wants the remaining So Solid members to steal 50 exotic cars and deliver them to a container ship by the end of the week.
The task seems impossible, but seeing as there are so many members in the group, it shouldn’t be too hard…that is until the fuzz start breathing down their necks.
Delroy Lindo appears again as the put-upon cop on their tails.
Blazin’ Squad in ‘Blazin’ Saddles’
Bringing the Western genre to the British yoof of today is this Western-style adventure musical set in the west.
The quiet Cornish town of Polperro is right in the way of a proposed motorway, so to get rid of the townsfolk, the motorway developers send in the roughest, toughest gang of thugs to drive them out. When the local lawman is killed, a new one must be appointed, so the governor decides to call in The Blazin’ Squad to clean up the town. They’re unsophisticated prefabricated wannabe rappers from the ghettos of London who have trouble fitting in with the Cornish yokel townsfolk due to their gold chain wearing eastside vs. westside rapper culture mentality. But, they eventually win the day by driving the villains out of town and still have time to do lots of well cool rapping.
Or Robbie Williams in..."Robbie and the Giant Ego" or "Honey I blew up my Ego".
Rik Waller in......James and the Giant Waller.
Proper Bo Selecta...or whatever he says.
Heh, nice. Craig Daiv in 8-Mile 2, freestylin' his way through the gritty streets of... Southampton.
Following in the footsteps of many famous musicians going into cinema, like Eminem in 8-Mile, and not forgetting the fantastic performances from Michael Jackson in Moonwalker, Sting in Dune, Kylie Minogue in Street Fighter The Movie, Vanilla Ice in Cool as Ice, and the great success of Spice World and Honest, a number of British recording artists are jumping on the movie bandwagon…
Ronan Keating in ‘Ronan the Barbarian’:
Namby-pamby nice little Oirish boy of pop Ronan Keating, from the now defunct Boyzone, is going against his charming boyish character by starring as a singing barbarian in this epic fantasy action adventure musical.
When his mother and father are killed and his village burned in a raid by a group of vicious bandits led by an evil cult leader (pop mogul Jonathan King), Ronan is forced to grow up as a slave. After enduring years of hardship, he develops into a pale weakly built man with denim pants and a good singing voice, still determined to get revenge for his parents' death, and all the years of tough slavery and rage haven’t dampened his desire to be a singing barbarian and sing weepy ballads about life being a rollercoaster.
His master trained him to be a singing barbarian, and made a fortune by using him in karaoke bars and barbarian discos. But there comes one day when he gives Ronan his freedom, and the chance to take his revenge after so many years.
Along his journey, he meets a singing Mongol and a singing thief, and together they do lots of singing, and take time out to battle Jonathan King and his minions.
Garry Barlow in ‘Dirty Garry’:
Garry Barlow takes time off from composing flop albums to play a Northern tough-as-nails anti establishment cop Dirty Garry, who teams up with token black comedy sidekick Richard Blackwood in this gritty looser-than-loose remake of the classic Clint Eastwood original.
Instead of having a crazy sniper in San Francisco, there’s a more ‘up North’ style story to compensate for Garry’s accent.
(*Read in a Northern accent*) There’s corruption and murder going on down t’local pit area, and there’s only one northerner with t’ balls to crack t’ case. Garry must not only battle t’ evil criminals up North, but must also struggle t’ overcome t’ political red-tape constantly getting in t’ way of his investigation.
Thankfully, like all Dirty Harry’s partners end up shot t’ pieces in t’ hospital, so does the annoying Mr. Blackwood.
Garry even gets to say the immortal line, “Go ahead, make my day m’lad”.
Rik Waller in ‘Rik Waller and the Hendersons’:
The Henderson family are just your normal all-American family with a gas-guzzling family truckster and annoying little dog, one day though they venture into the forest for a weekend hunting break and accidentally run over a giant beast. At first they think it’s the legendary Bigfoot, but upon closer inspection, it turns out to be giant crooning pop star Rik Waller! When they take the injured monster to their typical suburban home, they discover that far from being the ferocious pampered beast they fear Rik to be, he's a friendly giant singer.
From that moment on, they have a series of crazy capers with the tubby singer, mostly involving him sitting on furniture and breaking it, just like in the movie it’s based on.
Right Said Fred in ‘Drop Dead Right Said Fred’:
Despite not being “on the scene” in the last god knows how many years, the huge demand for a Right Said Fred movie has finally come to a head, and those deeply dippy butch singers have got their very own movie!
The guy with the shaggy hair who nobody knew the name of stars as a guy whose imaginary childhood friends (the bald brothers) suddenly appear again. He’s a successful businessman who has grown up and matured into a headstrong and sensible man who’s on the verge of marriage, but the imaginary brothers are still highly mischievous cads with leather trousers and want the shaggy haired man-with-no-name to join them in their tomfoolery. He doesn’t want to partake in any silliness, so the imaginary brothers proceed to spend all 90 minutes of the film annoying him with silly japes, pranks and plenty of innuendo filled jokes.
Craig David in ‘8-Mile 2’:
The success of Eminem’s debut motion picture has given Craig David the inspiration to star in this sequel/cash-in directed by mockney geezer Guy Ritchie.
Craig stars as an aspiring young R & B singer and self proclaimed “Lurve Doctor” with a penchant for tea-cosy headwear and denim clothing who wants to be an international R & B star. He struggles through life and hopes his musical talent will see him escape from the slums of London, where his violent gangster father (Guy Ritchie collaborator Vinnie Jones) constantly beats him and swears a lot.
Can Craig escape his life of torment and achieve his dreams of R & B stardom?
So Solid Crew in ‘Gone in 21 Seconds’
A remake of the remake.
So Solid Crew are well-wicked geezers, popular with “da kidz”, so it’s only right that they cash in on their image by releasing a controversial movie about glamorising gang culture and car theft.
Some of the Crew’s fifty or so members have been kidnapped by a rival well ‘ard posse rapper gang, and their leader, DJ MC Ice-P Monkey Fingers, wants the remaining So Solid members to steal 50 exotic cars and deliver them to a container ship by the end of the week.
The task seems impossible, but seeing as there are so many members in the group, it shouldn’t be too hard…that is until the fuzz start breathing down their necks.
Delroy Lindo appears again as the put-upon cop on their tails.
Blazin’ Squad in ‘Blazin’ Saddles’
Bringing the Western genre to the British yoof of today is this Western-style adventure musical set in the west.
The quiet Cornish town of Polperro is right in the way of a proposed motorway, so to get rid of the townsfolk, the motorway developers send in the roughest, toughest gang of thugs to drive them out. When the local lawman is killed, a new one must be appointed, so the governor decides to call in The Blazin’ Squad to clean up the town. They’re unsophisticated prefabricated wannabe rappers from the ghettos of London who have trouble fitting in with the Cornish yokel townsfolk due to their gold chain wearing eastside vs. westside rapper culture mentality. But, they eventually win the day by driving the villains out of town and still have time to do lots of well cool rapping.
Ronan Keating in ‘Ronan the Barbarian’:
Namby-pamby nice little Oirish boy of pop Ronan Keating, from the now defunct Boyzone, is going against his charming boyish character by starring as a singing barbarian in this epic fantasy action adventure musical.
When his mother and father are killed and his village burned in a raid by a group of vicious bandits led by an evil cult leader (pop mogul Jonathan King), Ronan is forced to grow up as a slave. After enduring years of hardship, he develops into a pale weakly built man with denim pants and a good singing voice, still determined to get revenge for his parents' death, and all the years of tough slavery and rage haven’t dampened his desire to be a singing barbarian and sing weepy ballads about life being a rollercoaster.
His master trained him to be a singing barbarian, and made a fortune by using him in karaoke bars and barbarian discos. But there comes one day when he gives Ronan his freedom, and the chance to take his revenge after so many years.
Along his journey, he meets a singing Mongol and a singing thief, and together they do lots of singing, and take time out to battle Jonathan King and his minions.
Garry Barlow in ‘Dirty Garry’:
Garry Barlow takes time off from composing flop albums to play a Northern tough-as-nails anti establishment cop Dirty Garry, who teams up with token black comedy sidekick Richard Blackwood in this gritty looser-than-loose remake of the classic Clint Eastwood original.
Instead of having a crazy sniper in San Francisco, there’s a more ‘up North’ style story to compensate for Garry’s accent.
(*Read in a Northern accent*) There’s corruption and murder going on down t’local pit area, and there’s only one northerner with t’ balls to crack t’ case. Garry must not only battle t’ evil criminals up North, but must also struggle t’ overcome t’ political red-tape constantly getting in t’ way of his investigation.
Thankfully, like all Dirty Harry’s partners end up shot t’ pieces in t’ hospital, so does the annoying Mr. Blackwood.
Garry even gets to say the immortal line, “Go ahead, make my day m’lad”.
Rik Waller in ‘Rik Waller and the Hendersons’:
The Henderson family are just your normal all-American family with a gas-guzzling family truckster and annoying little dog, one day though they venture into the forest for a weekend hunting break and accidentally run over a giant beast. At first they think it’s the legendary Bigfoot, but upon closer inspection, it turns out to be giant crooning pop star Rik Waller! When they take the injured monster to their typical suburban home, they discover that far from being the ferocious pampered beast they fear Rik to be, he's a friendly giant singer.
From that moment on, they have a series of crazy capers with the tubby singer, mostly involving him sitting on furniture and breaking it, just like in the movie it’s based on.
Right Said Fred in ‘Drop Dead Right Said Fred’:
Despite not being “on the scene” in the last god knows how many years, the huge demand for a Right Said Fred movie has finally come to a head, and those deeply dippy butch singers have got their very own movie!
The guy with the shaggy hair who nobody knew the name of stars as a guy whose imaginary childhood friends (the bald brothers) suddenly appear again. He’s a successful businessman who has grown up and matured into a headstrong and sensible man who’s on the verge of marriage, but the imaginary brothers are still highly mischievous cads with leather trousers and want the shaggy haired man-with-no-name to join them in their tomfoolery. He doesn’t want to partake in any silliness, so the imaginary brothers proceed to spend all 90 minutes of the film annoying him with silly japes, pranks and plenty of innuendo filled jokes.
Craig David in ‘8-Mile 2’:
The success of Eminem’s debut motion picture has given Craig David the inspiration to star in this sequel/cash-in directed by mockney geezer Guy Ritchie.
Craig stars as an aspiring young R & B singer and self proclaimed “Lurve Doctor” with a penchant for tea-cosy headwear and denim clothing who wants to be an international R & B star. He struggles through life and hopes his musical talent will see him escape from the slums of London, where his violent gangster father (Guy Ritchie collaborator Vinnie Jones) constantly beats him and swears a lot.
Can Craig escape his life of torment and achieve his dreams of R & B stardom?
So Solid Crew in ‘Gone in 21 Seconds’
A remake of the remake.
So Solid Crew are well-wicked geezers, popular with “da kidz”, so it’s only right that they cash in on their image by releasing a controversial movie about glamorising gang culture and car theft.
Some of the Crew’s fifty or so members have been kidnapped by a rival well ‘ard posse rapper gang, and their leader, DJ MC Ice-P Monkey Fingers, wants the remaining So Solid members to steal 50 exotic cars and deliver them to a container ship by the end of the week.
The task seems impossible, but seeing as there are so many members in the group, it shouldn’t be too hard…that is until the fuzz start breathing down their necks.
Delroy Lindo appears again as the put-upon cop on their tails.
Blazin’ Squad in ‘Blazin’ Saddles’
Bringing the Western genre to the British yoof of today is this Western-style adventure musical set in the west.
The quiet Cornish town of Polperro is right in the way of a proposed motorway, so to get rid of the townsfolk, the motorway developers send in the roughest, toughest gang of thugs to drive them out. When the local lawman is killed, a new one must be appointed, so the governor decides to call in The Blazin’ Squad to clean up the town. They’re unsophisticated prefabricated wannabe rappers from the ghettos of London who have trouble fitting in with the Cornish yokel townsfolk due to their gold chain wearing eastside vs. westside rapper culture mentality. But, they eventually win the day by driving the villains out of town and still have time to do lots of well cool rapping.