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Did anyone see that Bremner, Bird and Fortune program on Channel 4? It was on over the New Year period, and repeated on Monday night. Funny, yet eye opening at the same time. Here are a couple of extracts from it:
BLAIR:
Good morning. Look we believe Saddam has weapons of mass destruction. Now if we don’t attack him, then he might not use them, and in that case we’ll never know whether he’s got them or not. And you know, that’s not a risk I’m prepared to take. Besides if we do conquer Iraq, and remove Saddam Hussein, there’s a chance we could win the Nobel Peace Prize, and you know, frankly, isn’t that something worth going to war for?
RORY STANDUP
RORY:
But we all wish this wasn’t the case. It would be great if the week before war begins the Queen would suddenly remember a conversation she had with Saddam Hussein 5 years ago, when he told her he was looking after all these weapons for safe keeping, and had no intention of selling them to anyone. But the fact is, the Americans had 60,000 troops in the region even before the weapons inspectors went in, and plans for invasion were well advanced even before Christmas.
- - - - - - - - - -
THE MANDARINS
THE FOREIGN OFFICE, 2002.
MANDARIN 1:
Remind me again why we’re invading.
MANDARIN 2:
Because it is our sacred duty to liberate the population from, what did Jack Straw call it? “One of the most vicious and evil regimes in the history of mankind”.
MANDARIN 1:
Yes it’s Saddam Hussein, but didn’t he use to be our ally?
MANDARIN 2:
Well I mean there was a time when he was the bulwark of stability against the fanatics of Iran, but we’ve got to forget all about that.
MANDARIN 1:
Of course. He’s a threat to our oil supplies..
MANDARIN 2:
How many times do I have to tell you Tristram this has got nothing whatsoever to do with oil.
MANDARIN 1:
Sorry yes. So this is an historic moment then?
MANDARIN 2:
It certainly is. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Before. Before.
CUT TO
THE FOREIGN OFFICE 1917.
MANDARIN 1:
Remind me again why we’re invading.
MANDARIN 2:
Because it is our sacred duty to liberate the population from one of the most vicious and evil regimes in the history of mankind.
MANDARIN 1:
Oh you mean the Turks? But didn’t they use to be our allies?
MANDARIN 2:
Well thee was a time of course when the Turks were a bulwark of stability against the Russian Empire, but we have to forget about all that.
MANDARIN 1:
And of course they’ve just discovered oil there haven’t they?
MANDARIN 2:
This has nothing whatsoever to do with oil.
MANDARIN 1:
But it’s an enormous country.
MANDARIN 2:
Yes of course it isn’t a country at all is it, just a lot of mud and sand and mountains. But we’ll make it a country.
MANDARIN 1:
Are we going to invent a whole new country?
MANDARIN 2:
Yes, we often do that in the British Empire. Haven’t you ever done it?
MANDARIN 1:
No.
MANDARIN 2:
Well now’s your chance.
MANDARIN 1:
It’s tremendous fun. And we’ll call it. It says here Mesopotamia.
MANDARIN 2:
No no no, Mesopotamia takes too long to write. No we need something short and snappy.
MANDARIN 1:
Well anyway, after we’ve invaded, it will just be a wreck.
MANDARIN 2:
Yes. What? What did you say?
MANDARIN 1:
It will just be a wreck.
MANDARIN 2:
Ireq. I like the sound of that. Ireq.
RORY STANDUP
RORY:
And so Iraq was created. By us. The trouble was it had never been a country. Just a collection of tribes. Kurds, Marsh Arabs, Shiites, Sunnis, Turcomans, Jews, Assyrians. Mostly they detested each other, so you would think it would be a tough job for Britain to unite them.
JOHN FORTUNE:
But we did it. Less than 3 years after we took over, they all got together to throw us out. That revolt was put down by British troops but the Arab tribesmen and the Kurds kept on causing trouble. How did we deal with that? We all know how Saddam Hussein dealt with it 60 odd years later. He bombed the villages.
JOHN BIRD:
So what did we do? We bombed the villages. The RAF had a big airbase at Habbaniya, outside Baghdad, from where they sent lumbering Handley-Page biplanes to blitz them at the first sign of trouble. In fact there didn’t need to be any trouble at all before a place was bombed. Perfectly peaceful villages got the treatment if the tribesmen were thought to be to slow paying their taxes.
JOHN FORTUNE:
This was the first systematic bombing of civilians in history. Another gift to a grateful world.
RORY:
The man behind this policy was the Colonial Secretary, Winston Churchill.
CHURCHILL:
I look forward to the country being in the condition of an independent native state, friendly to Great Britain, favourable to her commercial interests, and costing hardly any burden on her Exchequer.
RORY:
That last bit was certainly true as the Iraqis were made to pay for the RAF’s operations, and indeed for all the administrative costs in the country. But as for the policy itself even the Secretary of State for War had his doubts.
SIR LAMING WORTHINGTON-EVANS:
If the Arab population realised that the peaceful control of Mesopotamia ultimately depends on our intention of bombing women and children, I’m very doubtful if we shall gain that acquiescence of the fathers and husbands of Mesopotamia to which the Secretary of State for the Colonies looks forward.
RORY:
Now I know what you’re thinking. But Sir Laming Worthington-Evans was actually a real person, and a real Secretary of State for War. Though with wishy washy liberal views like that, it’s not surprising he’s vanished into history.
JOHN FORTUNE:
But the natives were still pretty uppity. Particularly the Kurds.
TONY BLAIR:
Look I’ll tell you this, you know, we have to look after the Kurds in Iraq, because if we don’t look after them over there, then they’ll come over here, and I’ll tell you, we’re not going to look after them over here.
JOHN FORTUNE:
What is it about Kurds? They were still giving trouble to Saddam in the eighties. He gassed them. Where could he have got that idea?
CAPTION: SECRET 29 MARCH 1919
JOHN BIRD
Secret. Dated 29th of March 1919. “Gas bombs are required by the 31st Wing for use against recalcitrant Arabs, the suggestion being concurred in by General Staff Baghdad.
RORY:
At the Air Ministry Lieutenant Colonel Gossage worried about the effects of gas on the innocent. But those qualms were not shared by the then Secretary of State for War and Air, the future Colonial Secretary, Prime Minister and Greatest Briton of All Time.
CHURCHILL:
“I do not understand this squeamishness about the use of gas. I am strongly in favour of using poison gas against uncivilised tribes”.
JOHN FORTUNE:
Churchill felt that what was required was to arouse in the local population, what he called, “a lively terror”. Which is a neat phrase, bearing in mind that we’re now busily fighting a war against terror. But there were still worries at the Air Ministry.
JOHN BIRD:
“I understand that the Secretary of State has approved the general policy of using poisonous gas on uncivilised tribes. So far although considerable time and trouble was expended on research during the war, we have not yet evolved suitable and practical gas bombs for use from aircraft”.
JOHN FORTUNE:
So there we are, another good idea goes down the tube. Not because we didn’t have the heart, but because we didn’t have the technology.
RORY:
But it does mean that the next time you’re asked the question:
TARRANT:
He he, who was it who first bombed the Kurds? Was it A, the Iranians? Was it B, Saddam Hussein? Was it C, the Turks? Or was it D, Winston Churchill? You won’t need to phone a friend.
BLAIR:
Good morning. Look we believe Saddam has weapons of mass destruction. Now if we don’t attack him, then he might not use them, and in that case we’ll never know whether he’s got them or not. And you know, that’s not a risk I’m prepared to take. Besides if we do conquer Iraq, and remove Saddam Hussein, there’s a chance we could win the Nobel Peace Prize, and you know, frankly, isn’t that something worth going to war for?
RORY STANDUP
RORY:
But we all wish this wasn’t the case. It would be great if the week before war begins the Queen would suddenly remember a conversation she had with Saddam Hussein 5 years ago, when he told her he was looking after all these weapons for safe keeping, and had no intention of selling them to anyone. But the fact is, the Americans had 60,000 troops in the region even before the weapons inspectors went in, and plans for invasion were well advanced even before Christmas.
- - - - - - - - - -
THE MANDARINS
THE FOREIGN OFFICE, 2002.
MANDARIN 1:
Remind me again why we’re invading.
MANDARIN 2:
Because it is our sacred duty to liberate the population from, what did Jack Straw call it? “One of the most vicious and evil regimes in the history of mankind”.
MANDARIN 1:
Yes it’s Saddam Hussein, but didn’t he use to be our ally?
MANDARIN 2:
Well I mean there was a time when he was the bulwark of stability against the fanatics of Iran, but we’ve got to forget all about that.
MANDARIN 1:
Of course. He’s a threat to our oil supplies..
MANDARIN 2:
How many times do I have to tell you Tristram this has got nothing whatsoever to do with oil.
MANDARIN 1:
Sorry yes. So this is an historic moment then?
MANDARIN 2:
It certainly is. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Before. Before.
CUT TO
THE FOREIGN OFFICE 1917.
MANDARIN 1:
Remind me again why we’re invading.
MANDARIN 2:
Because it is our sacred duty to liberate the population from one of the most vicious and evil regimes in the history of mankind.
MANDARIN 1:
Oh you mean the Turks? But didn’t they use to be our allies?
MANDARIN 2:
Well thee was a time of course when the Turks were a bulwark of stability against the Russian Empire, but we have to forget about all that.
MANDARIN 1:
And of course they’ve just discovered oil there haven’t they?
MANDARIN 2:
This has nothing whatsoever to do with oil.
MANDARIN 1:
But it’s an enormous country.
MANDARIN 2:
Yes of course it isn’t a country at all is it, just a lot of mud and sand and mountains. But we’ll make it a country.
MANDARIN 1:
Are we going to invent a whole new country?
MANDARIN 2:
Yes, we often do that in the British Empire. Haven’t you ever done it?
MANDARIN 1:
No.
MANDARIN 2:
Well now’s your chance.
MANDARIN 1:
It’s tremendous fun. And we’ll call it. It says here Mesopotamia.
MANDARIN 2:
No no no, Mesopotamia takes too long to write. No we need something short and snappy.
MANDARIN 1:
Well anyway, after we’ve invaded, it will just be a wreck.
MANDARIN 2:
Yes. What? What did you say?
MANDARIN 1:
It will just be a wreck.
MANDARIN 2:
Ireq. I like the sound of that. Ireq.
RORY STANDUP
RORY:
And so Iraq was created. By us. The trouble was it had never been a country. Just a collection of tribes. Kurds, Marsh Arabs, Shiites, Sunnis, Turcomans, Jews, Assyrians. Mostly they detested each other, so you would think it would be a tough job for Britain to unite them.
JOHN FORTUNE:
But we did it. Less than 3 years after we took over, they all got together to throw us out. That revolt was put down by British troops but the Arab tribesmen and the Kurds kept on causing trouble. How did we deal with that? We all know how Saddam Hussein dealt with it 60 odd years later. He bombed the villages.
JOHN BIRD:
So what did we do? We bombed the villages. The RAF had a big airbase at Habbaniya, outside Baghdad, from where they sent lumbering Handley-Page biplanes to blitz them at the first sign of trouble. In fact there didn’t need to be any trouble at all before a place was bombed. Perfectly peaceful villages got the treatment if the tribesmen were thought to be to slow paying their taxes.
JOHN FORTUNE:
This was the first systematic bombing of civilians in history. Another gift to a grateful world.
RORY:
The man behind this policy was the Colonial Secretary, Winston Churchill.
CHURCHILL:
I look forward to the country being in the condition of an independent native state, friendly to Great Britain, favourable to her commercial interests, and costing hardly any burden on her Exchequer.
RORY:
That last bit was certainly true as the Iraqis were made to pay for the RAF’s operations, and indeed for all the administrative costs in the country. But as for the policy itself even the Secretary of State for War had his doubts.
SIR LAMING WORTHINGTON-EVANS:
If the Arab population realised that the peaceful control of Mesopotamia ultimately depends on our intention of bombing women and children, I’m very doubtful if we shall gain that acquiescence of the fathers and husbands of Mesopotamia to which the Secretary of State for the Colonies looks forward.
RORY:
Now I know what you’re thinking. But Sir Laming Worthington-Evans was actually a real person, and a real Secretary of State for War. Though with wishy washy liberal views like that, it’s not surprising he’s vanished into history.
JOHN FORTUNE:
But the natives were still pretty uppity. Particularly the Kurds.
TONY BLAIR:
Look I’ll tell you this, you know, we have to look after the Kurds in Iraq, because if we don’t look after them over there, then they’ll come over here, and I’ll tell you, we’re not going to look after them over here.
JOHN FORTUNE:
What is it about Kurds? They were still giving trouble to Saddam in the eighties. He gassed them. Where could he have got that idea?
CAPTION: SECRET 29 MARCH 1919
JOHN BIRD
Secret. Dated 29th of March 1919. “Gas bombs are required by the 31st Wing for use against recalcitrant Arabs, the suggestion being concurred in by General Staff Baghdad.
RORY:
At the Air Ministry Lieutenant Colonel Gossage worried about the effects of gas on the innocent. But those qualms were not shared by the then Secretary of State for War and Air, the future Colonial Secretary, Prime Minister and Greatest Briton of All Time.
CHURCHILL:
“I do not understand this squeamishness about the use of gas. I am strongly in favour of using poison gas against uncivilised tribes”.
JOHN FORTUNE:
Churchill felt that what was required was to arouse in the local population, what he called, “a lively terror”. Which is a neat phrase, bearing in mind that we’re now busily fighting a war against terror. But there were still worries at the Air Ministry.
JOHN BIRD:
“I understand that the Secretary of State has approved the general policy of using poisonous gas on uncivilised tribes. So far although considerable time and trouble was expended on research during the war, we have not yet evolved suitable and practical gas bombs for use from aircraft”.
JOHN FORTUNE:
So there we are, another good idea goes down the tube. Not because we didn’t have the heart, but because we didn’t have the technology.
RORY:
But it does mean that the next time you’re asked the question:
TARRANT:
He he, who was it who first bombed the Kurds? Was it A, the Iranians? Was it B, Saddam Hussein? Was it C, the Turks? Or was it D, Winston Churchill? You won’t need to phone a friend.
I missed it, too busy moving house.
One thing I dont get about Rory though, he's a damn good satirist and political comedian...yet attends lunches at Number 10 and donates to The Labour Party..
One thing I dont get about Rory though, he's a damn good satirist and political comedian...yet attends lunches at Number 10 and donates to The Labour Party..
No, I chose to play Monkey Target on my GameCube instead...
Did anyone else watch this?
Did anyone see that Bremner, Bird and Fortune program on Channel 4? It was on over the New Year period, and repeated on Monday night. Funny, yet eye opening at the same time. Here are a couple of extracts from it:
BLAIR:
Good morning. Look we believe Saddam has weapons of mass destruction. Now if we don’t attack him, then he might not use them, and in that case we’ll never know whether he’s got them or not. And you know, that’s not a risk I’m prepared to take. Besides if we do conquer Iraq, and remove Saddam Hussein, there’s a chance we could win the Nobel Peace Prize, and you know, frankly, isn’t that something worth going to war for?
RORY STANDUP
RORY:
But we all wish this wasn’t the case. It would be great if the week before war begins the Queen would suddenly remember a conversation she had with Saddam Hussein 5 years ago, when he told her he was looking after all these weapons for safe keeping, and had no intention of selling them to anyone. But the fact is, the Americans had 60,000 troops in the region even before the weapons inspectors went in, and plans for invasion were well advanced even before Christmas.
- - - - - - - - - -
THE MANDARINS
THE FOREIGN OFFICE, 2002.
MANDARIN 1:
Remind me again why we’re invading.
MANDARIN 2:
Because it is our sacred duty to liberate the population from, what did Jack Straw call it? “One of the most vicious and evil regimes in the history of mankind”.
MANDARIN 1:
Yes it’s Saddam Hussein, but didn’t he use to be our ally?
MANDARIN 2:
Well I mean there was a time when he was the bulwark of stability against the fanatics of Iran, but we’ve got to forget all about that.
MANDARIN 1:
Of course. He’s a threat to our oil supplies..
MANDARIN 2:
How many times do I have to tell you Tristram this has got nothing whatsoever to do with oil.
MANDARIN 1:
Sorry yes. So this is an historic moment then?
MANDARIN 2:
It certainly is. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Before. Before.
CUT TO
THE FOREIGN OFFICE 1917.
MANDARIN 1:
Remind me again why we’re invading.
MANDARIN 2:
Because it is our sacred duty to liberate the population from one of the most vicious and evil regimes in the history of mankind.
MANDARIN 1:
Oh you mean the Turks? But didn’t they use to be our allies?
MANDARIN 2:
Well thee was a time of course when the Turks were a bulwark of stability against the Russian Empire, but we have to forget about all that.
MANDARIN 1:
And of course they’ve just discovered oil there haven’t they?
MANDARIN 2:
This has nothing whatsoever to do with oil.
MANDARIN 1:
But it’s an enormous country.
MANDARIN 2:
Yes of course it isn’t a country at all is it, just a lot of mud and sand and mountains. But we’ll make it a country.
MANDARIN 1:
Are we going to invent a whole new country?
MANDARIN 2:
Yes, we often do that in the British Empire. Haven’t you ever done it?
MANDARIN 1:
No.
MANDARIN 2:
Well now’s your chance.
MANDARIN 1:
It’s tremendous fun. And we’ll call it. It says here Mesopotamia.
MANDARIN 2:
No no no, Mesopotamia takes too long to write. No we need something short and snappy.
MANDARIN 1:
Well anyway, after we’ve invaded, it will just be a wreck.
MANDARIN 2:
Yes. What? What did you say?
MANDARIN 1:
It will just be a wreck.
MANDARIN 2:
Ireq. I like the sound of that. Ireq.
RORY STANDUP
RORY:
And so Iraq was created. By us. The trouble was it had never been a country. Just a collection of tribes. Kurds, Marsh Arabs, Shiites, Sunnis, Turcomans, Jews, Assyrians. Mostly they detested each other, so you would think it would be a tough job for Britain to unite them.
JOHN FORTUNE:
But we did it. Less than 3 years after we took over, they all got together to throw us out. That revolt was put down by British troops but the Arab tribesmen and the Kurds kept on causing trouble. How did we deal with that? We all know how Saddam Hussein dealt with it 60 odd years later. He bombed the villages.
JOHN BIRD:
So what did we do? We bombed the villages. The RAF had a big airbase at Habbaniya, outside Baghdad, from where they sent lumbering Handley-Page biplanes to blitz them at the first sign of trouble. In fact there didn’t need to be any trouble at all before a place was bombed. Perfectly peaceful villages got the treatment if the tribesmen were thought to be to slow paying their taxes.
JOHN FORTUNE:
This was the first systematic bombing of civilians in history. Another gift to a grateful world.
RORY:
The man behind this policy was the Colonial Secretary, Winston Churchill.
CHURCHILL:
I look forward to the country being in the condition of an independent native state, friendly to Great Britain, favourable to her commercial interests, and costing hardly any burden on her Exchequer.
RORY:
That last bit was certainly true as the Iraqis were made to pay for the RAF’s operations, and indeed for all the administrative costs in the country. But as for the policy itself even the Secretary of State for War had his doubts.
SIR LAMING WORTHINGTON-EVANS:
If the Arab population realised that the peaceful control of Mesopotamia ultimately depends on our intention of bombing women and children, I’m very doubtful if we shall gain that acquiescence of the fathers and husbands of Mesopotamia to which the Secretary of State for the Colonies looks forward.
RORY:
Now I know what you’re thinking. But Sir Laming Worthington-Evans was actually a real person, and a real Secretary of State for War. Though with wishy washy liberal views like that, it’s not surprising he’s vanished into history.
JOHN FORTUNE:
But the natives were still pretty uppity. Particularly the Kurds.
TONY BLAIR:
Look I’ll tell you this, you know, we have to look after the Kurds in Iraq, because if we don’t look after them over there, then they’ll come over here, and I’ll tell you, we’re not going to look after them over here.
JOHN FORTUNE:
What is it about Kurds? They were still giving trouble to Saddam in the eighties. He gassed them. Where could he have got that idea?
CAPTION: SECRET 29 MARCH 1919
JOHN BIRD
Secret. Dated 29th of March 1919. “Gas bombs are required by the 31st Wing for use against recalcitrant Arabs, the suggestion being concurred in by General Staff Baghdad.
RORY:
At the Air Ministry Lieutenant Colonel Gossage worried about the effects of gas on the innocent. But those qualms were not shared by the then Secretary of State for War and Air, the future Colonial Secretary, Prime Minister and Greatest Briton of All Time.
CHURCHILL:
“I do not understand this squeamishness about the use of gas. I am strongly in favour of using poison gas against uncivilised tribes”.
JOHN FORTUNE:
Churchill felt that what was required was to arouse in the local population, what he called, “a lively terror”. Which is a neat phrase, bearing in mind that we’re now busily fighting a war against terror. But there were still worries at the Air Ministry.
JOHN BIRD:
“I understand that the Secretary of State has approved the general policy of using poisonous gas on uncivilised tribes. So far although considerable time and trouble was expended on research during the war, we have not yet evolved suitable and practical gas bombs for use from aircraft”.
JOHN FORTUNE:
So there we are, another good idea goes down the tube. Not because we didn’t have the heart, but because we didn’t have the technology.
RORY:
But it does mean that the next time you’re asked the question:
TARRANT:
He he, who was it who first bombed the Kurds? Was it A, the Iranians? Was it B, Saddam Hussein? Was it C, the Turks? Or was it D, Winston Churchill? You won’t need to phone a friend.
BLAIR:
Good morning. Look we believe Saddam has weapons of mass destruction. Now if we don’t attack him, then he might not use them, and in that case we’ll never know whether he’s got them or not. And you know, that’s not a risk I’m prepared to take. Besides if we do conquer Iraq, and remove Saddam Hussein, there’s a chance we could win the Nobel Peace Prize, and you know, frankly, isn’t that something worth going to war for?
RORY STANDUP
RORY:
But we all wish this wasn’t the case. It would be great if the week before war begins the Queen would suddenly remember a conversation she had with Saddam Hussein 5 years ago, when he told her he was looking after all these weapons for safe keeping, and had no intention of selling them to anyone. But the fact is, the Americans had 60,000 troops in the region even before the weapons inspectors went in, and plans for invasion were well advanced even before Christmas.
- - - - - - - - - -
THE MANDARINS
THE FOREIGN OFFICE, 2002.
MANDARIN 1:
Remind me again why we’re invading.
MANDARIN 2:
Because it is our sacred duty to liberate the population from, what did Jack Straw call it? “One of the most vicious and evil regimes in the history of mankind”.
MANDARIN 1:
Yes it’s Saddam Hussein, but didn’t he use to be our ally?
MANDARIN 2:
Well I mean there was a time when he was the bulwark of stability against the fanatics of Iran, but we’ve got to forget all about that.
MANDARIN 1:
Of course. He’s a threat to our oil supplies..
MANDARIN 2:
How many times do I have to tell you Tristram this has got nothing whatsoever to do with oil.
MANDARIN 1:
Sorry yes. So this is an historic moment then?
MANDARIN 2:
It certainly is. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Before. Before.
CUT TO
THE FOREIGN OFFICE 1917.
MANDARIN 1:
Remind me again why we’re invading.
MANDARIN 2:
Because it is our sacred duty to liberate the population from one of the most vicious and evil regimes in the history of mankind.
MANDARIN 1:
Oh you mean the Turks? But didn’t they use to be our allies?
MANDARIN 2:
Well thee was a time of course when the Turks were a bulwark of stability against the Russian Empire, but we have to forget about all that.
MANDARIN 1:
And of course they’ve just discovered oil there haven’t they?
MANDARIN 2:
This has nothing whatsoever to do with oil.
MANDARIN 1:
But it’s an enormous country.
MANDARIN 2:
Yes of course it isn’t a country at all is it, just a lot of mud and sand and mountains. But we’ll make it a country.
MANDARIN 1:
Are we going to invent a whole new country?
MANDARIN 2:
Yes, we often do that in the British Empire. Haven’t you ever done it?
MANDARIN 1:
No.
MANDARIN 2:
Well now’s your chance.
MANDARIN 1:
It’s tremendous fun. And we’ll call it. It says here Mesopotamia.
MANDARIN 2:
No no no, Mesopotamia takes too long to write. No we need something short and snappy.
MANDARIN 1:
Well anyway, after we’ve invaded, it will just be a wreck.
MANDARIN 2:
Yes. What? What did you say?
MANDARIN 1:
It will just be a wreck.
MANDARIN 2:
Ireq. I like the sound of that. Ireq.
RORY STANDUP
RORY:
And so Iraq was created. By us. The trouble was it had never been a country. Just a collection of tribes. Kurds, Marsh Arabs, Shiites, Sunnis, Turcomans, Jews, Assyrians. Mostly they detested each other, so you would think it would be a tough job for Britain to unite them.
JOHN FORTUNE:
But we did it. Less than 3 years after we took over, they all got together to throw us out. That revolt was put down by British troops but the Arab tribesmen and the Kurds kept on causing trouble. How did we deal with that? We all know how Saddam Hussein dealt with it 60 odd years later. He bombed the villages.
JOHN BIRD:
So what did we do? We bombed the villages. The RAF had a big airbase at Habbaniya, outside Baghdad, from where they sent lumbering Handley-Page biplanes to blitz them at the first sign of trouble. In fact there didn’t need to be any trouble at all before a place was bombed. Perfectly peaceful villages got the treatment if the tribesmen were thought to be to slow paying their taxes.
JOHN FORTUNE:
This was the first systematic bombing of civilians in history. Another gift to a grateful world.
RORY:
The man behind this policy was the Colonial Secretary, Winston Churchill.
CHURCHILL:
I look forward to the country being in the condition of an independent native state, friendly to Great Britain, favourable to her commercial interests, and costing hardly any burden on her Exchequer.
RORY:
That last bit was certainly true as the Iraqis were made to pay for the RAF’s operations, and indeed for all the administrative costs in the country. But as for the policy itself even the Secretary of State for War had his doubts.
SIR LAMING WORTHINGTON-EVANS:
If the Arab population realised that the peaceful control of Mesopotamia ultimately depends on our intention of bombing women and children, I’m very doubtful if we shall gain that acquiescence of the fathers and husbands of Mesopotamia to which the Secretary of State for the Colonies looks forward.
RORY:
Now I know what you’re thinking. But Sir Laming Worthington-Evans was actually a real person, and a real Secretary of State for War. Though with wishy washy liberal views like that, it’s not surprising he’s vanished into history.
JOHN FORTUNE:
But the natives were still pretty uppity. Particularly the Kurds.
TONY BLAIR:
Look I’ll tell you this, you know, we have to look after the Kurds in Iraq, because if we don’t look after them over there, then they’ll come over here, and I’ll tell you, we’re not going to look after them over here.
JOHN FORTUNE:
What is it about Kurds? They were still giving trouble to Saddam in the eighties. He gassed them. Where could he have got that idea?
CAPTION: SECRET 29 MARCH 1919
JOHN BIRD
Secret. Dated 29th of March 1919. “Gas bombs are required by the 31st Wing for use against recalcitrant Arabs, the suggestion being concurred in by General Staff Baghdad.
RORY:
At the Air Ministry Lieutenant Colonel Gossage worried about the effects of gas on the innocent. But those qualms were not shared by the then Secretary of State for War and Air, the future Colonial Secretary, Prime Minister and Greatest Briton of All Time.
CHURCHILL:
“I do not understand this squeamishness about the use of gas. I am strongly in favour of using poison gas against uncivilised tribes”.
JOHN FORTUNE:
Churchill felt that what was required was to arouse in the local population, what he called, “a lively terror”. Which is a neat phrase, bearing in mind that we’re now busily fighting a war against terror. But there were still worries at the Air Ministry.
JOHN BIRD:
“I understand that the Secretary of State has approved the general policy of using poisonous gas on uncivilised tribes. So far although considerable time and trouble was expended on research during the war, we have not yet evolved suitable and practical gas bombs for use from aircraft”.
JOHN FORTUNE:
So there we are, another good idea goes down the tube. Not because we didn’t have the heart, but because we didn’t have the technology.
RORY:
But it does mean that the next time you’re asked the question:
TARRANT:
He he, who was it who first bombed the Kurds? Was it A, the Iranians? Was it B, Saddam Hussein? Was it C, the Turks? Or was it D, Winston Churchill? You won’t need to phone a friend.