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"A Small Party With Friends"

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Mon 20/01/03 at 20:09
Posts: 787
“Hi guys thanks for coming”

Daniel, Susie, Eric, and Carmen enter Darwin’s house as he greets them politely. Darwin’s smile seemed permanent as he saw that Susie had decided to join the others in coming this day. Days before he had had an argument with her concerning her father and it didn’t end very well. She is an average girl that in the past got beat by her dad. When someone brings up the subject she saddens and that’s how she got a little mad with Darwin. Everyone seemed happy to be there but you could see that they knew they were probably going to have a boring time at a party with only 5 people in it. Darwin wasn’t much of the social type. He didn’t have many friends and he didn’t actually want many according to his actions at school. His only friends were kind though. They have been through everything together.

“Hey lets go to my room guys I got a new video game”

As they all marched upstairs to Darwin’s room they knew this was going to be even more boring than they expected. No one was at the house and all he wanted to do was play video games. They all loved playing them but not at perfect opportunities to reek havoc like this one. They all walked into Darwin’s room to behold a huge bed in the middle of a tiny room that overtook anything else in the small space. In front of that was a pretty good entertainment center with his television and GameCube laying on it. Besides these things his room was empty. He didn’t even have a closet! His walls were bare and boring and his floor was tattered with junk and laundry.

“You guys act like you have never seen my room before. What’s wrong?”

Everyone looked around Darwin’s room thinking. Was something missing? They didn’t know what they were looking for but they felt a weird presence. Eric closed the door behind him because he was the last one in. The noise that the door made when it shut was louder than usual. Eric tried to open the door again to see if he had done something wrong but it wouldn’t budge. He informed Darwin of what happened and Darwin tried to open the door as well. It didn’t move. It didn’t feel like the door was being blocked by the other side nor did it feel like it was locked. It felt different. Eric, Daniel, Carmen and Darwin thought this was fun. They were closed in Darwin’s room. This could be the one thing to lighten up the party. How exciting! Susie seemed to think different though. She looked confused and somewhat scared. As the other 4 talked she silently sat on the bed, looked ahead, and started to scream an ear-piercing yell that surprised the others.

“Susie! Susie Stop! Susie what’s wrong!”

Susie always is the first to think things are funny and adventurous. She has been through a lot in her life and she loves action. Why was she screaming? Could being locked in a room be this freighting to her? Carmen started to shake her because she didn’t stop yelling. After what seemed like 2 minutes she stopped. When Darwin asked what was wrong she just looked at him with tears in her eyes. Everyone was mighty confused but they reframed from paying more attention to her because she didn’t want help supposedly. They continued to talk as Susie stayed on the bed looking all around the room. Susie sometimes does things to get attention but she has never cried in front of friends. Out of nowhere small tremors fill the room.

“Haha, first we get stuck in my room now we get an earthquake. Today is going great! Haha”

Darwin made a horrible joke but the other’s still laughed. Susie started to shake as if she was scared. Daniel looked to her and said that everything would turn out fine but she just continued to look around the room. Everyone was jumping up and down to make the tremors fun when suddenly the walls began to shake wildly.

“That’s weird. This has never happened before”

Everyone began to get frightened at this moment. They all stood next to the door trying to free themselves from the room. It didn’t work. The door was motionless. After a while of trying the kids stood where they were and began yelling help. They didn’t yell franticly like Susie, who was still on the bed silent, but they yelled help nervously. The walls weren’t getting better.

“My mom should have been here hours ago. Where is she?”

The walls abruptly stopped shaking. Susie’s eyes opened wide. The others gave a sigh of relief thinking that it was over. But it wasn’t. The walls quickly shifted and began to close in quickly!

“Everyone get on top of my bed in the middle of the room. We will have more time there!”

The walls closed in tighter and tighter. The four kids stood crunched together in the middle of the bed screaming their lungs off. Susie got up. She jumped onto Darwin’s shoulders as if she had been planning to for a long time. As Darwin flinched she stood up and pushed up a ventilation pipe lid that was on the ceiling. She struggled up with her eyes closed in fear. As soon as she got her whole body out of the compact room she heard a loud CRASH and the screams of horror ended automatically. Susie felt emptiness around her. She opened her eyes and looked down the pipe hole that was now….a floor tile. She got up quickly and looked around. She was in Darwin’s room with but no one else was there and the door was wide open. She hears Darwin’s mother cooking dinner while crying downstairs like she had been doing so for a few hours. Susie cried in fear.

“Darwin are you up there!!! Darwin I have been looking for you for days!!! DARWIN IS THAT YOU UP THERE!!!!”


Wed 22/01/03 at 21:41
"**I'm Disposable**"
Posts: 1,104
Great post dude!
Wed 22/01/03 at 20:56
"sweats salad dressi"
Posts: 4,599
I don't copy dude!
Wed 22/01/03 at 20:53
Posts: 3,505
nice twist, you should really be doing this for a living, even if you are copying some one elses work, there is no harm in that. it is quite confusing towards the end, but it was a good read.
Wed 22/01/03 at 18:38
"[SE] Shadow Elite"
Posts: 953
hey, twas a good film wasn't it. I carried on with my story today in English and finished my fird paragraph, which means that my story is now over 2 pages long in an excercise book. I've cleared a few things up though. To try and be a bit more like the poem "Stealing", i've made it so that the man just goes to try and mug the woman, but it goes wrong and he kills her. Then, he is going to break into a house. This means that i have more options for my twist. I'm trying not to copy a twist, but if the worst comes to the worst, i'll just have to steal an idea. But one idea i had was this:

The main character, still nameless, knows that the chances are that he's going down. So he's going to break into a friends house, and try and frame someone, not decided who yet. Everything looks like it is going to work out, but if my knowledge is right, then this will work. But i'm not sure about this fact. You know when you lock a door from the inside? Well, does this single lock the door? And does the door double lock when you lock it from outside. Well, the main characters going to break the window, to cover up. But then he is going to enter through the door, so that he doesn't rip his clothes on the glass and because he has a pair of keys to his friends house. But when he locks it from the indise, so that it looks like his friend had locked the door, the door only single locks. but if his friend had locked the door from outside, it would have double locked. This is where he gets caught out.

This, i think, is a pretty good idea. but it will only work if the thing about the locks is right. So, can you double lock and single lock a door?
Tue 21/01/03 at 22:00
"A square watermelon"
Posts: 1,890
( . )Juicy Melons( . ) wrote:
> Damn you Iguano, you do watch films :D We read a poem by Carol Anne
> Duffy called Stealing, and we are asked to either base a small story
> around that, or make up a new story. The poem was alright, but i can't
> see how you could make a decent story out of it. I thought that the
> film i had seen a while ago was really good, and did slightly link in
> with the poem. I just hope the markers haven't seen the film...

Hehe. Change the ending a tad :)

I liked the ending a lot though..
Tue 21/01/03 at 21:59
Posts: 3,863

I am confused!

I think someone has been playing too much Eternal Darkness.

Good writing there Mr. Cow
Tue 21/01/03 at 21:33
"bit of a brain"
Posts: 18,933
So this story makes no sense.
Tue 21/01/03 at 21:28
"Which one's pink?"
Posts: 12,152
This piece of writing shows how DC's writing capabilies extend beyond parody's.

Mon 20/01/03 at 23:28
Posts: 7,741
I do prefer your spoofs, but good anyway.
Thanks for clearing a few things up ;)
Mon 20/01/03 at 22:30
Posts: 4,199

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