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"Thinking with our Ball's"

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Sun 19/01/03 at 22:17
Regular
Posts: 787
99.9% of men do. Apparently.

And the world knows it, and use it to there advantage.

Christina Aguilera knows it more than anyone. Im sure you lot saw the "Dirrty" Video. You know, the one where she flashes off her rear pretty much all way through it, and sways her hips and so on. Did you also notice that the song was pretty crap, well actually it was crap. Did you also notice that the song did rather well in the charts. Yeah, it did, I wasn’t surprised by that too. I think a good 80% of the people who bought it were men lusting for the blonde, which is understandable, who doesn’t? That explains the whole reason why the single did so well, the excited men of our world actually went out and bought it, and only because of the video, im sure. You disagree? I doubt it.

So what has this got to do with anything in our little secluded world of gaming. A damn lot to be honest. See, Miss Aguilera's agents and her herself know that much of what she produces is not worth sticking on anyone’s Stereo, thing is with her looks, its always going to sell, because, as I said, most of us men think with our...well not out brains and so go out and buy her stuff...apart from me, I have more sense...

Thing is, not only does she know it, but so do many gaming developers. Its fair to say that a large number of the gaming world is, on average, are raging teenagers, or just men on a whole, who all have this thing for the opposite sex, they like the way they look, usually, unless you come across Anne Widdecombe, and if you like her, then you need therapy my friend.

Point of all this?

We keep getting shuffled all these sex appeal games, which are 0% in finance in terms of gaming and 100% in tax in terms of a sexual nature. And by golly do they sell.

Look at what we got recently. BMX XXX. We all know what this is, big-breasted woman on a BMX with little clothes on 'bouncing' around to some metal music. Only it doesn’t feel like BMXing, in fact its often like trying to drive a 10 tonne truck around an assault course half the time, only to find its near enough impossible. But then, whats it matter, just like the truck, we only buy it to look good don’t we. No one who buys this game is doing so on merit that it might have a good game engine, which it doesn’t, its bought because we want to ogle at the nice ladies in the game. Wait, im sounding like I have played this game....erm...moving swiftly on.

Dead or Alive 2. Another case of the bouncing Bom Boms. Difference here is that the game happens to be rather good, and its enjoyable to play. But that’s not what did the game justice in terms of its profit that it made. Nope, everyone bought it because they knew from the PS1 version that it had a crafty little feature that made you play as the women, and never as the men. You know what im talking about, there is no point denying it! A quick change in the age limit on the options an wham, you have 6 different versions of Jordon to play as, in very skimpy dresses. Come on, you can tell us all your favourite characters if you like. Wait...again im sounding like i own this game...

Tomb Raider! Now if Lara Croft has not got the most inappropriate chest size for an explorer then I will eat my hat. You only had to look at the motion picture, where Miss Jolie is running at the end of the film out of the cave. It makes you wonder if she could get an insurance claim for injury whilst at work...the amount of black eyes she must come home to nurse must be astronomical! See, here the first game was pretty good, and the second game at that too. But I bet many people bought this game purely on the fact that Lara was pretty big. And this is certainly the factor that the games carried on when they weren’t any good. They still all sold by the bucket load, all us Sony owners have played the game. Many of us have played the many different versions of it too. I have....damn, done it again!

Dead or Alive 2: Volley Ball. See, DOA makes another appearance! This has often been dubbed as the 'Virtual Lap Dance Game' by many. Certainly looks that way to me. The girls are bigger than ever, and if the saying 'Its not just the balls that bounce' ever fitted anywhere, its certainly here. I haven’t actually played it though, seriously, as it’s only on X-box, which I don’t own....

Then there were the likes of Fear Effect, never did play this game mind, but I know from various sources (Triple_H the SR poster being one) that this game had many sexual scenes in, not to mention the two lesbian characters had the leading roles(I swear he has a fetish for that, I mean, he likes that new band TATU!).

All these games have something in common. They are all about Sex Appeal, and they all sold well. And games come out like this all the time and sell, why? Because the majority of buyers all think with there balls. (Again, maybe that’s why Fifa sells by the book loads)

So in conclusion. To sell a game, all you need is some big-breasted Character (hopefully you will chose a female) , and you’re onto a winner.

So, hands up, who doesn’t own any one of the games above? Admit it, we all think with our balls at some time in our lives, even in gaming.

*Sticks DOA2 on*

*********
On a final note, if you want one of the new and bestest 'Blue Gaming Experience's", contact Triple_H for his new women’s football game, Pro Evolution Bonker. Its all about the ball's.
Mon 20/01/03 at 20:48
Posts: 0
Good post Pro Evo, very funny in places, and yet has a serious side to it too.

I totally agree with the point that many developers use what you have mentioned to there advantage when selling games, its pretty common in todays times, and will probably continue to do so for some time to come.

Lets just hope it doesnt dominate the market.
Mon 20/01/03 at 15:36
Regular
"50 BLM,30 SMN,25 RD"
Posts: 2,299
Thinking with your ball's what? Or is that grocer's apostrophe, lol?
Mon 20/01/03 at 13:08
Regular
"Brooklyn boy"
Posts: 14,935
and i bet in about 2 weeks time the pre-owned section will be stuffed with copies of BMX XXX. Stupid teenage boys, just so they can get a glimpse of some naked women.

*Runs off to Game to buy his copy*
Mon 20/01/03 at 11:29
Regular
"360: swfcman"
Posts: 6,953
FantasyMeister wrote:
>
> It'll be interesting to see if BMX XXX will actually turn a profit,

Well, walking into Game the other day, the store seems to be advertising it pretty well, with a few of those big posters they get from somewhere, they know there onto something too. And the game was on the top 10 charts they have.

Who ever doubted it wouldnt sell?
Mon 20/01/03 at 00:44
Regular
"Copyright: FM Inc."
Posts: 10,338
I'm still waiting for Final Fantasy XXX to get released in Europe. I'm pretty sure it's already out in Japan, but only on DVD.

With regards to sex IN games, I'm not too fussed either way. By including it a developer could hope to increase sales, but it would probably work against them in that an 18-rating on a game usually signals a death sentence for profits unless it's a well known one.

If it's done tastefully then I don't mind at all. BMX XXX is too blatant, whereas Fear Effect is much more subtle (in fact I bought the original PSX version with no idea what the game was about, I'd just seen the graphics running on an instore console and thought it looked like a great game, and it turned out to be as well).

It'll be interesting to see if BMX XXX will actually turn a profit, I'm sure publishers are watching its sales closely to see if there is any future in that type of development work. I hope there isn't, it'll be a bad day for gaming.
Mon 20/01/03 at 00:09
Regular
"everyone says it"
Posts: 14,738
Voyeurism rules.
Sun 19/01/03 at 23:21
Regular
"You Bum!!"
Posts: 3,740
Not a bad idea. *goes out to buy a cigar and a pink dog*
Sun 19/01/03 at 22:49
Regular
"360: swfcman"
Posts: 6,953
Triple_H wrote:
> Dame, you nonce-when I said that people call it a "Virtual Lap
> Dancer Simulator" I was talking about Private Dancer on PC, and
> not DOA.

Ah, sorry.

Its just you blerted out so many examples for me that i got overwhelmed. Say, you could be the SR Pimp. :D
Sun 19/01/03 at 22:43
Regular
"You Bum!!"
Posts: 3,740
Dame, you nonce-when I said that people call it a "Virtual Lap Dancer Simulator" I was talking about Private Dancer on PC, and not DOA. Erm, not that I have played the aforementioned game or anything. Ahem.Thanx for the advertising pitch-the sales should go through the roof now :)
Sun 19/01/03 at 22:28
Regular
"Being Ignorant"
Posts: 2,574
Great post Pro Evo, really enjoyed skimming through it.

:D

Not really, I read it and I agree with you totally with the Christina Aguilera thing. I had DOA2, but surprisingly enough I didn't notice the women fighter's bouncing *you know what* until about three days after I got it. I cried with laughter, resumed my matureness and got on with beating the computer. What really would have made me split my sides is if there was a cheat or extra in the game where the women fighters could have a special move in which they used their breasts. Now, there's an idea!

Anyway, BMX XXX is another game that fits in with the topic, only it's more detailed, and quite weird if I may add. Still it's a brilliant game that has left me with countless hours of *drooling*-I mean enjoyable gameplay.

(Please Note: I do not drool over computerised women)

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