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“Do you have thew money?” said a low deep husky from the shadows.
“20k wasn’t it?” answered Harry, a chubby little man with a badly shaven goaty on his chin and a tight pink jogging suit drenched with sweat causing it to cling to his body. In his hand he was carrying a large brown leather suitcase that he lifted up offering it to the voice only to be taken by a pale hand that appeared from the gloom followed by mysterious figure that looked down at Harry. It unclipped the small brass clamps that fastened the briefcase shut and slowly opened it before peering inside. The figure nodded, “alright,” it said as it placed the briefcase by it’s side. Harry gazed as the figure undid the top buttons of what appeared to be a long leather trench coat, which over lapped it’s feet. It produced a small albino hedgehog that it gave to Harry. After stuffing the tiny white critter into his pocket Harry ran out of the alley into his ford fiesta and drove off. With it’s eyes fixed on the speeding car and with the briefcase in his hand, the figure sank back into the darkness with an evil grin stretched across his face.
If harry wasn’t preoccupied with the hedgehog maybe he would have seen the enormous truck reversing out of the car park infront of him. If he hadn’t been drinking earlier that night maybe he could have done something sooner. And maybe if it wasn’t raining so hard and the conditions of the road weren’t so bad, the car may have been able to avoid the truck.
Harry reached out and grabbed the wheel trying to gain control of the automobile and swerve out of the way of certain death. But unfortunately the steering locked up causing the car to skid. The block of metal hit the side of the truck like a bullet colliding with a wall, ricocheting off in a random dirrection. The crumpled car took flight for a few seconds before smacking into the second story of a block of flats. Sparks flew while the vehicle slid in the air across the building before finally landing in a burning heap on the wet tarmac pavement. Harry was killed on impact where as the hedgehog flew out of the window and landed in a soggy half eaten bag of chips.
When the small thing awoke it noticed that it wasn’t in the same enviroment as it was when it fell asleep. The hedgehog was now in a steel bared cage coated with plastic in the front seat of a green transit RSPCA van.
“oh, your awake den?” said the driver, a tall man with long black dreadlocks on his head, “you mus-be glad gettin out of dat rain yeah?” He poked his index finger through the bars to tickle it but with one look at the finger the hedgehog opened it’s mouth and clamped down on the it using his razor sharp teeth. In a cry of pain the driver let go of the wheel and tried to free what was left of his finger. The van veered across the road and fishtailed before wrapping itself around a nearby oak tree.
Yet again the driver was killed where as where as the hedgehog stayed safe in his metal cage. The crash had also bend back some of it’s bars just large enough for the hedgehog to escape and so it climbed out to freedom and scampered off.
It was early morning and the air was still cold from the night before making the hedgehog seek shelter and it found it in the form of a cat flap. Using a convienetly placed stool the little guy climbed onto the table in search for a nice place to sleep. Though after a few steps the fact that it had just been in two crashes took its toll and it miss paced it footing causing it to fall off the table and into a sports bag full of sweaty clothes.
“How’s you Jim?” said Mike from across the cement pit.
“Alright i guess,” he paused as someone began to drill a concrete slab, “a-and you?” he said in a raised voice. The drilling noise grew louder.
“Fine!” Mike shouted trying to be heard, “put on your hat and come help me with these beams.” Jim put his bag on a pile of breezeblocks beside him and reached inside for his hard hat. He lifted it up and put it on his head.
“Son of a bitc.... ahhhhh!” the hat fell to the floor with he once sleeping hedgehog inside of it.
“What have we got here then?” said the assistant mortician as she peeled away the white sheet that covered Jim. “is this cement in his mouth and on his face?”
“Now there’s one you don’t see everyday,” said the mortician as he adjusted his clear rubber gloves.
“What happened then?” she asked.
“Well,” replied the mortician, “he was working in a local building site and went to put on his hard hat. For some reason a hedgehog was asleep in it, so as the hat touched his head the spikes stabbed into him. In sheer shock and pain he stepped forward and tripped making him fall headfirst into a cement mixer. Because of the noise from a nearby drill not one person heard his cries for help. Within a minute he had choked to death on the liquid cement.”
“Where’s the hedgehog now?”
“It should be over there with his stuff that was brought in with him.” He pointed to a sports bag and hard hat on a table next to them, “while i see how far the cement went into him why don’t you see how its getting on.”
Sure enough there was the beast curled up in a little ball with its little pink noise poking out.
“He he,” she giggled, “its so cute!” the hedgehog slowly unraveled itself, “it’s waking up,” she said it in a voice full of joy and excitement. She moved her head right up to its face and then the hedgehog let out an enormous sneeze for such a small animal.
“My eye!” said the assistant trying to wipe the flem away. She staggered about blindly and scuffed the floor with her shoes making her fall back wards onto the table that the mortician was operating on. The scalpel he was using at the time pierced though her clothes, then her skin and then her heart killing her on the spot.
The fresh corpse rolled off the table onto the floor. Blood began to gush out of the mortal wound and ran down the gaps that separated the floor tiles. The mortician looked at the blood on his hand and his white coat.
“Holy shi... aahhh my arm!” he fell to his knees with his right hand clamped tightly around his left arm. He took a deep breath and collapsed in a heap next to his dead assistant.
“what the hell is going on here then?!” shouted a cloaked dark figure who had walked in from fire escape.
The hedgehog shot into life and poked his head out of the sports bag. The figure laid his scythe up against the wall and floated into the middle of the room. “A stabbing and a heart attack? Not bad.” After hearing the voice again the small albino hedgehog leapt out of the bag and onto the floor.
“Monty!” said the figure in a voice full of relief. The hedgehog dashed over to his master who then picked him up.
“Who’d you look at the state of your teeth,” he said wiping the blood away. It curled up into his arms and squeaked with recognition before falling into a deep sleep.
“Not bad for a trail run, now come on lets go home your tea’s getting cold.” With those final words the figure floated elegantly out the door.
A few minutes later a pale hand followed by an arm cover in a black sleeve.
"I knew i forgot something.” It quickly grabbed the handle of the 6-foot long scythe and they both vanished back out of the fire escape.
“20k wasn’t it?” answered Harry, a chubby little man with a badly shaven goaty on his chin and a tight pink jogging suit drenched with sweat causing it to cling to his body. In his hand he was carrying a large brown leather suitcase that he lifted up offering it to the voice only to be taken by a pale hand that appeared from the gloom followed by mysterious figure that looked down at Harry. It unclipped the small brass clamps that fastened the briefcase shut and slowly opened it before peering inside. The figure nodded, “alright,” it said as it placed the briefcase by it’s side. Harry gazed as the figure undid the top buttons of what appeared to be a long leather trench coat, which over lapped it’s feet. It produced a small albino hedgehog that it gave to Harry. After stuffing the tiny white critter into his pocket Harry ran out of the alley into his ford fiesta and drove off. With it’s eyes fixed on the speeding car and with the briefcase in his hand, the figure sank back into the darkness with an evil grin stretched across his face.
If harry wasn’t preoccupied with the hedgehog maybe he would have seen the enormous truck reversing out of the car park infront of him. If he hadn’t been drinking earlier that night maybe he could have done something sooner. And maybe if it wasn’t raining so hard and the conditions of the road weren’t so bad, the car may have been able to avoid the truck.
Harry reached out and grabbed the wheel trying to gain control of the automobile and swerve out of the way of certain death. But unfortunately the steering locked up causing the car to skid. The block of metal hit the side of the truck like a bullet colliding with a wall, ricocheting off in a random dirrection. The crumpled car took flight for a few seconds before smacking into the second story of a block of flats. Sparks flew while the vehicle slid in the air across the building before finally landing in a burning heap on the wet tarmac pavement. Harry was killed on impact where as the hedgehog flew out of the window and landed in a soggy half eaten bag of chips.
When the small thing awoke it noticed that it wasn’t in the same enviroment as it was when it fell asleep. The hedgehog was now in a steel bared cage coated with plastic in the front seat of a green transit RSPCA van.
“oh, your awake den?” said the driver, a tall man with long black dreadlocks on his head, “you mus-be glad gettin out of dat rain yeah?” He poked his index finger through the bars to tickle it but with one look at the finger the hedgehog opened it’s mouth and clamped down on the it using his razor sharp teeth. In a cry of pain the driver let go of the wheel and tried to free what was left of his finger. The van veered across the road and fishtailed before wrapping itself around a nearby oak tree.
Yet again the driver was killed where as where as the hedgehog stayed safe in his metal cage. The crash had also bend back some of it’s bars just large enough for the hedgehog to escape and so it climbed out to freedom and scampered off.
It was early morning and the air was still cold from the night before making the hedgehog seek shelter and it found it in the form of a cat flap. Using a convienetly placed stool the little guy climbed onto the table in search for a nice place to sleep. Though after a few steps the fact that it had just been in two crashes took its toll and it miss paced it footing causing it to fall off the table and into a sports bag full of sweaty clothes.
“How’s you Jim?” said Mike from across the cement pit.
“Alright i guess,” he paused as someone began to drill a concrete slab, “a-and you?” he said in a raised voice. The drilling noise grew louder.
“Fine!” Mike shouted trying to be heard, “put on your hat and come help me with these beams.” Jim put his bag on a pile of breezeblocks beside him and reached inside for his hard hat. He lifted it up and put it on his head.
“Son of a bitc.... ahhhhh!” the hat fell to the floor with he once sleeping hedgehog inside of it.
“What have we got here then?” said the assistant mortician as she peeled away the white sheet that covered Jim. “is this cement in his mouth and on his face?”
“Now there’s one you don’t see everyday,” said the mortician as he adjusted his clear rubber gloves.
“What happened then?” she asked.
“Well,” replied the mortician, “he was working in a local building site and went to put on his hard hat. For some reason a hedgehog was asleep in it, so as the hat touched his head the spikes stabbed into him. In sheer shock and pain he stepped forward and tripped making him fall headfirst into a cement mixer. Because of the noise from a nearby drill not one person heard his cries for help. Within a minute he had choked to death on the liquid cement.”
“Where’s the hedgehog now?”
“It should be over there with his stuff that was brought in with him.” He pointed to a sports bag and hard hat on a table next to them, “while i see how far the cement went into him why don’t you see how its getting on.”
Sure enough there was the beast curled up in a little ball with its little pink noise poking out.
“He he,” she giggled, “its so cute!” the hedgehog slowly unraveled itself, “it’s waking up,” she said it in a voice full of joy and excitement. She moved her head right up to its face and then the hedgehog let out an enormous sneeze for such a small animal.
“My eye!” said the assistant trying to wipe the flem away. She staggered about blindly and scuffed the floor with her shoes making her fall back wards onto the table that the mortician was operating on. The scalpel he was using at the time pierced though her clothes, then her skin and then her heart killing her on the spot.
The fresh corpse rolled off the table onto the floor. Blood began to gush out of the mortal wound and ran down the gaps that separated the floor tiles. The mortician looked at the blood on his hand and his white coat.
“Holy shi... aahhh my arm!” he fell to his knees with his right hand clamped tightly around his left arm. He took a deep breath and collapsed in a heap next to his dead assistant.
“what the hell is going on here then?!” shouted a cloaked dark figure who had walked in from fire escape.
The hedgehog shot into life and poked his head out of the sports bag. The figure laid his scythe up against the wall and floated into the middle of the room. “A stabbing and a heart attack? Not bad.” After hearing the voice again the small albino hedgehog leapt out of the bag and onto the floor.
“Monty!” said the figure in a voice full of relief. The hedgehog dashed over to his master who then picked him up.
“Who’d you look at the state of your teeth,” he said wiping the blood away. It curled up into his arms and squeaked with recognition before falling into a deep sleep.
“Not bad for a trail run, now come on lets go home your tea’s getting cold.” With those final words the figure floated elegantly out the door.
A few minutes later a pale hand followed by an arm cover in a black sleeve.
"I knew i forgot something.” It quickly grabbed the handle of the 6-foot long scythe and they both vanished back out of the fire escape.
“Do you have thew money?” said a low deep husky from the shadows.
“20k wasn’t it?” answered Harry, a chubby little man with a badly shaven goaty on his chin and a tight pink jogging suit drenched with sweat causing it to cling to his body. In his hand he was carrying a large brown leather suitcase that he lifted up offering it to the voice only to be taken by a pale hand that appeared from the gloom followed by mysterious figure that looked down at Harry. It unclipped the small brass clamps that fastened the briefcase shut and slowly opened it before peering inside. The figure nodded, “alright,” it said as it placed the briefcase by it’s side. Harry gazed as the figure undid the top buttons of what appeared to be a long leather trench coat, which over lapped it’s feet. It produced a small albino hedgehog that it gave to Harry. After stuffing the tiny white critter into his pocket Harry ran out of the alley into his ford fiesta and drove off. With it’s eyes fixed on the speeding car and with the briefcase in his hand, the figure sank back into the darkness with an evil grin stretched across his face.
If harry wasn’t preoccupied with the hedgehog maybe he would have seen the enormous truck reversing out of the car park infront of him. If he hadn’t been drinking earlier that night maybe he could have done something sooner. And maybe if it wasn’t raining so hard and the conditions of the road weren’t so bad, the car may have been able to avoid the truck.
Harry reached out and grabbed the wheel trying to gain control of the automobile and swerve out of the way of certain death. But unfortunately the steering locked up causing the car to skid. The block of metal hit the side of the truck like a bullet colliding with a wall, ricocheting off in a random dirrection. The crumpled car took flight for a few seconds before smacking into the second story of a block of flats. Sparks flew while the vehicle slid in the air across the building before finally landing in a burning heap on the wet tarmac pavement. Harry was killed on impact where as the hedgehog flew out of the window and landed in a soggy half eaten bag of chips.
When the small thing awoke it noticed that it wasn’t in the same enviroment as it was when it fell asleep. The hedgehog was now in a steel bared cage coated with plastic in the front seat of a green transit RSPCA van.
“oh, your awake den?” said the driver, a tall man with long black dreadlocks on his head, “you mus-be glad gettin out of dat rain yeah?” He poked his index finger through the bars to tickle it but with one look at the finger the hedgehog opened it’s mouth and clamped down on the it using his razor sharp teeth. In a cry of pain the driver let go of the wheel and tried to free what was left of his finger. The van veered across the road and fishtailed before wrapping itself around a nearby oak tree.
Yet again the driver was killed where as where as the hedgehog stayed safe in his metal cage. The crash had also bend back some of it’s bars just large enough for the hedgehog to escape and so it climbed out to freedom and scampered off.
It was early morning and the air was still cold from the night before making the hedgehog seek shelter and it found it in the form of a cat flap. Using a convienetly placed stool the little guy climbed onto the table in search for a nice place to sleep. Though after a few steps the fact that it had just been in two crashes took its toll and it miss paced it footing causing it to fall off the table and into a sports bag full of sweaty clothes.
“How’s you Jim?” said Mike from across the cement pit.
“Alright i guess,” he paused as someone began to drill a concrete slab, “a-and you?” he said in a raised voice. The drilling noise grew louder.
“Fine!” Mike shouted trying to be heard, “put on your hat and come help me with these beams.” Jim put his bag on a pile of breezeblocks beside him and reached inside for his hard hat. He lifted it up and put it on his head.
“Son of a bitc.... ahhhhh!” the hat fell to the floor with he once sleeping hedgehog inside of it.
“What have we got here then?” said the assistant mortician as she peeled away the white sheet that covered Jim. “is this cement in his mouth and on his face?”
“Now there’s one you don’t see everyday,” said the mortician as he adjusted his clear rubber gloves.
“What happened then?” she asked.
“Well,” replied the mortician, “he was working in a local building site and went to put on his hard hat. For some reason a hedgehog was asleep in it, so as the hat touched his head the spikes stabbed into him. In sheer shock and pain he stepped forward and tripped making him fall headfirst into a cement mixer. Because of the noise from a nearby drill not one person heard his cries for help. Within a minute he had choked to death on the liquid cement.”
“Where’s the hedgehog now?”
“It should be over there with his stuff that was brought in with him.” He pointed to a sports bag and hard hat on a table next to them, “while i see how far the cement went into him why don’t you see how its getting on.”
Sure enough there was the beast curled up in a little ball with its little pink noise poking out.
“He he,” she giggled, “its so cute!” the hedgehog slowly unraveled itself, “it’s waking up,” she said it in a voice full of joy and excitement. She moved her head right up to its face and then the hedgehog let out an enormous sneeze for such a small animal.
“My eye!” said the assistant trying to wipe the flem away. She staggered about blindly and scuffed the floor with her shoes making her fall back wards onto the table that the mortician was operating on. The scalpel he was using at the time pierced though her clothes, then her skin and then her heart killing her on the spot.
The fresh corpse rolled off the table onto the floor. Blood began to gush out of the mortal wound and ran down the gaps that separated the floor tiles. The mortician looked at the blood on his hand and his white coat.
“Holy shi... aahhh my arm!” he fell to his knees with his right hand clamped tightly around his left arm. He took a deep breath and collapsed in a heap next to his dead assistant.
“what the hell is going on here then?!” shouted a cloaked dark figure who had walked in from fire escape.
The hedgehog shot into life and poked his head out of the sports bag. The figure laid his scythe up against the wall and floated into the middle of the room. “A stabbing and a heart attack? Not bad.” After hearing the voice again the small albino hedgehog leapt out of the bag and onto the floor.
“Monty!” said the figure in a voice full of relief. The hedgehog dashed over to his master who then picked him up.
“Who’d you look at the state of your teeth,” he said wiping the blood away. It curled up into his arms and squeaked with recognition before falling into a deep sleep.
“Not bad for a trail run, now come on lets go home your tea’s getting cold.” With those final words the figure floated elegantly out the door.
A few minutes later a pale hand followed by an arm cover in a black sleeve.
"I knew i forgot something.” It quickly grabbed the handle of the 6-foot long scythe and they both vanished back out of the fire escape.
“20k wasn’t it?” answered Harry, a chubby little man with a badly shaven goaty on his chin and a tight pink jogging suit drenched with sweat causing it to cling to his body. In his hand he was carrying a large brown leather suitcase that he lifted up offering it to the voice only to be taken by a pale hand that appeared from the gloom followed by mysterious figure that looked down at Harry. It unclipped the small brass clamps that fastened the briefcase shut and slowly opened it before peering inside. The figure nodded, “alright,” it said as it placed the briefcase by it’s side. Harry gazed as the figure undid the top buttons of what appeared to be a long leather trench coat, which over lapped it’s feet. It produced a small albino hedgehog that it gave to Harry. After stuffing the tiny white critter into his pocket Harry ran out of the alley into his ford fiesta and drove off. With it’s eyes fixed on the speeding car and with the briefcase in his hand, the figure sank back into the darkness with an evil grin stretched across his face.
If harry wasn’t preoccupied with the hedgehog maybe he would have seen the enormous truck reversing out of the car park infront of him. If he hadn’t been drinking earlier that night maybe he could have done something sooner. And maybe if it wasn’t raining so hard and the conditions of the road weren’t so bad, the car may have been able to avoid the truck.
Harry reached out and grabbed the wheel trying to gain control of the automobile and swerve out of the way of certain death. But unfortunately the steering locked up causing the car to skid. The block of metal hit the side of the truck like a bullet colliding with a wall, ricocheting off in a random dirrection. The crumpled car took flight for a few seconds before smacking into the second story of a block of flats. Sparks flew while the vehicle slid in the air across the building before finally landing in a burning heap on the wet tarmac pavement. Harry was killed on impact where as the hedgehog flew out of the window and landed in a soggy half eaten bag of chips.
When the small thing awoke it noticed that it wasn’t in the same enviroment as it was when it fell asleep. The hedgehog was now in a steel bared cage coated with plastic in the front seat of a green transit RSPCA van.
“oh, your awake den?” said the driver, a tall man with long black dreadlocks on his head, “you mus-be glad gettin out of dat rain yeah?” He poked his index finger through the bars to tickle it but with one look at the finger the hedgehog opened it’s mouth and clamped down on the it using his razor sharp teeth. In a cry of pain the driver let go of the wheel and tried to free what was left of his finger. The van veered across the road and fishtailed before wrapping itself around a nearby oak tree.
Yet again the driver was killed where as where as the hedgehog stayed safe in his metal cage. The crash had also bend back some of it’s bars just large enough for the hedgehog to escape and so it climbed out to freedom and scampered off.
It was early morning and the air was still cold from the night before making the hedgehog seek shelter and it found it in the form of a cat flap. Using a convienetly placed stool the little guy climbed onto the table in search for a nice place to sleep. Though after a few steps the fact that it had just been in two crashes took its toll and it miss paced it footing causing it to fall off the table and into a sports bag full of sweaty clothes.
“How’s you Jim?” said Mike from across the cement pit.
“Alright i guess,” he paused as someone began to drill a concrete slab, “a-and you?” he said in a raised voice. The drilling noise grew louder.
“Fine!” Mike shouted trying to be heard, “put on your hat and come help me with these beams.” Jim put his bag on a pile of breezeblocks beside him and reached inside for his hard hat. He lifted it up and put it on his head.
“Son of a bitc.... ahhhhh!” the hat fell to the floor with he once sleeping hedgehog inside of it.
“What have we got here then?” said the assistant mortician as she peeled away the white sheet that covered Jim. “is this cement in his mouth and on his face?”
“Now there’s one you don’t see everyday,” said the mortician as he adjusted his clear rubber gloves.
“What happened then?” she asked.
“Well,” replied the mortician, “he was working in a local building site and went to put on his hard hat. For some reason a hedgehog was asleep in it, so as the hat touched his head the spikes stabbed into him. In sheer shock and pain he stepped forward and tripped making him fall headfirst into a cement mixer. Because of the noise from a nearby drill not one person heard his cries for help. Within a minute he had choked to death on the liquid cement.”
“Where’s the hedgehog now?”
“It should be over there with his stuff that was brought in with him.” He pointed to a sports bag and hard hat on a table next to them, “while i see how far the cement went into him why don’t you see how its getting on.”
Sure enough there was the beast curled up in a little ball with its little pink noise poking out.
“He he,” she giggled, “its so cute!” the hedgehog slowly unraveled itself, “it’s waking up,” she said it in a voice full of joy and excitement. She moved her head right up to its face and then the hedgehog let out an enormous sneeze for such a small animal.
“My eye!” said the assistant trying to wipe the flem away. She staggered about blindly and scuffed the floor with her shoes making her fall back wards onto the table that the mortician was operating on. The scalpel he was using at the time pierced though her clothes, then her skin and then her heart killing her on the spot.
The fresh corpse rolled off the table onto the floor. Blood began to gush out of the mortal wound and ran down the gaps that separated the floor tiles. The mortician looked at the blood on his hand and his white coat.
“Holy shi... aahhh my arm!” he fell to his knees with his right hand clamped tightly around his left arm. He took a deep breath and collapsed in a heap next to his dead assistant.
“what the hell is going on here then?!” shouted a cloaked dark figure who had walked in from fire escape.
The hedgehog shot into life and poked his head out of the sports bag. The figure laid his scythe up against the wall and floated into the middle of the room. “A stabbing and a heart attack? Not bad.” After hearing the voice again the small albino hedgehog leapt out of the bag and onto the floor.
“Monty!” said the figure in a voice full of relief. The hedgehog dashed over to his master who then picked him up.
“Who’d you look at the state of your teeth,” he said wiping the blood away. It curled up into his arms and squeaked with recognition before falling into a deep sleep.
“Not bad for a trail run, now come on lets go home your tea’s getting cold.” With those final words the figure floated elegantly out the door.
A few minutes later a pale hand followed by an arm cover in a black sleeve.
"I knew i forgot something.” It quickly grabbed the handle of the 6-foot long scythe and they both vanished back out of the fire escape.
Trying to up ur wordcount? Well that was a pathetic effort at a joke. Any idiot can copy and paste.