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So then, has anybody seen that N'Sync are sending somebody into space? At first I thought N'Sync must have been some sort of rebranding exercise for NASA, but oh no, they really are sending a member of a boy band into space. Haven't we already sent enough monkeys into space? Maybe some animal rights bloke at the Space Agency thought that it was cruel to send animals too dumb to comprehend what was going on into space when we have a seemingly inexhaustible supply of pimply-faced little teen idols that no-one would miss much anyway.
I mean, what possible use would he be in a crisis on a space shuttle? I thought astronauts were meant to be the best of the best when it came to flying. You've all seen Apollo 13, you've seen how their calm professionalism ensured that they didn't panic and so were able to get home safely. It would have been a different story had the mission captain been Will 'Kill me; no joke, kill me now' Young...
"Okay, we need to find a way to fit this square peg into this round hole. If we don't do it, then we'll all suffocate within the next hour. How are we going to do it Will?"
"You know, this situation reminds me of the way Simon Cowell tried to mould Gareth and I into characters that just weren't us. He even tried to make sure that Gareth got all the best songs for the final..."
"Uhhh...yeah, okay Will. So...how does that help us?"
"Well...before I went out there I said 'Just be yourself Will; be yourself and the public will love you'. And that's what I did, and it made me a POP IDOL! That's all we have to do guys, we just have to be ourselves and we'll be alright!"
Of course, I could be completely wrong; maybe he'll turn out to be a fantastic astronaut. Just check out the N'Sync monkey's name; Lance Bass. That's a GREAT name for an astronaut. It's got sort of a Buzz Lightyear vibe to it. Hell, they're probably already making the 'Lance Bass - Astronaut' posable action figures. It could be that Lance is the forerunner for the future of Space Exploration. Maybe the winners of the next series of Pop Idol will get to colonise Mars or something? Sod it, at least they're expendable. I mean good lord, there's millions of these identikit, faceless, soul-less pieces of mung spewing their banal excuse for music. Surely we're not going to miss a few of them?
I'll go one stage further; the rest of mankind will *benefit* from sending boy bands into space; you know how there seem to have been a lot more earthquakes in the last 20 years or so? Mexico City, LA, Tokyo, Turkey; they've all been kicking off. And d'you know why? All these scientists say it's due to increased seismic activity, or unusually active fault lines. B******t; the cause of all the earthquakes is countless thousands of dead artists rolling in their graves whenever the likes of Westlife release another insipid ballad. Just look at the evidence; Wham sing "Club Tropicana"; Mexico City gets levelled by the biggest quake of the 80's. New Kids on the Block release their debut album; an earthquake hits San Francisco. The Spice Girls reach number one; half of Turkey collapses after being hit with a Richtor scale 9. Don't you see? Sending these testicular wart-scrapings into space is the only way to save the planet! Get on the phone to Greenpeace and tell them; to hell with the whales, get rid of the boybands! Jesus....Lance Bass in Space. What next? Justin Timberlake’s Journey to the Centre of the Earth?
I suppose if nothing else this might raise the public profile of Space exploration. Boy bands always get MASSIVE crowds, so we should be seeing the best attended Space shuttle take off since the first launch after the Challenger disaster. And, just like at that launch, the crowd will secretly be hoping that the shuttle blows up like an oversized firework...
If big crowds are the reason that they're letting that wailing little waste of sperm and eggs into space, then it's a shrewd move on the part of the Space Agency. The only other person I can think of who draws crowds that size is the Pope, and I can't see them firing that senile old pigsucker into space. I live in hope, obviously. It's funny though, don't you think? That vast swathes of people go to see boybands and the Pope. Maybe they're the same crowds? Is that why the Pope always looks so knackered these days? Cos he's been backstage for hours, with groupies hanging from each orifice? That's probably why the Catholic church has had so many paedophile scandals recently; they get all these screaming pre-teen kids coming to see the Pope and they think "Well...he can't get through *all* of them. I'm sure he won't mind if I just bring a *few* back to the vestry...."
Or maybe they get the same crowds for a different reason; maybe Jesus and the Disciples weren't, in fact, the saviours of all humanity from the sin that threatened to provoke the Lord to create another deluge. Maybe...maybe they were the first boy band! Can't you see it? Joseph and Mary were the pushy parent-managers who ripped off all of their money (that's why you don't get any mention of Jesus' teenage years in the bible; he sued his parents for loss of earnings and part of the settlement was the removal of all reference to his 'difficult' period), the Disciples were obviously good looking airheads who contributed the occasional backing "Whoa-oh baby!" to Jesus' sermons. Judas must have been the Robbie Williams of his day; he quit the band early to go solo and in doing so brought about their downfall. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John must have been the most talented of the disciples cos they were the only ones to record their own material.
In fact, maybe we've got the crucifixion all wrong; maybe it was just an early promotional poster shoot? If that's true then Mary Magdalene must have been a really good groupie. That means that the Resurrection was just Jesus finally getting up after a particularly good post-crucifixion party. The poor chap obviously had an appalling hangover; lets face it, most of us feel so awful when we're hungover that we wish we were dead, so maybe over the years the Bible scholars were just a little bit over literal? Who knows...
I mean, what possible use would he be in a crisis on a space shuttle? I thought astronauts were meant to be the best of the best when it came to flying. You've all seen Apollo 13, you've seen how their calm professionalism ensured that they didn't panic and so were able to get home safely. It would have been a different story had the mission captain been Will 'Kill me; no joke, kill me now' Young...
"Okay, we need to find a way to fit this square peg into this round hole. If we don't do it, then we'll all suffocate within the next hour. How are we going to do it Will?"
"You know, this situation reminds me of the way Simon Cowell tried to mould Gareth and I into characters that just weren't us. He even tried to make sure that Gareth got all the best songs for the final..."
"Uhhh...yeah, okay Will. So...how does that help us?"
"Well...before I went out there I said 'Just be yourself Will; be yourself and the public will love you'. And that's what I did, and it made me a POP IDOL! That's all we have to do guys, we just have to be ourselves and we'll be alright!"
Of course, I could be completely wrong; maybe he'll turn out to be a fantastic astronaut. Just check out the N'Sync monkey's name; Lance Bass. That's a GREAT name for an astronaut. It's got sort of a Buzz Lightyear vibe to it. Hell, they're probably already making the 'Lance Bass - Astronaut' posable action figures. It could be that Lance is the forerunner for the future of Space Exploration. Maybe the winners of the next series of Pop Idol will get to colonise Mars or something? Sod it, at least they're expendable. I mean good lord, there's millions of these identikit, faceless, soul-less pieces of mung spewing their banal excuse for music. Surely we're not going to miss a few of them?
I'll go one stage further; the rest of mankind will *benefit* from sending boy bands into space; you know how there seem to have been a lot more earthquakes in the last 20 years or so? Mexico City, LA, Tokyo, Turkey; they've all been kicking off. And d'you know why? All these scientists say it's due to increased seismic activity, or unusually active fault lines. B******t; the cause of all the earthquakes is countless thousands of dead artists rolling in their graves whenever the likes of Westlife release another insipid ballad. Just look at the evidence; Wham sing "Club Tropicana"; Mexico City gets levelled by the biggest quake of the 80's. New Kids on the Block release their debut album; an earthquake hits San Francisco. The Spice Girls reach number one; half of Turkey collapses after being hit with a Richtor scale 9. Don't you see? Sending these testicular wart-scrapings into space is the only way to save the planet! Get on the phone to Greenpeace and tell them; to hell with the whales, get rid of the boybands! Jesus....Lance Bass in Space. What next? Justin Timberlake’s Journey to the Centre of the Earth?
I suppose if nothing else this might raise the public profile of Space exploration. Boy bands always get MASSIVE crowds, so we should be seeing the best attended Space shuttle take off since the first launch after the Challenger disaster. And, just like at that launch, the crowd will secretly be hoping that the shuttle blows up like an oversized firework...
If big crowds are the reason that they're letting that wailing little waste of sperm and eggs into space, then it's a shrewd move on the part of the Space Agency. The only other person I can think of who draws crowds that size is the Pope, and I can't see them firing that senile old pigsucker into space. I live in hope, obviously. It's funny though, don't you think? That vast swathes of people go to see boybands and the Pope. Maybe they're the same crowds? Is that why the Pope always looks so knackered these days? Cos he's been backstage for hours, with groupies hanging from each orifice? That's probably why the Catholic church has had so many paedophile scandals recently; they get all these screaming pre-teen kids coming to see the Pope and they think "Well...he can't get through *all* of them. I'm sure he won't mind if I just bring a *few* back to the vestry...."
Or maybe they get the same crowds for a different reason; maybe Jesus and the Disciples weren't, in fact, the saviours of all humanity from the sin that threatened to provoke the Lord to create another deluge. Maybe...maybe they were the first boy band! Can't you see it? Joseph and Mary were the pushy parent-managers who ripped off all of their money (that's why you don't get any mention of Jesus' teenage years in the bible; he sued his parents for loss of earnings and part of the settlement was the removal of all reference to his 'difficult' period), the Disciples were obviously good looking airheads who contributed the occasional backing "Whoa-oh baby!" to Jesus' sermons. Judas must have been the Robbie Williams of his day; he quit the band early to go solo and in doing so brought about their downfall. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John must have been the most talented of the disciples cos they were the only ones to record their own material.
In fact, maybe we've got the crucifixion all wrong; maybe it was just an early promotional poster shoot? If that's true then Mary Magdalene must have been a really good groupie. That means that the Resurrection was just Jesus finally getting up after a particularly good post-crucifixion party. The poor chap obviously had an appalling hangover; lets face it, most of us feel so awful when we're hungover that we wish we were dead, so maybe over the years the Bible scholars were just a little bit over literal? Who knows...
So then, has anybody seen that N'Sync are sending somebody into space? At first I thought N'Sync must have been some sort of rebranding exercise for NASA, but oh no, they really are sending a member of a boy band into space. Haven't we already sent enough monkeys into space? Maybe some animal rights bloke at the Space Agency thought that it was cruel to send animals too dumb to comprehend what was going on into space when we have a seemingly inexhaustible supply of pimply-faced little teen idols that no-one would miss much anyway.
I mean, what possible use would he be in a crisis on a space shuttle? I thought astronauts were meant to be the best of the best when it came to flying. You've all seen Apollo 13, you've seen how their calm professionalism ensured that they didn't panic and so were able to get home safely. It would have been a different story had the mission captain been Will 'Kill me; no joke, kill me now' Young...
"Okay, we need to find a way to fit this square peg into this round hole. If we don't do it, then we'll all suffocate within the next hour. How are we going to do it Will?"
"You know, this situation reminds me of the way Simon Cowell tried to mould Gareth and I into characters that just weren't us. He even tried to make sure that Gareth got all the best songs for the final..."
"Uhhh...yeah, okay Will. So...how does that help us?"
"Well...before I went out there I said 'Just be yourself Will; be yourself and the public will love you'. And that's what I did, and it made me a POP IDOL! That's all we have to do guys, we just have to be ourselves and we'll be alright!"
Of course, I could be completely wrong; maybe he'll turn out to be a fantastic astronaut. Just check out the N'Sync monkey's name; Lance Bass. That's a GREAT name for an astronaut. It's got sort of a Buzz Lightyear vibe to it. Hell, they're probably already making the 'Lance Bass - Astronaut' posable action figures. It could be that Lance is the forerunner for the future of Space Exploration. Maybe the winners of the next series of Pop Idol will get to colonise Mars or something? Sod it, at least they're expendable. I mean good lord, there's millions of these identikit, faceless, soul-less pieces of mung spewing their banal excuse for music. Surely we're not going to miss a few of them?
I'll go one stage further; the rest of mankind will *benefit* from sending boy bands into space; you know how there seem to have been a lot more earthquakes in the last 20 years or so? Mexico City, LA, Tokyo, Turkey; they've all been kicking off. And d'you know why? All these scientists say it's due to increased seismic activity, or unusually active fault lines. B******t; the cause of all the earthquakes is countless thousands of dead artists rolling in their graves whenever the likes of Westlife release another insipid ballad. Just look at the evidence; Wham sing "Club Tropicana"; Mexico City gets levelled by the biggest quake of the 80's. New Kids on the Block release their debut album; an earthquake hits San Francisco. The Spice Girls reach number one; half of Turkey collapses after being hit with a Richtor scale 9. Don't you see? Sending these testicular wart-scrapings into space is the only way to save the planet! Get on the phone to Greenpeace and tell them; to hell with the whales, get rid of the boybands! Jesus....Lance Bass in Space. What next? Justin Timberlake’s Journey to the Centre of the Earth?
I suppose if nothing else this might raise the public profile of Space exploration. Boy bands always get MASSIVE crowds, so we should be seeing the best attended Space shuttle take off since the first launch after the Challenger disaster. And, just like at that launch, the crowd will secretly be hoping that the shuttle blows up like an oversized firework...
If big crowds are the reason that they're letting that wailing little waste of sperm and eggs into space, then it's a shrewd move on the part of the Space Agency. The only other person I can think of who draws crowds that size is the Pope, and I can't see them firing that senile old pigsucker into space. I live in hope, obviously. It's funny though, don't you think? That vast swathes of people go to see boybands and the Pope. Maybe they're the same crowds? Is that why the Pope always looks so knackered these days? Cos he's been backstage for hours, with groupies hanging from each orifice? That's probably why the Catholic church has had so many paedophile scandals recently; they get all these screaming pre-teen kids coming to see the Pope and they think "Well...he can't get through *all* of them. I'm sure he won't mind if I just bring a *few* back to the vestry...."
Or maybe they get the same crowds for a different reason; maybe Jesus and the Disciples weren't, in fact, the saviours of all humanity from the sin that threatened to provoke the Lord to create another deluge. Maybe...maybe they were the first boy band! Can't you see it? Joseph and Mary were the pushy parent-managers who ripped off all of their money (that's why you don't get any mention of Jesus' teenage years in the bible; he sued his parents for loss of earnings and part of the settlement was the removal of all reference to his 'difficult' period), the Disciples were obviously good looking airheads who contributed the occasional backing "Whoa-oh baby!" to Jesus' sermons. Judas must have been the Robbie Williams of his day; he quit the band early to go solo and in doing so brought about their downfall. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John must have been the most talented of the disciples cos they were the only ones to record their own material.
In fact, maybe we've got the crucifixion all wrong; maybe it was just an early promotional poster shoot? If that's true then Mary Magdalene must have been a really good groupie. That means that the Resurrection was just Jesus finally getting up after a particularly good post-crucifixion party. The poor chap obviously had an appalling hangover; lets face it, most of us feel so awful when we're hungover that we wish we were dead, so maybe over the years the Bible scholars were just a little bit over literal? Who knows...
I mean, what possible use would he be in a crisis on a space shuttle? I thought astronauts were meant to be the best of the best when it came to flying. You've all seen Apollo 13, you've seen how their calm professionalism ensured that they didn't panic and so were able to get home safely. It would have been a different story had the mission captain been Will 'Kill me; no joke, kill me now' Young...
"Okay, we need to find a way to fit this square peg into this round hole. If we don't do it, then we'll all suffocate within the next hour. How are we going to do it Will?"
"You know, this situation reminds me of the way Simon Cowell tried to mould Gareth and I into characters that just weren't us. He even tried to make sure that Gareth got all the best songs for the final..."
"Uhhh...yeah, okay Will. So...how does that help us?"
"Well...before I went out there I said 'Just be yourself Will; be yourself and the public will love you'. And that's what I did, and it made me a POP IDOL! That's all we have to do guys, we just have to be ourselves and we'll be alright!"
Of course, I could be completely wrong; maybe he'll turn out to be a fantastic astronaut. Just check out the N'Sync monkey's name; Lance Bass. That's a GREAT name for an astronaut. It's got sort of a Buzz Lightyear vibe to it. Hell, they're probably already making the 'Lance Bass - Astronaut' posable action figures. It could be that Lance is the forerunner for the future of Space Exploration. Maybe the winners of the next series of Pop Idol will get to colonise Mars or something? Sod it, at least they're expendable. I mean good lord, there's millions of these identikit, faceless, soul-less pieces of mung spewing their banal excuse for music. Surely we're not going to miss a few of them?
I'll go one stage further; the rest of mankind will *benefit* from sending boy bands into space; you know how there seem to have been a lot more earthquakes in the last 20 years or so? Mexico City, LA, Tokyo, Turkey; they've all been kicking off. And d'you know why? All these scientists say it's due to increased seismic activity, or unusually active fault lines. B******t; the cause of all the earthquakes is countless thousands of dead artists rolling in their graves whenever the likes of Westlife release another insipid ballad. Just look at the evidence; Wham sing "Club Tropicana"; Mexico City gets levelled by the biggest quake of the 80's. New Kids on the Block release their debut album; an earthquake hits San Francisco. The Spice Girls reach number one; half of Turkey collapses after being hit with a Richtor scale 9. Don't you see? Sending these testicular wart-scrapings into space is the only way to save the planet! Get on the phone to Greenpeace and tell them; to hell with the whales, get rid of the boybands! Jesus....Lance Bass in Space. What next? Justin Timberlake’s Journey to the Centre of the Earth?
I suppose if nothing else this might raise the public profile of Space exploration. Boy bands always get MASSIVE crowds, so we should be seeing the best attended Space shuttle take off since the first launch after the Challenger disaster. And, just like at that launch, the crowd will secretly be hoping that the shuttle blows up like an oversized firework...
If big crowds are the reason that they're letting that wailing little waste of sperm and eggs into space, then it's a shrewd move on the part of the Space Agency. The only other person I can think of who draws crowds that size is the Pope, and I can't see them firing that senile old pigsucker into space. I live in hope, obviously. It's funny though, don't you think? That vast swathes of people go to see boybands and the Pope. Maybe they're the same crowds? Is that why the Pope always looks so knackered these days? Cos he's been backstage for hours, with groupies hanging from each orifice? That's probably why the Catholic church has had so many paedophile scandals recently; they get all these screaming pre-teen kids coming to see the Pope and they think "Well...he can't get through *all* of them. I'm sure he won't mind if I just bring a *few* back to the vestry...."
Or maybe they get the same crowds for a different reason; maybe Jesus and the Disciples weren't, in fact, the saviours of all humanity from the sin that threatened to provoke the Lord to create another deluge. Maybe...maybe they were the first boy band! Can't you see it? Joseph and Mary were the pushy parent-managers who ripped off all of their money (that's why you don't get any mention of Jesus' teenage years in the bible; he sued his parents for loss of earnings and part of the settlement was the removal of all reference to his 'difficult' period), the Disciples were obviously good looking airheads who contributed the occasional backing "Whoa-oh baby!" to Jesus' sermons. Judas must have been the Robbie Williams of his day; he quit the band early to go solo and in doing so brought about their downfall. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John must have been the most talented of the disciples cos they were the only ones to record their own material.
In fact, maybe we've got the crucifixion all wrong; maybe it was just an early promotional poster shoot? If that's true then Mary Magdalene must have been a really good groupie. That means that the Resurrection was just Jesus finally getting up after a particularly good post-crucifixion party. The poor chap obviously had an appalling hangover; lets face it, most of us feel so awful when we're hungover that we wish we were dead, so maybe over the years the Bible scholars were just a little bit over literal? Who knows...
Superb.
I'd pay to see Robbie Williams blasted out of an airlock, Hugo Draxx style.
I'd pay to see Robbie Williams blasted out of an airlock, Hugo Draxx style.
interesting.
Ha
I'm pretty sure that the whole Lance-Bass-in-space thing was called off for some reason. Maybe it was put back on though.
I certainly think it's a good idea - ever read/seen Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? "Well all of us hairdressers, estate agents and the like were sent off in the first space ship to colonise the new planet. The other two contianing the rest of the population are going to follow us, but the funny thing is we haven't seen anything of them.....and the ship is on auto pilot and no one knows how to fly it"
I certainly think it's a good idea - ever read/seen Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? "Well all of us hairdressers, estate agents and the like were sent off in the first space ship to colonise the new planet. The other two contianing the rest of the population are going to follow us, but the funny thing is we haven't seen anything of them.....and the ship is on auto pilot and no one knows how to fly it"