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A radical new cult has become established in Britain, according to Reuters, basing their philosophy upon the scientific principles, rigidly accepted (regarding the universe) by madmen.
They call themselves the Spheriods.
Their leader Orbit, made the following statement “The Universe is obsessed with round things, the Planets are spherical and go around another larger sphere in, er what’s the name for that called, um, science was never my strong point in the travellers camp, anyway and like you know that’s what atoms are and they do the same man”. He rounded up his thoughts before continuing “All man sports that are good use spheres; football, golf, cricket and snooker and indeed our Avatar shall be known as Davis”.
When challenged who he meant by Davis he retorted “Steve Davis, for he is the one. His victory in the 1999 Masters was the greatest spherical comeback ever, a resurrection of his dour play that swept the opposition away like marbles on a pavement five seconds before one of those street cleansing vehicles passes though. He will enlighten us and take us to the promised planet: Billiards Minor”.
The Spheriods have had some success in recruiting celebrities to champion their cause. Zoe Ball was one of the first people to fully embrace the teachings, she is now living in the Millenuim Dome (which will also pilot the Spheriods to Billiards Minors-subject to National Lottery funding) and only wears clothing entirely made from bubble wrap. When away from the Dome she spends her time at the local sites of worship, roundabouts, and plays the game where you spin around a broom making yourself dizzy before staggering across the road trusting Davis to guide her safely to the “other side”. Don’t try this at home kids, she is a trained loon and minor celeb.
The cult does have it’s critics though as top comedian Cannon vehemently void his contempt upon the Spheriods, circling the room in an agitated manner before claiming that “their evils ways have ensured that my comedy partner is no longer with me, we had a full season booked at Great Yarmouth too, something should be done about them, at the very least the Police should circle their name in the directories and list them as bad people”.
The latest recruit, Jordan, quickly leapt to the cult’s defence “my fantastic orbs are a gift (from my ex) and as such I can use their power fleetingly but I know that they speak the truth as they are always giving me advice or making lovely noises to comfort me in times of need”.
Experts believe however, that the Silicon implants may be picking up the local radio station and are transmitting radio waves through fillings in her teeth.
Sales of the old puzzle toy, the Rubiks cube, is expected to be in huge demand, as the experts also informed the public that a completed cube is the only defence one has against an agitated cult member, being the Geometric Vampires that they are. Sales of the book “Rubiks for Dummies” is predicted to be collosal and the book is alreay being tipped as a potential Pulitzer prize winner.
Intriguingly the Daily Mail has blamed the emergence of the cult on computer games, espousing the ready availability of Jimmy White’s Snooker as the main cause. Apparently even kids as young as five can legally walk into any a shop and exchange their drug money for this game.
What has society become?
They call themselves the Spheriods.
Their leader Orbit, made the following statement “The Universe is obsessed with round things, the Planets are spherical and go around another larger sphere in, er what’s the name for that called, um, science was never my strong point in the travellers camp, anyway and like you know that’s what atoms are and they do the same man”. He rounded up his thoughts before continuing “All man sports that are good use spheres; football, golf, cricket and snooker and indeed our Avatar shall be known as Davis”.
When challenged who he meant by Davis he retorted “Steve Davis, for he is the one. His victory in the 1999 Masters was the greatest spherical comeback ever, a resurrection of his dour play that swept the opposition away like marbles on a pavement five seconds before one of those street cleansing vehicles passes though. He will enlighten us and take us to the promised planet: Billiards Minor”.
The Spheriods have had some success in recruiting celebrities to champion their cause. Zoe Ball was one of the first people to fully embrace the teachings, she is now living in the Millenuim Dome (which will also pilot the Spheriods to Billiards Minors-subject to National Lottery funding) and only wears clothing entirely made from bubble wrap. When away from the Dome she spends her time at the local sites of worship, roundabouts, and plays the game where you spin around a broom making yourself dizzy before staggering across the road trusting Davis to guide her safely to the “other side”. Don’t try this at home kids, she is a trained loon and minor celeb.
The cult does have it’s critics though as top comedian Cannon vehemently void his contempt upon the Spheriods, circling the room in an agitated manner before claiming that “their evils ways have ensured that my comedy partner is no longer with me, we had a full season booked at Great Yarmouth too, something should be done about them, at the very least the Police should circle their name in the directories and list them as bad people”.
The latest recruit, Jordan, quickly leapt to the cult’s defence “my fantastic orbs are a gift (from my ex) and as such I can use their power fleetingly but I know that they speak the truth as they are always giving me advice or making lovely noises to comfort me in times of need”.
Experts believe however, that the Silicon implants may be picking up the local radio station and are transmitting radio waves through fillings in her teeth.
Sales of the old puzzle toy, the Rubiks cube, is expected to be in huge demand, as the experts also informed the public that a completed cube is the only defence one has against an agitated cult member, being the Geometric Vampires that they are. Sales of the book “Rubiks for Dummies” is predicted to be collosal and the book is alreay being tipped as a potential Pulitzer prize winner.
Intriguingly the Daily Mail has blamed the emergence of the cult on computer games, espousing the ready availability of Jimmy White’s Snooker as the main cause. Apparently even kids as young as five can legally walk into any a shop and exchange their drug money for this game.
What has society become?
Great stuff and well done on the win :)
I like these kinda spoof topics, keep it up.
I like these kinda spoof topics, keep it up.
Oh balls.
What a load of balls - funny balls, you crazy cat.
A radical new cult has become established in Britain, according to Reuters, basing their philosophy upon the scientific principles, rigidly accepted (regarding the universe) by madmen.
They call themselves the Spheriods.
Their leader Orbit, made the following statement “The Universe is obsessed with round things, the Planets are spherical and go around another larger sphere in, er what’s the name for that called, um, science was never my strong point in the travellers camp, anyway and like you know that’s what atoms are and they do the same man”. He rounded up his thoughts before continuing “All man sports that are good use spheres; football, golf, cricket and snooker and indeed our Avatar shall be known as Davis”.
When challenged who he meant by Davis he retorted “Steve Davis, for he is the one. His victory in the 1999 Masters was the greatest spherical comeback ever, a resurrection of his dour play that swept the opposition away like marbles on a pavement five seconds before one of those street cleansing vehicles passes though. He will enlighten us and take us to the promised planet: Billiards Minor”.
The Spheriods have had some success in recruiting celebrities to champion their cause. Zoe Ball was one of the first people to fully embrace the teachings, she is now living in the Millenuim Dome (which will also pilot the Spheriods to Billiards Minors-subject to National Lottery funding) and only wears clothing entirely made from bubble wrap. When away from the Dome she spends her time at the local sites of worship, roundabouts, and plays the game where you spin around a broom making yourself dizzy before staggering across the road trusting Davis to guide her safely to the “other side”. Don’t try this at home kids, she is a trained loon and minor celeb.
The cult does have it’s critics though as top comedian Cannon vehemently void his contempt upon the Spheriods, circling the room in an agitated manner before claiming that “their evils ways have ensured that my comedy partner is no longer with me, we had a full season booked at Great Yarmouth too, something should be done about them, at the very least the Police should circle their name in the directories and list them as bad people”.
The latest recruit, Jordan, quickly leapt to the cult’s defence “my fantastic orbs are a gift (from my ex) and as such I can use their power fleetingly but I know that they speak the truth as they are always giving me advice or making lovely noises to comfort me in times of need”.
Experts believe however, that the Silicon implants may be picking up the local radio station and are transmitting radio waves through fillings in her teeth.
Sales of the old puzzle toy, the Rubiks cube, is expected to be in huge demand, as the experts also informed the public that a completed cube is the only defence one has against an agitated cult member, being the Geometric Vampires that they are. Sales of the book “Rubiks for Dummies” is predicted to be collosal and the book is alreay being tipped as a potential Pulitzer prize winner.
Intriguingly the Daily Mail has blamed the emergence of the cult on computer games, espousing the ready availability of Jimmy White’s Snooker as the main cause. Apparently even kids as young as five can legally walk into any a shop and exchange their drug money for this game.
What has society become?
They call themselves the Spheriods.
Their leader Orbit, made the following statement “The Universe is obsessed with round things, the Planets are spherical and go around another larger sphere in, er what’s the name for that called, um, science was never my strong point in the travellers camp, anyway and like you know that’s what atoms are and they do the same man”. He rounded up his thoughts before continuing “All man sports that are good use spheres; football, golf, cricket and snooker and indeed our Avatar shall be known as Davis”.
When challenged who he meant by Davis he retorted “Steve Davis, for he is the one. His victory in the 1999 Masters was the greatest spherical comeback ever, a resurrection of his dour play that swept the opposition away like marbles on a pavement five seconds before one of those street cleansing vehicles passes though. He will enlighten us and take us to the promised planet: Billiards Minor”.
The Spheriods have had some success in recruiting celebrities to champion their cause. Zoe Ball was one of the first people to fully embrace the teachings, she is now living in the Millenuim Dome (which will also pilot the Spheriods to Billiards Minors-subject to National Lottery funding) and only wears clothing entirely made from bubble wrap. When away from the Dome she spends her time at the local sites of worship, roundabouts, and plays the game where you spin around a broom making yourself dizzy before staggering across the road trusting Davis to guide her safely to the “other side”. Don’t try this at home kids, she is a trained loon and minor celeb.
The cult does have it’s critics though as top comedian Cannon vehemently void his contempt upon the Spheriods, circling the room in an agitated manner before claiming that “their evils ways have ensured that my comedy partner is no longer with me, we had a full season booked at Great Yarmouth too, something should be done about them, at the very least the Police should circle their name in the directories and list them as bad people”.
The latest recruit, Jordan, quickly leapt to the cult’s defence “my fantastic orbs are a gift (from my ex) and as such I can use their power fleetingly but I know that they speak the truth as they are always giving me advice or making lovely noises to comfort me in times of need”.
Experts believe however, that the Silicon implants may be picking up the local radio station and are transmitting radio waves through fillings in her teeth.
Sales of the old puzzle toy, the Rubiks cube, is expected to be in huge demand, as the experts also informed the public that a completed cube is the only defence one has against an agitated cult member, being the Geometric Vampires that they are. Sales of the book “Rubiks for Dummies” is predicted to be collosal and the book is alreay being tipped as a potential Pulitzer prize winner.
Intriguingly the Daily Mail has blamed the emergence of the cult on computer games, espousing the ready availability of Jimmy White’s Snooker as the main cause. Apparently even kids as young as five can legally walk into any a shop and exchange their drug money for this game.
What has society become?