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"Night"

For a while I tried to escape it. I pursued my hobbies to a higher extent, I saw more friends during the day, I played more games, I listened to more music and I…well, I was just busier. So busy that I didn’t have time to think about it…at least, not during the day.

But night fell, like it always does. I used to like the night…the dark, but sometimes sparkling blanket that covered the sky every evening used to bring a smile to my face. But I had begun to dread it. Night means sleep, and I knew I had to sleep. For a few nights I tried any means possible – reading until my eyes finally became too heavy, or falling asleep watching TV.

But this didn’t work. I ended up reading until I had nothing left to read, and the TV was full of such crap that it didn’t detract my attention from the ghost that haunted my mind. Because I had become busier during the day I knew that I needed sleep, but this just made it worse. Lack of sleep was ruining my life, and I had to stop reading…I had to stop watching TV, and I had to try and sleep.

But that’s when it all came flooding back. And in the end, my mind was so wracked with thoughts that I became more awake than I had been before. They say that to sleep we need to clear our minds of all thought, but this was impossible for me.

We have control over our own minds, right? Bull. Our minds have control over us. We don’t get to choose what we want to remember and what we don’t…I mean, if we could just forget all the bad stuff that happens then we’d probably live in a better world. And no matter how hard we try, we can’t tell our mind not to think of certain things, or not to create certain images. If anything, trying to do this actually makes it worse.

Night brought me nothing but painful thoughts, painful memories and painful images. Thoughts I used to enjoy, memories I used to cherish and images I used to love. Night brought me these, and then laughed at me. It laughed as I tossed and turned, and just delivered more and more of them to me in a first class package, straight to my head.

I became jealous of the Furby that always sat on the landing, staring in at me. At least he had an “off” switch.

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Don't ask what this is about, please. :D I'm questioning my own sanity as it is.

Thanks for reading, Ant.

I think the moral of the story is never try.

er-no wrote:
> If a tree falls and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

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Quiet, Lisa. :-D

er-no wrote:
> If a tree falls and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Probably!! I've been in a discussion about this before, and BOY did it go on !! :)

I tried to go to sleep early the past few days so I'd wake up earlier, but could never get to sleep till gone 1 anyway...

Probably cos I'd got into the holiday routine of getting up late and going to sleep late and couldn't shake off the pattern. But I'm gonna feel terrible tomorrow morning. Have to get up for school. Damnit.

Anyway. We're all a bit insane.

Blank wrote:
> I have big trouble sleeping most of the time, probably because I do
> feck all during the day, so I have too much energy left at night. I
> didn't even go to sleep last night, despite going to bed at twelve.

I used to be like that, only I'd get real tired as soon as anyone else was up at around 8 o clock. Ah the days on the JSA

I have big trouble sleeping most of the time, probably because I do feck all during the day, so I have too much energy left at night. I didn't even go to sleep last night, despite going to bed at twelve.

Just because I'm a sugar-loving colony-leading wrestling dentist-hating Ant, doesn't mean I'm weird.

If Ant is the sane one.

We are all mad.

If a tree falls and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Yes you are, don't deny it. You're mad, you are.

This is mostly fictional, by the way.

It's kind of how I feel sometimes, but...how should I put it? Blown up? Intensified?

Dunno, but I'm not really weird. Honestly. :D