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Bush Fails Turing Test
======================
Welcome to ABZ News, I'm Desbert Euphonium.
America is tonight in political turmoil after President George W Bush failed the so-called Turing Test. The test, carried out by a team of brainular scientists, proves that Bush possesses only 'artificial' intelligence, and casts doubt on our President's very humanity.
In words that our audience will understand, the Turing Test is designed to prove whether a computer is, in fact, a sentient being. The test was devised was by Alan Turing, a deceased British mathematician now chiefly known for his pioneering hip-hop music, and a failed career as a circus performer. Despite its age, the premise of the test remains intact: a human interrogator asks a series of unscripted questions to determine the sentience, or otherwise, of the test subject. Two thousand people volunteered for the presidential Turing Test; 1000 interviewed the President himself, the other 1000 were merely speaking to an electrical good of some kind. At the conclusion of the test, the interrogators were asked who, or what, they thought they had been speaking too. The answers given by those who had, in reality, been interviewing President Bush make for worrying reading.
1000 people were asked the question "Who or what were you just speaking too?". Their answers are shown below:
30% Digital watch
20% Pocket calculator
10% Buzz Lightyear doll
5% I don't know, but whatever it was they forgot to put the batteries in
5% Air conditioning unit.
5% A random word machine?
5% US President George W Bush
5% Former US President George Bush
5% We have a President now? Did the commies win or something?
9.8% What is this, some kind of test?
0.1% A Windows PC
0.1% He's not the President, I am! [note: Despite being told he would not be welcome Al Gore arrived at the test, and because of his inhuman strength and air of imminent violence, the supervising scientists allowed him to participate.]
Questioned over the legitimacy of the test, chief scientist Dr Theosophist told us, "This experiment was conducted with the utmost scientific propriety. Although we are concerned that our country is being run by some sort of cheap watch, we hold no personal grudge against President Bush. In fact, you might say that it is impossible for us to hold a, heh heh, PERSONAL grudge against Mr Bush since he possesses not a trace of humanity in his 'soul'." And in response to questions over alleged Iraqi involvement in the test Dr Theosophist told us, "The sleeping bird has awoken, repeat, the sleeping bird has awoken. All worms should go to ground. To ground!"
Political analysts are too stunned to lay out the implications yet. But ABZ News has obtained leaked test transcripts that go some way to explaining these bizarre and frightening results.
*Asked to name the leader of Pakistan, President Bush replied, "Okay, sure, how about by brother Jeb? He's been sheriff of Antarctica for 8 years. It's about time he got a job in one of those warm Scandinaviate countries."
*"Who are you?" Bush was asked, to which the President replied "Magic Johnston". After a moments pause he corrected himself, "I'm sorry I was watching some basketball. My real name is Michael Jordan. I'm sorry, I did it again. I'm Dennis Rodman, pleased to meet you."
*One interrogator asked the President what his greatest political achievement had been. Bush replied, "Hoo-eee! It's cold in here. I should crank the thermostat up."
*During one interview the President fell asleep mid-question, leaving his interviewer with the mistaken impression that he had been talking to a PC that 'just crashed'.
These revelations prompt many questions about our political process. Leading Democrats are already asking whether Bush is a President made in America, or in Korea. One thing's for sure: we at ABZ News will cover this unfolding scandal right to the end.
This reporter has only this to say: we may have elected a piece of cheap electronics, but that cheap piece of electronics is still our President. We can only hope and pray that nothing bad happens on his, uh, WATCH.
I'm Desbert Euphonium. Back to you Mary Jane.
======================
Welcome to ABZ News, I'm Desbert Euphonium.
America is tonight in political turmoil after President George W Bush failed the so-called Turing Test. The test, carried out by a team of brainular scientists, proves that Bush possesses only 'artificial' intelligence, and casts doubt on our President's very humanity.
In words that our audience will understand, the Turing Test is designed to prove whether a computer is, in fact, a sentient being. The test was devised was by Alan Turing, a deceased British mathematician now chiefly known for his pioneering hip-hop music, and a failed career as a circus performer. Despite its age, the premise of the test remains intact: a human interrogator asks a series of unscripted questions to determine the sentience, or otherwise, of the test subject. Two thousand people volunteered for the presidential Turing Test; 1000 interviewed the President himself, the other 1000 were merely speaking to an electrical good of some kind. At the conclusion of the test, the interrogators were asked who, or what, they thought they had been speaking too. The answers given by those who had, in reality, been interviewing President Bush make for worrying reading.
1000 people were asked the question "Who or what were you just speaking too?". Their answers are shown below:
30% Digital watch
20% Pocket calculator
10% Buzz Lightyear doll
5% I don't know, but whatever it was they forgot to put the batteries in
5% Air conditioning unit.
5% A random word machine?
5% US President George W Bush
5% Former US President George Bush
5% We have a President now? Did the commies win or something?
9.8% What is this, some kind of test?
0.1% A Windows PC
0.1% He's not the President, I am! [note: Despite being told he would not be welcome Al Gore arrived at the test, and because of his inhuman strength and air of imminent violence, the supervising scientists allowed him to participate.]
Questioned over the legitimacy of the test, chief scientist Dr Theosophist told us, "This experiment was conducted with the utmost scientific propriety. Although we are concerned that our country is being run by some sort of cheap watch, we hold no personal grudge against President Bush. In fact, you might say that it is impossible for us to hold a, heh heh, PERSONAL grudge against Mr Bush since he possesses not a trace of humanity in his 'soul'." And in response to questions over alleged Iraqi involvement in the test Dr Theosophist told us, "The sleeping bird has awoken, repeat, the sleeping bird has awoken. All worms should go to ground. To ground!"
Political analysts are too stunned to lay out the implications yet. But ABZ News has obtained leaked test transcripts that go some way to explaining these bizarre and frightening results.
*Asked to name the leader of Pakistan, President Bush replied, "Okay, sure, how about by brother Jeb? He's been sheriff of Antarctica for 8 years. It's about time he got a job in one of those warm Scandinaviate countries."
*"Who are you?" Bush was asked, to which the President replied "Magic Johnston". After a moments pause he corrected himself, "I'm sorry I was watching some basketball. My real name is Michael Jordan. I'm sorry, I did it again. I'm Dennis Rodman, pleased to meet you."
*One interrogator asked the President what his greatest political achievement had been. Bush replied, "Hoo-eee! It's cold in here. I should crank the thermostat up."
*During one interview the President fell asleep mid-question, leaving his interviewer with the mistaken impression that he had been talking to a PC that 'just crashed'.
These revelations prompt many questions about our political process. Leading Democrats are already asking whether Bush is a President made in America, or in Korea. One thing's for sure: we at ABZ News will cover this unfolding scandal right to the end.
This reporter has only this to say: we may have elected a piece of cheap electronics, but that cheap piece of electronics is still our President. We can only hope and pray that nothing bad happens on his, uh, WATCH.
I'm Desbert Euphonium. Back to you Mary Jane.
Excellent.
:-D
:-D
Bush Fails Turing Test
======================
Welcome to ABZ News, I'm Desbert Euphonium.
America is tonight in political turmoil after President George W Bush failed the so-called Turing Test. The test, carried out by a team of brainular scientists, proves that Bush possesses only 'artificial' intelligence, and casts doubt on our President's very humanity.
In words that our audience will understand, the Turing Test is designed to prove whether a computer is, in fact, a sentient being. The test was devised was by Alan Turing, a deceased British mathematician now chiefly known for his pioneering hip-hop music, and a failed career as a circus performer. Despite its age, the premise of the test remains intact: a human interrogator asks a series of unscripted questions to determine the sentience, or otherwise, of the test subject. Two thousand people volunteered for the presidential Turing Test; 1000 interviewed the President himself, the other 1000 were merely speaking to an electrical good of some kind. At the conclusion of the test, the interrogators were asked who, or what, they thought they had been speaking too. The answers given by those who had, in reality, been interviewing President Bush make for worrying reading.
1000 people were asked the question "Who or what were you just speaking too?". Their answers are shown below:
30% Digital watch
20% Pocket calculator
10% Buzz Lightyear doll
5% I don't know, but whatever it was they forgot to put the batteries in
5% Air conditioning unit.
5% A random word machine?
5% US President George W Bush
5% Former US President George Bush
5% We have a President now? Did the commies win or something?
9.8% What is this, some kind of test?
0.1% A Windows PC
0.1% He's not the President, I am! [note: Despite being told he would not be welcome Al Gore arrived at the test, and because of his inhuman strength and air of imminent violence, the supervising scientists allowed him to participate.]
Questioned over the legitimacy of the test, chief scientist Dr Theosophist told us, "This experiment was conducted with the utmost scientific propriety. Although we are concerned that our country is being run by some sort of cheap watch, we hold no personal grudge against President Bush. In fact, you might say that it is impossible for us to hold a, heh heh, PERSONAL grudge against Mr Bush since he possesses not a trace of humanity in his 'soul'." And in response to questions over alleged Iraqi involvement in the test Dr Theosophist told us, "The sleeping bird has awoken, repeat, the sleeping bird has awoken. All worms should go to ground. To ground!"
Political analysts are too stunned to lay out the implications yet. But ABZ News has obtained leaked test transcripts that go some way to explaining these bizarre and frightening results.
*Asked to name the leader of Pakistan, President Bush replied, "Okay, sure, how about by brother Jeb? He's been sheriff of Antarctica for 8 years. It's about time he got a job in one of those warm Scandinaviate countries."
*"Who are you?" Bush was asked, to which the President replied "Magic Johnston". After a moments pause he corrected himself, "I'm sorry I was watching some basketball. My real name is Michael Jordan. I'm sorry, I did it again. I'm Dennis Rodman, pleased to meet you."
*One interrogator asked the President what his greatest political achievement had been. Bush replied, "Hoo-eee! It's cold in here. I should crank the thermostat up."
*During one interview the President fell asleep mid-question, leaving his interviewer with the mistaken impression that he had been talking to a PC that 'just crashed'.
These revelations prompt many questions about our political process. Leading Democrats are already asking whether Bush is a President made in America, or in Korea. One thing's for sure: we at ABZ News will cover this unfolding scandal right to the end.
This reporter has only this to say: we may have elected a piece of cheap electronics, but that cheap piece of electronics is still our President. We can only hope and pray that nothing bad happens on his, uh, WATCH.
I'm Desbert Euphonium. Back to you Mary Jane.
======================
Welcome to ABZ News, I'm Desbert Euphonium.
America is tonight in political turmoil after President George W Bush failed the so-called Turing Test. The test, carried out by a team of brainular scientists, proves that Bush possesses only 'artificial' intelligence, and casts doubt on our President's very humanity.
In words that our audience will understand, the Turing Test is designed to prove whether a computer is, in fact, a sentient being. The test was devised was by Alan Turing, a deceased British mathematician now chiefly known for his pioneering hip-hop music, and a failed career as a circus performer. Despite its age, the premise of the test remains intact: a human interrogator asks a series of unscripted questions to determine the sentience, or otherwise, of the test subject. Two thousand people volunteered for the presidential Turing Test; 1000 interviewed the President himself, the other 1000 were merely speaking to an electrical good of some kind. At the conclusion of the test, the interrogators were asked who, or what, they thought they had been speaking too. The answers given by those who had, in reality, been interviewing President Bush make for worrying reading.
1000 people were asked the question "Who or what were you just speaking too?". Their answers are shown below:
30% Digital watch
20% Pocket calculator
10% Buzz Lightyear doll
5% I don't know, but whatever it was they forgot to put the batteries in
5% Air conditioning unit.
5% A random word machine?
5% US President George W Bush
5% Former US President George Bush
5% We have a President now? Did the commies win or something?
9.8% What is this, some kind of test?
0.1% A Windows PC
0.1% He's not the President, I am! [note: Despite being told he would not be welcome Al Gore arrived at the test, and because of his inhuman strength and air of imminent violence, the supervising scientists allowed him to participate.]
Questioned over the legitimacy of the test, chief scientist Dr Theosophist told us, "This experiment was conducted with the utmost scientific propriety. Although we are concerned that our country is being run by some sort of cheap watch, we hold no personal grudge against President Bush. In fact, you might say that it is impossible for us to hold a, heh heh, PERSONAL grudge against Mr Bush since he possesses not a trace of humanity in his 'soul'." And in response to questions over alleged Iraqi involvement in the test Dr Theosophist told us, "The sleeping bird has awoken, repeat, the sleeping bird has awoken. All worms should go to ground. To ground!"
Political analysts are too stunned to lay out the implications yet. But ABZ News has obtained leaked test transcripts that go some way to explaining these bizarre and frightening results.
*Asked to name the leader of Pakistan, President Bush replied, "Okay, sure, how about by brother Jeb? He's been sheriff of Antarctica for 8 years. It's about time he got a job in one of those warm Scandinaviate countries."
*"Who are you?" Bush was asked, to which the President replied "Magic Johnston". After a moments pause he corrected himself, "I'm sorry I was watching some basketball. My real name is Michael Jordan. I'm sorry, I did it again. I'm Dennis Rodman, pleased to meet you."
*One interrogator asked the President what his greatest political achievement had been. Bush replied, "Hoo-eee! It's cold in here. I should crank the thermostat up."
*During one interview the President fell asleep mid-question, leaving his interviewer with the mistaken impression that he had been talking to a PC that 'just crashed'.
These revelations prompt many questions about our political process. Leading Democrats are already asking whether Bush is a President made in America, or in Korea. One thing's for sure: we at ABZ News will cover this unfolding scandal right to the end.
This reporter has only this to say: we may have elected a piece of cheap electronics, but that cheap piece of electronics is still our President. We can only hope and pray that nothing bad happens on his, uh, WATCH.
I'm Desbert Euphonium. Back to you Mary Jane.