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As festive celebrations reach their climax with much overeating and drunken merriment had by all, its just been revealed that secret plans are being considered to update the old traditional image of Father Christmas in order to make him more appealing to the disillusioned modern generation. Out goes the jolly old fat man look and in comes an ultra trendy new modern visage.
The image changing idea is the brainchild of hotshot image management/PR/advertising executive consultant whizkid guru Piers Sinclair-Strathers, whose previous product image changing credits include Marathon to Snickers, Opal Fruits to Starburst and Jif to Cif. He is also the man mostly responsible for turning Captain Birdseye from the white haired bearded old fart of yesteryear to stubbly-chinned square-jawed hunky beefcake of recent times (though the change proved unpopular with the general public and the old geezer is back giving breadcrumbed fishsticks to minors).
Concerning the Santa image change, Piers said, “I had a brainstorming session with my jolly good advertising buddies to bring stuffy old Saint Nick in line with modern trends; we are looking to give the old guy a new 21st Century makeover. Though it may be a controversial move, I feel Santa desperately needs an update.”
He went on to say, “overly politically correct people have also complained many times about the old look Father Christmas, decreeing him to be too similar to a vile paedophile who tries to be friendly towards children and gains their trust by offering presents and inviting them into his dingy grotto to see his reindeers. With this in mind, we definitely feel he needs a change of direction.”
The politically correct thugs who lurk in the shadows of our once great nation have picked holes in a number of other traditional Santa trademarks, including the cruel use of reindeers, use of elves and dwarves as oppressed slaves, Mrs. Claus being a downtrodden housewife and not a feisty career-minded it-girl, fat people being portrayed as “jolly” when most of them are quite the opposite, Santa taking the credit for making all the gifts when in fact most are made by hardworking Chinese factory workers, no racial equality with a lack of other ethnic Santas as opposed to the usual white Santa image, the disregard for any pollution and environmental impact that a North Pole factory would cause on the delicate arctic ecosystem, Santa gaining rooftop entry into properties encourages criminals to copy him, plus many other minor points of character condemnation.
With all the criticisms in mind and to appease the PC nitpickers, the new Santa image includes the following changes:
* Out goes the big red overcoat and in comes a well-cut designer red dinner jacket with Burberry trim with matching trousers and cravat, plus the old-style floppy Santa hat is replaced with a stylish cap with the logo ‘SCUK’ (Santa Claus U.K). There will be a number of SCUK branded clothing items available in the shops to cash in on the potential new Santa success. It is hoped the SCUK brand name will catch on and be a huge fashion craze amongst the style conscience youth of today.
* Out goes the big bristly white beard of oldness and in comes the ultra trendy stubbly goatee beard complemented by stylish haircut and sideburns.
* The old style Santa sent out the wrong message about fatness and overeating, so he’s now fit not fat. People will be advised not to leave mince pies and sherry for him; he will require low alcohol lager and high-energy snack foods/health bars instead in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
A plus side to the new well-toned chisel-chinned square-jawed Santa image is that he will hopefully appeal to impressionable teenage girls like a movie/pop star pin-up does, so various cash-in products can be made and posters sold.
* Out goes the old North Pole snail mail postal address and in comes an up to date mobile phone text number service plus an e-mail address and website that accepts all major credit cards.
* Mrs. Claus is no longer the browbeaten wife indoors, she’s Mamma Clause, an independent rock chick go-getting partner with her own views.
* Santa still has an army of elf and dwarf helpers, but they’re now referred to as ‘vertically-challenged individuals’ to avoid the risk of offending anyone.
* The RSPCA doesn’t like the cruelty towards the reindeers that are worked way too hard for just the one day every year, so instead of overworking God’s creatures, Santa will have a super-cool flying Harley Davidson with present storing side-car. Plus, the new Santa will like extreme sports, so often snowboards around the North Pole.
Whilst the politically correct people like the ideas and PC changes, public opinion is expected to be against any kind of change. An old man off the street interviewed said, “I think it’s disgusting. Why can’t they just leave traditional things alone? If kids want to believe in an old fat man who lives with an army of midgets, rides a flying sleigh and brings badly made toys and electrical goods down the chimney then what’s wrong with that? I guess it’s a sign of the times…Bah!”
It is not known whether the changes will be officially approved by whoever approves those sorts of changes, but it is believed that Tony Blair likes the ideas to aid his ‘New Labour’ ethics, so the new style politically correct Santa could be coming to a Christmas near you…one day.
In the mean time, let us salute good old Father Christmas for all the hard work he does every year.
Merry Christmas ho ho ho ;-D
The image changing idea is the brainchild of hotshot image management/PR/advertising executive consultant whizkid guru Piers Sinclair-Strathers, whose previous product image changing credits include Marathon to Snickers, Opal Fruits to Starburst and Jif to Cif. He is also the man mostly responsible for turning Captain Birdseye from the white haired bearded old fart of yesteryear to stubbly-chinned square-jawed hunky beefcake of recent times (though the change proved unpopular with the general public and the old geezer is back giving breadcrumbed fishsticks to minors).
Concerning the Santa image change, Piers said, “I had a brainstorming session with my jolly good advertising buddies to bring stuffy old Saint Nick in line with modern trends; we are looking to give the old guy a new 21st Century makeover. Though it may be a controversial move, I feel Santa desperately needs an update.”
He went on to say, “overly politically correct people have also complained many times about the old look Father Christmas, decreeing him to be too similar to a vile paedophile who tries to be friendly towards children and gains their trust by offering presents and inviting them into his dingy grotto to see his reindeers. With this in mind, we definitely feel he needs a change of direction.”
The politically correct thugs who lurk in the shadows of our once great nation have picked holes in a number of other traditional Santa trademarks, including the cruel use of reindeers, use of elves and dwarves as oppressed slaves, Mrs. Claus being a downtrodden housewife and not a feisty career-minded it-girl, fat people being portrayed as “jolly” when most of them are quite the opposite, Santa taking the credit for making all the gifts when in fact most are made by hardworking Chinese factory workers, no racial equality with a lack of other ethnic Santas as opposed to the usual white Santa image, the disregard for any pollution and environmental impact that a North Pole factory would cause on the delicate arctic ecosystem, Santa gaining rooftop entry into properties encourages criminals to copy him, plus many other minor points of character condemnation.
With all the criticisms in mind and to appease the PC nitpickers, the new Santa image includes the following changes:
* Out goes the big red overcoat and in comes a well-cut designer red dinner jacket with Burberry trim with matching trousers and cravat, plus the old-style floppy Santa hat is replaced with a stylish cap with the logo ‘SCUK’ (Santa Claus U.K). There will be a number of SCUK branded clothing items available in the shops to cash in on the potential new Santa success. It is hoped the SCUK brand name will catch on and be a huge fashion craze amongst the style conscience youth of today.
* Out goes the big bristly white beard of oldness and in comes the ultra trendy stubbly goatee beard complemented by stylish haircut and sideburns.
* The old style Santa sent out the wrong message about fatness and overeating, so he’s now fit not fat. People will be advised not to leave mince pies and sherry for him; he will require low alcohol lager and high-energy snack foods/health bars instead in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
A plus side to the new well-toned chisel-chinned square-jawed Santa image is that he will hopefully appeal to impressionable teenage girls like a movie/pop star pin-up does, so various cash-in products can be made and posters sold.
* Out goes the old North Pole snail mail postal address and in comes an up to date mobile phone text number service plus an e-mail address and website that accepts all major credit cards.
* Mrs. Claus is no longer the browbeaten wife indoors, she’s Mamma Clause, an independent rock chick go-getting partner with her own views.
* Santa still has an army of elf and dwarf helpers, but they’re now referred to as ‘vertically-challenged individuals’ to avoid the risk of offending anyone.
* The RSPCA doesn’t like the cruelty towards the reindeers that are worked way too hard for just the one day every year, so instead of overworking God’s creatures, Santa will have a super-cool flying Harley Davidson with present storing side-car. Plus, the new Santa will like extreme sports, so often snowboards around the North Pole.
Whilst the politically correct people like the ideas and PC changes, public opinion is expected to be against any kind of change. An old man off the street interviewed said, “I think it’s disgusting. Why can’t they just leave traditional things alone? If kids want to believe in an old fat man who lives with an army of midgets, rides a flying sleigh and brings badly made toys and electrical goods down the chimney then what’s wrong with that? I guess it’s a sign of the times…Bah!”
It is not known whether the changes will be officially approved by whoever approves those sorts of changes, but it is believed that Tony Blair likes the ideas to aid his ‘New Labour’ ethics, so the new style politically correct Santa could be coming to a Christmas near you…one day.
In the mean time, let us salute good old Father Christmas for all the hard work he does every year.
Merry Christmas ho ho ho ;-D
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As festive celebrations reach their climax with much overeating and drunken merriment had by all, its just been revealed that secret plans are being considered to update the old traditional image of Father Christmas in order to make him more appealing to the disillusioned modern generation. Out goes the jolly old fat man look and in comes an ultra trendy new modern visage.
The image changing idea is the brainchild of hotshot image management/PR/advertising executive consultant whizkid guru Piers Sinclair-Strathers, whose previous product image changing credits include Marathon to Snickers, Opal Fruits to Starburst and Jif to Cif. He is also the man mostly responsible for turning Captain Birdseye from the white haired bearded old fart of yesteryear to stubbly-chinned square-jawed hunky beefcake of recent times (though the change proved unpopular with the general public and the old geezer is back giving breadcrumbed fishsticks to minors).
Concerning the Santa image change, Piers said, “I had a brainstorming session with my jolly good advertising buddies to bring stuffy old Saint Nick in line with modern trends; we are looking to give the old guy a new 21st Century makeover. Though it may be a controversial move, I feel Santa desperately needs an update.”
He went on to say, “overly politically correct people have also complained many times about the old look Father Christmas, decreeing him to be too similar to a vile paedophile who tries to be friendly towards children and gains their trust by offering presents and inviting them into his dingy grotto to see his reindeers. With this in mind, we definitely feel he needs a change of direction.”
The politically correct thugs who lurk in the shadows of our once great nation have picked holes in a number of other traditional Santa trademarks, including the cruel use of reindeers, use of elves and dwarves as oppressed slaves, Mrs. Claus being a downtrodden housewife and not a feisty career-minded it-girl, fat people being portrayed as “jolly” when most of them are quite the opposite, Santa taking the credit for making all the gifts when in fact most are made by hardworking Chinese factory workers, no racial equality with a lack of other ethnic Santas as opposed to the usual white Santa image, the disregard for any pollution and environmental impact that a North Pole factory would cause on the delicate arctic ecosystem, Santa gaining rooftop entry into properties encourages criminals to copy him, plus many other minor points of character condemnation.
With all the criticisms in mind and to appease the PC nitpickers, the new Santa image includes the following changes:
* Out goes the big red overcoat and in comes a well-cut designer red dinner jacket with Burberry trim with matching trousers and cravat, plus the old-style floppy Santa hat is replaced with a stylish cap with the logo ‘SCUK’ (Santa Claus U.K). There will be a number of SCUK branded clothing items available in the shops to cash in on the potential new Santa success. It is hoped the SCUK brand name will catch on and be a huge fashion craze amongst the style conscience youth of today.
* Out goes the big bristly white beard of oldness and in comes the ultra trendy stubbly goatee beard complemented by stylish haircut and sideburns.
* The old style Santa sent out the wrong message about fatness and overeating, so he’s now fit not fat. People will be advised not to leave mince pies and sherry for him; he will require low alcohol lager and high-energy snack foods/health bars instead in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
A plus side to the new well-toned chisel-chinned square-jawed Santa image is that he will hopefully appeal to impressionable teenage girls like a movie/pop star pin-up does, so various cash-in products can be made and posters sold.
* Out goes the old North Pole snail mail postal address and in comes an up to date mobile phone text number service plus an e-mail address and website that accepts all major credit cards.
* Mrs. Claus is no longer the browbeaten wife indoors, she’s Mamma Clause, an independent rock chick go-getting partner with her own views.
* Santa still has an army of elf and dwarf helpers, but they’re now referred to as ‘vertically-challenged individuals’ to avoid the risk of offending anyone.
* The RSPCA doesn’t like the cruelty towards the reindeers that are worked way too hard for just the one day every year, so instead of overworking God’s creatures, Santa will have a super-cool flying Harley Davidson with present storing side-car. Plus, the new Santa will like extreme sports, so often snowboards around the North Pole.
Whilst the politically correct people like the ideas and PC changes, public opinion is expected to be against any kind of change. An old man off the street interviewed said, “I think it’s disgusting. Why can’t they just leave traditional things alone? If kids want to believe in an old fat man who lives with an army of midgets, rides a flying sleigh and brings badly made toys and electrical goods down the chimney then what’s wrong with that? I guess it’s a sign of the times…Bah!”
It is not known whether the changes will be officially approved by whoever approves those sorts of changes, but it is believed that Tony Blair likes the ideas to aid his ‘New Labour’ ethics, so the new style politically correct Santa could be coming to a Christmas near you…one day.
In the mean time, let us salute good old Father Christmas for all the hard work he does every year.
Merry Christmas ho ho ho ;-D
The image changing idea is the brainchild of hotshot image management/PR/advertising executive consultant whizkid guru Piers Sinclair-Strathers, whose previous product image changing credits include Marathon to Snickers, Opal Fruits to Starburst and Jif to Cif. He is also the man mostly responsible for turning Captain Birdseye from the white haired bearded old fart of yesteryear to stubbly-chinned square-jawed hunky beefcake of recent times (though the change proved unpopular with the general public and the old geezer is back giving breadcrumbed fishsticks to minors).
Concerning the Santa image change, Piers said, “I had a brainstorming session with my jolly good advertising buddies to bring stuffy old Saint Nick in line with modern trends; we are looking to give the old guy a new 21st Century makeover. Though it may be a controversial move, I feel Santa desperately needs an update.”
He went on to say, “overly politically correct people have also complained many times about the old look Father Christmas, decreeing him to be too similar to a vile paedophile who tries to be friendly towards children and gains their trust by offering presents and inviting them into his dingy grotto to see his reindeers. With this in mind, we definitely feel he needs a change of direction.”
The politically correct thugs who lurk in the shadows of our once great nation have picked holes in a number of other traditional Santa trademarks, including the cruel use of reindeers, use of elves and dwarves as oppressed slaves, Mrs. Claus being a downtrodden housewife and not a feisty career-minded it-girl, fat people being portrayed as “jolly” when most of them are quite the opposite, Santa taking the credit for making all the gifts when in fact most are made by hardworking Chinese factory workers, no racial equality with a lack of other ethnic Santas as opposed to the usual white Santa image, the disregard for any pollution and environmental impact that a North Pole factory would cause on the delicate arctic ecosystem, Santa gaining rooftop entry into properties encourages criminals to copy him, plus many other minor points of character condemnation.
With all the criticisms in mind and to appease the PC nitpickers, the new Santa image includes the following changes:
* Out goes the big red overcoat and in comes a well-cut designer red dinner jacket with Burberry trim with matching trousers and cravat, plus the old-style floppy Santa hat is replaced with a stylish cap with the logo ‘SCUK’ (Santa Claus U.K). There will be a number of SCUK branded clothing items available in the shops to cash in on the potential new Santa success. It is hoped the SCUK brand name will catch on and be a huge fashion craze amongst the style conscience youth of today.
* Out goes the big bristly white beard of oldness and in comes the ultra trendy stubbly goatee beard complemented by stylish haircut and sideburns.
* The old style Santa sent out the wrong message about fatness and overeating, so he’s now fit not fat. People will be advised not to leave mince pies and sherry for him; he will require low alcohol lager and high-energy snack foods/health bars instead in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
A plus side to the new well-toned chisel-chinned square-jawed Santa image is that he will hopefully appeal to impressionable teenage girls like a movie/pop star pin-up does, so various cash-in products can be made and posters sold.
* Out goes the old North Pole snail mail postal address and in comes an up to date mobile phone text number service plus an e-mail address and website that accepts all major credit cards.
* Mrs. Claus is no longer the browbeaten wife indoors, she’s Mamma Clause, an independent rock chick go-getting partner with her own views.
* Santa still has an army of elf and dwarf helpers, but they’re now referred to as ‘vertically-challenged individuals’ to avoid the risk of offending anyone.
* The RSPCA doesn’t like the cruelty towards the reindeers that are worked way too hard for just the one day every year, so instead of overworking God’s creatures, Santa will have a super-cool flying Harley Davidson with present storing side-car. Plus, the new Santa will like extreme sports, so often snowboards around the North Pole.
Whilst the politically correct people like the ideas and PC changes, public opinion is expected to be against any kind of change. An old man off the street interviewed said, “I think it’s disgusting. Why can’t they just leave traditional things alone? If kids want to believe in an old fat man who lives with an army of midgets, rides a flying sleigh and brings badly made toys and electrical goods down the chimney then what’s wrong with that? I guess it’s a sign of the times…Bah!”
It is not known whether the changes will be officially approved by whoever approves those sorts of changes, but it is believed that Tony Blair likes the ideas to aid his ‘New Labour’ ethics, so the new style politically correct Santa could be coming to a Christmas near you…one day.
In the mean time, let us salute good old Father Christmas for all the hard work he does every year.
Merry Christmas ho ho ho ;-D