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To understand most of this you'll probably need to know a bit about wrestling. Humm.
______________________________________
The Rock was bored. The WWE had gone out of business thanks to Vince McMahon’s ‘unfortunate’ accident, in which he gave both World Titles to Mark Henry and fired everyone else. Apart from Triple H of course, who was busy sucking up to Vince’s daughter Stephanie, who returned the favour on a regular basis in more ways than one. His latest films had been totally unsuccessful as well, due the Daily Mail’s protest against his constant use of one raised eyebrow, which they thought was too suggestive for a 12A film.
It was a Saturday morning. He sighed, and looked up where the sun shone its blazing rays into his eyes. For some reason this gave him inspiration, and so he got to his feet, brushed himself off and made his to his next-door neighbour’s, and best friend’s house. He knocked on the door, where a beautiful lady answered the door holding a plate of cookies.
“Hi, is Steve in?” Rock asked excitedly.
“DEBRA! THESE COOKIES TASTE LIKE CRAP!” Shouted Steve from behind her. “COME BACK HERE SO I CAN BEAT YOU AGAIN!”
Debra tutted, “No Steve, you’ve beat me enough already, remember? You’re on probation. And my cookies are lovely.”
“What!?” Austin shouted, rather loudly.
“My cookies are lovely Steve.”
“Just like your bust,” The Rock commented, raising his eyebrow suggestively.
“WHAT!?” Austin screamed.
“There’s no need to shout Steve!”
Stone Cold Steve Austin joined his wife at the front door, and stared at her for a moment, before replying, “what?”
“Hey Steve,” Rock greeted him. “Coming out?”
“What?! No, not with you, ya sick son of a…”
“No, no, not in that fashion. I mean, do you wanna go out somewhere?”
“I ain’t going on a date with no pansy-boy.”
“Two things,” The Rock held up one finger, “one, I don’t mean as a date, just as friends. And two,” he held up his second, “I’m no pansy boy.”
Austin looked at Rock’s two fingers, and then said, “one thing,” before sticking up his middle finger in timeless fashion. “Lets go. And Debra, those cookies better be gone by the time I get back.”
“But Steve-“
“What?”
“Steve-“
“What?”
“Ste-“
“What?”
Debra slammed the door on him, and The Rock and Austin left for the bright lights of the big city. Unfortunately it was daytime, so there would be no bright lights, so it was just the big city really…but with lots of bulbs.
_________________________________
“I’m hungry,” Austin said, “and I don’t want any of Debra’s damn cookies.”
“Shall we go in that candy shop?” Rock pointed to the store across the street.
“I ain’t eating no pansy candy with no pansy boy.”
“I’m not a pansy boy, and candy’s nice. C’mon.”
Austin considered throwing a tantrum there and then, but decided against it. They made there way inside the store and walked up to the counter, where Mark Henry was serving. They immediately recognised him as the man who put the WWE out of business.
“How can I help you?” He asked.
“I’ll have your candy @ss,” The Rock said angrily.
“I’m afraid we don’t sell my candy @ss, but we do sell candy lollipops.” Mark replied.
The Rock was about to lay the smackdown on the candy-selling punk, but Austin held him back. “Just give us a couple of bars.”
Mark Henry quickly obliged, “that’ll be $1.50.”
Austin looked at him with disgust, “I ain’t payin’ no pansy $1.50 with no pansy money.”
Rock quickly paid and they left, bumping into Kurt Angle outside.
“Hey guys,” he said enthusiastically, “you wanna come over to my house for milk and cookies?”
“I ain’t drinking no pansy milk or eating no pansy cookies with no pansy boy,” Austin replied, before punching him and making his way toward the nearest cinema, Rock closely following.
__________________________________
“Harry Potter?” Rock suggested desperately.
“I ain’t watching no pansy wizard boy.”
“Santa Claus 2?”
Austin was about to Stun Rock, but Rock quickly pulled back. “Okay, okay…well what do you wanna do then? You don’t like any of these films.” Rock was suddenly hit by an idea, “I know, lets go watch today’s NWA-TNA event! It’s only a mile or so from here.”
“I ain’t watching no pansy wrestlers.”
“But Steve…you’re a wrestler.”
“What?”
Rock sighed, “we’re going anyway. C’mon.”
Austin this time did throw a tantrum in the middle of the path, and Rock had to pick him up and put him on his shoulders before he would stop crying.
_________________________________
The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin had been watching the Road Dogg vs Mr Perfect main event for ten minutes, before Austin finally snapped.
“That’s it!” He screamed, “this is worse than KroniK’s debut!”
“Oh I dunno Steve, that was a very bad match. But you’re right, this is crap.”
Steve knocked out the security guard, and made his way to the ring, flanked by Rock. They rushed the ring and began to exchange punches with Road Dogg and Mr Perfect. Road Dogg tried to do his patented “suck it” sign to Austin, but he couldn’t because Austin had already kicked him here and nailed the STUNNER! Rock meanwhile had delivered a Spinebuster, and was setting up the People’s Elbow.
Austin walked up to him and said, “I ain’t waiting for you to hit no pansy elbow drop.”
Rock in the end agreed, and planted Mr Perfect with a Rock Bottom instead, before the two of them left the arena with the audience going crazy.
After they’d left, Vince Russo sprinted to the ring and tried to cover this up in his usual fashion. “You see, Road Dogg is actually a schizophrenic and imagined himself to be The Rock…and due to the position of the planets, this alter ego was actually created into another person here today, and Mr Perfect caught the disease from him! Oh yeah, Linda McMahon is actually a man and is the mother of all four men…well it’s two really because they’re schizophrenics…but Vince isn’t the father! It’s…Mr Perfect’s other alter ego…George Foreman!
________________________________
“Shall we have some lunch?” Rock asked once they were outside again.
“I ain’t eating no pansy lunch.”
Rock smiled slyly, “shall we go buy the Steve Austin video and watch it?”
“I ain’t watching no pansy boy Steve Austin.”
“HA HA HA!” Rock began to laugh his head off, and Steve realised that he’d been done.
“You little sumbitch,” Austin growled, before chasing The Rock down the street.
Rock sprinted around a corner, and ran straight into the backside of Rikishi. Austin was soon to follow. It took a few minutes and they had to use a plunger, but they finally escaped.
“I’m sorry guys,” Rikishi apologised, “didn’t see ya there.”
Rock took a close look at Rikishi’s behind, “I’m not surprised.”
Rikishi looked up, “they’re gonna demolish this building in a few minutes you know, we better get out of the way.”
The three men made sure they were a decent distance away and looked up at the rather large skyscraper. “That’s one big building…what are they using to demolish it?”
“The Big Show.”
______________________________________
The sun was slowly beginning to set as The Rock and Austin made their way home. They had just eaten their dinner at The World, where The Rock had pie and Austin…well, he had nothing. He said he didn’t want to eat “no pansy food made by no pansy chef in no pansy wrestling restaurant.”
“You coming out tomorrow?” Rock asked.
“What?”
Rock sighed.
“No, honestly, I didn’t hear you.”
“Are you coming out tomorrow?” He asked again.
“What?”
“Are you-“
“No, I said ‘what’ that time for a laugh.”
“Oh, okay. So, are you or not?”
“What?”
They finally reached Austin’s house, where Debra answered the door.
“Oh, hi guys. By the way Steve, Triple H left a message for you.”
“Really? What did he say?”
“I am that damn good.”
Austin nodded in acknowledgement.
“Oh, and there are also messages from RVD, Kanyon, Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Bubba Dudley, Booker T and…five from Chris Jericho.”
“Well, what did they say?” Austin asked impatiently.
“I’m Rob…Van…Dam, who better than Kanyon, you suck, prove me wrong, get the tables, can you dig it sucka, I am a living legend, first ever Undisputed Champion, not a sucka, would you please shut the hell up and…I am the King of the World.”
“What?”
_______________________________
Thanks for reading, Ant.
______________________________________
The Rock was bored. The WWE had gone out of business thanks to Vince McMahon’s ‘unfortunate’ accident, in which he gave both World Titles to Mark Henry and fired everyone else. Apart from Triple H of course, who was busy sucking up to Vince’s daughter Stephanie, who returned the favour on a regular basis in more ways than one. His latest films had been totally unsuccessful as well, due the Daily Mail’s protest against his constant use of one raised eyebrow, which they thought was too suggestive for a 12A film.
It was a Saturday morning. He sighed, and looked up where the sun shone its blazing rays into his eyes. For some reason this gave him inspiration, and so he got to his feet, brushed himself off and made his to his next-door neighbour’s, and best friend’s house. He knocked on the door, where a beautiful lady answered the door holding a plate of cookies.
“Hi, is Steve in?” Rock asked excitedly.
“DEBRA! THESE COOKIES TASTE LIKE CRAP!” Shouted Steve from behind her. “COME BACK HERE SO I CAN BEAT YOU AGAIN!”
Debra tutted, “No Steve, you’ve beat me enough already, remember? You’re on probation. And my cookies are lovely.”
“What!?” Austin shouted, rather loudly.
“My cookies are lovely Steve.”
“Just like your bust,” The Rock commented, raising his eyebrow suggestively.
“WHAT!?” Austin screamed.
“There’s no need to shout Steve!”
Stone Cold Steve Austin joined his wife at the front door, and stared at her for a moment, before replying, “what?”
“Hey Steve,” Rock greeted him. “Coming out?”
“What?! No, not with you, ya sick son of a…”
“No, no, not in that fashion. I mean, do you wanna go out somewhere?”
“I ain’t going on a date with no pansy-boy.”
“Two things,” The Rock held up one finger, “one, I don’t mean as a date, just as friends. And two,” he held up his second, “I’m no pansy boy.”
Austin looked at Rock’s two fingers, and then said, “one thing,” before sticking up his middle finger in timeless fashion. “Lets go. And Debra, those cookies better be gone by the time I get back.”
“But Steve-“
“What?”
“Steve-“
“What?”
“Ste-“
“What?”
Debra slammed the door on him, and The Rock and Austin left for the bright lights of the big city. Unfortunately it was daytime, so there would be no bright lights, so it was just the big city really…but with lots of bulbs.
_________________________________
“I’m hungry,” Austin said, “and I don’t want any of Debra’s damn cookies.”
“Shall we go in that candy shop?” Rock pointed to the store across the street.
“I ain’t eating no pansy candy with no pansy boy.”
“I’m not a pansy boy, and candy’s nice. C’mon.”
Austin considered throwing a tantrum there and then, but decided against it. They made there way inside the store and walked up to the counter, where Mark Henry was serving. They immediately recognised him as the man who put the WWE out of business.
“How can I help you?” He asked.
“I’ll have your candy @ss,” The Rock said angrily.
“I’m afraid we don’t sell my candy @ss, but we do sell candy lollipops.” Mark replied.
The Rock was about to lay the smackdown on the candy-selling punk, but Austin held him back. “Just give us a couple of bars.”
Mark Henry quickly obliged, “that’ll be $1.50.”
Austin looked at him with disgust, “I ain’t payin’ no pansy $1.50 with no pansy money.”
Rock quickly paid and they left, bumping into Kurt Angle outside.
“Hey guys,” he said enthusiastically, “you wanna come over to my house for milk and cookies?”
“I ain’t drinking no pansy milk or eating no pansy cookies with no pansy boy,” Austin replied, before punching him and making his way toward the nearest cinema, Rock closely following.
__________________________________
“Harry Potter?” Rock suggested desperately.
“I ain’t watching no pansy wizard boy.”
“Santa Claus 2?”
Austin was about to Stun Rock, but Rock quickly pulled back. “Okay, okay…well what do you wanna do then? You don’t like any of these films.” Rock was suddenly hit by an idea, “I know, lets go watch today’s NWA-TNA event! It’s only a mile or so from here.”
“I ain’t watching no pansy wrestlers.”
“But Steve…you’re a wrestler.”
“What?”
Rock sighed, “we’re going anyway. C’mon.”
Austin this time did throw a tantrum in the middle of the path, and Rock had to pick him up and put him on his shoulders before he would stop crying.
_________________________________
The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin had been watching the Road Dogg vs Mr Perfect main event for ten minutes, before Austin finally snapped.
“That’s it!” He screamed, “this is worse than KroniK’s debut!”
“Oh I dunno Steve, that was a very bad match. But you’re right, this is crap.”
Steve knocked out the security guard, and made his way to the ring, flanked by Rock. They rushed the ring and began to exchange punches with Road Dogg and Mr Perfect. Road Dogg tried to do his patented “suck it” sign to Austin, but he couldn’t because Austin had already kicked him here and nailed the STUNNER! Rock meanwhile had delivered a Spinebuster, and was setting up the People’s Elbow.
Austin walked up to him and said, “I ain’t waiting for you to hit no pansy elbow drop.”
Rock in the end agreed, and planted Mr Perfect with a Rock Bottom instead, before the two of them left the arena with the audience going crazy.
After they’d left, Vince Russo sprinted to the ring and tried to cover this up in his usual fashion. “You see, Road Dogg is actually a schizophrenic and imagined himself to be The Rock…and due to the position of the planets, this alter ego was actually created into another person here today, and Mr Perfect caught the disease from him! Oh yeah, Linda McMahon is actually a man and is the mother of all four men…well it’s two really because they’re schizophrenics…but Vince isn’t the father! It’s…Mr Perfect’s other alter ego…George Foreman!
________________________________
“Shall we have some lunch?” Rock asked once they were outside again.
“I ain’t eating no pansy lunch.”
Rock smiled slyly, “shall we go buy the Steve Austin video and watch it?”
“I ain’t watching no pansy boy Steve Austin.”
“HA HA HA!” Rock began to laugh his head off, and Steve realised that he’d been done.
“You little sumbitch,” Austin growled, before chasing The Rock down the street.
Rock sprinted around a corner, and ran straight into the backside of Rikishi. Austin was soon to follow. It took a few minutes and they had to use a plunger, but they finally escaped.
“I’m sorry guys,” Rikishi apologised, “didn’t see ya there.”
Rock took a close look at Rikishi’s behind, “I’m not surprised.”
Rikishi looked up, “they’re gonna demolish this building in a few minutes you know, we better get out of the way.”
The three men made sure they were a decent distance away and looked up at the rather large skyscraper. “That’s one big building…what are they using to demolish it?”
“The Big Show.”
______________________________________
The sun was slowly beginning to set as The Rock and Austin made their way home. They had just eaten their dinner at The World, where The Rock had pie and Austin…well, he had nothing. He said he didn’t want to eat “no pansy food made by no pansy chef in no pansy wrestling restaurant.”
“You coming out tomorrow?” Rock asked.
“What?”
Rock sighed.
“No, honestly, I didn’t hear you.”
“Are you coming out tomorrow?” He asked again.
“What?”
“Are you-“
“No, I said ‘what’ that time for a laugh.”
“Oh, okay. So, are you or not?”
“What?”
They finally reached Austin’s house, where Debra answered the door.
“Oh, hi guys. By the way Steve, Triple H left a message for you.”
“Really? What did he say?”
“I am that damn good.”
Austin nodded in acknowledgement.
“Oh, and there are also messages from RVD, Kanyon, Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Bubba Dudley, Booker T and…five from Chris Jericho.”
“Well, what did they say?” Austin asked impatiently.
“I’m Rob…Van…Dam, who better than Kanyon, you suck, prove me wrong, get the tables, can you dig it sucka, I am a living legend, first ever Undisputed Champion, not a sucka, would you please shut the hell up and…I am the King of the World.”
“What?”
_______________________________
Thanks for reading, Ant.
wrestling......
you have too much time on your hands
you have too much time on your hands
To understand most of this you'll probably need to know a bit about wrestling. Humm.
______________________________________
The Rock was bored. The WWE had gone out of business thanks to Vince McMahon’s ‘unfortunate’ accident, in which he gave both World Titles to Mark Henry and fired everyone else. Apart from Triple H of course, who was busy sucking up to Vince’s daughter Stephanie, who returned the favour on a regular basis in more ways than one. His latest films had been totally unsuccessful as well, due the Daily Mail’s protest against his constant use of one raised eyebrow, which they thought was too suggestive for a 12A film.
It was a Saturday morning. He sighed, and looked up where the sun shone its blazing rays into his eyes. For some reason this gave him inspiration, and so he got to his feet, brushed himself off and made his to his next-door neighbour’s, and best friend’s house. He knocked on the door, where a beautiful lady answered the door holding a plate of cookies.
“Hi, is Steve in?” Rock asked excitedly.
“DEBRA! THESE COOKIES TASTE LIKE CRAP!” Shouted Steve from behind her. “COME BACK HERE SO I CAN BEAT YOU AGAIN!”
Debra tutted, “No Steve, you’ve beat me enough already, remember? You’re on probation. And my cookies are lovely.”
“What!?” Austin shouted, rather loudly.
“My cookies are lovely Steve.”
“Just like your bust,” The Rock commented, raising his eyebrow suggestively.
“WHAT!?” Austin screamed.
“There’s no need to shout Steve!”
Stone Cold Steve Austin joined his wife at the front door, and stared at her for a moment, before replying, “what?”
“Hey Steve,” Rock greeted him. “Coming out?”
“What?! No, not with you, ya sick son of a…”
“No, no, not in that fashion. I mean, do you wanna go out somewhere?”
“I ain’t going on a date with no pansy-boy.”
“Two things,” The Rock held up one finger, “one, I don’t mean as a date, just as friends. And two,” he held up his second, “I’m no pansy boy.”
Austin looked at Rock’s two fingers, and then said, “one thing,” before sticking up his middle finger in timeless fashion. “Lets go. And Debra, those cookies better be gone by the time I get back.”
“But Steve-“
“What?”
“Steve-“
“What?”
“Ste-“
“What?”
Debra slammed the door on him, and The Rock and Austin left for the bright lights of the big city. Unfortunately it was daytime, so there would be no bright lights, so it was just the big city really…but with lots of bulbs.
_________________________________
“I’m hungry,” Austin said, “and I don’t want any of Debra’s damn cookies.”
“Shall we go in that candy shop?” Rock pointed to the store across the street.
“I ain’t eating no pansy candy with no pansy boy.”
“I’m not a pansy boy, and candy’s nice. C’mon.”
Austin considered throwing a tantrum there and then, but decided against it. They made there way inside the store and walked up to the counter, where Mark Henry was serving. They immediately recognised him as the man who put the WWE out of business.
“How can I help you?” He asked.
“I’ll have your candy @ss,” The Rock said angrily.
“I’m afraid we don’t sell my candy @ss, but we do sell candy lollipops.” Mark replied.
The Rock was about to lay the smackdown on the candy-selling punk, but Austin held him back. “Just give us a couple of bars.”
Mark Henry quickly obliged, “that’ll be $1.50.”
Austin looked at him with disgust, “I ain’t payin’ no pansy $1.50 with no pansy money.”
Rock quickly paid and they left, bumping into Kurt Angle outside.
“Hey guys,” he said enthusiastically, “you wanna come over to my house for milk and cookies?”
“I ain’t drinking no pansy milk or eating no pansy cookies with no pansy boy,” Austin replied, before punching him and making his way toward the nearest cinema, Rock closely following.
__________________________________
“Harry Potter?” Rock suggested desperately.
“I ain’t watching no pansy wizard boy.”
“Santa Claus 2?”
Austin was about to Stun Rock, but Rock quickly pulled back. “Okay, okay…well what do you wanna do then? You don’t like any of these films.” Rock was suddenly hit by an idea, “I know, lets go watch today’s NWA-TNA event! It’s only a mile or so from here.”
“I ain’t watching no pansy wrestlers.”
“But Steve…you’re a wrestler.”
“What?”
Rock sighed, “we’re going anyway. C’mon.”
Austin this time did throw a tantrum in the middle of the path, and Rock had to pick him up and put him on his shoulders before he would stop crying.
_________________________________
The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin had been watching the Road Dogg vs Mr Perfect main event for ten minutes, before Austin finally snapped.
“That’s it!” He screamed, “this is worse than KroniK’s debut!”
“Oh I dunno Steve, that was a very bad match. But you’re right, this is crap.”
Steve knocked out the security guard, and made his way to the ring, flanked by Rock. They rushed the ring and began to exchange punches with Road Dogg and Mr Perfect. Road Dogg tried to do his patented “suck it” sign to Austin, but he couldn’t because Austin had already kicked him here and nailed the STUNNER! Rock meanwhile had delivered a Spinebuster, and was setting up the People’s Elbow.
Austin walked up to him and said, “I ain’t waiting for you to hit no pansy elbow drop.”
Rock in the end agreed, and planted Mr Perfect with a Rock Bottom instead, before the two of them left the arena with the audience going crazy.
After they’d left, Vince Russo sprinted to the ring and tried to cover this up in his usual fashion. “You see, Road Dogg is actually a schizophrenic and imagined himself to be The Rock…and due to the position of the planets, this alter ego was actually created into another person here today, and Mr Perfect caught the disease from him! Oh yeah, Linda McMahon is actually a man and is the mother of all four men…well it’s two really because they’re schizophrenics…but Vince isn’t the father! It’s…Mr Perfect’s other alter ego…George Foreman!
________________________________
“Shall we have some lunch?” Rock asked once they were outside again.
“I ain’t eating no pansy lunch.”
Rock smiled slyly, “shall we go buy the Steve Austin video and watch it?”
“I ain’t watching no pansy boy Steve Austin.”
“HA HA HA!” Rock began to laugh his head off, and Steve realised that he’d been done.
“You little sumbitch,” Austin growled, before chasing The Rock down the street.
Rock sprinted around a corner, and ran straight into the backside of Rikishi. Austin was soon to follow. It took a few minutes and they had to use a plunger, but they finally escaped.
“I’m sorry guys,” Rikishi apologised, “didn’t see ya there.”
Rock took a close look at Rikishi’s behind, “I’m not surprised.”
Rikishi looked up, “they’re gonna demolish this building in a few minutes you know, we better get out of the way.”
The three men made sure they were a decent distance away and looked up at the rather large skyscraper. “That’s one big building…what are they using to demolish it?”
“The Big Show.”
______________________________________
The sun was slowly beginning to set as The Rock and Austin made their way home. They had just eaten their dinner at The World, where The Rock had pie and Austin…well, he had nothing. He said he didn’t want to eat “no pansy food made by no pansy chef in no pansy wrestling restaurant.”
“You coming out tomorrow?” Rock asked.
“What?”
Rock sighed.
“No, honestly, I didn’t hear you.”
“Are you coming out tomorrow?” He asked again.
“What?”
“Are you-“
“No, I said ‘what’ that time for a laugh.”
“Oh, okay. So, are you or not?”
“What?”
They finally reached Austin’s house, where Debra answered the door.
“Oh, hi guys. By the way Steve, Triple H left a message for you.”
“Really? What did he say?”
“I am that damn good.”
Austin nodded in acknowledgement.
“Oh, and there are also messages from RVD, Kanyon, Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Bubba Dudley, Booker T and…five from Chris Jericho.”
“Well, what did they say?” Austin asked impatiently.
“I’m Rob…Van…Dam, who better than Kanyon, you suck, prove me wrong, get the tables, can you dig it sucka, I am a living legend, first ever Undisputed Champion, not a sucka, would you please shut the hell up and…I am the King of the World.”
“What?”
_______________________________
Thanks for reading, Ant.
______________________________________
The Rock was bored. The WWE had gone out of business thanks to Vince McMahon’s ‘unfortunate’ accident, in which he gave both World Titles to Mark Henry and fired everyone else. Apart from Triple H of course, who was busy sucking up to Vince’s daughter Stephanie, who returned the favour on a regular basis in more ways than one. His latest films had been totally unsuccessful as well, due the Daily Mail’s protest against his constant use of one raised eyebrow, which they thought was too suggestive for a 12A film.
It was a Saturday morning. He sighed, and looked up where the sun shone its blazing rays into his eyes. For some reason this gave him inspiration, and so he got to his feet, brushed himself off and made his to his next-door neighbour’s, and best friend’s house. He knocked on the door, where a beautiful lady answered the door holding a plate of cookies.
“Hi, is Steve in?” Rock asked excitedly.
“DEBRA! THESE COOKIES TASTE LIKE CRAP!” Shouted Steve from behind her. “COME BACK HERE SO I CAN BEAT YOU AGAIN!”
Debra tutted, “No Steve, you’ve beat me enough already, remember? You’re on probation. And my cookies are lovely.”
“What!?” Austin shouted, rather loudly.
“My cookies are lovely Steve.”
“Just like your bust,” The Rock commented, raising his eyebrow suggestively.
“WHAT!?” Austin screamed.
“There’s no need to shout Steve!”
Stone Cold Steve Austin joined his wife at the front door, and stared at her for a moment, before replying, “what?”
“Hey Steve,” Rock greeted him. “Coming out?”
“What?! No, not with you, ya sick son of a…”
“No, no, not in that fashion. I mean, do you wanna go out somewhere?”
“I ain’t going on a date with no pansy-boy.”
“Two things,” The Rock held up one finger, “one, I don’t mean as a date, just as friends. And two,” he held up his second, “I’m no pansy boy.”
Austin looked at Rock’s two fingers, and then said, “one thing,” before sticking up his middle finger in timeless fashion. “Lets go. And Debra, those cookies better be gone by the time I get back.”
“But Steve-“
“What?”
“Steve-“
“What?”
“Ste-“
“What?”
Debra slammed the door on him, and The Rock and Austin left for the bright lights of the big city. Unfortunately it was daytime, so there would be no bright lights, so it was just the big city really…but with lots of bulbs.
_________________________________
“I’m hungry,” Austin said, “and I don’t want any of Debra’s damn cookies.”
“Shall we go in that candy shop?” Rock pointed to the store across the street.
“I ain’t eating no pansy candy with no pansy boy.”
“I’m not a pansy boy, and candy’s nice. C’mon.”
Austin considered throwing a tantrum there and then, but decided against it. They made there way inside the store and walked up to the counter, where Mark Henry was serving. They immediately recognised him as the man who put the WWE out of business.
“How can I help you?” He asked.
“I’ll have your candy @ss,” The Rock said angrily.
“I’m afraid we don’t sell my candy @ss, but we do sell candy lollipops.” Mark replied.
The Rock was about to lay the smackdown on the candy-selling punk, but Austin held him back. “Just give us a couple of bars.”
Mark Henry quickly obliged, “that’ll be $1.50.”
Austin looked at him with disgust, “I ain’t payin’ no pansy $1.50 with no pansy money.”
Rock quickly paid and they left, bumping into Kurt Angle outside.
“Hey guys,” he said enthusiastically, “you wanna come over to my house for milk and cookies?”
“I ain’t drinking no pansy milk or eating no pansy cookies with no pansy boy,” Austin replied, before punching him and making his way toward the nearest cinema, Rock closely following.
__________________________________
“Harry Potter?” Rock suggested desperately.
“I ain’t watching no pansy wizard boy.”
“Santa Claus 2?”
Austin was about to Stun Rock, but Rock quickly pulled back. “Okay, okay…well what do you wanna do then? You don’t like any of these films.” Rock was suddenly hit by an idea, “I know, lets go watch today’s NWA-TNA event! It’s only a mile or so from here.”
“I ain’t watching no pansy wrestlers.”
“But Steve…you’re a wrestler.”
“What?”
Rock sighed, “we’re going anyway. C’mon.”
Austin this time did throw a tantrum in the middle of the path, and Rock had to pick him up and put him on his shoulders before he would stop crying.
_________________________________
The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin had been watching the Road Dogg vs Mr Perfect main event for ten minutes, before Austin finally snapped.
“That’s it!” He screamed, “this is worse than KroniK’s debut!”
“Oh I dunno Steve, that was a very bad match. But you’re right, this is crap.”
Steve knocked out the security guard, and made his way to the ring, flanked by Rock. They rushed the ring and began to exchange punches with Road Dogg and Mr Perfect. Road Dogg tried to do his patented “suck it” sign to Austin, but he couldn’t because Austin had already kicked him here and nailed the STUNNER! Rock meanwhile had delivered a Spinebuster, and was setting up the People’s Elbow.
Austin walked up to him and said, “I ain’t waiting for you to hit no pansy elbow drop.”
Rock in the end agreed, and planted Mr Perfect with a Rock Bottom instead, before the two of them left the arena with the audience going crazy.
After they’d left, Vince Russo sprinted to the ring and tried to cover this up in his usual fashion. “You see, Road Dogg is actually a schizophrenic and imagined himself to be The Rock…and due to the position of the planets, this alter ego was actually created into another person here today, and Mr Perfect caught the disease from him! Oh yeah, Linda McMahon is actually a man and is the mother of all four men…well it’s two really because they’re schizophrenics…but Vince isn’t the father! It’s…Mr Perfect’s other alter ego…George Foreman!
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“Shall we have some lunch?” Rock asked once they were outside again.
“I ain’t eating no pansy lunch.”
Rock smiled slyly, “shall we go buy the Steve Austin video and watch it?”
“I ain’t watching no pansy boy Steve Austin.”
“HA HA HA!” Rock began to laugh his head off, and Steve realised that he’d been done.
“You little sumbitch,” Austin growled, before chasing The Rock down the street.
Rock sprinted around a corner, and ran straight into the backside of Rikishi. Austin was soon to follow. It took a few minutes and they had to use a plunger, but they finally escaped.
“I’m sorry guys,” Rikishi apologised, “didn’t see ya there.”
Rock took a close look at Rikishi’s behind, “I’m not surprised.”
Rikishi looked up, “they’re gonna demolish this building in a few minutes you know, we better get out of the way.”
The three men made sure they were a decent distance away and looked up at the rather large skyscraper. “That’s one big building…what are they using to demolish it?”
“The Big Show.”
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The sun was slowly beginning to set as The Rock and Austin made their way home. They had just eaten their dinner at The World, where The Rock had pie and Austin…well, he had nothing. He said he didn’t want to eat “no pansy food made by no pansy chef in no pansy wrestling restaurant.”
“You coming out tomorrow?” Rock asked.
“What?”
Rock sighed.
“No, honestly, I didn’t hear you.”
“Are you coming out tomorrow?” He asked again.
“What?”
“Are you-“
“No, I said ‘what’ that time for a laugh.”
“Oh, okay. So, are you or not?”
“What?”
They finally reached Austin’s house, where Debra answered the door.
“Oh, hi guys. By the way Steve, Triple H left a message for you.”
“Really? What did he say?”
“I am that damn good.”
Austin nodded in acknowledgement.
“Oh, and there are also messages from RVD, Kanyon, Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Bubba Dudley, Booker T and…five from Chris Jericho.”
“Well, what did they say?” Austin asked impatiently.
“I’m Rob…Van…Dam, who better than Kanyon, you suck, prove me wrong, get the tables, can you dig it sucka, I am a living legend, first ever Undisputed Champion, not a sucka, would you please shut the hell up and…I am the King of the World.”
“What?”
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Thanks for reading, Ant.