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Die Another Day
Ingredients: Words and insults.
Caution: May contain traces of spoilers.
I’ve been a Bond fan ever since I first saw The Man With The Golden Gun waaaay back in 1994. I immediately fell in love with Bond (not in a man-love way though), I fell in love with his wit, his impeccable timing, the stunts, his general all-round coolness and of course the gadgets. Anyway, since that day I’ve been a huge Bond fan and made it my mission to see all 19 films. I accomplished that goal and it only served to fuel my adoration of all things Bond. It was then, with excitement and anticipation that I descended upon my local cinema to see the latest of 007’s escapades.
I’ll try not to give too much away but if you haven’t seen it yet and don’t want ANY of the plot ruined then stop reading now… Are you gone? Good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The whole film was started by Bond surfing into where his mission was due to take place… Wha?! Bond on a surfboard? I began to get a sinking feeling right from that first shot…
At the end of the sequence the Koreans capture Bond and the scene finishes with images of Bond being tortured and interrogated for 14 months… Hang on a second... There’s something not right here… Bond captured? OK that happens often enough but held for 14 months? Bond not managing to escape? Now that’s not right. Bond can escape from any situation surely? I mean if he can thwart super-villains and topple ruthless regimes and dictator’s single handedly surely he can escape from a bunch of disorganized Koreans!? That kind of thing Just. Doesn’t. Happen. To. Bond!
Oh and the classic one-liner? “Saved by the bell”. Rubbish. Even cornier than usual. I just prayed to God at that moment that this wasn’t a precedent for the rest of the film.
I carried on watching the film right to the bitter end. I witnessed nothing but rubbish throughout the whole of it. Is nothing sacred in the world of Bond? First he surfs, then gets captured and can’t escape, after that we see an invisible car (two words: “Bull” and “excrement”) and a ridiculous construction in space that made me think the dude who created it had simply got all of Richard Branson’s crashed balloons and stitched them together to make a condom for a satellite. I came out of the cinema embittered. What on Earth had they done to Bond? Where was the covert sneaking and spy action? Where were the classic one-liners as opposed to the cheesy ‘funny stuff’ we got? Ok, Bond’s are always cheesy but they’re sardonically funny. The one-liner’s in this travesty of Bond cinema were just pathetic.
I went in hoping for a proper Bond film, full of spy-stuff and awesome gadgets. Ok, on the gadgets front I was half indulged, but the spy action? Nowhere. It was all ‘high-octane, heart pumping’ rubbish: explosions and not much else. The very idea of the Icarus space station, the aforementioned space-johnny, was absolutely absurd. Harness the sun’s power and reflect it to the Earth my rear-end. Ok, Bond’s never really been high on the realism front, but at leas, no matter how slight t, all of the other films had a degree of realism in them, but Die Another Day was absolutely ridiculous. Ice palaces? Invisible cars? Testicles. Oh and that reminds me, this film is fraught with more sexual innuendo’s then you’ll hear in my average school day. “Hand over the toy’s”, “Looks like we’re going down together” etc etc. Yawn.
Die Another Day is a film geared to appeal to the younger generation, the 12-16 year olds in our nation whose attention span is equal to that of a gold-fish in cold water, which is 6 seconds if my memory serves me correctly*, and the only way to keep them sitting through the whole of the film is to rid said film with explosions and sex. It works; you need only to look at the box-office takings for Bond to see that it works. But Bond isn’t and has never ever been about simple explosion-a-minute crap, it’s been about covert operations and leg-overness. We got the leg-overness all right but not the classic covert operations. With the amount of explosions that were in DAD it would in fact have been impossible to keep the dead asleep, let alone infiltrate a secret base undetected.
Maybe I’ve been a bit harsh, the film is a good film, it sounds good it, looks good (Mmm… Halle Berry) and it’s got a (half) decent plot. But it’s just not Bond. And considering that the film carries his name, that’s a major problem in my opinion. If you want a classic film full of spy’s, gadgets and sex, go and get your hands on any of the previous 007 films, if you want a high-octane, explosion-a-minute action thriller go and watch XXX, and if you want to see a high-octane, explosion-a-minute action thriller with the James Bond license then, and only then, should you go and see Die Another Day.
* God that was awful… Still marginally better than most of DAD’s pun’s though. Maybe *I* should be the script writer?
Ingredients: Words and insults.
Caution: May contain traces of spoilers.
I’ve been a Bond fan ever since I first saw The Man With The Golden Gun waaaay back in 1994. I immediately fell in love with Bond (not in a man-love way though), I fell in love with his wit, his impeccable timing, the stunts, his general all-round coolness and of course the gadgets. Anyway, since that day I’ve been a huge Bond fan and made it my mission to see all 19 films. I accomplished that goal and it only served to fuel my adoration of all things Bond. It was then, with excitement and anticipation that I descended upon my local cinema to see the latest of 007’s escapades.
I’ll try not to give too much away but if you haven’t seen it yet and don’t want ANY of the plot ruined then stop reading now… Are you gone? Good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The whole film was started by Bond surfing into where his mission was due to take place… Wha?! Bond on a surfboard? I began to get a sinking feeling right from that first shot…
At the end of the sequence the Koreans capture Bond and the scene finishes with images of Bond being tortured and interrogated for 14 months… Hang on a second... There’s something not right here… Bond captured? OK that happens often enough but held for 14 months? Bond not managing to escape? Now that’s not right. Bond can escape from any situation surely? I mean if he can thwart super-villains and topple ruthless regimes and dictator’s single handedly surely he can escape from a bunch of disorganized Koreans!? That kind of thing Just. Doesn’t. Happen. To. Bond!
Oh and the classic one-liner? “Saved by the bell”. Rubbish. Even cornier than usual. I just prayed to God at that moment that this wasn’t a precedent for the rest of the film.
I carried on watching the film right to the bitter end. I witnessed nothing but rubbish throughout the whole of it. Is nothing sacred in the world of Bond? First he surfs, then gets captured and can’t escape, after that we see an invisible car (two words: “Bull” and “excrement”) and a ridiculous construction in space that made me think the dude who created it had simply got all of Richard Branson’s crashed balloons and stitched them together to make a condom for a satellite. I came out of the cinema embittered. What on Earth had they done to Bond? Where was the covert sneaking and spy action? Where were the classic one-liners as opposed to the cheesy ‘funny stuff’ we got? Ok, Bond’s are always cheesy but they’re sardonically funny. The one-liner’s in this travesty of Bond cinema were just pathetic.
I went in hoping for a proper Bond film, full of spy-stuff and awesome gadgets. Ok, on the gadgets front I was half indulged, but the spy action? Nowhere. It was all ‘high-octane, heart pumping’ rubbish: explosions and not much else. The very idea of the Icarus space station, the aforementioned space-johnny, was absolutely absurd. Harness the sun’s power and reflect it to the Earth my rear-end. Ok, Bond’s never really been high on the realism front, but at leas, no matter how slight t, all of the other films had a degree of realism in them, but Die Another Day was absolutely ridiculous. Ice palaces? Invisible cars? Testicles. Oh and that reminds me, this film is fraught with more sexual innuendo’s then you’ll hear in my average school day. “Hand over the toy’s”, “Looks like we’re going down together” etc etc. Yawn.
Die Another Day is a film geared to appeal to the younger generation, the 12-16 year olds in our nation whose attention span is equal to that of a gold-fish in cold water, which is 6 seconds if my memory serves me correctly*, and the only way to keep them sitting through the whole of the film is to rid said film with explosions and sex. It works; you need only to look at the box-office takings for Bond to see that it works. But Bond isn’t and has never ever been about simple explosion-a-minute crap, it’s been about covert operations and leg-overness. We got the leg-overness all right but not the classic covert operations. With the amount of explosions that were in DAD it would in fact have been impossible to keep the dead asleep, let alone infiltrate a secret base undetected.
Maybe I’ve been a bit harsh, the film is a good film, it sounds good it, looks good (Mmm… Halle Berry) and it’s got a (half) decent plot. But it’s just not Bond. And considering that the film carries his name, that’s a major problem in my opinion. If you want a classic film full of spy’s, gadgets and sex, go and get your hands on any of the previous 007 films, if you want a high-octane, explosion-a-minute action thriller go and watch XXX, and if you want to see a high-octane, explosion-a-minute action thriller with the James Bond license then, and only then, should you go and see Die Another Day.
* God that was awful… Still marginally better than most of DAD’s pun’s though. Maybe *I* should be the script writer?
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Die Another Day
Ingredients: Words and insults.
Caution: May contain traces of spoilers.
I’ve been a Bond fan ever since I first saw The Man With The Golden Gun waaaay back in 1994. I immediately fell in love with Bond (not in a man-love way though), I fell in love with his wit, his impeccable timing, the stunts, his general all-round coolness and of course the gadgets. Anyway, since that day I’ve been a huge Bond fan and made it my mission to see all 19 films. I accomplished that goal and it only served to fuel my adoration of all things Bond. It was then, with excitement and anticipation that I descended upon my local cinema to see the latest of 007’s escapades.
I’ll try not to give too much away but if you haven’t seen it yet and don’t want ANY of the plot ruined then stop reading now… Are you gone? Good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The whole film was started by Bond surfing into where his mission was due to take place… Wha?! Bond on a surfboard? I began to get a sinking feeling right from that first shot…
At the end of the sequence the Koreans capture Bond and the scene finishes with images of Bond being tortured and interrogated for 14 months… Hang on a second... There’s something not right here… Bond captured? OK that happens often enough but held for 14 months? Bond not managing to escape? Now that’s not right. Bond can escape from any situation surely? I mean if he can thwart super-villains and topple ruthless regimes and dictator’s single handedly surely he can escape from a bunch of disorganized Koreans!? That kind of thing Just. Doesn’t. Happen. To. Bond!
Oh and the classic one-liner? “Saved by the bell”. Rubbish. Even cornier than usual. I just prayed to God at that moment that this wasn’t a precedent for the rest of the film.
I carried on watching the film right to the bitter end. I witnessed nothing but rubbish throughout the whole of it. Is nothing sacred in the world of Bond? First he surfs, then gets captured and can’t escape, after that we see an invisible car (two words: “Bull” and “excrement”) and a ridiculous construction in space that made me think the dude who created it had simply got all of Richard Branson’s crashed balloons and stitched them together to make a condom for a satellite. I came out of the cinema embittered. What on Earth had they done to Bond? Where was the covert sneaking and spy action? Where were the classic one-liners as opposed to the cheesy ‘funny stuff’ we got? Ok, Bond’s are always cheesy but they’re sardonically funny. The one-liner’s in this travesty of Bond cinema were just pathetic.
I went in hoping for a proper Bond film, full of spy-stuff and awesome gadgets. Ok, on the gadgets front I was half indulged, but the spy action? Nowhere. It was all ‘high-octane, heart pumping’ rubbish: explosions and not much else. The very idea of the Icarus space station, the aforementioned space-johnny, was absolutely absurd. Harness the sun’s power and reflect it to the Earth my rear-end. Ok, Bond’s never really been high on the realism front, but at leas, no matter how slight t, all of the other films had a degree of realism in them, but Die Another Day was absolutely ridiculous. Ice palaces? Invisible cars? Testicles. Oh and that reminds me, this film is fraught with more sexual innuendo’s then you’ll hear in my average school day. “Hand over the toy’s”, “Looks like we’re going down together” etc etc. Yawn.
Die Another Day is a film geared to appeal to the younger generation, the 12-16 year olds in our nation whose attention span is equal to that of a gold-fish in cold water, which is 6 seconds if my memory serves me correctly*, and the only way to keep them sitting through the whole of the film is to rid said film with explosions and sex. It works; you need only to look at the box-office takings for Bond to see that it works. But Bond isn’t and has never ever been about simple explosion-a-minute crap, it’s been about covert operations and leg-overness. We got the leg-overness all right but not the classic covert operations. With the amount of explosions that were in DAD it would in fact have been impossible to keep the dead asleep, let alone infiltrate a secret base undetected.
Maybe I’ve been a bit harsh, the film is a good film, it sounds good it, looks good (Mmm… Halle Berry) and it’s got a (half) decent plot. But it’s just not Bond. And considering that the film carries his name, that’s a major problem in my opinion. If you want a classic film full of spy’s, gadgets and sex, go and get your hands on any of the previous 007 films, if you want a high-octane, explosion-a-minute action thriller go and watch XXX, and if you want to see a high-octane, explosion-a-minute action thriller with the James Bond license then, and only then, should you go and see Die Another Day.
* God that was awful… Still marginally better than most of DAD’s pun’s though. Maybe *I* should be the script writer?
Ingredients: Words and insults.
Caution: May contain traces of spoilers.
I’ve been a Bond fan ever since I first saw The Man With The Golden Gun waaaay back in 1994. I immediately fell in love with Bond (not in a man-love way though), I fell in love with his wit, his impeccable timing, the stunts, his general all-round coolness and of course the gadgets. Anyway, since that day I’ve been a huge Bond fan and made it my mission to see all 19 films. I accomplished that goal and it only served to fuel my adoration of all things Bond. It was then, with excitement and anticipation that I descended upon my local cinema to see the latest of 007’s escapades.
I’ll try not to give too much away but if you haven’t seen it yet and don’t want ANY of the plot ruined then stop reading now… Are you gone? Good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The whole film was started by Bond surfing into where his mission was due to take place… Wha?! Bond on a surfboard? I began to get a sinking feeling right from that first shot…
At the end of the sequence the Koreans capture Bond and the scene finishes with images of Bond being tortured and interrogated for 14 months… Hang on a second... There’s something not right here… Bond captured? OK that happens often enough but held for 14 months? Bond not managing to escape? Now that’s not right. Bond can escape from any situation surely? I mean if he can thwart super-villains and topple ruthless regimes and dictator’s single handedly surely he can escape from a bunch of disorganized Koreans!? That kind of thing Just. Doesn’t. Happen. To. Bond!
Oh and the classic one-liner? “Saved by the bell”. Rubbish. Even cornier than usual. I just prayed to God at that moment that this wasn’t a precedent for the rest of the film.
I carried on watching the film right to the bitter end. I witnessed nothing but rubbish throughout the whole of it. Is nothing sacred in the world of Bond? First he surfs, then gets captured and can’t escape, after that we see an invisible car (two words: “Bull” and “excrement”) and a ridiculous construction in space that made me think the dude who created it had simply got all of Richard Branson’s crashed balloons and stitched them together to make a condom for a satellite. I came out of the cinema embittered. What on Earth had they done to Bond? Where was the covert sneaking and spy action? Where were the classic one-liners as opposed to the cheesy ‘funny stuff’ we got? Ok, Bond’s are always cheesy but they’re sardonically funny. The one-liner’s in this travesty of Bond cinema were just pathetic.
I went in hoping for a proper Bond film, full of spy-stuff and awesome gadgets. Ok, on the gadgets front I was half indulged, but the spy action? Nowhere. It was all ‘high-octane, heart pumping’ rubbish: explosions and not much else. The very idea of the Icarus space station, the aforementioned space-johnny, was absolutely absurd. Harness the sun’s power and reflect it to the Earth my rear-end. Ok, Bond’s never really been high on the realism front, but at leas, no matter how slight t, all of the other films had a degree of realism in them, but Die Another Day was absolutely ridiculous. Ice palaces? Invisible cars? Testicles. Oh and that reminds me, this film is fraught with more sexual innuendo’s then you’ll hear in my average school day. “Hand over the toy’s”, “Looks like we’re going down together” etc etc. Yawn.
Die Another Day is a film geared to appeal to the younger generation, the 12-16 year olds in our nation whose attention span is equal to that of a gold-fish in cold water, which is 6 seconds if my memory serves me correctly*, and the only way to keep them sitting through the whole of the film is to rid said film with explosions and sex. It works; you need only to look at the box-office takings for Bond to see that it works. But Bond isn’t and has never ever been about simple explosion-a-minute crap, it’s been about covert operations and leg-overness. We got the leg-overness all right but not the classic covert operations. With the amount of explosions that were in DAD it would in fact have been impossible to keep the dead asleep, let alone infiltrate a secret base undetected.
Maybe I’ve been a bit harsh, the film is a good film, it sounds good it, looks good (Mmm… Halle Berry) and it’s got a (half) decent plot. But it’s just not Bond. And considering that the film carries his name, that’s a major problem in my opinion. If you want a classic film full of spy’s, gadgets and sex, go and get your hands on any of the previous 007 films, if you want a high-octane, explosion-a-minute action thriller go and watch XXX, and if you want to see a high-octane, explosion-a-minute action thriller with the James Bond license then, and only then, should you go and see Die Another Day.
* God that was awful… Still marginally better than most of DAD’s pun’s though. Maybe *I* should be the script writer?