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Well, as we all know, Saddam Hussein has nuclear weapons, forces violence and sexual abuse upon his own people and is the greatest threat to the West this side of a world war. But what else can we find that rascal Saddam guilty of?
PAGE CANNOT BE FOUND ERRORS - many attribute the invention of the internet, but it is really a complicated method of torture, allowing you to find exactly what you want, be it a news article, picture or post on a stupid message board...and then fobbing you off with a stupid error message. Incidentally, Bill Gates is actually a robot made by Mr Hussein.
COLD WEATHER - when his scientists had finished making nuclear warheads and other evil unmentionable items, Saddam wanted them to make sure he always had his orange goblin David Dickinson-esque tan topped up, and so they stole all England's sunshine and put it in Iraq. Thus explaining the lovely weather over there and my freezing cold hands typing this.
HIGH VIDEOGAME PRICES - why do we have to fork out £40 odd quid on a game, eh? Well, the reason is because Saddam Hussein is a bad evil naughty evil man. When the scientists had finished stealing our hot weather, they were instructed to get working on a time machine. This actually took ages to build, but then the scientists just went back in time and made it almost immediately. Anyway, Saddam travelled forwards in time to a land where Sega and Nintendo were fighting for a bigger market share with the 256-bit SNES 2 and Mega Drive 2s. Games cost £15 each, not unlike music CDs, and every gamer was happy. Of course, Saddam is evil, so he went BACK in time, and reconfigured all the early console and cartridge and CD and DVD kits so they required platinum and gold to run. This caused prices to soar, and Saddam, having bought some shares in Sega, sat back and cackled with glee. We sure showed him: the West didn't buy an DCs, and stupid Saddam sold his shares at rock bottom prices, only to see them rise the next year!
TOO MANY MUNTERS IN BRITAIN - we all lust after the American supermodels, the dark Italian godesses, the blonde Swedish twins...but why is Britain full of so many mingers? Well, Saddam Hussein, not content with having stolen our weather, decided he liked British birds, so he got some of his death squads to fly over and nick some fit ladies. Of course, later, after losing a game of Virtua Tennis Saddam went off in a huff and made all the women wear burkhas.
ENGLAND ALWAYS BOTTLING IT IN THE WORLD CUP - this is Saddam's fault too. As a result of the bad weather, pitches got soggier, and rubbisher. Also, thanks to some more time travel and as a result of the Iraqi dictator buying more shares, this time in McDonalds, the English diet has got worse and so there are less fit young men available, and even less any good at kicking a ball around.
STEPS SPLITTING UP - this is a great example of how petty Mr Hussein is, and as we all know, pettiness breeds nuclear weapons, and horrific gas attacks. When a young, strapping man Saddam had a band with some friends he'd met at school, called 'The Tyrants'. Their fusing of dancing and miming was lightyears ahead of its time, but they got a terrible reception in Iraq, and so they decided to pack it in after their first single, 'I Can Only See Your Eyes (Through That Burkha)', only reached number 73 in the Iraqi charts. Years later, seeing Steps excelling in the UK whilst doing what he had done all those years earlier got him really mad, and so he threatened to shoot a puppy unless Steps broke up. The girls were willing to take the chance but Lee and H pleaded with them, and gave Saddam what he wanted.
GETTING YOUR HAND STUCK IN DOORS - Saddam's the man you should be mad at, not that bloke that slammed the door shut when you still had your hand stuck in there. In a Red Bull-fuelled frenzy, Saddam got his massive team of scientists and death squad members together, and told them to tamper with every doorhinge in the world, or he'd send a dirty bomb to their mud hut. He later sobered up, realised what he'd done, and to correct his mistake assigned a new group of army men to tackle all future doorhinges manufactured.
SOME BUBBLEWRAP NOT POPPING AS LOUDLY AS OTHER BUBBLES - once apon a time, bubblewrap was perfect. It made a blissful sound, one in a perfect pitch, far better than even the greatest of pops pulled off in this present day timeframe. However, Saddam once got stuck on a particular bubble that wouldn't burst. He ended up cutting it with scissors, and it didn't make any sound at all. The world's largest bubblewrap factory, based in Iraq, was soon taken over by Hussein and he now sabotages an average of four bubbles for every 25.
Well, there. Don't be suprised if this pops up in the news as Mr Blair and Mr Bush's latest fact file on Saddam. I might be working for them. Then again, I might be crazy. Incidentally, biscuits getting too soggy and falling into your tea/coffee, those flaky bits at the bottom of cereal packets and necks on t-shirts that stretch far too easily when all you do is readjust your shoulders are not Saddam's fault...they are believed to be the work of Osama bin Laden's terrorist group Al Quaeda>
Thanks for reading.
-El Blokey
PAGE CANNOT BE FOUND ERRORS - many attribute the invention of the internet, but it is really a complicated method of torture, allowing you to find exactly what you want, be it a news article, picture or post on a stupid message board...and then fobbing you off with a stupid error message. Incidentally, Bill Gates is actually a robot made by Mr Hussein.
COLD WEATHER - when his scientists had finished making nuclear warheads and other evil unmentionable items, Saddam wanted them to make sure he always had his orange goblin David Dickinson-esque tan topped up, and so they stole all England's sunshine and put it in Iraq. Thus explaining the lovely weather over there and my freezing cold hands typing this.
HIGH VIDEOGAME PRICES - why do we have to fork out £40 odd quid on a game, eh? Well, the reason is because Saddam Hussein is a bad evil naughty evil man. When the scientists had finished stealing our hot weather, they were instructed to get working on a time machine. This actually took ages to build, but then the scientists just went back in time and made it almost immediately. Anyway, Saddam travelled forwards in time to a land where Sega and Nintendo were fighting for a bigger market share with the 256-bit SNES 2 and Mega Drive 2s. Games cost £15 each, not unlike music CDs, and every gamer was happy. Of course, Saddam is evil, so he went BACK in time, and reconfigured all the early console and cartridge and CD and DVD kits so they required platinum and gold to run. This caused prices to soar, and Saddam, having bought some shares in Sega, sat back and cackled with glee. We sure showed him: the West didn't buy an DCs, and stupid Saddam sold his shares at rock bottom prices, only to see them rise the next year!
TOO MANY MUNTERS IN BRITAIN - we all lust after the American supermodels, the dark Italian godesses, the blonde Swedish twins...but why is Britain full of so many mingers? Well, Saddam Hussein, not content with having stolen our weather, decided he liked British birds, so he got some of his death squads to fly over and nick some fit ladies. Of course, later, after losing a game of Virtua Tennis Saddam went off in a huff and made all the women wear burkhas.
ENGLAND ALWAYS BOTTLING IT IN THE WORLD CUP - this is Saddam's fault too. As a result of the bad weather, pitches got soggier, and rubbisher. Also, thanks to some more time travel and as a result of the Iraqi dictator buying more shares, this time in McDonalds, the English diet has got worse and so there are less fit young men available, and even less any good at kicking a ball around.
STEPS SPLITTING UP - this is a great example of how petty Mr Hussein is, and as we all know, pettiness breeds nuclear weapons, and horrific gas attacks. When a young, strapping man Saddam had a band with some friends he'd met at school, called 'The Tyrants'. Their fusing of dancing and miming was lightyears ahead of its time, but they got a terrible reception in Iraq, and so they decided to pack it in after their first single, 'I Can Only See Your Eyes (Through That Burkha)', only reached number 73 in the Iraqi charts. Years later, seeing Steps excelling in the UK whilst doing what he had done all those years earlier got him really mad, and so he threatened to shoot a puppy unless Steps broke up. The girls were willing to take the chance but Lee and H pleaded with them, and gave Saddam what he wanted.
GETTING YOUR HAND STUCK IN DOORS - Saddam's the man you should be mad at, not that bloke that slammed the door shut when you still had your hand stuck in there. In a Red Bull-fuelled frenzy, Saddam got his massive team of scientists and death squad members together, and told them to tamper with every doorhinge in the world, or he'd send a dirty bomb to their mud hut. He later sobered up, realised what he'd done, and to correct his mistake assigned a new group of army men to tackle all future doorhinges manufactured.
SOME BUBBLEWRAP NOT POPPING AS LOUDLY AS OTHER BUBBLES - once apon a time, bubblewrap was perfect. It made a blissful sound, one in a perfect pitch, far better than even the greatest of pops pulled off in this present day timeframe. However, Saddam once got stuck on a particular bubble that wouldn't burst. He ended up cutting it with scissors, and it didn't make any sound at all. The world's largest bubblewrap factory, based in Iraq, was soon taken over by Hussein and he now sabotages an average of four bubbles for every 25.
Well, there. Don't be suprised if this pops up in the news as Mr Blair and Mr Bush's latest fact file on Saddam. I might be working for them. Then again, I might be crazy. Incidentally, biscuits getting too soggy and falling into your tea/coffee, those flaky bits at the bottom of cereal packets and necks on t-shirts that stretch far too easily when all you do is readjust your shoulders are not Saddam's fault...they are believed to be the work of Osama bin Laden's terrorist group Al Quaeda>
Thanks for reading.
-El Blokey
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Sorry, in the page cannot be found bit it should read 'many attribute the creation of the internet to Al Gore'.
What about "Why does your hair go greasy after 3 days of not washing?";
"Why is my computer is such an out dated piece of crap technology?"
"Why is my Geography teacher Mr Bunting is so boring and strict?"
Can anybody answer these 3 questions other than saddam who is secretly monitoring our every move via satelite.
*Buys time by makin up to Saddam*
Saddam hussein is SO smart, he is SO witty and powerful just like the powerpuff girls*
Whoops I think I went too far.... no Saddam don't hurt me!...arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!.......
"Why is my computer is such an out dated piece of crap technology?"
"Why is my Geography teacher Mr Bunting is so boring and strict?"
Can anybody answer these 3 questions other than saddam who is secretly monitoring our every move via satelite.
*Buys time by makin up to Saddam*
Saddam hussein is SO smart, he is SO witty and powerful just like the powerpuff girls*
Whoops I think I went too far.... no Saddam don't hurt me!...arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!.......
Blank wrote:
> Funniest thread for quite a while. Although I fear there may be quite
> a few more underhand terrorist actions Saddam has crried out that we
> are not yet aware of. Like....why does your breath always stink when
> you get out of bed? You haven't been anywhere!
But what have you been doing...?
;-)
> Funniest thread for quite a while. Although I fear there may be quite
> a few more underhand terrorist actions Saddam has crried out that we
> are not yet aware of. Like....why does your breath always stink when
> you get out of bed? You haven't been anywhere!
But what have you been doing...?
;-)
Thanks for all the positive feedback guys.
DAMN YOU AND YOUR INFURIATING WIT
Funniest thread for quite a while. Although I fear there may be quite a few more underhand terrorist actions Saddam has crried out that we are not yet aware of. Like....why does your breath always stink when you get out of bed? You haven't been anywhere! But of course Saddam has. He's been in your room putting stinky putty in your mouth, leaving it to ferment, then taking it out just before you wake up. Damn him.
Loved it :)
Genius :D
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