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Gene: Good evening folks, and welcome to another Celebrity Fight Club, and this week, do we ever have a treat for you, hey Mike?
Mike: That's right Gene. This week we have a time-travelling, cross-gender namesake special.
G: Wow Mike, that sounds fantastic!
M: It sure does Gene, but you just wait until you see who we've got lined up to take part this week. We have Jane Austin versus Steve Austin, Pink versus Mr Pink, Drew Barrymore versus Michael Barrymore, and in our main event Charlotte Church will take on Winston Churchill on a platform hovering perilously close to a tank full of crocodiles.
G: Wow Mike, that's quite a show we have here, let's kick it all off with the first match.
M: Right then folks, we're off to Bath in the year 1801, with a caged 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin in tow. He is wild after spending the last month caged up, with our operatives throwing hot coals at his, and feeding him only on the raw flesh of pigs. He has been bombarded with constant images of Jane Austin, so when he sees her, he'll lose control.
G: That's right. He's in tip-top condition to surprise Jane, who has no idea at all that we're coming. Hey look! Here she comes now, release the Steve!
M: Man, I swear that's smoke coming out of his ears.
G: It could well be Mike, he's certainly just steam-rollered Jane Austin with that clothes line.
M: You think she's getting up from that, I mean there's blood running from her ears, and there was a nasty crack when her head hit the ground?
G: Well we've done our research Mike, and she's a resilient young thing, she'll be back on her feet in a moment. Perhaps once Steve stops driving his elbow into her neck.
M: He seems to be laying off now, Gene I believe he's looking for something.
G: CHAIR! CHAIR!
M: My God, Gene, that's an antique!
G: Not in 1801 it isn't.
M: Jane Austin is up! Steve really shouldn't have left her for so long, put if he gets in this chair shot, he'll be right back on top.
G: But what's this? Jane Austin is saying something...Steve has frozen?
M: Yes Gene, she seems to have perplexed Steve with her sense of irony!
G: And now she has the chair, Mike, could it be all over for Stone Cold?
M: BAM! Yes it is. That was certainly a 'novel' way to finish the match, wouldn't you say Gene.
G: I certainly would Mike, but there's no time to dwell on that, we're off to an early nineties abandoned warehouse for our second match-up of the evening, in which queen of whinge-pop Pink will take on the fictional character Mr Pink from Reservoir Dogs. This is going to be good.
M: I sure hope so Gene, and as always we've done our best to get our fighters in the right frame of mind. Both have been locked in separate rooms, and forced to listen to Pinks albums.
G: Yes Mike, apparently Mr Pink has been using his slightly odd teeth to try to gnaw his way out of his room. Pink is in an emotionally unstable state too, after having to recall the harrowing experiences that 'Family Portrait' revoke.
M: That's right Gene, its pain sure is painful. Right, let's let them out.
G: Well, Pink has come running out, but Mr Pink is just standing there. What do you make of that Mike?
M: Well it looks to me like he's developed some kind of tick, Gene.
G: I'd say it was more of a spasm. How many times did he have to listen to her album?
M: Pink looks angry, Mr Pink could be in for some punishment now, especially if he's unable to defend himself.
G: Indeed, and that was one hell of a kick from Pink, but Mr Pink is just standing there.
M: Yes Gene, and now he's taking those repeated punches to the jaw without response.
G: And now Pink has stopped Mike, what's she doing?
M: Looks like she's going over to the corner Gene.
G: Oh, and now she's crying and muttering about her childhood.
M: But look at this Gene, Mr Pink is now on the move.
G: Mike, now you look at this, he's pulled his gun.
M: Well it's a win for Mr Pink then, pushed to the brink of madness by Pink's annoying ways. That's one hell of a mess to clear up, Gene.
G: Sure is. But our next match could be even messier. We're going back in time just a short time, a few months, back to Michael Barrymore's pool party.
M: Yes Gene, I wonder how he'll respond to Drew Barrymore parachuting in and laying into him.
G: Well Mike, we're about to find out, here she comes.
M: Oooh! That's gotta hurt, hey Gene?
G: Yes Mike, she gave it the full gun there with that hook to the stomach.
M: I'm sure he'll be grateful that she can't reach his head.
G: Indeed Mike. Well he's up now, and he's not happy. A shove on Drew has knocked her into the pool.
M: Yes Gene, and he's diving right in after her.
G: Wow Mike. It was certainly wise of Drew to wear that thin white top, I can see right through it.
M: Any sane man will be unable to take their eyes of that.
G: But Mike, Michael seems unaffected by the view, he's circling her, trying to attack from behind.
M: He's overpowered the see through top. Michael used to ask contestants if they wanted top, middle or bottom, and once again Michael has proved that he always chooses bottom with a kick to Drew’s rear.
G: Drew is out of the pool now.
M: Yes Gene, looks like she's heading inside, and Michael Barrymore is right behind her.
G: His favourite position?
M: What's that Gene? Never mind, Michael is trying to tempt Drew with a plate full of cocaine!
G: And she's thrown it in his face, this fight is over, he's covered in it, he's all white.
M: Awight.
G: Moving swiftly on, that brings us to our main event of the evening, the crocodile match.
M: Yes folks, the greatest ever Britain will take on last years Rear of the Year winner.
G: Funny thing is, if she were a year younger they would have called it 'sick'.
M: Gene, what's more sick, perving after girls half your age, or fighting over a pit of crocodiles?
G: Ain't nothing wrong with those crocodiles Mike.
M: So let's begin.
G: Looks like we got hold of a decent age Winston Churchill, though there's something of a weight mismatch between a 1945 Winston Churchill and a modern day Charlotte Church.
M: Yes Gene, either combatant could use this to their advantage though. As they currently circle each other on the platform, you can see the way that the end Churchill is at is dipping into the water.
G: You're right Mike, he's also much more appealing a meal to those crocs.
M: But right now it's all about the damage these two can do to each other. It looks like miss Church is pulling something from her pocket.
G: Christ on a bike, Mike, it's a knife! Where did such an innocent girl get such a weapon?
M: Well Mike, she's got herself a boyfriend now, and he's a bit of an unsavoury sort.
G: Kids these days, when will they learn?
M: Maybe Churchill will teach her a thing or two? He's certainly doing a good job of avoiding that knife.
G: Yes, but can he fight back? Wow Mike, he certainly can, using his booming voice to stun Charlotte!
M: Yes Gene, that I was not expecting. Now this rousing speech is really getting the crowd behind him, but it's also attracting the crocodiles!
G: That's right Mike, they're approaching the stunned Charlotte.
M: Just in time, she's used her own voice to get back into the contest. The crocodiles are backing away, towards Winston.
G: They're snapping at his feet, Mike, surely this one is almost over.
M: Not quite Gene, I think Winston Churchill is about to jump!
G: Wow! Look at her go! Jumping on the platform has not only knocked off all of the crocodiles, but it's also sprung young Charlotte up into the air.
M: And with a splash she's in the water. What a match, Gene.
G: Yes Mike, another fantastic week here on Celebrity Fight Club, and next week it could well get better.
M: Indeed it might Gene, for we have a 3 on 1, trampoline, magic special, featuring David Blane versus Paul Daniels, The Great Suprendo and Sooty.
G: I can't wait Mike.
M: Neither can I.
G: Well, be sure to join us for more celebrity brawls next time on..
Gene and Mike: Celebrity Fight Club!!!
Mike: That's right Gene. This week we have a time-travelling, cross-gender namesake special.
G: Wow Mike, that sounds fantastic!
M: It sure does Gene, but you just wait until you see who we've got lined up to take part this week. We have Jane Austin versus Steve Austin, Pink versus Mr Pink, Drew Barrymore versus Michael Barrymore, and in our main event Charlotte Church will take on Winston Churchill on a platform hovering perilously close to a tank full of crocodiles.
G: Wow Mike, that's quite a show we have here, let's kick it all off with the first match.
M: Right then folks, we're off to Bath in the year 1801, with a caged 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin in tow. He is wild after spending the last month caged up, with our operatives throwing hot coals at his, and feeding him only on the raw flesh of pigs. He has been bombarded with constant images of Jane Austin, so when he sees her, he'll lose control.
G: That's right. He's in tip-top condition to surprise Jane, who has no idea at all that we're coming. Hey look! Here she comes now, release the Steve!
M: Man, I swear that's smoke coming out of his ears.
G: It could well be Mike, he's certainly just steam-rollered Jane Austin with that clothes line.
M: You think she's getting up from that, I mean there's blood running from her ears, and there was a nasty crack when her head hit the ground?
G: Well we've done our research Mike, and she's a resilient young thing, she'll be back on her feet in a moment. Perhaps once Steve stops driving his elbow into her neck.
M: He seems to be laying off now, Gene I believe he's looking for something.
G: CHAIR! CHAIR!
M: My God, Gene, that's an antique!
G: Not in 1801 it isn't.
M: Jane Austin is up! Steve really shouldn't have left her for so long, put if he gets in this chair shot, he'll be right back on top.
G: But what's this? Jane Austin is saying something...Steve has frozen?
M: Yes Gene, she seems to have perplexed Steve with her sense of irony!
G: And now she has the chair, Mike, could it be all over for Stone Cold?
M: BAM! Yes it is. That was certainly a 'novel' way to finish the match, wouldn't you say Gene.
G: I certainly would Mike, but there's no time to dwell on that, we're off to an early nineties abandoned warehouse for our second match-up of the evening, in which queen of whinge-pop Pink will take on the fictional character Mr Pink from Reservoir Dogs. This is going to be good.
M: I sure hope so Gene, and as always we've done our best to get our fighters in the right frame of mind. Both have been locked in separate rooms, and forced to listen to Pinks albums.
G: Yes Mike, apparently Mr Pink has been using his slightly odd teeth to try to gnaw his way out of his room. Pink is in an emotionally unstable state too, after having to recall the harrowing experiences that 'Family Portrait' revoke.
M: That's right Gene, its pain sure is painful. Right, let's let them out.
G: Well, Pink has come running out, but Mr Pink is just standing there. What do you make of that Mike?
M: Well it looks to me like he's developed some kind of tick, Gene.
G: I'd say it was more of a spasm. How many times did he have to listen to her album?
M: Pink looks angry, Mr Pink could be in for some punishment now, especially if he's unable to defend himself.
G: Indeed, and that was one hell of a kick from Pink, but Mr Pink is just standing there.
M: Yes Gene, and now he's taking those repeated punches to the jaw without response.
G: And now Pink has stopped Mike, what's she doing?
M: Looks like she's going over to the corner Gene.
G: Oh, and now she's crying and muttering about her childhood.
M: But look at this Gene, Mr Pink is now on the move.
G: Mike, now you look at this, he's pulled his gun.
M: Well it's a win for Mr Pink then, pushed to the brink of madness by Pink's annoying ways. That's one hell of a mess to clear up, Gene.
G: Sure is. But our next match could be even messier. We're going back in time just a short time, a few months, back to Michael Barrymore's pool party.
M: Yes Gene, I wonder how he'll respond to Drew Barrymore parachuting in and laying into him.
G: Well Mike, we're about to find out, here she comes.
M: Oooh! That's gotta hurt, hey Gene?
G: Yes Mike, she gave it the full gun there with that hook to the stomach.
M: I'm sure he'll be grateful that she can't reach his head.
G: Indeed Mike. Well he's up now, and he's not happy. A shove on Drew has knocked her into the pool.
M: Yes Gene, and he's diving right in after her.
G: Wow Mike. It was certainly wise of Drew to wear that thin white top, I can see right through it.
M: Any sane man will be unable to take their eyes of that.
G: But Mike, Michael seems unaffected by the view, he's circling her, trying to attack from behind.
M: He's overpowered the see through top. Michael used to ask contestants if they wanted top, middle or bottom, and once again Michael has proved that he always chooses bottom with a kick to Drew’s rear.
G: Drew is out of the pool now.
M: Yes Gene, looks like she's heading inside, and Michael Barrymore is right behind her.
G: His favourite position?
M: What's that Gene? Never mind, Michael is trying to tempt Drew with a plate full of cocaine!
G: And she's thrown it in his face, this fight is over, he's covered in it, he's all white.
M: Awight.
G: Moving swiftly on, that brings us to our main event of the evening, the crocodile match.
M: Yes folks, the greatest ever Britain will take on last years Rear of the Year winner.
G: Funny thing is, if she were a year younger they would have called it 'sick'.
M: Gene, what's more sick, perving after girls half your age, or fighting over a pit of crocodiles?
G: Ain't nothing wrong with those crocodiles Mike.
M: So let's begin.
G: Looks like we got hold of a decent age Winston Churchill, though there's something of a weight mismatch between a 1945 Winston Churchill and a modern day Charlotte Church.
M: Yes Gene, either combatant could use this to their advantage though. As they currently circle each other on the platform, you can see the way that the end Churchill is at is dipping into the water.
G: You're right Mike, he's also much more appealing a meal to those crocs.
M: But right now it's all about the damage these two can do to each other. It looks like miss Church is pulling something from her pocket.
G: Christ on a bike, Mike, it's a knife! Where did such an innocent girl get such a weapon?
M: Well Mike, she's got herself a boyfriend now, and he's a bit of an unsavoury sort.
G: Kids these days, when will they learn?
M: Maybe Churchill will teach her a thing or two? He's certainly doing a good job of avoiding that knife.
G: Yes, but can he fight back? Wow Mike, he certainly can, using his booming voice to stun Charlotte!
M: Yes Gene, that I was not expecting. Now this rousing speech is really getting the crowd behind him, but it's also attracting the crocodiles!
G: That's right Mike, they're approaching the stunned Charlotte.
M: Just in time, she's used her own voice to get back into the contest. The crocodiles are backing away, towards Winston.
G: They're snapping at his feet, Mike, surely this one is almost over.
M: Not quite Gene, I think Winston Churchill is about to jump!
G: Wow! Look at her go! Jumping on the platform has not only knocked off all of the crocodiles, but it's also sprung young Charlotte up into the air.
M: And with a splash she's in the water. What a match, Gene.
G: Yes Mike, another fantastic week here on Celebrity Fight Club, and next week it could well get better.
M: Indeed it might Gene, for we have a 3 on 1, trampoline, magic special, featuring David Blane versus Paul Daniels, The Great Suprendo and Sooty.
G: I can't wait Mike.
M: Neither can I.
G: Well, be sure to join us for more celebrity brawls next time on..
Gene and Mike: Celebrity Fight Club!!!
LOL at the entire post. My favorite bit has got to be Michael Barrymore tempting Drew barrymore with the cocaine.
CLASSIC
CLASSIC
haha that's funny
:D
Nice one!! :D
I was expecting to see something like the film Fight Club, but with celebrities. This was much better though - more like Celebrity Death Match.
I liked that bit in the Church-Churchill match:
"Funny thing is, if she were a year younger they would have called it 'sick'." And the rest, of course.
:D
I was expecting to see something like the film Fight Club, but with celebrities. This was much better though - more like Celebrity Death Match.
I liked that bit in the Church-Churchill match:
"Funny thing is, if she were a year younger they would have called it 'sick'." And the rest, of course.
:D
Gene: Good evening folks, and welcome to another Celebrity Fight Club, and this week, do we ever have a treat for you, hey Mike?
Mike: That's right Gene. This week we have a time-travelling, cross-gender namesake special.
G: Wow Mike, that sounds fantastic!
M: It sure does Gene, but you just wait until you see who we've got lined up to take part this week. We have Jane Austin versus Steve Austin, Pink versus Mr Pink, Drew Barrymore versus Michael Barrymore, and in our main event Charlotte Church will take on Winston Churchill on a platform hovering perilously close to a tank full of crocodiles.
G: Wow Mike, that's quite a show we have here, let's kick it all off with the first match.
M: Right then folks, we're off to Bath in the year 1801, with a caged 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin in tow. He is wild after spending the last month caged up, with our operatives throwing hot coals at his, and feeding him only on the raw flesh of pigs. He has been bombarded with constant images of Jane Austin, so when he sees her, he'll lose control.
G: That's right. He's in tip-top condition to surprise Jane, who has no idea at all that we're coming. Hey look! Here she comes now, release the Steve!
M: Man, I swear that's smoke coming out of his ears.
G: It could well be Mike, he's certainly just steam-rollered Jane Austin with that clothes line.
M: You think she's getting up from that, I mean there's blood running from her ears, and there was a nasty crack when her head hit the ground?
G: Well we've done our research Mike, and she's a resilient young thing, she'll be back on her feet in a moment. Perhaps once Steve stops driving his elbow into her neck.
M: He seems to be laying off now, Gene I believe he's looking for something.
G: CHAIR! CHAIR!
M: My God, Gene, that's an antique!
G: Not in 1801 it isn't.
M: Jane Austin is up! Steve really shouldn't have left her for so long, put if he gets in this chair shot, he'll be right back on top.
G: But what's this? Jane Austin is saying something...Steve has frozen?
M: Yes Gene, she seems to have perplexed Steve with her sense of irony!
G: And now she has the chair, Mike, could it be all over for Stone Cold?
M: BAM! Yes it is. That was certainly a 'novel' way to finish the match, wouldn't you say Gene.
G: I certainly would Mike, but there's no time to dwell on that, we're off to an early nineties abandoned warehouse for our second match-up of the evening, in which queen of whinge-pop Pink will take on the fictional character Mr Pink from Reservoir Dogs. This is going to be good.
M: I sure hope so Gene, and as always we've done our best to get our fighters in the right frame of mind. Both have been locked in separate rooms, and forced to listen to Pinks albums.
G: Yes Mike, apparently Mr Pink has been using his slightly odd teeth to try to gnaw his way out of his room. Pink is in an emotionally unstable state too, after having to recall the harrowing experiences that 'Family Portrait' revoke.
M: That's right Gene, its pain sure is painful. Right, let's let them out.
G: Well, Pink has come running out, but Mr Pink is just standing there. What do you make of that Mike?
M: Well it looks to me like he's developed some kind of tick, Gene.
G: I'd say it was more of a spasm. How many times did he have to listen to her album?
M: Pink looks angry, Mr Pink could be in for some punishment now, especially if he's unable to defend himself.
G: Indeed, and that was one hell of a kick from Pink, but Mr Pink is just standing there.
M: Yes Gene, and now he's taking those repeated punches to the jaw without response.
G: And now Pink has stopped Mike, what's she doing?
M: Looks like she's going over to the corner Gene.
G: Oh, and now she's crying and muttering about her childhood.
M: But look at this Gene, Mr Pink is now on the move.
G: Mike, now you look at this, he's pulled his gun.
M: Well it's a win for Mr Pink then, pushed to the brink of madness by Pink's annoying ways. That's one hell of a mess to clear up, Gene.
G: Sure is. But our next match could be even messier. We're going back in time just a short time, a few months, back to Michael Barrymore's pool party.
M: Yes Gene, I wonder how he'll respond to Drew Barrymore parachuting in and laying into him.
G: Well Mike, we're about to find out, here she comes.
M: Oooh! That's gotta hurt, hey Gene?
G: Yes Mike, she gave it the full gun there with that hook to the stomach.
M: I'm sure he'll be grateful that she can't reach his head.
G: Indeed Mike. Well he's up now, and he's not happy. A shove on Drew has knocked her into the pool.
M: Yes Gene, and he's diving right in after her.
G: Wow Mike. It was certainly wise of Drew to wear that thin white top, I can see right through it.
M: Any sane man will be unable to take their eyes of that.
G: But Mike, Michael seems unaffected by the view, he's circling her, trying to attack from behind.
M: He's overpowered the see through top. Michael used to ask contestants if they wanted top, middle or bottom, and once again Michael has proved that he always chooses bottom with a kick to Drew’s rear.
G: Drew is out of the pool now.
M: Yes Gene, looks like she's heading inside, and Michael Barrymore is right behind her.
G: His favourite position?
M: What's that Gene? Never mind, Michael is trying to tempt Drew with a plate full of cocaine!
G: And she's thrown it in his face, this fight is over, he's covered in it, he's all white.
M: Awight.
G: Moving swiftly on, that brings us to our main event of the evening, the crocodile match.
M: Yes folks, the greatest ever Britain will take on last years Rear of the Year winner.
G: Funny thing is, if she were a year younger they would have called it 'sick'.
M: Gene, what's more sick, perving after girls half your age, or fighting over a pit of crocodiles?
G: Ain't nothing wrong with those crocodiles Mike.
M: So let's begin.
G: Looks like we got hold of a decent age Winston Churchill, though there's something of a weight mismatch between a 1945 Winston Churchill and a modern day Charlotte Church.
M: Yes Gene, either combatant could use this to their advantage though. As they currently circle each other on the platform, you can see the way that the end Churchill is at is dipping into the water.
G: You're right Mike, he's also much more appealing a meal to those crocs.
M: But right now it's all about the damage these two can do to each other. It looks like miss Church is pulling something from her pocket.
G: Christ on a bike, Mike, it's a knife! Where did such an innocent girl get such a weapon?
M: Well Mike, she's got herself a boyfriend now, and he's a bit of an unsavoury sort.
G: Kids these days, when will they learn?
M: Maybe Churchill will teach her a thing or two? He's certainly doing a good job of avoiding that knife.
G: Yes, but can he fight back? Wow Mike, he certainly can, using his booming voice to stun Charlotte!
M: Yes Gene, that I was not expecting. Now this rousing speech is really getting the crowd behind him, but it's also attracting the crocodiles!
G: That's right Mike, they're approaching the stunned Charlotte.
M: Just in time, she's used her own voice to get back into the contest. The crocodiles are backing away, towards Winston.
G: They're snapping at his feet, Mike, surely this one is almost over.
M: Not quite Gene, I think Winston Churchill is about to jump!
G: Wow! Look at her go! Jumping on the platform has not only knocked off all of the crocodiles, but it's also sprung young Charlotte up into the air.
M: And with a splash she's in the water. What a match, Gene.
G: Yes Mike, another fantastic week here on Celebrity Fight Club, and next week it could well get better.
M: Indeed it might Gene, for we have a 3 on 1, trampoline, magic special, featuring David Blane versus Paul Daniels, The Great Suprendo and Sooty.
G: I can't wait Mike.
M: Neither can I.
G: Well, be sure to join us for more celebrity brawls next time on..
Gene and Mike: Celebrity Fight Club!!!
Mike: That's right Gene. This week we have a time-travelling, cross-gender namesake special.
G: Wow Mike, that sounds fantastic!
M: It sure does Gene, but you just wait until you see who we've got lined up to take part this week. We have Jane Austin versus Steve Austin, Pink versus Mr Pink, Drew Barrymore versus Michael Barrymore, and in our main event Charlotte Church will take on Winston Churchill on a platform hovering perilously close to a tank full of crocodiles.
G: Wow Mike, that's quite a show we have here, let's kick it all off with the first match.
M: Right then folks, we're off to Bath in the year 1801, with a caged 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin in tow. He is wild after spending the last month caged up, with our operatives throwing hot coals at his, and feeding him only on the raw flesh of pigs. He has been bombarded with constant images of Jane Austin, so when he sees her, he'll lose control.
G: That's right. He's in tip-top condition to surprise Jane, who has no idea at all that we're coming. Hey look! Here she comes now, release the Steve!
M: Man, I swear that's smoke coming out of his ears.
G: It could well be Mike, he's certainly just steam-rollered Jane Austin with that clothes line.
M: You think she's getting up from that, I mean there's blood running from her ears, and there was a nasty crack when her head hit the ground?
G: Well we've done our research Mike, and she's a resilient young thing, she'll be back on her feet in a moment. Perhaps once Steve stops driving his elbow into her neck.
M: He seems to be laying off now, Gene I believe he's looking for something.
G: CHAIR! CHAIR!
M: My God, Gene, that's an antique!
G: Not in 1801 it isn't.
M: Jane Austin is up! Steve really shouldn't have left her for so long, put if he gets in this chair shot, he'll be right back on top.
G: But what's this? Jane Austin is saying something...Steve has frozen?
M: Yes Gene, she seems to have perplexed Steve with her sense of irony!
G: And now she has the chair, Mike, could it be all over for Stone Cold?
M: BAM! Yes it is. That was certainly a 'novel' way to finish the match, wouldn't you say Gene.
G: I certainly would Mike, but there's no time to dwell on that, we're off to an early nineties abandoned warehouse for our second match-up of the evening, in which queen of whinge-pop Pink will take on the fictional character Mr Pink from Reservoir Dogs. This is going to be good.
M: I sure hope so Gene, and as always we've done our best to get our fighters in the right frame of mind. Both have been locked in separate rooms, and forced to listen to Pinks albums.
G: Yes Mike, apparently Mr Pink has been using his slightly odd teeth to try to gnaw his way out of his room. Pink is in an emotionally unstable state too, after having to recall the harrowing experiences that 'Family Portrait' revoke.
M: That's right Gene, its pain sure is painful. Right, let's let them out.
G: Well, Pink has come running out, but Mr Pink is just standing there. What do you make of that Mike?
M: Well it looks to me like he's developed some kind of tick, Gene.
G: I'd say it was more of a spasm. How many times did he have to listen to her album?
M: Pink looks angry, Mr Pink could be in for some punishment now, especially if he's unable to defend himself.
G: Indeed, and that was one hell of a kick from Pink, but Mr Pink is just standing there.
M: Yes Gene, and now he's taking those repeated punches to the jaw without response.
G: And now Pink has stopped Mike, what's she doing?
M: Looks like she's going over to the corner Gene.
G: Oh, and now she's crying and muttering about her childhood.
M: But look at this Gene, Mr Pink is now on the move.
G: Mike, now you look at this, he's pulled his gun.
M: Well it's a win for Mr Pink then, pushed to the brink of madness by Pink's annoying ways. That's one hell of a mess to clear up, Gene.
G: Sure is. But our next match could be even messier. We're going back in time just a short time, a few months, back to Michael Barrymore's pool party.
M: Yes Gene, I wonder how he'll respond to Drew Barrymore parachuting in and laying into him.
G: Well Mike, we're about to find out, here she comes.
M: Oooh! That's gotta hurt, hey Gene?
G: Yes Mike, she gave it the full gun there with that hook to the stomach.
M: I'm sure he'll be grateful that she can't reach his head.
G: Indeed Mike. Well he's up now, and he's not happy. A shove on Drew has knocked her into the pool.
M: Yes Gene, and he's diving right in after her.
G: Wow Mike. It was certainly wise of Drew to wear that thin white top, I can see right through it.
M: Any sane man will be unable to take their eyes of that.
G: But Mike, Michael seems unaffected by the view, he's circling her, trying to attack from behind.
M: He's overpowered the see through top. Michael used to ask contestants if they wanted top, middle or bottom, and once again Michael has proved that he always chooses bottom with a kick to Drew’s rear.
G: Drew is out of the pool now.
M: Yes Gene, looks like she's heading inside, and Michael Barrymore is right behind her.
G: His favourite position?
M: What's that Gene? Never mind, Michael is trying to tempt Drew with a plate full of cocaine!
G: And she's thrown it in his face, this fight is over, he's covered in it, he's all white.
M: Awight.
G: Moving swiftly on, that brings us to our main event of the evening, the crocodile match.
M: Yes folks, the greatest ever Britain will take on last years Rear of the Year winner.
G: Funny thing is, if she were a year younger they would have called it 'sick'.
M: Gene, what's more sick, perving after girls half your age, or fighting over a pit of crocodiles?
G: Ain't nothing wrong with those crocodiles Mike.
M: So let's begin.
G: Looks like we got hold of a decent age Winston Churchill, though there's something of a weight mismatch between a 1945 Winston Churchill and a modern day Charlotte Church.
M: Yes Gene, either combatant could use this to their advantage though. As they currently circle each other on the platform, you can see the way that the end Churchill is at is dipping into the water.
G: You're right Mike, he's also much more appealing a meal to those crocs.
M: But right now it's all about the damage these two can do to each other. It looks like miss Church is pulling something from her pocket.
G: Christ on a bike, Mike, it's a knife! Where did such an innocent girl get such a weapon?
M: Well Mike, she's got herself a boyfriend now, and he's a bit of an unsavoury sort.
G: Kids these days, when will they learn?
M: Maybe Churchill will teach her a thing or two? He's certainly doing a good job of avoiding that knife.
G: Yes, but can he fight back? Wow Mike, he certainly can, using his booming voice to stun Charlotte!
M: Yes Gene, that I was not expecting. Now this rousing speech is really getting the crowd behind him, but it's also attracting the crocodiles!
G: That's right Mike, they're approaching the stunned Charlotte.
M: Just in time, she's used her own voice to get back into the contest. The crocodiles are backing away, towards Winston.
G: They're snapping at his feet, Mike, surely this one is almost over.
M: Not quite Gene, I think Winston Churchill is about to jump!
G: Wow! Look at her go! Jumping on the platform has not only knocked off all of the crocodiles, but it's also sprung young Charlotte up into the air.
M: And with a splash she's in the water. What a match, Gene.
G: Yes Mike, another fantastic week here on Celebrity Fight Club, and next week it could well get better.
M: Indeed it might Gene, for we have a 3 on 1, trampoline, magic special, featuring David Blane versus Paul Daniels, The Great Suprendo and Sooty.
G: I can't wait Mike.
M: Neither can I.
G: Well, be sure to join us for more celebrity brawls next time on..
Gene and Mike: Celebrity Fight Club!!!