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*Mullet boy Vernon from T4 does the UK intro*
"Hello and welcome to the Gash Hits Music awards 2002. This years event is set to be bigger than the pop awards I hosted last week, which was way bigger than the one the tuesday before, with 8 brand new acts getting into the charts since the last event, so without further ado, I'll remove my 'Planet of the Apes' type face from the screen and hand you over to our hosts for this evening... P-Diddy and Tim Westwood."
"BO!!!!!!
That's not loud enough!!!!!
BOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
(thousands of girls scream....)
"Dis is da bomb raight here! lets get straight into tha fire with the first award. Now drop da bomb"
---
Nominees for 'Best act created from a shaky TV show' are:
Will Young
Gareth Gates
Heresay
Liberty X
Eminem
And the the winner is: Heresay. They started out as nobodies on a reality-search for a star show, and they ended up as nobodies from a reality-search for a star show. They set the rules for all that follow and for that, we salute you.
---
'Live' performance from the kings, Blazin Squad (who happen to be in P-Diddy's crew)
---
Nominees for 'Band that gets into the rock category of the pop award ceremonies because the pop world don't know the rock scene for squat' award are:
U2
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Foo Fighters
Coldplay
Eminem
And the winners are: (P-Diddy's bro's), Red Hot Chili Peppers! A band that is nominated in every Rock category of every award show purely because the record companies are so lost in their manufactured pop-tart world, they don't actually know any other real bands.
Unfortunately, RHCP cannot be here today, as they found an excuse at the last minute not to travel half way across the world for an award that means nothing being presented by an ex-rapper that calls them his bro's.
---
Nominees for 'British acts never win at American awards because we Americans love ourselves too much to let them, so we'll give them their own category' award are:
Coldplay
Coldplay
Coldplay
Coldplay
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's main men,) Coldplay! Coldplay would have been nominated in the rock category, as per all the other award ceremonies, but the minor point of them being as rock as a banana got in the way.
---
Nominees for 'Artist that sells really well due to wearing skimpy outfits more than ability' award are:
Christina Aguilera
Britany Spears
Holly Valance
Liberty X
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's main squeeze,) Christina! The woman who has yet to buy a pair of trousers that have an backside in them is unable to make it to the awards tonight, as she was unable to get her hair into the arena.
---
Nominees for 'Lifetime achievement / that's the end of your career' award are:
Robbieeee Williams
Oasis
Coldplay
Gareth Gates
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's lovers,) All of them. The judges have taken a shoch decision to award the lifetime achievement award to all acts listed* in the hope that they will take this as a cue to stop releasing new material.
*except Eminem, who is a real good category filler.
---
Nominees for 'Singer with the most annoying voice ever' are:
Shaggy
Finlay Quaye (not a current artist, but deserves a mention in this category)
Nelly
Oasis
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's bum chum,) Nelly! Nelly approaches the stage in a gold shell suit undone to show his bare chest behind a medallion of his name that is whder than his shoulders, and not only a plaster on his cheek but a few dabs of toilet paper, from a rushed shave before the awards.
---
Live performance of Kelly Osbourne. The crowd are genuinely impressed that she has made it this far off her own back, and not used her fathers name or cash to get there.
---
Nominees for 'Best effort at record companies to cash in on the skater trend' award are
Avril Laverie
Busted
Nickleback
Parker ( :D )
Eminem
And the winner is (P-Diddy's partner in soul,) Avril Laverie!
"I'm not really manufactured, I wrote all these songs myself, as I feel that my gift of transferring what's in my heart into my songs should be shared with the world."
Yes, love.
---
And finally, the nominees for 'most annoying person in the building' are:
P-Diddy
Tim Westwood
Nelly
Eminem
Eminem
and the winner is (P-Diddy's valentine date,) P-Diddy!
A lighting rig falls from the ceiling and takes his life instantly.
A nation rejoices.
---
Monkey boy Vernon takes the screen.
"So there you have it! The Chilli's diddn't show up (again), Christina Aguelera showed us her butt (again), and P-Diddy is dead! Could there ever be a better..."
The apeman is cut off and cameras focus on the main stage. Tim Westwood is centre.
"Bo people! I is informed that there has been an aditional category added to the awards last minute! Holler!!!!!!
---
Nominees for 'best Eminem' are:
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
And the winner is: (The late P-Diddy's homey,) All nominees! Eminem arrives on the stage in a t-shirt reading "RIP diddy" and calls for a moments silence for respect and reflection. Eminem recieves 5 awards, and has a thank you speech prepared for each, although they all thank the same people.
---
Vernon the chimp returns.
Blimey! What a turn of events! Eminem scooping 5 awards in the last minute, despite being tipped to take everything including J-Lo home with him! Right. I'm off home to watch this awards ceremony on late night T4, so I can admire myself and my babboon-like locks! See you next week where I'll be hosting yet another award ceremony, albiet from right at the back, and rest assured, I'll have got me a new shirt from Save the Aged by then.
Take care now!"
Cheers,
Slave.
"Hello and welcome to the Gash Hits Music awards 2002. This years event is set to be bigger than the pop awards I hosted last week, which was way bigger than the one the tuesday before, with 8 brand new acts getting into the charts since the last event, so without further ado, I'll remove my 'Planet of the Apes' type face from the screen and hand you over to our hosts for this evening... P-Diddy and Tim Westwood."
"BO!!!!!!
That's not loud enough!!!!!
BOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
(thousands of girls scream....)
"Dis is da bomb raight here! lets get straight into tha fire with the first award. Now drop da bomb"
---
Nominees for 'Best act created from a shaky TV show' are:
Will Young
Gareth Gates
Heresay
Liberty X
Eminem
And the the winner is: Heresay. They started out as nobodies on a reality-search for a star show, and they ended up as nobodies from a reality-search for a star show. They set the rules for all that follow and for that, we salute you.
---
'Live' performance from the kings, Blazin Squad (who happen to be in P-Diddy's crew)
---
Nominees for 'Band that gets into the rock category of the pop award ceremonies because the pop world don't know the rock scene for squat' award are:
U2
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Foo Fighters
Coldplay
Eminem
And the winners are: (P-Diddy's bro's), Red Hot Chili Peppers! A band that is nominated in every Rock category of every award show purely because the record companies are so lost in their manufactured pop-tart world, they don't actually know any other real bands.
Unfortunately, RHCP cannot be here today, as they found an excuse at the last minute not to travel half way across the world for an award that means nothing being presented by an ex-rapper that calls them his bro's.
---
Nominees for 'British acts never win at American awards because we Americans love ourselves too much to let them, so we'll give them their own category' award are:
Coldplay
Coldplay
Coldplay
Coldplay
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's main men,) Coldplay! Coldplay would have been nominated in the rock category, as per all the other award ceremonies, but the minor point of them being as rock as a banana got in the way.
---
Nominees for 'Artist that sells really well due to wearing skimpy outfits more than ability' award are:
Christina Aguilera
Britany Spears
Holly Valance
Liberty X
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's main squeeze,) Christina! The woman who has yet to buy a pair of trousers that have an backside in them is unable to make it to the awards tonight, as she was unable to get her hair into the arena.
---
Nominees for 'Lifetime achievement / that's the end of your career' award are:
Robbieeee Williams
Oasis
Coldplay
Gareth Gates
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's lovers,) All of them. The judges have taken a shoch decision to award the lifetime achievement award to all acts listed* in the hope that they will take this as a cue to stop releasing new material.
*except Eminem, who is a real good category filler.
---
Nominees for 'Singer with the most annoying voice ever' are:
Shaggy
Finlay Quaye (not a current artist, but deserves a mention in this category)
Nelly
Oasis
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's bum chum,) Nelly! Nelly approaches the stage in a gold shell suit undone to show his bare chest behind a medallion of his name that is whder than his shoulders, and not only a plaster on his cheek but a few dabs of toilet paper, from a rushed shave before the awards.
---
Live performance of Kelly Osbourne. The crowd are genuinely impressed that she has made it this far off her own back, and not used her fathers name or cash to get there.
---
Nominees for 'Best effort at record companies to cash in on the skater trend' award are
Avril Laverie
Busted
Nickleback
Parker ( :D )
Eminem
And the winner is (P-Diddy's partner in soul,) Avril Laverie!
"I'm not really manufactured, I wrote all these songs myself, as I feel that my gift of transferring what's in my heart into my songs should be shared with the world."
Yes, love.
---
And finally, the nominees for 'most annoying person in the building' are:
P-Diddy
Tim Westwood
Nelly
Eminem
Eminem
and the winner is (P-Diddy's valentine date,) P-Diddy!
A lighting rig falls from the ceiling and takes his life instantly.
A nation rejoices.
---
Monkey boy Vernon takes the screen.
"So there you have it! The Chilli's diddn't show up (again), Christina Aguelera showed us her butt (again), and P-Diddy is dead! Could there ever be a better..."
The apeman is cut off and cameras focus on the main stage. Tim Westwood is centre.
"Bo people! I is informed that there has been an aditional category added to the awards last minute! Holler!!!!!!
---
Nominees for 'best Eminem' are:
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
And the winner is: (The late P-Diddy's homey,) All nominees! Eminem arrives on the stage in a t-shirt reading "RIP diddy" and calls for a moments silence for respect and reflection. Eminem recieves 5 awards, and has a thank you speech prepared for each, although they all thank the same people.
---
Vernon the chimp returns.
Blimey! What a turn of events! Eminem scooping 5 awards in the last minute, despite being tipped to take everything including J-Lo home with him! Right. I'm off home to watch this awards ceremony on late night T4, so I can admire myself and my babboon-like locks! See you next week where I'll be hosting yet another award ceremony, albiet from right at the back, and rest assured, I'll have got me a new shirt from Save the Aged by then.
Take care now!"
Cheers,
Slave.
Gangsta Hamsta wrote:
> dont fancy your chances when Goaty reads it though ;-)
Im pretty sure Goaty will love it.
> dont fancy your chances when Goaty reads it though ;-)
Im pretty sure Goaty will love it.
Good
Good stuff that mate.
About sums the pop business up.
dont fancy your chances when Goaty reads it though ;-)
About sums the pop business up.
dont fancy your chances when Goaty reads it though ;-)
Heh, nice one.
Vernon really need a haircut though.
Vernon really need a haircut though.
*Mullet boy Vernon from T4 does the UK intro*
"Hello and welcome to the Gash Hits Music awards 2002. This years event is set to be bigger than the pop awards I hosted last week, which was way bigger than the one the tuesday before, with 8 brand new acts getting into the charts since the last event, so without further ado, I'll remove my 'Planet of the Apes' type face from the screen and hand you over to our hosts for this evening... P-Diddy and Tim Westwood."
"BO!!!!!!
That's not loud enough!!!!!
BOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
(thousands of girls scream....)
"Dis is da bomb raight here! lets get straight into tha fire with the first award. Now drop da bomb"
---
Nominees for 'Best act created from a shaky TV show' are:
Will Young
Gareth Gates
Heresay
Liberty X
Eminem
And the the winner is: Heresay. They started out as nobodies on a reality-search for a star show, and they ended up as nobodies from a reality-search for a star show. They set the rules for all that follow and for that, we salute you.
---
'Live' performance from the kings, Blazin Squad (who happen to be in P-Diddy's crew)
---
Nominees for 'Band that gets into the rock category of the pop award ceremonies because the pop world don't know the rock scene for squat' award are:
U2
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Foo Fighters
Coldplay
Eminem
And the winners are: (P-Diddy's bro's), Red Hot Chili Peppers! A band that is nominated in every Rock category of every award show purely because the record companies are so lost in their manufactured pop-tart world, they don't actually know any other real bands.
Unfortunately, RHCP cannot be here today, as they found an excuse at the last minute not to travel half way across the world for an award that means nothing being presented by an ex-rapper that calls them his bro's.
---
Nominees for 'British acts never win at American awards because we Americans love ourselves too much to let them, so we'll give them their own category' award are:
Coldplay
Coldplay
Coldplay
Coldplay
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's main men,) Coldplay! Coldplay would have been nominated in the rock category, as per all the other award ceremonies, but the minor point of them being as rock as a banana got in the way.
---
Nominees for 'Artist that sells really well due to wearing skimpy outfits more than ability' award are:
Christina Aguilera
Britany Spears
Holly Valance
Liberty X
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's main squeeze,) Christina! The woman who has yet to buy a pair of trousers that have an backside in them is unable to make it to the awards tonight, as she was unable to get her hair into the arena.
---
Nominees for 'Lifetime achievement / that's the end of your career' award are:
Robbieeee Williams
Oasis
Coldplay
Gareth Gates
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's lovers,) All of them. The judges have taken a shoch decision to award the lifetime achievement award to all acts listed* in the hope that they will take this as a cue to stop releasing new material.
*except Eminem, who is a real good category filler.
---
Nominees for 'Singer with the most annoying voice ever' are:
Shaggy
Finlay Quaye (not a current artist, but deserves a mention in this category)
Nelly
Oasis
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's bum chum,) Nelly! Nelly approaches the stage in a gold shell suit undone to show his bare chest behind a medallion of his name that is whder than his shoulders, and not only a plaster on his cheek but a few dabs of toilet paper, from a rushed shave before the awards.
---
Live performance of Kelly Osbourne. The crowd are genuinely impressed that she has made it this far off her own back, and not used her fathers name or cash to get there.
---
Nominees for 'Best effort at record companies to cash in on the skater trend' award are
Avril Laverie
Busted
Nickleback
Parker ( :D )
Eminem
And the winner is (P-Diddy's partner in soul,) Avril Laverie!
"I'm not really manufactured, I wrote all these songs myself, as I feel that my gift of transferring what's in my heart into my songs should be shared with the world."
Yes, love.
---
And finally, the nominees for 'most annoying person in the building' are:
P-Diddy
Tim Westwood
Nelly
Eminem
Eminem
and the winner is (P-Diddy's valentine date,) P-Diddy!
A lighting rig falls from the ceiling and takes his life instantly.
A nation rejoices.
---
Monkey boy Vernon takes the screen.
"So there you have it! The Chilli's diddn't show up (again), Christina Aguelera showed us her butt (again), and P-Diddy is dead! Could there ever be a better..."
The apeman is cut off and cameras focus on the main stage. Tim Westwood is centre.
"Bo people! I is informed that there has been an aditional category added to the awards last minute! Holler!!!!!!
---
Nominees for 'best Eminem' are:
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
And the winner is: (The late P-Diddy's homey,) All nominees! Eminem arrives on the stage in a t-shirt reading "RIP diddy" and calls for a moments silence for respect and reflection. Eminem recieves 5 awards, and has a thank you speech prepared for each, although they all thank the same people.
---
Vernon the chimp returns.
Blimey! What a turn of events! Eminem scooping 5 awards in the last minute, despite being tipped to take everything including J-Lo home with him! Right. I'm off home to watch this awards ceremony on late night T4, so I can admire myself and my babboon-like locks! See you next week where I'll be hosting yet another award ceremony, albiet from right at the back, and rest assured, I'll have got me a new shirt from Save the Aged by then.
Take care now!"
Cheers,
Slave.
"Hello and welcome to the Gash Hits Music awards 2002. This years event is set to be bigger than the pop awards I hosted last week, which was way bigger than the one the tuesday before, with 8 brand new acts getting into the charts since the last event, so without further ado, I'll remove my 'Planet of the Apes' type face from the screen and hand you over to our hosts for this evening... P-Diddy and Tim Westwood."
"BO!!!!!!
That's not loud enough!!!!!
BOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
(thousands of girls scream....)
"Dis is da bomb raight here! lets get straight into tha fire with the first award. Now drop da bomb"
---
Nominees for 'Best act created from a shaky TV show' are:
Will Young
Gareth Gates
Heresay
Liberty X
Eminem
And the the winner is: Heresay. They started out as nobodies on a reality-search for a star show, and they ended up as nobodies from a reality-search for a star show. They set the rules for all that follow and for that, we salute you.
---
'Live' performance from the kings, Blazin Squad (who happen to be in P-Diddy's crew)
---
Nominees for 'Band that gets into the rock category of the pop award ceremonies because the pop world don't know the rock scene for squat' award are:
U2
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Foo Fighters
Coldplay
Eminem
And the winners are: (P-Diddy's bro's), Red Hot Chili Peppers! A band that is nominated in every Rock category of every award show purely because the record companies are so lost in their manufactured pop-tart world, they don't actually know any other real bands.
Unfortunately, RHCP cannot be here today, as they found an excuse at the last minute not to travel half way across the world for an award that means nothing being presented by an ex-rapper that calls them his bro's.
---
Nominees for 'British acts never win at American awards because we Americans love ourselves too much to let them, so we'll give them their own category' award are:
Coldplay
Coldplay
Coldplay
Coldplay
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's main men,) Coldplay! Coldplay would have been nominated in the rock category, as per all the other award ceremonies, but the minor point of them being as rock as a banana got in the way.
---
Nominees for 'Artist that sells really well due to wearing skimpy outfits more than ability' award are:
Christina Aguilera
Britany Spears
Holly Valance
Liberty X
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's main squeeze,) Christina! The woman who has yet to buy a pair of trousers that have an backside in them is unable to make it to the awards tonight, as she was unable to get her hair into the arena.
---
Nominees for 'Lifetime achievement / that's the end of your career' award are:
Robbieeee Williams
Oasis
Coldplay
Gareth Gates
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's lovers,) All of them. The judges have taken a shoch decision to award the lifetime achievement award to all acts listed* in the hope that they will take this as a cue to stop releasing new material.
*except Eminem, who is a real good category filler.
---
Nominees for 'Singer with the most annoying voice ever' are:
Shaggy
Finlay Quaye (not a current artist, but deserves a mention in this category)
Nelly
Oasis
Eminem
And the winner is: (P-Diddy's bum chum,) Nelly! Nelly approaches the stage in a gold shell suit undone to show his bare chest behind a medallion of his name that is whder than his shoulders, and not only a plaster on his cheek but a few dabs of toilet paper, from a rushed shave before the awards.
---
Live performance of Kelly Osbourne. The crowd are genuinely impressed that she has made it this far off her own back, and not used her fathers name or cash to get there.
---
Nominees for 'Best effort at record companies to cash in on the skater trend' award are
Avril Laverie
Busted
Nickleback
Parker ( :D )
Eminem
And the winner is (P-Diddy's partner in soul,) Avril Laverie!
"I'm not really manufactured, I wrote all these songs myself, as I feel that my gift of transferring what's in my heart into my songs should be shared with the world."
Yes, love.
---
And finally, the nominees for 'most annoying person in the building' are:
P-Diddy
Tim Westwood
Nelly
Eminem
Eminem
and the winner is (P-Diddy's valentine date,) P-Diddy!
A lighting rig falls from the ceiling and takes his life instantly.
A nation rejoices.
---
Monkey boy Vernon takes the screen.
"So there you have it! The Chilli's diddn't show up (again), Christina Aguelera showed us her butt (again), and P-Diddy is dead! Could there ever be a better..."
The apeman is cut off and cameras focus on the main stage. Tim Westwood is centre.
"Bo people! I is informed that there has been an aditional category added to the awards last minute! Holler!!!!!!
---
Nominees for 'best Eminem' are:
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
Eminem
And the winner is: (The late P-Diddy's homey,) All nominees! Eminem arrives on the stage in a t-shirt reading "RIP diddy" and calls for a moments silence for respect and reflection. Eminem recieves 5 awards, and has a thank you speech prepared for each, although they all thank the same people.
---
Vernon the chimp returns.
Blimey! What a turn of events! Eminem scooping 5 awards in the last minute, despite being tipped to take everything including J-Lo home with him! Right. I'm off home to watch this awards ceremony on late night T4, so I can admire myself and my babboon-like locks! See you next week where I'll be hosting yet another award ceremony, albiet from right at the back, and rest assured, I'll have got me a new shirt from Save the Aged by then.
Take care now!"
Cheers,
Slave.