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Damn, I hate America. I’m just glad that I’m on my way back to England next week.
I’ve been here for 3 years and I’ve so far enjoyed most of it. Yeah, the streets here in New York are pretty safe, as long as you don’t get too near to east side. Food is good too, though I feel like I’m slowly changing shape and resembling a beach ball every day. So why the sudden change of mind?
Well, I can pretty much put it all down to the other night. I was out for a walk, the usual thing. A bit of late night window shopping, followed by a stroll through Central Park. Fine night, too. The moon was full and, had I known what was coming, I might have enjoyed the irony of it. It was all going well until a group of men stood came out of the shadows and in my path. I recognised them for what they were, I mean it was pretty obvious what with the masks and knives.
So there I was, 3 muggers and me. Sounds like another crappy sitcom title, doesn’t it? Well, I certainly wasn’t thinking of sitcoms with these guys in front of me and, believe me, I wasn’t thinking of giving them a hard time either. I was pretty much just frozen to the spot, waiting for their instruction. I didn’t even think about all the other things they could possibly ask me to do.
“Ok. This is how it’s going to work.” The tallest one said. “Give us your money and jewellery.”
It was so matter-of-fact, I just obliged without thinking. No problem, I could cancel the cards within minutes and I only had a little cash on me. I handed them over and noticed my arm shaking. Damn, I wanted to keep some composure at least. Oh well, I guess they saw it every day.
“Now drop your pants.” The other guy next to him ordered.
Well, this was a slightly different outcome than I was expecting. I guessed it was so I couldn’t chase after them. Not that I would, you understand. I must have been deliberating this for a while because the larger guy spoke again.
“Hey. Do as he says.”
So I did. Without thinking. I could see the look of surprise on their faces. I mean, is it my fault that I’m English? Stupid language differences. So we stood there, them with my wallet and a look of astonishment and me with my underwear around my ankles. They really didn’t know what to do. I guess they were young and inexperienced with women, especially ones who were half naked from the waist down.
And that’s when it got worse. Much worse. I gradually became aware of footsteps behind me. Then the voices.
“Ok. What the hell are you doing?”
I slowly turned my neck to see several policemen standing there. They were as puzzled as the muggers. By this time a crowd had gathered, as is the case with any event involving the police. After what felt like a lifetime, the muggers dropped their knives and I picked up the bunched up underwear and gingerly slid it back to where it belonged, covering me but not my growing embarrassment.
It took a bit of explaining to the police and caused a few laughs I dare say. Some helpful chap mentioned that it wouldn’t have happened if I wore a skirt. Well thank you, as if that wasn’t obvious enough already. So I can’t set foot in the park any longer for fear of mothers turning to their children and telling them that was the lady why bared all in Central Park whilst she was being mugged.
Who the hell decided to change our language anyway? As I said, I hate America and I’m coming home.
I’ve been here for 3 years and I’ve so far enjoyed most of it. Yeah, the streets here in New York are pretty safe, as long as you don’t get too near to east side. Food is good too, though I feel like I’m slowly changing shape and resembling a beach ball every day. So why the sudden change of mind?
Well, I can pretty much put it all down to the other night. I was out for a walk, the usual thing. A bit of late night window shopping, followed by a stroll through Central Park. Fine night, too. The moon was full and, had I known what was coming, I might have enjoyed the irony of it. It was all going well until a group of men stood came out of the shadows and in my path. I recognised them for what they were, I mean it was pretty obvious what with the masks and knives.
So there I was, 3 muggers and me. Sounds like another crappy sitcom title, doesn’t it? Well, I certainly wasn’t thinking of sitcoms with these guys in front of me and, believe me, I wasn’t thinking of giving them a hard time either. I was pretty much just frozen to the spot, waiting for their instruction. I didn’t even think about all the other things they could possibly ask me to do.
“Ok. This is how it’s going to work.” The tallest one said. “Give us your money and jewellery.”
It was so matter-of-fact, I just obliged without thinking. No problem, I could cancel the cards within minutes and I only had a little cash on me. I handed them over and noticed my arm shaking. Damn, I wanted to keep some composure at least. Oh well, I guess they saw it every day.
“Now drop your pants.” The other guy next to him ordered.
Well, this was a slightly different outcome than I was expecting. I guessed it was so I couldn’t chase after them. Not that I would, you understand. I must have been deliberating this for a while because the larger guy spoke again.
“Hey. Do as he says.”
So I did. Without thinking. I could see the look of surprise on their faces. I mean, is it my fault that I’m English? Stupid language differences. So we stood there, them with my wallet and a look of astonishment and me with my underwear around my ankles. They really didn’t know what to do. I guess they were young and inexperienced with women, especially ones who were half naked from the waist down.
And that’s when it got worse. Much worse. I gradually became aware of footsteps behind me. Then the voices.
“Ok. What the hell are you doing?”
I slowly turned my neck to see several policemen standing there. They were as puzzled as the muggers. By this time a crowd had gathered, as is the case with any event involving the police. After what felt like a lifetime, the muggers dropped their knives and I picked up the bunched up underwear and gingerly slid it back to where it belonged, covering me but not my growing embarrassment.
It took a bit of explaining to the police and caused a few laughs I dare say. Some helpful chap mentioned that it wouldn’t have happened if I wore a skirt. Well thank you, as if that wasn’t obvious enough already. So I can’t set foot in the park any longer for fear of mothers turning to their children and telling them that was the lady why bared all in Central Park whilst she was being mugged.
Who the hell decided to change our language anyway? As I said, I hate America and I’m coming home.
Yeah, but, its a bit obscure.
Really they'd rather shoot you in the foot, or something.
Really they'd rather shoot you in the foot, or something.
Hehe :P That was quite funny!
The clue is in the story;
"I guessed it was so I couldn’t chase after them."
"I guessed it was so I couldn’t chase after them."
Hehehe.Very good.
Bt why would muggers tell someone to drop their trousers?
Bt why would muggers tell someone to drop their trousers?
Enjoyed that. Good fun.
Hahaha, supurb.
Damn, I hate America. I’m just glad that I’m on my way back to England next week.
I’ve been here for 3 years and I’ve so far enjoyed most of it. Yeah, the streets here in New York are pretty safe, as long as you don’t get too near to east side. Food is good too, though I feel like I’m slowly changing shape and resembling a beach ball every day. So why the sudden change of mind?
Well, I can pretty much put it all down to the other night. I was out for a walk, the usual thing. A bit of late night window shopping, followed by a stroll through Central Park. Fine night, too. The moon was full and, had I known what was coming, I might have enjoyed the irony of it. It was all going well until a group of men stood came out of the shadows and in my path. I recognised them for what they were, I mean it was pretty obvious what with the masks and knives.
So there I was, 3 muggers and me. Sounds like another crappy sitcom title, doesn’t it? Well, I certainly wasn’t thinking of sitcoms with these guys in front of me and, believe me, I wasn’t thinking of giving them a hard time either. I was pretty much just frozen to the spot, waiting for their instruction. I didn’t even think about all the other things they could possibly ask me to do.
“Ok. This is how it’s going to work.” The tallest one said. “Give us your money and jewellery.”
It was so matter-of-fact, I just obliged without thinking. No problem, I could cancel the cards within minutes and I only had a little cash on me. I handed them over and noticed my arm shaking. Damn, I wanted to keep some composure at least. Oh well, I guess they saw it every day.
“Now drop your pants.” The other guy next to him ordered.
Well, this was a slightly different outcome than I was expecting. I guessed it was so I couldn’t chase after them. Not that I would, you understand. I must have been deliberating this for a while because the larger guy spoke again.
“Hey. Do as he says.”
So I did. Without thinking. I could see the look of surprise on their faces. I mean, is it my fault that I’m English? Stupid language differences. So we stood there, them with my wallet and a look of astonishment and me with my underwear around my ankles. They really didn’t know what to do. I guess they were young and inexperienced with women, especially ones who were half naked from the waist down.
And that’s when it got worse. Much worse. I gradually became aware of footsteps behind me. Then the voices.
“Ok. What the hell are you doing?”
I slowly turned my neck to see several policemen standing there. They were as puzzled as the muggers. By this time a crowd had gathered, as is the case with any event involving the police. After what felt like a lifetime, the muggers dropped their knives and I picked up the bunched up underwear and gingerly slid it back to where it belonged, covering me but not my growing embarrassment.
It took a bit of explaining to the police and caused a few laughs I dare say. Some helpful chap mentioned that it wouldn’t have happened if I wore a skirt. Well thank you, as if that wasn’t obvious enough already. So I can’t set foot in the park any longer for fear of mothers turning to their children and telling them that was the lady why bared all in Central Park whilst she was being mugged.
Who the hell decided to change our language anyway? As I said, I hate America and I’m coming home.
I’ve been here for 3 years and I’ve so far enjoyed most of it. Yeah, the streets here in New York are pretty safe, as long as you don’t get too near to east side. Food is good too, though I feel like I’m slowly changing shape and resembling a beach ball every day. So why the sudden change of mind?
Well, I can pretty much put it all down to the other night. I was out for a walk, the usual thing. A bit of late night window shopping, followed by a stroll through Central Park. Fine night, too. The moon was full and, had I known what was coming, I might have enjoyed the irony of it. It was all going well until a group of men stood came out of the shadows and in my path. I recognised them for what they were, I mean it was pretty obvious what with the masks and knives.
So there I was, 3 muggers and me. Sounds like another crappy sitcom title, doesn’t it? Well, I certainly wasn’t thinking of sitcoms with these guys in front of me and, believe me, I wasn’t thinking of giving them a hard time either. I was pretty much just frozen to the spot, waiting for their instruction. I didn’t even think about all the other things they could possibly ask me to do.
“Ok. This is how it’s going to work.” The tallest one said. “Give us your money and jewellery.”
It was so matter-of-fact, I just obliged without thinking. No problem, I could cancel the cards within minutes and I only had a little cash on me. I handed them over and noticed my arm shaking. Damn, I wanted to keep some composure at least. Oh well, I guess they saw it every day.
“Now drop your pants.” The other guy next to him ordered.
Well, this was a slightly different outcome than I was expecting. I guessed it was so I couldn’t chase after them. Not that I would, you understand. I must have been deliberating this for a while because the larger guy spoke again.
“Hey. Do as he says.”
So I did. Without thinking. I could see the look of surprise on their faces. I mean, is it my fault that I’m English? Stupid language differences. So we stood there, them with my wallet and a look of astonishment and me with my underwear around my ankles. They really didn’t know what to do. I guess they were young and inexperienced with women, especially ones who were half naked from the waist down.
And that’s when it got worse. Much worse. I gradually became aware of footsteps behind me. Then the voices.
“Ok. What the hell are you doing?”
I slowly turned my neck to see several policemen standing there. They were as puzzled as the muggers. By this time a crowd had gathered, as is the case with any event involving the police. After what felt like a lifetime, the muggers dropped their knives and I picked up the bunched up underwear and gingerly slid it back to where it belonged, covering me but not my growing embarrassment.
It took a bit of explaining to the police and caused a few laughs I dare say. Some helpful chap mentioned that it wouldn’t have happened if I wore a skirt. Well thank you, as if that wasn’t obvious enough already. So I can’t set foot in the park any longer for fear of mothers turning to their children and telling them that was the lady why bared all in Central Park whilst she was being mugged.
Who the hell decided to change our language anyway? As I said, I hate America and I’m coming home.