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It used to be a respected designer label, a symbol of financial power and high society status worn by the upper class wax-jacket brigade, adorning rich women’s handbags and umbrellas, polo player’s saddles, foxhunter’s fox blood stained leggings and playboy’s pants, but somewhere along the line…Burberry went bad. It became clothing loved predominantly by commoners and irksome ruffians.
It’s a depressing fact that wherever you go in Essex (and perhaps other places), wherever you look, you see him mooching and strutting around like “he’s all that and a packet of potato chips”. Yes, I’m talking about the Burberry clad Essex rude-boy.
Following on from the success of super hero motion pictures like The X-Men and Spiderman, and the upcoming potential of The Hulk and The Daredevil, and ready to cash in on the Burberry craze is a new breed of super hero; taking the wearing of Burberry to the limit, wearing his Burberry cape, mask, gloves, visor, scarf, cap/flat-cap, coat, shirt, trousers, socks, shoes, pants and even a Burberry tattoo on his face, he is Captain Burberry: National Man of Menace! Scourge of the neighbourhood, besmircher of the English language and the sworn harasser of Essex locales like Basildon, Romford, Southend, Lakeside and Harlow, the chances are, if you’ve been to those places, you’ve seen him lurking around and acting tough.
Captain Burberry has the sacred power of the geezer, and is a super hero for “da kidz on da street”, however, in a change from usual super hero traditions, this hero doesn’t endorse good values, manners, respect and vegetable eating; he supports casual vandalism, spitting and general thuggish, yobbish and loutish behaviour (and the overuse of Burberry).
By day he’s a normal, greasy, spotty and slightly impish schoolboy yoof, who likes to bunk off school to smoke, hang around town and cause minor criminal damage to local properties, playgrounds and trees, but by night and at the weekends, a ghastly transformation takes over his skinny body. He suits up in his favourite pattern and becomes a designer label wearing, Burberry clad crusader, ready for a night or weekend of “hangin’ about”.
What follows is an average day in the super hero life of Captain Burberry:
It’s a normal Saturday, just like any other, our hero is sitting watching So Solid Crew on SM:TV whilst eating a Pop Tart, when all of a sudden, he receives an urgent phone call on the Captain Burberry mobile phone! It’s from a geezer asking if he wants to hang around a shopping centre car park.
So, with most haste, he magically changes into Captain Burberry, puts on the sovereign rings of rudeness and the fake gold chains of power, tucks his trouser legs into his socks and flies off into the morning sky.
As Captain Burberry soars along, he sees some people on the street and shouts, “Wassupp! Yo, big up to all da rude boy geezers out there innit, Booyakasha!”
The passers-by see the flying hero and utter, “is it a bird, is it a plane…no, it’s some idiot wearing too much Burberry.”
Minutes later, Captain Burberry arrives at the car park after stopping off at a local supermarket and getting an elderly gentleman to buy him booze and fags, and he then meets up with his Burberry, Ben Sherman and Helly Hanson clad cohorts. When he’s with his cool gang, he has the power to “give it large”, though he loses that cocky power when separated from his pose.
The “well ‘ard” gang spend a couple of hours hanging about with “nuffink to do”, talking about moronic things in the style of geezers, reading Max Power and The News of the World, swearing too loudly, ringing each other on their mobile phones, japing around like fools, acting pugnaciously, defiling clean surfaces with graffiti, smoking and spitting.
Captain Burberry then receives another phone call. Like a rat up a drainpipe, he zooms off to meet up with his “dealer” brother.
After meeting up with his thuggish sibling, they speed around town in a souped-up white Ford Escort boy racer Pratmobile, with racing enhancements and a Burberry go-faster-stripe. The car has the usual alloy wheels, spoiler, big exhaust pipe, nitros, huge sound systems pumping out loud music and all the other ridiculous gear these people put on their rude boy racers.
They cruise up and down the Southend seafront strip, looking cool whilst listening to “well wicked” music like Blazin’ Squad, So Solid Crew and Craig David. They then hang around outside an off-licence for a couple of hours, then go home, watch their So Solid Crew dvd and go to bed.
The next day, Captain Burberry wakes up early and must go to church with his parents.
In Captain Burberry’s next adventure, he and his minions hang about in a local park, grunting like Neanderthals, having txt tlk battles and gobbing contests, plus he meets up with many Burberry clad football hooligan friends.
Plus, coming soon, straight to video, Captain Burberry The Movie.
Directed by Guy “Swept Away” Ritchie and starring Jamie Oliver as Captain Burberry, Vinnie Jones as his psychotic older brother, Jason Statham as Burberry goon #3, Dexter Fletcher as a chirpy cockney, Daniella (look ma no Septum) Westbrook as Burberry Girl and Alan Rickman as the archetypal baddie.
Just remember, wherever taste and decency lurks, Captain Burberry: National Man of Menace will be there to spit on it.
*No offence is meant to those who have a penchant for Burberry, you are quite within your rights to like the design, though you should perhaps choose to wear something different to all the other Burberry clad street urchin clones.
*This post was inspired by a trip to Southend.
*No sub-normal Burberry clad fools were hurt in the process of writing this post…shame.
It’s a depressing fact that wherever you go in Essex (and perhaps other places), wherever you look, you see him mooching and strutting around like “he’s all that and a packet of potato chips”. Yes, I’m talking about the Burberry clad Essex rude-boy.
Following on from the success of super hero motion pictures like The X-Men and Spiderman, and the upcoming potential of The Hulk and The Daredevil, and ready to cash in on the Burberry craze is a new breed of super hero; taking the wearing of Burberry to the limit, wearing his Burberry cape, mask, gloves, visor, scarf, cap/flat-cap, coat, shirt, trousers, socks, shoes, pants and even a Burberry tattoo on his face, he is Captain Burberry: National Man of Menace! Scourge of the neighbourhood, besmircher of the English language and the sworn harasser of Essex locales like Basildon, Romford, Southend, Lakeside and Harlow, the chances are, if you’ve been to those places, you’ve seen him lurking around and acting tough.
Captain Burberry has the sacred power of the geezer, and is a super hero for “da kidz on da street”, however, in a change from usual super hero traditions, this hero doesn’t endorse good values, manners, respect and vegetable eating; he supports casual vandalism, spitting and general thuggish, yobbish and loutish behaviour (and the overuse of Burberry).
By day he’s a normal, greasy, spotty and slightly impish schoolboy yoof, who likes to bunk off school to smoke, hang around town and cause minor criminal damage to local properties, playgrounds and trees, but by night and at the weekends, a ghastly transformation takes over his skinny body. He suits up in his favourite pattern and becomes a designer label wearing, Burberry clad crusader, ready for a night or weekend of “hangin’ about”.
What follows is an average day in the super hero life of Captain Burberry:
It’s a normal Saturday, just like any other, our hero is sitting watching So Solid Crew on SM:TV whilst eating a Pop Tart, when all of a sudden, he receives an urgent phone call on the Captain Burberry mobile phone! It’s from a geezer asking if he wants to hang around a shopping centre car park.
So, with most haste, he magically changes into Captain Burberry, puts on the sovereign rings of rudeness and the fake gold chains of power, tucks his trouser legs into his socks and flies off into the morning sky.
As Captain Burberry soars along, he sees some people on the street and shouts, “Wassupp! Yo, big up to all da rude boy geezers out there innit, Booyakasha!”
The passers-by see the flying hero and utter, “is it a bird, is it a plane…no, it’s some idiot wearing too much Burberry.”
Minutes later, Captain Burberry arrives at the car park after stopping off at a local supermarket and getting an elderly gentleman to buy him booze and fags, and he then meets up with his Burberry, Ben Sherman and Helly Hanson clad cohorts. When he’s with his cool gang, he has the power to “give it large”, though he loses that cocky power when separated from his pose.
The “well ‘ard” gang spend a couple of hours hanging about with “nuffink to do”, talking about moronic things in the style of geezers, reading Max Power and The News of the World, swearing too loudly, ringing each other on their mobile phones, japing around like fools, acting pugnaciously, defiling clean surfaces with graffiti, smoking and spitting.
Captain Burberry then receives another phone call. Like a rat up a drainpipe, he zooms off to meet up with his “dealer” brother.
After meeting up with his thuggish sibling, they speed around town in a souped-up white Ford Escort boy racer Pratmobile, with racing enhancements and a Burberry go-faster-stripe. The car has the usual alloy wheels, spoiler, big exhaust pipe, nitros, huge sound systems pumping out loud music and all the other ridiculous gear these people put on their rude boy racers.
They cruise up and down the Southend seafront strip, looking cool whilst listening to “well wicked” music like Blazin’ Squad, So Solid Crew and Craig David. They then hang around outside an off-licence for a couple of hours, then go home, watch their So Solid Crew dvd and go to bed.
The next day, Captain Burberry wakes up early and must go to church with his parents.
In Captain Burberry’s next adventure, he and his minions hang about in a local park, grunting like Neanderthals, having txt tlk battles and gobbing contests, plus he meets up with many Burberry clad football hooligan friends.
Plus, coming soon, straight to video, Captain Burberry The Movie.
Directed by Guy “Swept Away” Ritchie and starring Jamie Oliver as Captain Burberry, Vinnie Jones as his psychotic older brother, Jason Statham as Burberry goon #3, Dexter Fletcher as a chirpy cockney, Daniella (look ma no Septum) Westbrook as Burberry Girl and Alan Rickman as the archetypal baddie.
Just remember, wherever taste and decency lurks, Captain Burberry: National Man of Menace will be there to spit on it.
*No offence is meant to those who have a penchant for Burberry, you are quite within your rights to like the design, though you should perhaps choose to wear something different to all the other Burberry clad street urchin clones.
*This post was inspired by a trip to Southend.
*No sub-normal Burberry clad fools were hurt in the process of writing this post…shame.
Tune in next week to see Captain Burberry take on a 60ft Ben Sherman in "XR2 Drag Race from the traffic lights by Asda!"
Good one.
Heh, wasn't sure I wanted to read this because I have an aversion to the checked stuff, but that was pretty darn good.
Lol, great stuff Totoro.
Captain Burberry says "pop".
It used to be a respected designer label, a symbol of financial power and high society status worn by the upper class wax-jacket brigade, adorning rich women’s handbags and umbrellas, polo player’s saddles, foxhunter’s fox blood stained leggings and playboy’s pants, but somewhere along the line…Burberry went bad. It became clothing loved predominantly by commoners and irksome ruffians.
It’s a depressing fact that wherever you go in Essex (and perhaps other places), wherever you look, you see him mooching and strutting around like “he’s all that and a packet of potato chips”. Yes, I’m talking about the Burberry clad Essex rude-boy.
Following on from the success of super hero motion pictures like The X-Men and Spiderman, and the upcoming potential of The Hulk and The Daredevil, and ready to cash in on the Burberry craze is a new breed of super hero; taking the wearing of Burberry to the limit, wearing his Burberry cape, mask, gloves, visor, scarf, cap/flat-cap, coat, shirt, trousers, socks, shoes, pants and even a Burberry tattoo on his face, he is Captain Burberry: National Man of Menace! Scourge of the neighbourhood, besmircher of the English language and the sworn harasser of Essex locales like Basildon, Romford, Southend, Lakeside and Harlow, the chances are, if you’ve been to those places, you’ve seen him lurking around and acting tough.
Captain Burberry has the sacred power of the geezer, and is a super hero for “da kidz on da street”, however, in a change from usual super hero traditions, this hero doesn’t endorse good values, manners, respect and vegetable eating; he supports casual vandalism, spitting and general thuggish, yobbish and loutish behaviour (and the overuse of Burberry).
By day he’s a normal, greasy, spotty and slightly impish schoolboy yoof, who likes to bunk off school to smoke, hang around town and cause minor criminal damage to local properties, playgrounds and trees, but by night and at the weekends, a ghastly transformation takes over his skinny body. He suits up in his favourite pattern and becomes a designer label wearing, Burberry clad crusader, ready for a night or weekend of “hangin’ about”.
What follows is an average day in the super hero life of Captain Burberry:
It’s a normal Saturday, just like any other, our hero is sitting watching So Solid Crew on SM:TV whilst eating a Pop Tart, when all of a sudden, he receives an urgent phone call on the Captain Burberry mobile phone! It’s from a geezer asking if he wants to hang around a shopping centre car park.
So, with most haste, he magically changes into Captain Burberry, puts on the sovereign rings of rudeness and the fake gold chains of power, tucks his trouser legs into his socks and flies off into the morning sky.
As Captain Burberry soars along, he sees some people on the street and shouts, “Wassupp! Yo, big up to all da rude boy geezers out there innit, Booyakasha!”
The passers-by see the flying hero and utter, “is it a bird, is it a plane…no, it’s some idiot wearing too much Burberry.”
Minutes later, Captain Burberry arrives at the car park after stopping off at a local supermarket and getting an elderly gentleman to buy him booze and fags, and he then meets up with his Burberry, Ben Sherman and Helly Hanson clad cohorts. When he’s with his cool gang, he has the power to “give it large”, though he loses that cocky power when separated from his pose.
The “well ‘ard” gang spend a couple of hours hanging about with “nuffink to do”, talking about moronic things in the style of geezers, reading Max Power and The News of the World, swearing too loudly, ringing each other on their mobile phones, japing around like fools, acting pugnaciously, defiling clean surfaces with graffiti, smoking and spitting.
Captain Burberry then receives another phone call. Like a rat up a drainpipe, he zooms off to meet up with his “dealer” brother.
After meeting up with his thuggish sibling, they speed around town in a souped-up white Ford Escort boy racer Pratmobile, with racing enhancements and a Burberry go-faster-stripe. The car has the usual alloy wheels, spoiler, big exhaust pipe, nitros, huge sound systems pumping out loud music and all the other ridiculous gear these people put on their rude boy racers.
They cruise up and down the Southend seafront strip, looking cool whilst listening to “well wicked” music like Blazin’ Squad, So Solid Crew and Craig David. They then hang around outside an off-licence for a couple of hours, then go home, watch their So Solid Crew dvd and go to bed.
The next day, Captain Burberry wakes up early and must go to church with his parents.
In Captain Burberry’s next adventure, he and his minions hang about in a local park, grunting like Neanderthals, having txt tlk battles and gobbing contests, plus he meets up with many Burberry clad football hooligan friends.
Plus, coming soon, straight to video, Captain Burberry The Movie.
Directed by Guy “Swept Away” Ritchie and starring Jamie Oliver as Captain Burberry, Vinnie Jones as his psychotic older brother, Jason Statham as Burberry goon #3, Dexter Fletcher as a chirpy cockney, Daniella (look ma no Septum) Westbrook as Burberry Girl and Alan Rickman as the archetypal baddie.
Just remember, wherever taste and decency lurks, Captain Burberry: National Man of Menace will be there to spit on it.
*No offence is meant to those who have a penchant for Burberry, you are quite within your rights to like the design, though you should perhaps choose to wear something different to all the other Burberry clad street urchin clones.
*This post was inspired by a trip to Southend.
*No sub-normal Burberry clad fools were hurt in the process of writing this post…shame.
It’s a depressing fact that wherever you go in Essex (and perhaps other places), wherever you look, you see him mooching and strutting around like “he’s all that and a packet of potato chips”. Yes, I’m talking about the Burberry clad Essex rude-boy.
Following on from the success of super hero motion pictures like The X-Men and Spiderman, and the upcoming potential of The Hulk and The Daredevil, and ready to cash in on the Burberry craze is a new breed of super hero; taking the wearing of Burberry to the limit, wearing his Burberry cape, mask, gloves, visor, scarf, cap/flat-cap, coat, shirt, trousers, socks, shoes, pants and even a Burberry tattoo on his face, he is Captain Burberry: National Man of Menace! Scourge of the neighbourhood, besmircher of the English language and the sworn harasser of Essex locales like Basildon, Romford, Southend, Lakeside and Harlow, the chances are, if you’ve been to those places, you’ve seen him lurking around and acting tough.
Captain Burberry has the sacred power of the geezer, and is a super hero for “da kidz on da street”, however, in a change from usual super hero traditions, this hero doesn’t endorse good values, manners, respect and vegetable eating; he supports casual vandalism, spitting and general thuggish, yobbish and loutish behaviour (and the overuse of Burberry).
By day he’s a normal, greasy, spotty and slightly impish schoolboy yoof, who likes to bunk off school to smoke, hang around town and cause minor criminal damage to local properties, playgrounds and trees, but by night and at the weekends, a ghastly transformation takes over his skinny body. He suits up in his favourite pattern and becomes a designer label wearing, Burberry clad crusader, ready for a night or weekend of “hangin’ about”.
What follows is an average day in the super hero life of Captain Burberry:
It’s a normal Saturday, just like any other, our hero is sitting watching So Solid Crew on SM:TV whilst eating a Pop Tart, when all of a sudden, he receives an urgent phone call on the Captain Burberry mobile phone! It’s from a geezer asking if he wants to hang around a shopping centre car park.
So, with most haste, he magically changes into Captain Burberry, puts on the sovereign rings of rudeness and the fake gold chains of power, tucks his trouser legs into his socks and flies off into the morning sky.
As Captain Burberry soars along, he sees some people on the street and shouts, “Wassupp! Yo, big up to all da rude boy geezers out there innit, Booyakasha!”
The passers-by see the flying hero and utter, “is it a bird, is it a plane…no, it’s some idiot wearing too much Burberry.”
Minutes later, Captain Burberry arrives at the car park after stopping off at a local supermarket and getting an elderly gentleman to buy him booze and fags, and he then meets up with his Burberry, Ben Sherman and Helly Hanson clad cohorts. When he’s with his cool gang, he has the power to “give it large”, though he loses that cocky power when separated from his pose.
The “well ‘ard” gang spend a couple of hours hanging about with “nuffink to do”, talking about moronic things in the style of geezers, reading Max Power and The News of the World, swearing too loudly, ringing each other on their mobile phones, japing around like fools, acting pugnaciously, defiling clean surfaces with graffiti, smoking and spitting.
Captain Burberry then receives another phone call. Like a rat up a drainpipe, he zooms off to meet up with his “dealer” brother.
After meeting up with his thuggish sibling, they speed around town in a souped-up white Ford Escort boy racer Pratmobile, with racing enhancements and a Burberry go-faster-stripe. The car has the usual alloy wheels, spoiler, big exhaust pipe, nitros, huge sound systems pumping out loud music and all the other ridiculous gear these people put on their rude boy racers.
They cruise up and down the Southend seafront strip, looking cool whilst listening to “well wicked” music like Blazin’ Squad, So Solid Crew and Craig David. They then hang around outside an off-licence for a couple of hours, then go home, watch their So Solid Crew dvd and go to bed.
The next day, Captain Burberry wakes up early and must go to church with his parents.
In Captain Burberry’s next adventure, he and his minions hang about in a local park, grunting like Neanderthals, having txt tlk battles and gobbing contests, plus he meets up with many Burberry clad football hooligan friends.
Plus, coming soon, straight to video, Captain Burberry The Movie.
Directed by Guy “Swept Away” Ritchie and starring Jamie Oliver as Captain Burberry, Vinnie Jones as his psychotic older brother, Jason Statham as Burberry goon #3, Dexter Fletcher as a chirpy cockney, Daniella (look ma no Septum) Westbrook as Burberry Girl and Alan Rickman as the archetypal baddie.
Just remember, wherever taste and decency lurks, Captain Burberry: National Man of Menace will be there to spit on it.
*No offence is meant to those who have a penchant for Burberry, you are quite within your rights to like the design, though you should perhaps choose to wear something different to all the other Burberry clad street urchin clones.
*This post was inspired by a trip to Southend.
*No sub-normal Burberry clad fools were hurt in the process of writing this post…shame.