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The lack of quality television programmes to view has never been so apparent for all to (not) see. The public needs to believe in heroes again, they need champions, gladiators and events of such audacity and excitement that the mere though of watching Eastenders instead, would seem depressing and moribund.
I give you the animal Olympiad.
Everyone likes animals, everyone likes sport and everyone wants to see a show based on animals doing sport hosted by Keith Chegwin, Paul Gasgoine and to add some glamour to proceedings, Vanessa Feltz. Hosted by Channel 5, I estimate that my proposal would double peak viewing figures to 1003, however I can’t at this juncture work out where the “point five” came from originally. Anyway every typical family and their 2.4 children will love the events I have planned.
Donkey long jump
It makes sense when you think about it. Most Donkeys spend their lives on sandy beaches, so why not allow them the pleasure of jumping into a great big pit full of this golden cushioning powder. Costs will be cheap as the competitors can be picked up cheaply from the knackers yard, a pit of sand can be requisitioned easily enough and rabid dogs to persuade the athletic dobins to run along the track suspended twenty feet above the pit in the first place, are two a penny on the continent.
Monkey Tug of War
One of the primate events. Scientists and intelligent chimpanzees in a future civilisation strangely familiar to our own, have often debated the merits of a grunt of Gorillas against some obtuse Orang-utan. A banana would be tied to the rope in the middle, giving the Monkey Men of War teams the incentive to pull the rope toward them. Dumb apes.
Badger Table Tennis
Who wouldn’t want to tell their grandchildren that they watched two Badgers playing ping pong. A defining moment in anyone’s life.
Rhino Ice Skating
Never regarded as the most elegant of creatures, this would be the chance to prove the sceptics and probably many animal welfare organisations such as the RSPCA wrong. Not only can a Rhino do a Triple Lutz but it can also wear a shiny, sequinned dress with grace and dignity.
Merekat Basketball
Known for their co-operative nature, these critters would make tremendous participants in this fast, end to end, in your face sport. Renowned for their ability to antagonise other protagonists with “your mamma” insults, people will be encouraged to cheer for their favourite cool Kats as they slam home another dunk in the regulation sized (9ft tall) baskets.
“Yo! Your mamma is a squirrel cos she’s always putting my nuts in her mouth”.
Wasp Volleyball
No one will care what the score is as long as they can witness lots of Wasps getting spiked by volleyballs. The last hive alive wins.
Well I don’t know about you but I’m convinced. Expect to see the show soon or at the very least, on a straight to video variation of the theme, in a shop in Amsterdam.
I give you the animal Olympiad.
Everyone likes animals, everyone likes sport and everyone wants to see a show based on animals doing sport hosted by Keith Chegwin, Paul Gasgoine and to add some glamour to proceedings, Vanessa Feltz. Hosted by Channel 5, I estimate that my proposal would double peak viewing figures to 1003, however I can’t at this juncture work out where the “point five” came from originally. Anyway every typical family and their 2.4 children will love the events I have planned.
Donkey long jump
It makes sense when you think about it. Most Donkeys spend their lives on sandy beaches, so why not allow them the pleasure of jumping into a great big pit full of this golden cushioning powder. Costs will be cheap as the competitors can be picked up cheaply from the knackers yard, a pit of sand can be requisitioned easily enough and rabid dogs to persuade the athletic dobins to run along the track suspended twenty feet above the pit in the first place, are two a penny on the continent.
Monkey Tug of War
One of the primate events. Scientists and intelligent chimpanzees in a future civilisation strangely familiar to our own, have often debated the merits of a grunt of Gorillas against some obtuse Orang-utan. A banana would be tied to the rope in the middle, giving the Monkey Men of War teams the incentive to pull the rope toward them. Dumb apes.
Badger Table Tennis
Who wouldn’t want to tell their grandchildren that they watched two Badgers playing ping pong. A defining moment in anyone’s life.
Rhino Ice Skating
Never regarded as the most elegant of creatures, this would be the chance to prove the sceptics and probably many animal welfare organisations such as the RSPCA wrong. Not only can a Rhino do a Triple Lutz but it can also wear a shiny, sequinned dress with grace and dignity.
Merekat Basketball
Known for their co-operative nature, these critters would make tremendous participants in this fast, end to end, in your face sport. Renowned for their ability to antagonise other protagonists with “your mamma” insults, people will be encouraged to cheer for their favourite cool Kats as they slam home another dunk in the regulation sized (9ft tall) baskets.
“Yo! Your mamma is a squirrel cos she’s always putting my nuts in her mouth”.
Wasp Volleyball
No one will care what the score is as long as they can witness lots of Wasps getting spiked by volleyballs. The last hive alive wins.
Well I don’t know about you but I’m convinced. Expect to see the show soon or at the very least, on a straight to video variation of the theme, in a shop in Amsterdam.
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> Obviously we didn't find this funny or laugh at the idea at all.
*
Obviously. *chuckles*
> Obviously we didn't find this funny or laugh at the idea at all.
*
Obviously. *chuckles*
Ritalin are proud sponsors of the special games:
"Doping your kids up since 1991, when psychiatrists invented A.D.D.S"
"Doping your kids up since 1991, when psychiatrists invented A.D.D.S"
Excellent, there aren't enough games featuring animals pretending to be humans.
*PREPARE FOR EXTREMELY BAD TASTE*
Monkey_man and I had the idea the other night of a new version of Track and Field, called Track and Field: 'Special' Edition, with all the athletes replaced with 'special' kids. Obviously an event of this nature would be kind-hearted, so after the events, the winners podiums would all be at the same length allowing all the competitors to stand on it and all be winners.
Obviously we didn't find this funny or laugh at the idea at all.
*PREPARE FOR EXTREMELY BAD TASTE*
Monkey_man and I had the idea the other night of a new version of Track and Field, called Track and Field: 'Special' Edition, with all the athletes replaced with 'special' kids. Obviously an event of this nature would be kind-hearted, so after the events, the winners podiums would all be at the same length allowing all the competitors to stand on it and all be winners.
Obviously we didn't find this funny or laugh at the idea at all.
I have friends that went to Amsterdam and saw two beavers playing ping pong...
;-D
;-D
I think I may have to work on my headings. I can't have everyone missing out on my genius....
;)
;)
The lack of quality television programmes to view has never been so apparent for all to (not) see. The public needs to believe in heroes again, they need champions, gladiators and events of such audacity and excitement that the mere though of watching Eastenders instead, would seem depressing and moribund.
I give you the animal Olympiad.
Everyone likes animals, everyone likes sport and everyone wants to see a show based on animals doing sport hosted by Keith Chegwin, Paul Gasgoine and to add some glamour to proceedings, Vanessa Feltz. Hosted by Channel 5, I estimate that my proposal would double peak viewing figures to 1003, however I can’t at this juncture work out where the “point five” came from originally. Anyway every typical family and their 2.4 children will love the events I have planned.
Donkey long jump
It makes sense when you think about it. Most Donkeys spend their lives on sandy beaches, so why not allow them the pleasure of jumping into a great big pit full of this golden cushioning powder. Costs will be cheap as the competitors can be picked up cheaply from the knackers yard, a pit of sand can be requisitioned easily enough and rabid dogs to persuade the athletic dobins to run along the track suspended twenty feet above the pit in the first place, are two a penny on the continent.
Monkey Tug of War
One of the primate events. Scientists and intelligent chimpanzees in a future civilisation strangely familiar to our own, have often debated the merits of a grunt of Gorillas against some obtuse Orang-utan. A banana would be tied to the rope in the middle, giving the Monkey Men of War teams the incentive to pull the rope toward them. Dumb apes.
Badger Table Tennis
Who wouldn’t want to tell their grandchildren that they watched two Badgers playing ping pong. A defining moment in anyone’s life.
Rhino Ice Skating
Never regarded as the most elegant of creatures, this would be the chance to prove the sceptics and probably many animal welfare organisations such as the RSPCA wrong. Not only can a Rhino do a Triple Lutz but it can also wear a shiny, sequinned dress with grace and dignity.
Merekat Basketball
Known for their co-operative nature, these critters would make tremendous participants in this fast, end to end, in your face sport. Renowned for their ability to antagonise other protagonists with “your mamma” insults, people will be encouraged to cheer for their favourite cool Kats as they slam home another dunk in the regulation sized (9ft tall) baskets.
“Yo! Your mamma is a squirrel cos she’s always putting my nuts in her mouth”.
Wasp Volleyball
No one will care what the score is as long as they can witness lots of Wasps getting spiked by volleyballs. The last hive alive wins.
Well I don’t know about you but I’m convinced. Expect to see the show soon or at the very least, on a straight to video variation of the theme, in a shop in Amsterdam.
I give you the animal Olympiad.
Everyone likes animals, everyone likes sport and everyone wants to see a show based on animals doing sport hosted by Keith Chegwin, Paul Gasgoine and to add some glamour to proceedings, Vanessa Feltz. Hosted by Channel 5, I estimate that my proposal would double peak viewing figures to 1003, however I can’t at this juncture work out where the “point five” came from originally. Anyway every typical family and their 2.4 children will love the events I have planned.
Donkey long jump
It makes sense when you think about it. Most Donkeys spend their lives on sandy beaches, so why not allow them the pleasure of jumping into a great big pit full of this golden cushioning powder. Costs will be cheap as the competitors can be picked up cheaply from the knackers yard, a pit of sand can be requisitioned easily enough and rabid dogs to persuade the athletic dobins to run along the track suspended twenty feet above the pit in the first place, are two a penny on the continent.
Monkey Tug of War
One of the primate events. Scientists and intelligent chimpanzees in a future civilisation strangely familiar to our own, have often debated the merits of a grunt of Gorillas against some obtuse Orang-utan. A banana would be tied to the rope in the middle, giving the Monkey Men of War teams the incentive to pull the rope toward them. Dumb apes.
Badger Table Tennis
Who wouldn’t want to tell their grandchildren that they watched two Badgers playing ping pong. A defining moment in anyone’s life.
Rhino Ice Skating
Never regarded as the most elegant of creatures, this would be the chance to prove the sceptics and probably many animal welfare organisations such as the RSPCA wrong. Not only can a Rhino do a Triple Lutz but it can also wear a shiny, sequinned dress with grace and dignity.
Merekat Basketball
Known for their co-operative nature, these critters would make tremendous participants in this fast, end to end, in your face sport. Renowned for their ability to antagonise other protagonists with “your mamma” insults, people will be encouraged to cheer for their favourite cool Kats as they slam home another dunk in the regulation sized (9ft tall) baskets.
“Yo! Your mamma is a squirrel cos she’s always putting my nuts in her mouth”.
Wasp Volleyball
No one will care what the score is as long as they can witness lots of Wasps getting spiked by volleyballs. The last hive alive wins.
Well I don’t know about you but I’m convinced. Expect to see the show soon or at the very least, on a straight to video variation of the theme, in a shop in Amsterdam.