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Here is my short script for an action sequence with a certain degree of irony, its a bit weird but try to stay with it. Things that need improving have square brackets next to them with a number inside. The corresponding number at the end of the script shows the what the problem is....tell me what you think about it.
*fade in 'i'm walking on sunshine plays''*
Harry, a lifelong member of Q.W.A.S.A.R[1], pulled the 36 and a half inch jungle machete out of his leg.
"ARRR, THE ^&*"$&!!!!" he screamed as blood sprayed onto his own face[2].
"TAKE THIS YOU ^&*"$&!!!!" Harry stabed the zombie, who incidentally stabbed him in the first place, right between the eyes.
"uuuurh" the zombie moaned as it collapsed in a heap of rotting flesh.
Harry grasps his radio, the one Sue gave him before he entered the mysterious cave, with hands doused in blood.
"SUE? SUE? COME IN SUE!?!?!"[3]
A helicopter appears on the horizon, it quickly advances to harry.
"Miss me?" sue radios in on harrys reciever.
"Oh thank god, the nightmare is over" harry sighs.
The helicopter lines itself up to land. Suddenly, without warning, 13 missles from rocket launchers shoot out of the trees around harry at the helicopter. The helicopter swerves and misses the intial rocket but the other 12 plough into the gas tanks of the chopper, it instanly disintegrates then crashes horrendously into the ground. Sues head, detached from body, then rolls from the wreckage up to harrys feet[4]....
"NOOOOO!" harry breaks and his super power; the ability to cause and atom bomb like explosion within a 40 mile radius, kicks in.
"ARRRRRGGHHHHH" *WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!!* the whole forest in ingulfed in an inferno of 560 degrees C flames. The mysterious rocket launcher men, hired from harrys arch enemy; Signor Feever[5], instanly die.
The flames withdraw as harrys anger dies down.
"I wish it didn't have to end like this..." Harry whispers as he flys into the sun set.[6]
*fade out 'ain't nuthin but a G thang' plays'*
[1] What is this? how does auidience know he's part of Q.W.A.S.A.R?
[2] How does he get his face so close to his leg?
[3] Where was Sue? Why didn't she reply?
[4] Distasteful?
[5] Who is he? How does auidience know about him? Can they releate?
[6] Improved/alternative ending?
*fade in 'i'm walking on sunshine plays''*
Harry, a lifelong member of Q.W.A.S.A.R[1], pulled the 36 and a half inch jungle machete out of his leg.
"ARRR, THE ^&*"$&!!!!" he screamed as blood sprayed onto his own face[2].
"TAKE THIS YOU ^&*"$&!!!!" Harry stabed the zombie, who incidentally stabbed him in the first place, right between the eyes.
"uuuurh" the zombie moaned as it collapsed in a heap of rotting flesh.
Harry grasps his radio, the one Sue gave him before he entered the mysterious cave, with hands doused in blood.
"SUE? SUE? COME IN SUE!?!?!"[3]
A helicopter appears on the horizon, it quickly advances to harry.
"Miss me?" sue radios in on harrys reciever.
"Oh thank god, the nightmare is over" harry sighs.
The helicopter lines itself up to land. Suddenly, without warning, 13 missles from rocket launchers shoot out of the trees around harry at the helicopter. The helicopter swerves and misses the intial rocket but the other 12 plough into the gas tanks of the chopper, it instanly disintegrates then crashes horrendously into the ground. Sues head, detached from body, then rolls from the wreckage up to harrys feet[4]....
"NOOOOO!" harry breaks and his super power; the ability to cause and atom bomb like explosion within a 40 mile radius, kicks in.
"ARRRRRGGHHHHH" *WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!!* the whole forest in ingulfed in an inferno of 560 degrees C flames. The mysterious rocket launcher men, hired from harrys arch enemy; Signor Feever[5], instanly die.
The flames withdraw as harrys anger dies down.
"I wish it didn't have to end like this..." Harry whispers as he flys into the sun set.[6]
*fade out 'ain't nuthin but a G thang' plays'*
[1] What is this? how does auidience know he's part of Q.W.A.S.A.R?
[2] How does he get his face so close to his leg?
[3] Where was Sue? Why didn't she reply?
[4] Distasteful?
[5] Who is he? How does auidience know about him? Can they releate?
[6] Improved/alternative ending?
There have been no replies to this thread yet.
Here is my short script for an action sequence with a certain degree of irony, its a bit weird but try to stay with it. Things that need improving have square brackets next to them with a number inside. The corresponding number at the end of the script shows the what the problem is....tell me what you think about it.
*fade in 'i'm walking on sunshine plays''*
Harry, a lifelong member of Q.W.A.S.A.R[1], pulled the 36 and a half inch jungle machete out of his leg.
"ARRR, THE ^&*"$&!!!!" he screamed as blood sprayed onto his own face[2].
"TAKE THIS YOU ^&*"$&!!!!" Harry stabed the zombie, who incidentally stabbed him in the first place, right between the eyes.
"uuuurh" the zombie moaned as it collapsed in a heap of rotting flesh.
Harry grasps his radio, the one Sue gave him before he entered the mysterious cave, with hands doused in blood.
"SUE? SUE? COME IN SUE!?!?!"[3]
A helicopter appears on the horizon, it quickly advances to harry.
"Miss me?" sue radios in on harrys reciever.
"Oh thank god, the nightmare is over" harry sighs.
The helicopter lines itself up to land. Suddenly, without warning, 13 missles from rocket launchers shoot out of the trees around harry at the helicopter. The helicopter swerves and misses the intial rocket but the other 12 plough into the gas tanks of the chopper, it instanly disintegrates then crashes horrendously into the ground. Sues head, detached from body, then rolls from the wreckage up to harrys feet[4]....
"NOOOOO!" harry breaks and his super power; the ability to cause and atom bomb like explosion within a 40 mile radius, kicks in.
"ARRRRRGGHHHHH" *WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!!* the whole forest in ingulfed in an inferno of 560 degrees C flames. The mysterious rocket launcher men, hired from harrys arch enemy; Signor Feever[5], instanly die.
The flames withdraw as harrys anger dies down.
"I wish it didn't have to end like this..." Harry whispers as he flys into the sun set.[6]
*fade out 'ain't nuthin but a G thang' plays'*
[1] What is this? how does auidience know he's part of Q.W.A.S.A.R?
[2] How does he get his face so close to his leg?
[3] Where was Sue? Why didn't she reply?
[4] Distasteful?
[5] Who is he? How does auidience know about him? Can they releate?
[6] Improved/alternative ending?
*fade in 'i'm walking on sunshine plays''*
Harry, a lifelong member of Q.W.A.S.A.R[1], pulled the 36 and a half inch jungle machete out of his leg.
"ARRR, THE ^&*"$&!!!!" he screamed as blood sprayed onto his own face[2].
"TAKE THIS YOU ^&*"$&!!!!" Harry stabed the zombie, who incidentally stabbed him in the first place, right between the eyes.
"uuuurh" the zombie moaned as it collapsed in a heap of rotting flesh.
Harry grasps his radio, the one Sue gave him before he entered the mysterious cave, with hands doused in blood.
"SUE? SUE? COME IN SUE!?!?!"[3]
A helicopter appears on the horizon, it quickly advances to harry.
"Miss me?" sue radios in on harrys reciever.
"Oh thank god, the nightmare is over" harry sighs.
The helicopter lines itself up to land. Suddenly, without warning, 13 missles from rocket launchers shoot out of the trees around harry at the helicopter. The helicopter swerves and misses the intial rocket but the other 12 plough into the gas tanks of the chopper, it instanly disintegrates then crashes horrendously into the ground. Sues head, detached from body, then rolls from the wreckage up to harrys feet[4]....
"NOOOOO!" harry breaks and his super power; the ability to cause and atom bomb like explosion within a 40 mile radius, kicks in.
"ARRRRRGGHHHHH" *WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!!* the whole forest in ingulfed in an inferno of 560 degrees C flames. The mysterious rocket launcher men, hired from harrys arch enemy; Signor Feever[5], instanly die.
The flames withdraw as harrys anger dies down.
"I wish it didn't have to end like this..." Harry whispers as he flys into the sun set.[6]
*fade out 'ain't nuthin but a G thang' plays'*
[1] What is this? how does auidience know he's part of Q.W.A.S.A.R?
[2] How does he get his face so close to his leg?
[3] Where was Sue? Why didn't she reply?
[4] Distasteful?
[5] Who is he? How does auidience know about him? Can they releate?
[6] Improved/alternative ending?