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In light of the 2nd installment of Harry Potter movies and someone’s complaints it was rubbish and far-fetched (from a book about a wizard? Go figure), I have raided J K Rowling’s brain – like a ninja, but a brain invade one – and have managed to obtain the original Potter novel outlines in galley form.
Harry Potter and the Slack Attendance at Hogwarts
Young Harry begins to notice his wand is getting longer and his magic sack is providing endless hours of amusement, and takes to staying in his wizard bedroom incanting various spells to the ancient goddess Shannon. His ginga mate is concerned by Potter’s non-attendance at Quidditch games but is met with “you’re such a big ginger baby. You spakker”, and promptly goes to tell that Ogre played by Robbie Coltrane. Who laughs and smacks the ginga about a bit.
Harry Potter and The Adolescent Wallpaper of Black
Potter is now in his mid-late teens and has lost all interest in Muggles, weirdly numbered train platforms and spells to make mirrors go all bendy. Instead, he has decided to paint his walls black, have a red lightbulb and stomp about Hogwarts in a moody wizard manner. His ginga mate fears Harry has been possessed by a demon released by an ancient bad wizard (probably played by Christopher Lee in the movie version), but it transpires that Potter is merely being a teenage boy. He thinks spells are “gay”, likes to smoke behind the broom-sheds and thinks Limp Bizkit are “the shiznit”. Bumbledore tries to convince Harry that there is innocence and childlike wonder in pursuing the wizard lifestyle, but Harry slams his door a lot and shouts “I hate you old man”.
Harry Potter and The Discovery of Women
Potter is now in the fevered grip of teendom. All thoughts of wizardy things are dismissed as he aggressively pursues a life of glue-sniffing, an interest in black-metal and trying to “touch boob”. His little wide-faced ginga mate tags along in an effort to appear cool, but is secretly frightened by Potter’s erupting skin, vague aroma of armpits and his permanently scowling visage.
During an attack on Hogwarts by some flying monkeys armed with cattle-prod (effects to be supplied by ILM for movie version), Potter hides in his room with black-metal heroes Burzum blasting out their latest tune “Stupid Amish People Die Die Die!” and “Satan Satan he’s our man”.
Bumbledore is kidnapped and held by some old-world evil man with the appearance of a donkey and the ability to swear in 25 different dead languages. Potter doesn’t care, he has discovered cider in the grounds of Hogwarts and gets trolleyed, trying to set fire to some hedges.
Harry Potter and The Career in Logistics
Having escaped the firey clutches of puberty, Potter is now a calm and pleasant young man. Uninterested in such childish pursuits as magic and solving mysteries, Potter takes a job within a large transport organization where he is tasked with plotting out delivery route times for the lorries and getting involved in a number of different office-based hijinks that, whilst amusing, do not threaten existence as we know it.
He gets married to a mousy lady called Helen from accounts and they have a myopic son called Humphrey. Potter revokes his magician past and puts it down to “a phase”
Harry Potter and the Slack Attendance at Hogwarts
Young Harry begins to notice his wand is getting longer and his magic sack is providing endless hours of amusement, and takes to staying in his wizard bedroom incanting various spells to the ancient goddess Shannon. His ginga mate is concerned by Potter’s non-attendance at Quidditch games but is met with “you’re such a big ginger baby. You spakker”, and promptly goes to tell that Ogre played by Robbie Coltrane. Who laughs and smacks the ginga about a bit.
Harry Potter and The Adolescent Wallpaper of Black
Potter is now in his mid-late teens and has lost all interest in Muggles, weirdly numbered train platforms and spells to make mirrors go all bendy. Instead, he has decided to paint his walls black, have a red lightbulb and stomp about Hogwarts in a moody wizard manner. His ginga mate fears Harry has been possessed by a demon released by an ancient bad wizard (probably played by Christopher Lee in the movie version), but it transpires that Potter is merely being a teenage boy. He thinks spells are “gay”, likes to smoke behind the broom-sheds and thinks Limp Bizkit are “the shiznit”. Bumbledore tries to convince Harry that there is innocence and childlike wonder in pursuing the wizard lifestyle, but Harry slams his door a lot and shouts “I hate you old man”.
Harry Potter and The Discovery of Women
Potter is now in the fevered grip of teendom. All thoughts of wizardy things are dismissed as he aggressively pursues a life of glue-sniffing, an interest in black-metal and trying to “touch boob”. His little wide-faced ginga mate tags along in an effort to appear cool, but is secretly frightened by Potter’s erupting skin, vague aroma of armpits and his permanently scowling visage.
During an attack on Hogwarts by some flying monkeys armed with cattle-prod (effects to be supplied by ILM for movie version), Potter hides in his room with black-metal heroes Burzum blasting out their latest tune “Stupid Amish People Die Die Die!” and “Satan Satan he’s our man”.
Bumbledore is kidnapped and held by some old-world evil man with the appearance of a donkey and the ability to swear in 25 different dead languages. Potter doesn’t care, he has discovered cider in the grounds of Hogwarts and gets trolleyed, trying to set fire to some hedges.
Harry Potter and The Career in Logistics
Having escaped the firey clutches of puberty, Potter is now a calm and pleasant young man. Uninterested in such childish pursuits as magic and solving mysteries, Potter takes a job within a large transport organization where he is tasked with plotting out delivery route times for the lorries and getting involved in a number of different office-based hijinks that, whilst amusing, do not threaten existence as we know it.
He gets married to a mousy lady called Helen from accounts and they have a myopic son called Humphrey. Potter revokes his magician past and puts it down to “a phase”
"Humphrey"
Spot on!
Spot on!
Very good
" goddess Shannon "
Hur Hur
" goddess Shannon "
Hur Hur
I wanna see the 'discovery of women' one made in to a film.
Watching Potter trying to 'touch boob' would be great.
"Harry Potter and the Boob Olympics" could be the sequel
Watching Potter trying to 'touch boob' would be great.
"Harry Potter and the Boob Olympics" could be the sequel
In light of the 2nd installment of Harry Potter movies and someone’s complaints it was rubbish and far-fetched (from a book about a wizard? Go figure), I have raided J K Rowling’s brain – like a ninja, but a brain invade one – and have managed to obtain the original Potter novel outlines in galley form.
Harry Potter and the Slack Attendance at Hogwarts
Young Harry begins to notice his wand is getting longer and his magic sack is providing endless hours of amusement, and takes to staying in his wizard bedroom incanting various spells to the ancient goddess Shannon. His ginga mate is concerned by Potter’s non-attendance at Quidditch games but is met with “you’re such a big ginger baby. You spakker”, and promptly goes to tell that Ogre played by Robbie Coltrane. Who laughs and smacks the ginga about a bit.
Harry Potter and The Adolescent Wallpaper of Black
Potter is now in his mid-late teens and has lost all interest in Muggles, weirdly numbered train platforms and spells to make mirrors go all bendy. Instead, he has decided to paint his walls black, have a red lightbulb and stomp about Hogwarts in a moody wizard manner. His ginga mate fears Harry has been possessed by a demon released by an ancient bad wizard (probably played by Christopher Lee in the movie version), but it transpires that Potter is merely being a teenage boy. He thinks spells are “gay”, likes to smoke behind the broom-sheds and thinks Limp Bizkit are “the shiznit”. Bumbledore tries to convince Harry that there is innocence and childlike wonder in pursuing the wizard lifestyle, but Harry slams his door a lot and shouts “I hate you old man”.
Harry Potter and The Discovery of Women
Potter is now in the fevered grip of teendom. All thoughts of wizardy things are dismissed as he aggressively pursues a life of glue-sniffing, an interest in black-metal and trying to “touch boob”. His little wide-faced ginga mate tags along in an effort to appear cool, but is secretly frightened by Potter’s erupting skin, vague aroma of armpits and his permanently scowling visage.
During an attack on Hogwarts by some flying monkeys armed with cattle-prod (effects to be supplied by ILM for movie version), Potter hides in his room with black-metal heroes Burzum blasting out their latest tune “Stupid Amish People Die Die Die!” and “Satan Satan he’s our man”.
Bumbledore is kidnapped and held by some old-world evil man with the appearance of a donkey and the ability to swear in 25 different dead languages. Potter doesn’t care, he has discovered cider in the grounds of Hogwarts and gets trolleyed, trying to set fire to some hedges.
Harry Potter and The Career in Logistics
Having escaped the firey clutches of puberty, Potter is now a calm and pleasant young man. Uninterested in such childish pursuits as magic and solving mysteries, Potter takes a job within a large transport organization where he is tasked with plotting out delivery route times for the lorries and getting involved in a number of different office-based hijinks that, whilst amusing, do not threaten existence as we know it.
He gets married to a mousy lady called Helen from accounts and they have a myopic son called Humphrey. Potter revokes his magician past and puts it down to “a phase”
Harry Potter and the Slack Attendance at Hogwarts
Young Harry begins to notice his wand is getting longer and his magic sack is providing endless hours of amusement, and takes to staying in his wizard bedroom incanting various spells to the ancient goddess Shannon. His ginga mate is concerned by Potter’s non-attendance at Quidditch games but is met with “you’re such a big ginger baby. You spakker”, and promptly goes to tell that Ogre played by Robbie Coltrane. Who laughs and smacks the ginga about a bit.
Harry Potter and The Adolescent Wallpaper of Black
Potter is now in his mid-late teens and has lost all interest in Muggles, weirdly numbered train platforms and spells to make mirrors go all bendy. Instead, he has decided to paint his walls black, have a red lightbulb and stomp about Hogwarts in a moody wizard manner. His ginga mate fears Harry has been possessed by a demon released by an ancient bad wizard (probably played by Christopher Lee in the movie version), but it transpires that Potter is merely being a teenage boy. He thinks spells are “gay”, likes to smoke behind the broom-sheds and thinks Limp Bizkit are “the shiznit”. Bumbledore tries to convince Harry that there is innocence and childlike wonder in pursuing the wizard lifestyle, but Harry slams his door a lot and shouts “I hate you old man”.
Harry Potter and The Discovery of Women
Potter is now in the fevered grip of teendom. All thoughts of wizardy things are dismissed as he aggressively pursues a life of glue-sniffing, an interest in black-metal and trying to “touch boob”. His little wide-faced ginga mate tags along in an effort to appear cool, but is secretly frightened by Potter’s erupting skin, vague aroma of armpits and his permanently scowling visage.
During an attack on Hogwarts by some flying monkeys armed with cattle-prod (effects to be supplied by ILM for movie version), Potter hides in his room with black-metal heroes Burzum blasting out their latest tune “Stupid Amish People Die Die Die!” and “Satan Satan he’s our man”.
Bumbledore is kidnapped and held by some old-world evil man with the appearance of a donkey and the ability to swear in 25 different dead languages. Potter doesn’t care, he has discovered cider in the grounds of Hogwarts and gets trolleyed, trying to set fire to some hedges.
Harry Potter and The Career in Logistics
Having escaped the firey clutches of puberty, Potter is now a calm and pleasant young man. Uninterested in such childish pursuits as magic and solving mysteries, Potter takes a job within a large transport organization where he is tasked with plotting out delivery route times for the lorries and getting involved in a number of different office-based hijinks that, whilst amusing, do not threaten existence as we know it.
He gets married to a mousy lady called Helen from accounts and they have a myopic son called Humphrey. Potter revokes his magician past and puts it down to “a phase”