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Exclusive! Bush Declares War On The Golf!
==========================================
The President spoke earlier today:
"We cannot allow the world's worst game to be played by the world's worst people. Plus-fours, bunkers, fairways: all must go. Let these evil-doers know that the American values of freedom, justice and franchise sports will be triumphant over their perverted game."
"We will not shirk our responsibilities. There will be no compromise. We will not shout 'fore!' There will not be a hole-in-one but a hole in all those who golf."
"People often ask me 'George, may I have some of your pretzel?' To them I say that the war on golf is just, and necessary. The courses of this fair land are the hiding place of terrorists, Pringle jumpers and a whole lot of sand. Phil Mickelson, Sergio Garcia, Colin Montgomery: do these names not send a shiver down our spines? They must be stopped before they golf into the White House, into our jobs, into our marital beds."
"In the White House, people often say to me, 'George, you're standing on my foot'. I understand their concerns. But I then mention one name to them - Davis Love III. Ordinary Americans have seen the Star Wars movies: they know that an attack of the clones could overwhelm even our great military. They are persuaded that a pre-emptive strike is our only option. 'George', they say to me, 'You're still on my foot'; and I know then that my public has understood."
"To the golfers I say this: do not misunderestimate me. You will not brainwash our people with your strange attire. Your ability to hit a ball accurately from several hundred yards is impressive - but it will not defeat us. You will not monopolise the world's oil supplies and hold our nation to ransom. No longer will you give the world's caddies meagre tips. Your secret programs to develop longer, heavier clubs and smaller, more dimpled golf balls threaten our way of life: and they will be stopped, by force if neccesary. You are strong, but we are good and stronger still - our nation will prevail."
"God bless America!"
The speech received an enthusiastic response from London. "Woof woof!", commented Mr Blair.
==========================================
The President spoke earlier today:
"We cannot allow the world's worst game to be played by the world's worst people. Plus-fours, bunkers, fairways: all must go. Let these evil-doers know that the American values of freedom, justice and franchise sports will be triumphant over their perverted game."
"We will not shirk our responsibilities. There will be no compromise. We will not shout 'fore!' There will not be a hole-in-one but a hole in all those who golf."
"People often ask me 'George, may I have some of your pretzel?' To them I say that the war on golf is just, and necessary. The courses of this fair land are the hiding place of terrorists, Pringle jumpers and a whole lot of sand. Phil Mickelson, Sergio Garcia, Colin Montgomery: do these names not send a shiver down our spines? They must be stopped before they golf into the White House, into our jobs, into our marital beds."
"In the White House, people often say to me, 'George, you're standing on my foot'. I understand their concerns. But I then mention one name to them - Davis Love III. Ordinary Americans have seen the Star Wars movies: they know that an attack of the clones could overwhelm even our great military. They are persuaded that a pre-emptive strike is our only option. 'George', they say to me, 'You're still on my foot'; and I know then that my public has understood."
"To the golfers I say this: do not misunderestimate me. You will not brainwash our people with your strange attire. Your ability to hit a ball accurately from several hundred yards is impressive - but it will not defeat us. You will not monopolise the world's oil supplies and hold our nation to ransom. No longer will you give the world's caddies meagre tips. Your secret programs to develop longer, heavier clubs and smaller, more dimpled golf balls threaten our way of life: and they will be stopped, by force if neccesary. You are strong, but we are good and stronger still - our nation will prevail."
"God bless America!"
The speech received an enthusiastic response from London. "Woof woof!", commented Mr Blair.
Thanks - it's the first time I've ever agreed with Dubya.
Absolute classic.
Very funny!
Very funny!
Heh, thats bloody funny.
We will fight them in the bunkers. We will fight them on the greens. We will fight them on the 19th hole.
Superb.
Very good sir
Absolutely brilliant.
Exclusive! Bush Declares War On The Golf!
==========================================
The President spoke earlier today:
"We cannot allow the world's worst game to be played by the world's worst people. Plus-fours, bunkers, fairways: all must go. Let these evil-doers know that the American values of freedom, justice and franchise sports will be triumphant over their perverted game."
"We will not shirk our responsibilities. There will be no compromise. We will not shout 'fore!' There will not be a hole-in-one but a hole in all those who golf."
"People often ask me 'George, may I have some of your pretzel?' To them I say that the war on golf is just, and necessary. The courses of this fair land are the hiding place of terrorists, Pringle jumpers and a whole lot of sand. Phil Mickelson, Sergio Garcia, Colin Montgomery: do these names not send a shiver down our spines? They must be stopped before they golf into the White House, into our jobs, into our marital beds."
"In the White House, people often say to me, 'George, you're standing on my foot'. I understand their concerns. But I then mention one name to them - Davis Love III. Ordinary Americans have seen the Star Wars movies: they know that an attack of the clones could overwhelm even our great military. They are persuaded that a pre-emptive strike is our only option. 'George', they say to me, 'You're still on my foot'; and I know then that my public has understood."
"To the golfers I say this: do not misunderestimate me. You will not brainwash our people with your strange attire. Your ability to hit a ball accurately from several hundred yards is impressive - but it will not defeat us. You will not monopolise the world's oil supplies and hold our nation to ransom. No longer will you give the world's caddies meagre tips. Your secret programs to develop longer, heavier clubs and smaller, more dimpled golf balls threaten our way of life: and they will be stopped, by force if neccesary. You are strong, but we are good and stronger still - our nation will prevail."
"God bless America!"
The speech received an enthusiastic response from London. "Woof woof!", commented Mr Blair.
==========================================
The President spoke earlier today:
"We cannot allow the world's worst game to be played by the world's worst people. Plus-fours, bunkers, fairways: all must go. Let these evil-doers know that the American values of freedom, justice and franchise sports will be triumphant over their perverted game."
"We will not shirk our responsibilities. There will be no compromise. We will not shout 'fore!' There will not be a hole-in-one but a hole in all those who golf."
"People often ask me 'George, may I have some of your pretzel?' To them I say that the war on golf is just, and necessary. The courses of this fair land are the hiding place of terrorists, Pringle jumpers and a whole lot of sand. Phil Mickelson, Sergio Garcia, Colin Montgomery: do these names not send a shiver down our spines? They must be stopped before they golf into the White House, into our jobs, into our marital beds."
"In the White House, people often say to me, 'George, you're standing on my foot'. I understand their concerns. But I then mention one name to them - Davis Love III. Ordinary Americans have seen the Star Wars movies: they know that an attack of the clones could overwhelm even our great military. They are persuaded that a pre-emptive strike is our only option. 'George', they say to me, 'You're still on my foot'; and I know then that my public has understood."
"To the golfers I say this: do not misunderestimate me. You will not brainwash our people with your strange attire. Your ability to hit a ball accurately from several hundred yards is impressive - but it will not defeat us. You will not monopolise the world's oil supplies and hold our nation to ransom. No longer will you give the world's caddies meagre tips. Your secret programs to develop longer, heavier clubs and smaller, more dimpled golf balls threaten our way of life: and they will be stopped, by force if neccesary. You are strong, but we are good and stronger still - our nation will prevail."
"God bless America!"
The speech received an enthusiastic response from London. "Woof woof!", commented Mr Blair.