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“Isn’t that a typo?” you say.
“Surely you mean Will & Gareth set for Christmas number 1?”
No, Bill & Gareth is correct, because its been revealed that Bill Gates, the Microsoft head honcho, Xbox flogger and part time practitioner of the Voodoo arts and mind control (allegedly), is aiming for the much coveted UK Christmas number 1 single.
In an attempt to raise the profile of the Xbox in time for Jesus’ birthday, he’s teamed up for a surprise duet with his 12-year-old stammering distant relative, the current golden boy of the British pop music scene, GGGGGGGareth GGGGGGates (does he still have the sympathy vote stammer or has it magically disappeared?)
The single in question is to be a double A-side, featuring the songs ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ and ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’.
The link-up has surprised many experts in the world of music and video games. “I’m very surprised,” said music journalist/DJ/surgeon “Doctor” Fox M.D, after he’d finished eating a raw turnip.
A spokesperson for Gareth Gates’ record company (I don’t know who they are and I’m not sad enough to check) said, “We were obviously flabbergasted when the richest and loneliest man in the world telephoned us, inquiring about the availability of ‘that nice young man’ Gareth Gates. We set up a record deal straight away and Gareth was obviously delighted about it as he’s one of Bill’s biggest fans.”
It is believed that, similarly to the Microsoft purchase of Rare, if the new records are successful, that Bill will not only buy Gareth’s contract, but also actually buy Gareth, and keep him all to himself.
Regarding the team up, Bill Gates said, “Using Gareth’s unquestionable popularity with younger British audiences, especially girls and “camp” men, I hope Gareth and I can make some great music together.”
“Gareth is a very distant relation, and like the Jackson 5, Hanson and Bros, families can make some great music.”
He later added, “Hopefully, by using Gareth, the Xbox will reach the untapped 10-25 year female age market and we can exploit them for all they’re worth.” (“Did I say that last bit or think it…darn.”)
Meanwhile, Gareth vainly hopes the link up will help him break into the American market, “The A..A..A.Am..Amer..Ameri.c.c.c…US market is very important to my strategy for global chart domination. Once I get established there, my Pop Idol buddies Will and Darius will follow, plus Rik Waller will make the journey if we can find a big enough mode of transportation for his huge body.”
However, when the ever smarmy Will Young heard the news of the team up, the big girls blouse apparently put on his pastel coloured flat cap and Arthur Daley style coat and mooched off in a huff, saying Gareth was his exclusive bum-chum and didn’t want to share him with anyone, especially an old nerd with dandruff.
The video to ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ has now been filmed, and is set against a gorgeous snowy backdrop of the Island of McHaggis near Scotland, and sees the duo in a small log cabin with a cosy fireplace. Gareth (wearing way too much make-up) is wearing his delicate white crushed-velvet jumpsuit emblazoned with Pepsi logos and Bill wears his black and green Xbox bomber jacket (underneath he has a home knitted jumper with a Reindeer on it).
In the overly cheesy video, Bill and Gareth bestow large parcels, presumably containing Pepsi and Xboxes, to hoards of smartly dressed yet teeth grindingly irritating children, who smile back adoringly.
The video to ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’ is a big budget affair that sees Gareth dressed up as a hip young Santa, driving through many snowy towns in a big Pepsi and Xbox decaled sleigh. Bill is dressed as Santa’s helpful elf, handing out Xboxes and Xbox Live information packs to passers-by.
A number of dwarves wearing furry reindeer suits are struggling to pull the sleigh and are whipped every so often by Bill.
Although the idea of Bill Gates singing seems strange, he is no newcomer to the music scene, and has previously tasted chart success in the US. Last year he achieved a top 10 hit when he released ‘Living in an Xbox’, a cover of the song ‘Living in a Box’, but with the word ‘box’ cleverly changed to ‘Xbox’, with the help of premier American gangsta rappers ‘Supa Fly’ DJ Goldfinga & Snoop Snoop Doggy Doggy Woof Woof adding backing lyrics and Michael Winslow style beat-box sound effects.
Many years ago, he also released the rarely heard ‘When I’m Cleaning Windows’, a clever Microsoft Windows Anti-virus song based on George Formby’s classic Ukulele Banjo tune. Though sadly it wasn’t a success and only entered the top 100 charts at number 96, just below former Neighbours star Stefan Dennis with ‘Don't It Make You Feel Good’.
He’s also got a cover version of ‘Things can only get better’ ready to be released in the karaoke bars of Japan.
Due to the new Microsoft-Gareth Gates link-up, there’ll also be a Gareth Gates video game coming exclusively to the Xbox in 2003 called GGG, no it’s not a reference to the stammer, it stands for Gareth Gates Game.
Similar to the thousands of other dancing games on the market, the engrossed player must hit the correct buttons to make the digital Gareth sing and perform funky dance moves. However, poor timing will cause Gareth to stutter and break down and weep on stage. GGG will also be compatible with the Xbox Live service, so you can download new costumes for Gareth to wear and new songs for him to perform. Plus, with the head-set you can even sing along with Gareth!
Competition is increasing for the Christmas number 1 record, and now the duet of Rik Waller & Mr. Blobby have thrown their considerably weight into the arena with the song, ‘I wish I could eat Christmas dinner everyday,’ and Sir Cliff Richard is also releasing some kind of mellow Christian soft-rock song.
The special enhanced double-A side single of ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ and ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’, complete with bonus music videos and CD-ROM content with sneaky hidden spyware will be available in all good record stores in time for Christmas, and will come bundled with all Xboxes.
“Surely you mean Will & Gareth set for Christmas number 1?”
No, Bill & Gareth is correct, because its been revealed that Bill Gates, the Microsoft head honcho, Xbox flogger and part time practitioner of the Voodoo arts and mind control (allegedly), is aiming for the much coveted UK Christmas number 1 single.
In an attempt to raise the profile of the Xbox in time for Jesus’ birthday, he’s teamed up for a surprise duet with his 12-year-old stammering distant relative, the current golden boy of the British pop music scene, GGGGGGGareth GGGGGGates (does he still have the sympathy vote stammer or has it magically disappeared?)
The single in question is to be a double A-side, featuring the songs ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ and ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’.
The link-up has surprised many experts in the world of music and video games. “I’m very surprised,” said music journalist/DJ/surgeon “Doctor” Fox M.D, after he’d finished eating a raw turnip.
A spokesperson for Gareth Gates’ record company (I don’t know who they are and I’m not sad enough to check) said, “We were obviously flabbergasted when the richest and loneliest man in the world telephoned us, inquiring about the availability of ‘that nice young man’ Gareth Gates. We set up a record deal straight away and Gareth was obviously delighted about it as he’s one of Bill’s biggest fans.”
It is believed that, similarly to the Microsoft purchase of Rare, if the new records are successful, that Bill will not only buy Gareth’s contract, but also actually buy Gareth, and keep him all to himself.
Regarding the team up, Bill Gates said, “Using Gareth’s unquestionable popularity with younger British audiences, especially girls and “camp” men, I hope Gareth and I can make some great music together.”
“Gareth is a very distant relation, and like the Jackson 5, Hanson and Bros, families can make some great music.”
He later added, “Hopefully, by using Gareth, the Xbox will reach the untapped 10-25 year female age market and we can exploit them for all they’re worth.” (“Did I say that last bit or think it…darn.”)
Meanwhile, Gareth vainly hopes the link up will help him break into the American market, “The A..A..A.Am..Amer..Ameri.c.c.c…US market is very important to my strategy for global chart domination. Once I get established there, my Pop Idol buddies Will and Darius will follow, plus Rik Waller will make the journey if we can find a big enough mode of transportation for his huge body.”
However, when the ever smarmy Will Young heard the news of the team up, the big girls blouse apparently put on his pastel coloured flat cap and Arthur Daley style coat and mooched off in a huff, saying Gareth was his exclusive bum-chum and didn’t want to share him with anyone, especially an old nerd with dandruff.
The video to ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ has now been filmed, and is set against a gorgeous snowy backdrop of the Island of McHaggis near Scotland, and sees the duo in a small log cabin with a cosy fireplace. Gareth (wearing way too much make-up) is wearing his delicate white crushed-velvet jumpsuit emblazoned with Pepsi logos and Bill wears his black and green Xbox bomber jacket (underneath he has a home knitted jumper with a Reindeer on it).
In the overly cheesy video, Bill and Gareth bestow large parcels, presumably containing Pepsi and Xboxes, to hoards of smartly dressed yet teeth grindingly irritating children, who smile back adoringly.
The video to ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’ is a big budget affair that sees Gareth dressed up as a hip young Santa, driving through many snowy towns in a big Pepsi and Xbox decaled sleigh. Bill is dressed as Santa’s helpful elf, handing out Xboxes and Xbox Live information packs to passers-by.
A number of dwarves wearing furry reindeer suits are struggling to pull the sleigh and are whipped every so often by Bill.
Although the idea of Bill Gates singing seems strange, he is no newcomer to the music scene, and has previously tasted chart success in the US. Last year he achieved a top 10 hit when he released ‘Living in an Xbox’, a cover of the song ‘Living in a Box’, but with the word ‘box’ cleverly changed to ‘Xbox’, with the help of premier American gangsta rappers ‘Supa Fly’ DJ Goldfinga & Snoop Snoop Doggy Doggy Woof Woof adding backing lyrics and Michael Winslow style beat-box sound effects.
Many years ago, he also released the rarely heard ‘When I’m Cleaning Windows’, a clever Microsoft Windows Anti-virus song based on George Formby’s classic Ukulele Banjo tune. Though sadly it wasn’t a success and only entered the top 100 charts at number 96, just below former Neighbours star Stefan Dennis with ‘Don't It Make You Feel Good’.
He’s also got a cover version of ‘Things can only get better’ ready to be released in the karaoke bars of Japan.
Due to the new Microsoft-Gareth Gates link-up, there’ll also be a Gareth Gates video game coming exclusively to the Xbox in 2003 called GGG, no it’s not a reference to the stammer, it stands for Gareth Gates Game.
Similar to the thousands of other dancing games on the market, the engrossed player must hit the correct buttons to make the digital Gareth sing and perform funky dance moves. However, poor timing will cause Gareth to stutter and break down and weep on stage. GGG will also be compatible with the Xbox Live service, so you can download new costumes for Gareth to wear and new songs for him to perform. Plus, with the head-set you can even sing along with Gareth!
Competition is increasing for the Christmas number 1 record, and now the duet of Rik Waller & Mr. Blobby have thrown their considerably weight into the arena with the song, ‘I wish I could eat Christmas dinner everyday,’ and Sir Cliff Richard is also releasing some kind of mellow Christian soft-rock song.
The special enhanced double-A side single of ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ and ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’, complete with bonus music videos and CD-ROM content with sneaky hidden spyware will be available in all good record stores in time for Christmas, and will come bundled with all Xboxes.
FACT: Gareth's official website is www.ggates.co.uk.
“Isn’t that a typo?” you say.
“Surely you mean Will & Gareth set for Christmas number 1?”
No, Bill & Gareth is correct, because its been revealed that Bill Gates, the Microsoft head honcho, Xbox flogger and part time practitioner of the Voodoo arts and mind control (allegedly), is aiming for the much coveted UK Christmas number 1 single.
In an attempt to raise the profile of the Xbox in time for Jesus’ birthday, he’s teamed up for a surprise duet with his 12-year-old stammering distant relative, the current golden boy of the British pop music scene, GGGGGGGareth GGGGGGates (does he still have the sympathy vote stammer or has it magically disappeared?)
The single in question is to be a double A-side, featuring the songs ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ and ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’.
The link-up has surprised many experts in the world of music and video games. “I’m very surprised,” said music journalist/DJ/surgeon “Doctor” Fox M.D, after he’d finished eating a raw turnip.
A spokesperson for Gareth Gates’ record company (I don’t know who they are and I’m not sad enough to check) said, “We were obviously flabbergasted when the richest and loneliest man in the world telephoned us, inquiring about the availability of ‘that nice young man’ Gareth Gates. We set up a record deal straight away and Gareth was obviously delighted about it as he’s one of Bill’s biggest fans.”
It is believed that, similarly to the Microsoft purchase of Rare, if the new records are successful, that Bill will not only buy Gareth’s contract, but also actually buy Gareth, and keep him all to himself.
Regarding the team up, Bill Gates said, “Using Gareth’s unquestionable popularity with younger British audiences, especially girls and “camp” men, I hope Gareth and I can make some great music together.”
“Gareth is a very distant relation, and like the Jackson 5, Hanson and Bros, families can make some great music.”
He later added, “Hopefully, by using Gareth, the Xbox will reach the untapped 10-25 year female age market and we can exploit them for all they’re worth.” (“Did I say that last bit or think it…darn.”)
Meanwhile, Gareth vainly hopes the link up will help him break into the American market, “The A..A..A.Am..Amer..Ameri.c.c.c…US market is very important to my strategy for global chart domination. Once I get established there, my Pop Idol buddies Will and Darius will follow, plus Rik Waller will make the journey if we can find a big enough mode of transportation for his huge body.”
However, when the ever smarmy Will Young heard the news of the team up, the big girls blouse apparently put on his pastel coloured flat cap and Arthur Daley style coat and mooched off in a huff, saying Gareth was his exclusive bum-chum and didn’t want to share him with anyone, especially an old nerd with dandruff.
The video to ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ has now been filmed, and is set against a gorgeous snowy backdrop of the Island of McHaggis near Scotland, and sees the duo in a small log cabin with a cosy fireplace. Gareth (wearing way too much make-up) is wearing his delicate white crushed-velvet jumpsuit emblazoned with Pepsi logos and Bill wears his black and green Xbox bomber jacket (underneath he has a home knitted jumper with a Reindeer on it).
In the overly cheesy video, Bill and Gareth bestow large parcels, presumably containing Pepsi and Xboxes, to hoards of smartly dressed yet teeth grindingly irritating children, who smile back adoringly.
The video to ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’ is a big budget affair that sees Gareth dressed up as a hip young Santa, driving through many snowy towns in a big Pepsi and Xbox decaled sleigh. Bill is dressed as Santa’s helpful elf, handing out Xboxes and Xbox Live information packs to passers-by.
A number of dwarves wearing furry reindeer suits are struggling to pull the sleigh and are whipped every so often by Bill.
Although the idea of Bill Gates singing seems strange, he is no newcomer to the music scene, and has previously tasted chart success in the US. Last year he achieved a top 10 hit when he released ‘Living in an Xbox’, a cover of the song ‘Living in a Box’, but with the word ‘box’ cleverly changed to ‘Xbox’, with the help of premier American gangsta rappers ‘Supa Fly’ DJ Goldfinga & Snoop Snoop Doggy Doggy Woof Woof adding backing lyrics and Michael Winslow style beat-box sound effects.
Many years ago, he also released the rarely heard ‘When I’m Cleaning Windows’, a clever Microsoft Windows Anti-virus song based on George Formby’s classic Ukulele Banjo tune. Though sadly it wasn’t a success and only entered the top 100 charts at number 96, just below former Neighbours star Stefan Dennis with ‘Don't It Make You Feel Good’.
He’s also got a cover version of ‘Things can only get better’ ready to be released in the karaoke bars of Japan.
Due to the new Microsoft-Gareth Gates link-up, there’ll also be a Gareth Gates video game coming exclusively to the Xbox in 2003 called GGG, no it’s not a reference to the stammer, it stands for Gareth Gates Game.
Similar to the thousands of other dancing games on the market, the engrossed player must hit the correct buttons to make the digital Gareth sing and perform funky dance moves. However, poor timing will cause Gareth to stutter and break down and weep on stage. GGG will also be compatible with the Xbox Live service, so you can download new costumes for Gareth to wear and new songs for him to perform. Plus, with the head-set you can even sing along with Gareth!
Competition is increasing for the Christmas number 1 record, and now the duet of Rik Waller & Mr. Blobby have thrown their considerably weight into the arena with the song, ‘I wish I could eat Christmas dinner everyday,’ and Sir Cliff Richard is also releasing some kind of mellow Christian soft-rock song.
The special enhanced double-A side single of ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ and ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’, complete with bonus music videos and CD-ROM content with sneaky hidden spyware will be available in all good record stores in time for Christmas, and will come bundled with all Xboxes.
“Surely you mean Will & Gareth set for Christmas number 1?”
No, Bill & Gareth is correct, because its been revealed that Bill Gates, the Microsoft head honcho, Xbox flogger and part time practitioner of the Voodoo arts and mind control (allegedly), is aiming for the much coveted UK Christmas number 1 single.
In an attempt to raise the profile of the Xbox in time for Jesus’ birthday, he’s teamed up for a surprise duet with his 12-year-old stammering distant relative, the current golden boy of the British pop music scene, GGGGGGGareth GGGGGGates (does he still have the sympathy vote stammer or has it magically disappeared?)
The single in question is to be a double A-side, featuring the songs ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ and ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’.
The link-up has surprised many experts in the world of music and video games. “I’m very surprised,” said music journalist/DJ/surgeon “Doctor” Fox M.D, after he’d finished eating a raw turnip.
A spokesperson for Gareth Gates’ record company (I don’t know who they are and I’m not sad enough to check) said, “We were obviously flabbergasted when the richest and loneliest man in the world telephoned us, inquiring about the availability of ‘that nice young man’ Gareth Gates. We set up a record deal straight away and Gareth was obviously delighted about it as he’s one of Bill’s biggest fans.”
It is believed that, similarly to the Microsoft purchase of Rare, if the new records are successful, that Bill will not only buy Gareth’s contract, but also actually buy Gareth, and keep him all to himself.
Regarding the team up, Bill Gates said, “Using Gareth’s unquestionable popularity with younger British audiences, especially girls and “camp” men, I hope Gareth and I can make some great music together.”
“Gareth is a very distant relation, and like the Jackson 5, Hanson and Bros, families can make some great music.”
He later added, “Hopefully, by using Gareth, the Xbox will reach the untapped 10-25 year female age market and we can exploit them for all they’re worth.” (“Did I say that last bit or think it…darn.”)
Meanwhile, Gareth vainly hopes the link up will help him break into the American market, “The A..A..A.Am..Amer..Ameri.c.c.c…US market is very important to my strategy for global chart domination. Once I get established there, my Pop Idol buddies Will and Darius will follow, plus Rik Waller will make the journey if we can find a big enough mode of transportation for his huge body.”
However, when the ever smarmy Will Young heard the news of the team up, the big girls blouse apparently put on his pastel coloured flat cap and Arthur Daley style coat and mooched off in a huff, saying Gareth was his exclusive bum-chum and didn’t want to share him with anyone, especially an old nerd with dandruff.
The video to ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ has now been filmed, and is set against a gorgeous snowy backdrop of the Island of McHaggis near Scotland, and sees the duo in a small log cabin with a cosy fireplace. Gareth (wearing way too much make-up) is wearing his delicate white crushed-velvet jumpsuit emblazoned with Pepsi logos and Bill wears his black and green Xbox bomber jacket (underneath he has a home knitted jumper with a Reindeer on it).
In the overly cheesy video, Bill and Gareth bestow large parcels, presumably containing Pepsi and Xboxes, to hoards of smartly dressed yet teeth grindingly irritating children, who smile back adoringly.
The video to ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’ is a big budget affair that sees Gareth dressed up as a hip young Santa, driving through many snowy towns in a big Pepsi and Xbox decaled sleigh. Bill is dressed as Santa’s helpful elf, handing out Xboxes and Xbox Live information packs to passers-by.
A number of dwarves wearing furry reindeer suits are struggling to pull the sleigh and are whipped every so often by Bill.
Although the idea of Bill Gates singing seems strange, he is no newcomer to the music scene, and has previously tasted chart success in the US. Last year he achieved a top 10 hit when he released ‘Living in an Xbox’, a cover of the song ‘Living in a Box’, but with the word ‘box’ cleverly changed to ‘Xbox’, with the help of premier American gangsta rappers ‘Supa Fly’ DJ Goldfinga & Snoop Snoop Doggy Doggy Woof Woof adding backing lyrics and Michael Winslow style beat-box sound effects.
Many years ago, he also released the rarely heard ‘When I’m Cleaning Windows’, a clever Microsoft Windows Anti-virus song based on George Formby’s classic Ukulele Banjo tune. Though sadly it wasn’t a success and only entered the top 100 charts at number 96, just below former Neighbours star Stefan Dennis with ‘Don't It Make You Feel Good’.
He’s also got a cover version of ‘Things can only get better’ ready to be released in the karaoke bars of Japan.
Due to the new Microsoft-Gareth Gates link-up, there’ll also be a Gareth Gates video game coming exclusively to the Xbox in 2003 called GGG, no it’s not a reference to the stammer, it stands for Gareth Gates Game.
Similar to the thousands of other dancing games on the market, the engrossed player must hit the correct buttons to make the digital Gareth sing and perform funky dance moves. However, poor timing will cause Gareth to stutter and break down and weep on stage. GGG will also be compatible with the Xbox Live service, so you can download new costumes for Gareth to wear and new songs for him to perform. Plus, with the head-set you can even sing along with Gareth!
Competition is increasing for the Christmas number 1 record, and now the duet of Rik Waller & Mr. Blobby have thrown their considerably weight into the arena with the song, ‘I wish I could eat Christmas dinner everyday,’ and Sir Cliff Richard is also releasing some kind of mellow Christian soft-rock song.
The special enhanced double-A side single of ‘Jingle Bill Rock’ and ‘Gareth Gates Is Comin' To Town’, complete with bonus music videos and CD-ROM content with sneaky hidden spyware will be available in all good record stores in time for Christmas, and will come bundled with all Xboxes.