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"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the 2012 Olympics. We've included the changes suggested by blokes in pubs, suggestions from colleges and any other ideas we thought would be cool. Why? Because the Olympics are dull."
The 100m Sprint
Same as usual, except the runners are whizzed off their nuts. Gun goes off, two flinch and fall over, 1 tears off like a bullet from a gun and the rest stand about talking utter rubbish for 4hrs and laughing, before throwing shapes and dancing like monged out bears.
Swimming
To make things spicy, once the swimmers are off the podiums and swimming along happily? Each lane gets an alligator chucked in. Starving alligators. And some sharks are released, but not ones with lasers on their heads. Just really angry Makos. And for the ones that come in the last 3, their arms are tied to their bodies and they're thrown in again, with surgical nicks on their legs to induce light bleeding.
Frenzy ensues
1500 Metres
Same as the sprint, but the runners are forced to take a huge Moroccan Gold spliff through their drug-end 30 mins before the race.
Gun goes off, everyone sits on the floor and splays their fingers, moving them up to their eyes and back again going "excellent".
To induce a mild stroll, suggest a similar system to the rabbit-at-dog-track, but instead of rabbit, attach a pizza and garlic bread.
Shot-Putt
Just the same event, because blokes and women lobbing massive balls of lead is funny. Except for one, substitute his shot-putt for a bowling ball. Filled with cheese/
I'm bored of doing this now, I'm off for a smoke
The 100m Sprint
Same as usual, except the runners are whizzed off their nuts. Gun goes off, two flinch and fall over, 1 tears off like a bullet from a gun and the rest stand about talking utter rubbish for 4hrs and laughing, before throwing shapes and dancing like monged out bears.
Swimming
To make things spicy, once the swimmers are off the podiums and swimming along happily? Each lane gets an alligator chucked in. Starving alligators. And some sharks are released, but not ones with lasers on their heads. Just really angry Makos. And for the ones that come in the last 3, their arms are tied to their bodies and they're thrown in again, with surgical nicks on their legs to induce light bleeding.
Frenzy ensues
1500 Metres
Same as the sprint, but the runners are forced to take a huge Moroccan Gold spliff through their drug-end 30 mins before the race.
Gun goes off, everyone sits on the floor and splays their fingers, moving them up to their eyes and back again going "excellent".
To induce a mild stroll, suggest a similar system to the rabbit-at-dog-track, but instead of rabbit, attach a pizza and garlic bread.
Shot-Putt
Just the same event, because blokes and women lobbing massive balls of lead is funny. Except for one, substitute his shot-putt for a bowling ball. Filled with cheese/
I'm bored of doing this now, I'm off for a smoke
Oh. Stupid addictive cigarettes. Made his topic finish early..
Hehe, very funny.
Also, what about javelin throwing with blindfolded officials? Now that I'd like to see...
Also, what about javelin throwing with blindfolded officials? Now that I'd like to see...
There was some alternative Olympic-type programme on TV a while back featuring events like: the running backwards 100 metres and the diving belly-flop long jump. They obviously didn't take it far enough.
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the 2012 Olympics. We've included the changes suggested by blokes in pubs, suggestions from colleges and any other ideas we thought would be cool. Why? Because the Olympics are dull."
The 100m Sprint
Same as usual, except the runners are whizzed off their nuts. Gun goes off, two flinch and fall over, 1 tears off like a bullet from a gun and the rest stand about talking utter rubbish for 4hrs and laughing, before throwing shapes and dancing like monged out bears.
Swimming
To make things spicy, once the swimmers are off the podiums and swimming along happily? Each lane gets an alligator chucked in. Starving alligators. And some sharks are released, but not ones with lasers on their heads. Just really angry Makos. And for the ones that come in the last 3, their arms are tied to their bodies and they're thrown in again, with surgical nicks on their legs to induce light bleeding.
Frenzy ensues
1500 Metres
Same as the sprint, but the runners are forced to take a huge Moroccan Gold spliff through their drug-end 30 mins before the race.
Gun goes off, everyone sits on the floor and splays their fingers, moving them up to their eyes and back again going "excellent".
To induce a mild stroll, suggest a similar system to the rabbit-at-dog-track, but instead of rabbit, attach a pizza and garlic bread.
Shot-Putt
Just the same event, because blokes and women lobbing massive balls of lead is funny. Except for one, substitute his shot-putt for a bowling ball. Filled with cheese/
I'm bored of doing this now, I'm off for a smoke
The 100m Sprint
Same as usual, except the runners are whizzed off their nuts. Gun goes off, two flinch and fall over, 1 tears off like a bullet from a gun and the rest stand about talking utter rubbish for 4hrs and laughing, before throwing shapes and dancing like monged out bears.
Swimming
To make things spicy, once the swimmers are off the podiums and swimming along happily? Each lane gets an alligator chucked in. Starving alligators. And some sharks are released, but not ones with lasers on their heads. Just really angry Makos. And for the ones that come in the last 3, their arms are tied to their bodies and they're thrown in again, with surgical nicks on their legs to induce light bleeding.
Frenzy ensues
1500 Metres
Same as the sprint, but the runners are forced to take a huge Moroccan Gold spliff through their drug-end 30 mins before the race.
Gun goes off, everyone sits on the floor and splays their fingers, moving them up to their eyes and back again going "excellent".
To induce a mild stroll, suggest a similar system to the rabbit-at-dog-track, but instead of rabbit, attach a pizza and garlic bread.
Shot-Putt
Just the same event, because blokes and women lobbing massive balls of lead is funny. Except for one, substitute his shot-putt for a bowling ball. Filled with cheese/
I'm bored of doing this now, I'm off for a smoke