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Well i for one like a good joke now and then, so i thought i should start a post were people can post funny jokes...
1. A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash
and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks,
"What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
2.What did the fish say when it hit a wall, DAMN!!!
3.2 fish in a tank, one says to the other, "do you know how to drive this?"
4. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
5. A farmer takes his fravourte pig for a walk, he goes past a man and the man says
" how comes your pig only has 3 legs" well says the farmer, he saved me and my wife from
a burning building and he also pushed me out of the way of a speeding car, so he has
saved my life twice.
"well thats all great", says the man, but that still does not explain why he only has
one leg, "well says the farmer, you cant eat your best pig all at once can you now"
6.Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry,
he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on
like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and
on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country,
he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off
any ill affects before he got home. It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and
ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed,
"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him
promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go.
It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt
for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when
another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine
revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while,
hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the
flowers on the table were dead.
With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin
on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of
innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had
peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the
blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table
for his surprise birthday party.
1. A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash
and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks,
"What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
2.What did the fish say when it hit a wall, DAMN!!!
3.2 fish in a tank, one says to the other, "do you know how to drive this?"
4. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
5. A farmer takes his fravourte pig for a walk, he goes past a man and the man says
" how comes your pig only has 3 legs" well says the farmer, he saved me and my wife from
a burning building and he also pushed me out of the way of a speeding car, so he has
saved my life twice.
"well thats all great", says the man, but that still does not explain why he only has
one leg, "well says the farmer, you cant eat your best pig all at once can you now"
6.Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry,
he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on
like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and
on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country,
he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off
any ill affects before he got home. It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and
ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed,
"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him
promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go.
It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt
for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when
another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine
revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while,
hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the
flowers on the table were dead.
With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin
on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of
innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had
peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the
blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table
for his surprise birthday party.
There have been no replies to this thread yet.
Well i for one like a good joke now and then, so i thought i should start a post were people can post funny jokes...
1. A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash
and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks,
"What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
2.What did the fish say when it hit a wall, DAMN!!!
3.2 fish in a tank, one says to the other, "do you know how to drive this?"
4. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
5. A farmer takes his fravourte pig for a walk, he goes past a man and the man says
" how comes your pig only has 3 legs" well says the farmer, he saved me and my wife from
a burning building and he also pushed me out of the way of a speeding car, so he has
saved my life twice.
"well thats all great", says the man, but that still does not explain why he only has
one leg, "well says the farmer, you cant eat your best pig all at once can you now"
6.Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry,
he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on
like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and
on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country,
he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off
any ill affects before he got home. It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and
ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed,
"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him
promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go.
It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt
for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when
another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine
revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while,
hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the
flowers on the table were dead.
With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin
on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of
innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had
peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the
blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table
for his surprise birthday party.
1. A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash
and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks,
"What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
2.What did the fish say when it hit a wall, DAMN!!!
3.2 fish in a tank, one says to the other, "do you know how to drive this?"
4. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
5. A farmer takes his fravourte pig for a walk, he goes past a man and the man says
" how comes your pig only has 3 legs" well says the farmer, he saved me and my wife from
a burning building and he also pushed me out of the way of a speeding car, so he has
saved my life twice.
"well thats all great", says the man, but that still does not explain why he only has
one leg, "well says the farmer, you cant eat your best pig all at once can you now"
6.Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry,
he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on
like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and
on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country,
he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off
any ill affects before he got home. It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and
ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed,
"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him
promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go.
It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt
for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when
another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine
revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while,
hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the
flowers on the table were dead.
With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin
on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of
innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had
peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the
blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table
for his surprise birthday party.