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"Microsoft in Shock Announcement!"

In a shock announcement today, Fred Basset, a spokesperson for Microsoft, announced that the Computer Giants had bought-out British Airways and American Airlines. It's a move that they hope will secure them a future in gaming history. Mr. Basset, head of Microsoft's newly formed department, Micro Airways, had this to say:



"Well, we look at Nintendo and Sony, and we wonder. What do they have that we don't? The Playstation 2 sold in great numbers, and the Gamecube is proving to be a big success, but the Xbox, well, didn't do so well. After dropping the price, sales did go up, but we needed something more. That's when we decided to buy Rare. What more did we need to promote our console? Well, we didn't receive the reply we really wanted. People saw us for bullies, stealing one of Nintendo's best UK developers, but we aren't. We wanted to have a wide variety of games. So, this month, plans were drawn up to buy British Airways and American Airlines. Why? Well, we want to provide Gamers with the ultimate gaming experience, and what better way to enjoy a long, drawn-out flight to, say, Barbados than a mulitplayer deathmatch on Halo at 35,000 feet? Nothing on earth could beat it."

Interesting as it sounds, this reporter thinks differently. Gone are the days of petty Console wars, we have reached a new level. Sony, who are amazed at Microsoft's strategy have invested in British Rail and Connex, to provide a gaming community for commuters.

Who thinks up this stuff?

Camera Guy: Sssh, we're still on.

Oh, er, well *cough* Yes, back to the subject. Jimmy Ackman, speaking for the newly formed Sony Rail, made this statement earlier today:


"What Microsoft can do, we can do better. Sure, Halo is an, 'Average' game, but is there any need to play it at 35,000 feet? No. Commuters complain that Train journeys are boring, annoying and unpleasant, so we feel we had to do something about it. We will provide a reliable service, running the length and breadth of Britain, and will accompany it with a Playstation 2 built in to every seat. There will also be the option to choose what game to play, by asking the ticket Inspector for a list of Games. Since we are 'the' gaming company, everyone will want to travel by Train instead of by Air."

What Mr. Ackman forgot to mention was how trains are supposed to run to the other side of the world, as there are vast amounts of water. We questioned him on the subject.

"Well, erm, we will….er…. build really, really big bridges and tunnels, and, er, will provide a ferry system to carry people across the seas."

Wow! A train AND ferry system. Surely Microsoft will be reduced to shreds by Sony's power. Wait a minute, THIS JUST IN! It seems that Nintendo have just bought P+O Stenna Line, and will create a larger fleet, enough to travel around the whole world. But… then surely this means Sony's plans are flawed? The now very nervous and worried Mr. Ackman had this to say:

"Really, REALLY big bridges and tunnels…"

I don't think Mr. Ackman realises just how big these Bridges and Tunnels will need to be. Anyway, back to Nintendo. Shigeru Miyamoto, everyone's favourite Japanese genius, had something to say on the matter. Here is the translated version:

"Nintendo ferry service trips to countries other Pikachu trainers across the earth-san. Takatu get tochi mishi Sony, Matsushita dabura."

Who does translations around here? How much are they paying you? With the help of an online translating website, we were able to report this:

"Nintendo want to focus on the quality of games rather than more powerful consoles. Oh, P+O Stenna line? Well, we just wanted to have a ferry service for no apparent reason, erm, everyone else has something flashy, why can't we? Besides, we, as a company, are much more experienced and we know what we are doing. Mario Stenna line will run to all countries over the world, and will all be fitted with many, many Gamecubes and GBA's, to make this service much more enjoyable. Oh, and we wanted to make Sony make REALLY big tunnels and Bridges, just for the sake of it!"

Well, Nintendo seem to have the general idea, as do Microsoft, but what do Sony have to say on the whole subject, now that they know where they stand?

"REALLY, REALLY, REALLY big bridges and Tunnels. REALLY big!"

Will the console wars get worse? Most definitely, now that fanboys have been unleashed to the world, but as for this reporter, I'm booking a flight to the Bahamas with Micro Airways and a Cruise with Mario Stenna Line.




Thanks for reading

Microchips

Yup, the TV screens in the back of the seats link to sort of harddrive type thing of SNES games and you can load the oens you want to play. The telephone/remote control that you can remove from your arm rest also has a D-pad, four buttons and the shoulder buttons.

The games vary, but pretty much assured two of them will be Super Mario World and F-Zero.

Heh, thanks Guys. And Howard. :D

Man, that's weird saying that.

:D

Shock Anouncement!

Microsoft. Suck.

great post by the way Mr. Chips, yes, very good

Great post, Howard.

To be honest, I wouldn't be that surprised if Microsoft did go on to do such a thing.

Ine-San wrote:
> Stop attempting to win a GAD by posting a really long post that I
> can't be bothered reading.

*

Shut up. You just say that because you couldn't do any better. Good post, Microchips.

I knew therre wree N64's on 'planes (or so I was told) but do they really still have SNES's? Heh, i'm gonna book me a flight to America, business class through memory lane.

:D

Whitestripes wrote:
> Nintendo already have SNES on Virgin planes.
SNES's!? Cool, yah, im travelling by virgin air, wait, don't they travel alongside their budy Richard Branson in a hot air baloon? Ah, oh well longer to play the SNES. YAY!

Thanks for the replies. :)

Heh.

Well done in advance, Chippy!

:0D

Excellent, this should win GAD for sure. More importantly though, it was very entertaining. Keep it up.