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An American recognition survey...
1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do you break the news you are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision
© Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up inbreds on national television.
2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park. What do you need to take?
(a) A ball
(b) A ball and 2 coats
© A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheerleaders, a marching souzaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of orthopaedic surgeon specialising in spinal injuries.
3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a rabbit.
What do you do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is still alive
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it died quickly
© Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering, whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.
4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an awkward position. What do you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
© Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faithhealer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on you head, whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds.
5. What do you have for breakfast?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee
© A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer
6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel
© A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.
7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don’t worry. It’s just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a youth club.
© Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.
8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of comedy do you choose?
(a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
(b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show
© A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the audience whoop for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight wisecrack.
9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife’s dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn’t happen again
© Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation and sue your wife.
10. There are peace talks in another part of the world. What do you do?
(a) Let them get on with it but offer your advice if needed
(b) Let them get on with it and offer help to both sides
© Ignore all parties wishes and protests and take over the talks.
11. There are global concerns about the emissions from cars;do you:
(a) Introduce incentives to switch to cleaner cars
(b) Invent a new cleaner fuel
© Continue to use and invent dirtier cars, ignoring the global concerns about the emissions.
12. There is a war in another part of the world, do you:
(a) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and step in when necessary
(b) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and bring the culprits to justice
© Invade the country flattening all buildings, fire at all allied and enemy airplanes killing people no matter which side they’re on after all, a kill is a kill.
13. You’re on holiday abroad, do you:
(a) Enjoy the local culture and food
(b) Enjoy the local culture and food but look forward to getting home
© Complain and winge that the country that you are visiting is nothing like home.
14. There is a popular coloured leader in your country. What do you do?
(a) Welcome him with open arms
(b) Listen to what he has to say
© Assassinate him.
If you answered mostly (a)s & (b)s then you are a normal well balanced individual.
If you answered mostly ©s then sorry, you are an American
1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do you break the news you are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision
© Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up inbreds on national television.
2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park. What do you need to take?
(a) A ball
(b) A ball and 2 coats
© A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheerleaders, a marching souzaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of orthopaedic surgeon specialising in spinal injuries.
3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a rabbit.
What do you do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is still alive
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it died quickly
© Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering, whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.
4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an awkward position. What do you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
© Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faithhealer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on you head, whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds.
5. What do you have for breakfast?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee
© A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer
6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel
© A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.
7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don’t worry. It’s just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a youth club.
© Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.
8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of comedy do you choose?
(a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
(b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show
© A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the audience whoop for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight wisecrack.
9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife’s dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn’t happen again
© Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation and sue your wife.
10. There are peace talks in another part of the world. What do you do?
(a) Let them get on with it but offer your advice if needed
(b) Let them get on with it and offer help to both sides
© Ignore all parties wishes and protests and take over the talks.
11. There are global concerns about the emissions from cars;do you:
(a) Introduce incentives to switch to cleaner cars
(b) Invent a new cleaner fuel
© Continue to use and invent dirtier cars, ignoring the global concerns about the emissions.
12. There is a war in another part of the world, do you:
(a) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and step in when necessary
(b) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and bring the culprits to justice
© Invade the country flattening all buildings, fire at all allied and enemy airplanes killing people no matter which side they’re on after all, a kill is a kill.
13. You’re on holiday abroad, do you:
(a) Enjoy the local culture and food
(b) Enjoy the local culture and food but look forward to getting home
© Complain and winge that the country that you are visiting is nothing like home.
14. There is a popular coloured leader in your country. What do you do?
(a) Welcome him with open arms
(b) Listen to what he has to say
© Assassinate him.
If you answered mostly (a)s & (b)s then you are a normal well balanced individual.
If you answered mostly ©s then sorry, you are an American
Page:
An American recognition survey...
1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do you break the news you are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision
© Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up inbreds on national television.
2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park. What do you need to take?
(a) A ball
(b) A ball and 2 coats
© A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheerleaders, a marching souzaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of orthopaedic surgeon specialising in spinal injuries.
3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a rabbit.
What do you do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is still alive
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it died quickly
© Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering, whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.
4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an awkward position. What do you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
© Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faithhealer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on you head, whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds.
5. What do you have for breakfast?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee
© A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer
6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel
© A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.
7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don’t worry. It’s just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a youth club.
© Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.
8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of comedy do you choose?
(a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
(b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show
© A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the audience whoop for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight wisecrack.
9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife’s dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn’t happen again
© Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation and sue your wife.
10. There are peace talks in another part of the world. What do you do?
(a) Let them get on with it but offer your advice if needed
(b) Let them get on with it and offer help to both sides
© Ignore all parties wishes and protests and take over the talks.
11. There are global concerns about the emissions from cars;do you:
(a) Introduce incentives to switch to cleaner cars
(b) Invent a new cleaner fuel
© Continue to use and invent dirtier cars, ignoring the global concerns about the emissions.
12. There is a war in another part of the world, do you:
(a) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and step in when necessary
(b) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and bring the culprits to justice
© Invade the country flattening all buildings, fire at all allied and enemy airplanes killing people no matter which side they’re on after all, a kill is a kill.
13. You’re on holiday abroad, do you:
(a) Enjoy the local culture and food
(b) Enjoy the local culture and food but look forward to getting home
© Complain and winge that the country that you are visiting is nothing like home.
14. There is a popular coloured leader in your country. What do you do?
(a) Welcome him with open arms
(b) Listen to what he has to say
© Assassinate him.
If you answered mostly (a)s & (b)s then you are a normal well balanced individual.
If you answered mostly ©s then sorry, you are an American
1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do you break the news you are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision
© Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up inbreds on national television.
2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park. What do you need to take?
(a) A ball
(b) A ball and 2 coats
© A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheerleaders, a marching souzaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of orthopaedic surgeon specialising in spinal injuries.
3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a rabbit.
What do you do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is still alive
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it died quickly
© Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering, whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.
4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an awkward position. What do you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
© Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faithhealer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on you head, whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds.
5. What do you have for breakfast?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee
© A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer
6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel
© A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.
7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don’t worry. It’s just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a youth club.
© Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.
8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of comedy do you choose?
(a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
(b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show
© A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the audience whoop for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight wisecrack.
9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife’s dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn’t happen again
© Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation and sue your wife.
10. There are peace talks in another part of the world. What do you do?
(a) Let them get on with it but offer your advice if needed
(b) Let them get on with it and offer help to both sides
© Ignore all parties wishes and protests and take over the talks.
11. There are global concerns about the emissions from cars;do you:
(a) Introduce incentives to switch to cleaner cars
(b) Invent a new cleaner fuel
© Continue to use and invent dirtier cars, ignoring the global concerns about the emissions.
12. There is a war in another part of the world, do you:
(a) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and step in when necessary
(b) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and bring the culprits to justice
© Invade the country flattening all buildings, fire at all allied and enemy airplanes killing people no matter which side they’re on after all, a kill is a kill.
13. You’re on holiday abroad, do you:
(a) Enjoy the local culture and food
(b) Enjoy the local culture and food but look forward to getting home
© Complain and winge that the country that you are visiting is nothing like home.
14. There is a popular coloured leader in your country. What do you do?
(a) Welcome him with open arms
(b) Listen to what he has to say
© Assassinate him.
If you answered mostly (a)s & (b)s then you are a normal well balanced individual.
If you answered mostly ©s then sorry, you are an American
1. (b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision
2. (a) A ball
3. (a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is
still alive
4. (a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses
5. © A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer
6. (b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel
7. (b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join
a youth club.
8. (a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
9. (b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn’t happen again
10. (a) Let them get on with it but offer your advice if needed
11. (a) Introduce incentives to switch to cleaner cars
12. (a) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and step in
when necessary
13. (a) Enjoy the local culture and food
14. (a) Welcome him with open arms
2. (a) A ball
3. (a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is
still alive
4. (a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses
5. © A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer
6. (b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel
7. (b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join
a youth club.
8. (a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
9. (b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn’t happen again
10. (a) Let them get on with it but offer your advice if needed
11. (a) Introduce incentives to switch to cleaner cars
12. (a) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and step in
when necessary
13. (a) Enjoy the local culture and food
14. (a) Welcome him with open arms
Actually, British make far worse tourists than Americans. This is a fact borne out by a survey conducted in dozens of popular destinations worldwide...
Mendax Bartender wrote:
> Actually, British make far worse tourists than Americans. This is a
> fact borne out by a survey conducted in dozens of popular destinations
> worldwide...
whatever...
> Actually, British make far worse tourists than Americans. This is a
> fact borne out by a survey conducted in dozens of popular destinations
> worldwide...
whatever...
If you answered mostly (a) then you are a typical British I can do no wrong hypocrite.
If you answered mostly (b) stop lying and answer properrly.
If you answered mostly (c) then you probably think the tabloids are a good read, and you need to seriously ask yourself about stereotyping.
~~Belldandy~~
If you answered mostly (b) stop lying and answer properrly.
If you answered mostly (c) then you probably think the tabloids are a good read, and you need to seriously ask yourself about stereotyping.
~~Belldandy~~
Heh. Good stuff.
I like the one about the depressed, recluse teenager.
I like the one about the depressed, recluse teenager.
ok. i take it you are anti-american then. drunk cow is american you know ...
you could also stereotype the british :
1) the football team you support has lost 3 nil. Do you
a) go home disappointed, better luck next time
b) support another team
c) leave the stadium, shout abuse at the opposing fans, before hurling bottles and causing a riot
or perhaps thats just football fans (?) :o)
1) the football team you support has lost 3 nil. Do you
a) go home disappointed, better luck next time
b) support another team
c) leave the stadium, shout abuse at the opposing fans, before hurling bottles and causing a riot
or perhaps thats just football fans (?) :o)
I could do such a good british version of one of these, but I can't be bothered, not exactly GAD stuff is it ?
Y'know roll out every cliche I can think of, apart from the hooliganism stuff, which is true, and the racism stuff, which is true, and the english abroad stuff, which is true and.....oh dear.
~~Belldandy~~
Y'know roll out every cliche I can think of, apart from the hooliganism stuff, which is true, and the racism stuff, which is true, and the english abroad stuff, which is true and.....oh dear.
~~Belldandy~~
<- Pappa Lazarou -> wrote:
> ok. i take it you are anti-american then. drunk cow is american you
> know ...
It was just a joke dont take it the rong way. I went to America and I think that its a brilliant place.
It was just a joke.
> ok. i take it you are anti-american then. drunk cow is american you
> know ...
It was just a joke dont take it the rong way. I went to America and I think that its a brilliant place.
It was just a joke.
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