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"Flogging a dead Robocop"

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Thu 10/10/02 at 13:31
Regular
Posts: 787
Whilst looking through the latest TV listings magazine, for some reason I looked through what movies were on Sky (even though I don’t have Sky), and, having not been up to speed on the amount of Robocop related movies, I was horrified by what I saw.

“Friday: Robocop Dark Justice (2001): The half-man half-machine crime fighter stumbles across a sinister conspiracy.” (This is a current free gift DVD from Special Reserve, which is apparently really good *Special Reserve agent lowers gun*)

“Saturday: Robocop Meltdown (2001): The half-man half machine confronts a former friend who has been rebuilt as a destructive robot.”

“Sunday: Robocop Resurrection (2001): Murphy and Cable flee to Old Detroit, discovering a group of resistance fighters dedicated to destroying technology.”

“Monday: Robocop Crash And Burn (2001): Can Murphy persuade his estranged son to help him before all invented technology is wiped out?”

These are the four parts of the TV-movie mini series “Robocop: Prime Directives”. There was also a Robocop animated TV series, in which Robocop had a silly flashing light on his eyepiece like KITT out of Knightrider and it spawned lots of action figures, and there’s probably loads more cash-ins that have been equally bad.
Basically, ever since Paul Verhoeven’s ultra classic original back in 1987, the Robocop franchise has been watered down and taken for all it’s worth, with sequels, cartoons and TV mini series, so I thought about other potential Robocop related cash ins that could milk the poor robot (but not literally of course) for all he’s worth…

Robocop Goes To Police Academy:
Having killed way too many people unnecessarily and been very reckless in his work as an officer of the law, Robocop goes back to police academy, where he meets up with Steve Guttenberg (who needs the money), Michael Winslow, Hightower and all the other incompetent social misfits and slackers (except for Tackleberry, as the actor is no longer with us). On arrival, the gang promptly fall foul of the surly Lieutenant Harris and his Blue Oyster Bar loving henchmen, who quickly take a disliking to the selection of oddballs, and make their time at the academy a living hell.
Throughout the film, there are many great slapstick moments, Guttenberg cracks lots of funny quips & wisecracks at Lieutenant Harris’ expense, Winslow makes many hilarious robotic and machine gun sound effects, and Robocop loses his serious attitude, but still walks around like someone who has piles.

Robocop Versus Robocat:
Having defeated ED-209, vicious drug lord robo-enhanced Cain and many more, Robocop must now overcome his greatest nemesis since his last greatest nemesis; Murphy’s old family cat Mr. Tibbles, who was run over but has been rebuilt by Omni Consumer Products as a vicious killing Robocat…complete with a jetpack and sharp metal claws!
Robocop enlists the help of is old pet dog, Sir Barkalot, who’s also been turned into a robot, and similar to “K-9” or “Turner & Hooch”, the dynamic robo duo team up and must hunt around Delta City on the trail of the vicious robo feline settee scratcher, before he turns the brand new city into a big scratched up mess.
As a cash-in, the two robo animals will be available to buy as cuddly soft toys, an ideal gift for every four year old who loves the new non-violent Robocop.

Robocop: The Musical:
Toad-like Andrew Lloyd-Webber has snapped up the exclusive rights to recreate the dark futuristic satire for theatre/musical fans.
The tale of a man-machine rediscovering his humanity and identity mixed with clever satire on big business, consumerism, attitudes towards violence, the media and the American way of life have all been ditched in favour of a happier tale. Robocop the Musical is about a camp robot policeman who marries a microwave and who loves dancing in the robot style, and whose prime directives are to have “fun fun fun” and helping old people cross the road.
Song & Dance numbers in the show include; “Rusting in the Rain”, “Babyfood glorious babyfood”, “All shot up” and more.

Beverly Hills Robocop:
Eddie Murphy teams up with Robocop in your typical Hollywood buddy cop movie.
Having worked on some tough cases in the crime filled Detroit, Robocop is assigned to Beverly Hills and told to team up with detective Axel Foley and the ever-present Rosewood to solve a number of simple unpaid parking ticket offences.
At the beginning, they don’t really get along, as Robo doesn’t particularly care for Axel’s loud fast talking attitude, constant use of profanities and the way jive talkin’ loudmouth always tries to stick a banana up his tail pipe, and Axel doesn’t like the constant bloodbaths that Robocop causes (though Rosewood loves them). But in the end, having busted a lot of evil parking fine dodgers, they all become great friends.
And it has the “Axel F” theme tune from Harold Faltermeyer, so it must be cool.

MicroCHiPs:
Erik Estrada reprises his role of Officer Frank 'Ponch' Poncherello and has found himself a new biking buddy, Robocop!
Yes, the adventures of the two bronze California Highway Patrol motorcycle officers have returned to our screens, with the ever so slight change, for this time, Robocop is in the saddle and zooming around on his cool motorbike.
Together the cool cops fight crime, show off their tans (well, Robocop shows off his tanned chin) and smile lots with their perfect pearly white teeth.

Plus, coming soon, Robocop: The Sitcom.
A hilarious comedy show akin to ALF or Harry and the Hendersons, that sees Robocop living in the suburbs with the typical all-American family, including Ma, Pa, Junior and their dog. Throughout the series, Robocop sticks out like a sore thumb and has many hilarious run-ins with his sitcom neighbours, including special guests The Fonz, Bill Cosby, Gary Coleman, Ted Danson and Metal Mickey.
Fri 11/10/02 at 17:21
"Darth Vader 3442321"
Posts: 4,031
Robochopper: featuring Eric Bana as a psycho cyborg Aussie Criminal. He keeps a magnetic mostache in his leg compartment for special occasions.

Not to be confused with the film featuring the same name, currently being touted at the alternative Canne film festival, starring Ron Jeremy.
Thu 10/10/02 at 16:04
"Darth Vader 3442321"
Posts: 4,031
Robocop: Prison Academy. Plot: bad men keep dropping their nuts (and bolts)in front of Robo in the shower room. Robo, still bitter about Mahoney's death, which he blames himself for, after shooting Mahoney over 400 times with his gun for a lark, decides to fight the system from within. He befriends several new screws, who are in training and after much hilarity about Robo prefering prison food to that organic mush he has to eat and being rubbish at table tennis, he remembers that he still has his gun in his leg compartment. He then smothers his cell mate with a pillow, picks up the wash basin and uses it as target practise, repeatedly throwing it into the air and shooting it.

Eventually all the screws come to watch Robo's show and in return Robo is allowed a to keep poster of his ultimate fantasy: a Braun four slice toaster, in his cell. He uses the poster to mask his late night shenanegins involving the small rock hammer he got of the prison hawker and the large pneumatic drill that he keeps in his leg compartment. He hits the rock hammer repeatedly against a pipe in his cell to mask the noise of his drilling.

His escape from prison is dashed at the last minute by Jones (in prison- undercover) who perfectly immitates the sound of a Braun toaster popping, which delays Robo's escape for several crucial minutes. Robo's new cell mate with the very distinctive braces on his teeth is also very disappointed by Robo's actions.

Then after an ending too implausible to describe, Robo wins his freedom.
Thu 10/10/02 at 15:33
Regular
"That's right!"
Posts: 10,645
Robocop could honour Tack's memory by becoming "the gun nut" and carrying that huge revolver. And he and Jones could have sound effects competitions
Thu 10/10/02 at 15:26
Regular
"TheShiznit.co.uk"
Posts: 6,592
Then he goes mad and kills Mahoney, and Jones does the funeral march on his mouth trumpet at his wake.
Thu 10/10/02 at 15:22
"Darth Vader 3442321"
Posts: 4,031
Or simply plug himself into the DVD player in the common room and use his memory recall of the shower room, to present a special feature for lads night.

He could keep beer in his leg, become an alcoholic and then rename himself Hobocop for 15% of the film, until the "serious" ending which all Police Academy films have (though i have only seen 3-not the full 198), where he guns down the main villain in cold beer.

Then as the film ends when someone asks Mahoney how he feels and he quips

"Like Murphy, I'm not bitter!"
Thu 10/10/02 at 15:08
Regular
"Wants Spymate on dv"
Posts: 3,025
And he could use his robo-vision to spy on the women's shower room, and then print out the pictures using his in-built printer and give them to the cheeky Guttenberg to distribute around the academy.
Thu 10/10/02 at 14:50
"Darth Vader 3442321"
Posts: 4,031
I was planning to make an opera based on the Terminator but Arnie kept calling me insisting "I'll be Bach". This threw the casting into disarray and I had to concentrate on my other plan: the musical "Dogs". I can use any old scrubbers for this as the audience woud be supplied with lager for its entirity. The ladies on stage will get prettier and prettier as the night draws on, and all will be too drunk to notice that the "who let the dog's out?" song has just been lip-syncronised for the 15th time in a row.

Robocop in Police Academy is inspired. Just think of the hilarious items he could produce from his leg compartment instead of his gun. Look he's had his gun swapped with a hair dryer.

"Your move creep".

"Ha Robocop you gonna blow me away?"

"When I can find the damn socket I will!".

And so on.
Thu 10/10/02 at 14:32
Regular
"Wants Spymate on dv"
Posts: 3,025
We could develop a script and send it to Mr. Guttenberg, i'm pretty sure he'd be desperate to make it.
I just looked on imdb.com at his last few films, and it doesn't look pretty.
But he was in a TV-movie called "Tower of Terror" in 1997, and get this, his characters name was......Buzzy Crocker :D :D
Thu 10/10/02 at 14:18
Regular
"TheShiznit.co.uk"
Posts: 6,592
Excellent, Robocop goes to Police Academy would be the funniest thing of all time, ever.
Thu 10/10/02 at 13:31
Regular
"Wants Spymate on dv"
Posts: 3,025
Whilst looking through the latest TV listings magazine, for some reason I looked through what movies were on Sky (even though I don’t have Sky), and, having not been up to speed on the amount of Robocop related movies, I was horrified by what I saw.

“Friday: Robocop Dark Justice (2001): The half-man half-machine crime fighter stumbles across a sinister conspiracy.” (This is a current free gift DVD from Special Reserve, which is apparently really good *Special Reserve agent lowers gun*)

“Saturday: Robocop Meltdown (2001): The half-man half machine confronts a former friend who has been rebuilt as a destructive robot.”

“Sunday: Robocop Resurrection (2001): Murphy and Cable flee to Old Detroit, discovering a group of resistance fighters dedicated to destroying technology.”

“Monday: Robocop Crash And Burn (2001): Can Murphy persuade his estranged son to help him before all invented technology is wiped out?”

These are the four parts of the TV-movie mini series “Robocop: Prime Directives”. There was also a Robocop animated TV series, in which Robocop had a silly flashing light on his eyepiece like KITT out of Knightrider and it spawned lots of action figures, and there’s probably loads more cash-ins that have been equally bad.
Basically, ever since Paul Verhoeven’s ultra classic original back in 1987, the Robocop franchise has been watered down and taken for all it’s worth, with sequels, cartoons and TV mini series, so I thought about other potential Robocop related cash ins that could milk the poor robot (but not literally of course) for all he’s worth…

Robocop Goes To Police Academy:
Having killed way too many people unnecessarily and been very reckless in his work as an officer of the law, Robocop goes back to police academy, where he meets up with Steve Guttenberg (who needs the money), Michael Winslow, Hightower and all the other incompetent social misfits and slackers (except for Tackleberry, as the actor is no longer with us). On arrival, the gang promptly fall foul of the surly Lieutenant Harris and his Blue Oyster Bar loving henchmen, who quickly take a disliking to the selection of oddballs, and make their time at the academy a living hell.
Throughout the film, there are many great slapstick moments, Guttenberg cracks lots of funny quips & wisecracks at Lieutenant Harris’ expense, Winslow makes many hilarious robotic and machine gun sound effects, and Robocop loses his serious attitude, but still walks around like someone who has piles.

Robocop Versus Robocat:
Having defeated ED-209, vicious drug lord robo-enhanced Cain and many more, Robocop must now overcome his greatest nemesis since his last greatest nemesis; Murphy’s old family cat Mr. Tibbles, who was run over but has been rebuilt by Omni Consumer Products as a vicious killing Robocat…complete with a jetpack and sharp metal claws!
Robocop enlists the help of is old pet dog, Sir Barkalot, who’s also been turned into a robot, and similar to “K-9” or “Turner & Hooch”, the dynamic robo duo team up and must hunt around Delta City on the trail of the vicious robo feline settee scratcher, before he turns the brand new city into a big scratched up mess.
As a cash-in, the two robo animals will be available to buy as cuddly soft toys, an ideal gift for every four year old who loves the new non-violent Robocop.

Robocop: The Musical:
Toad-like Andrew Lloyd-Webber has snapped up the exclusive rights to recreate the dark futuristic satire for theatre/musical fans.
The tale of a man-machine rediscovering his humanity and identity mixed with clever satire on big business, consumerism, attitudes towards violence, the media and the American way of life have all been ditched in favour of a happier tale. Robocop the Musical is about a camp robot policeman who marries a microwave and who loves dancing in the robot style, and whose prime directives are to have “fun fun fun” and helping old people cross the road.
Song & Dance numbers in the show include; “Rusting in the Rain”, “Babyfood glorious babyfood”, “All shot up” and more.

Beverly Hills Robocop:
Eddie Murphy teams up with Robocop in your typical Hollywood buddy cop movie.
Having worked on some tough cases in the crime filled Detroit, Robocop is assigned to Beverly Hills and told to team up with detective Axel Foley and the ever-present Rosewood to solve a number of simple unpaid parking ticket offences.
At the beginning, they don’t really get along, as Robo doesn’t particularly care for Axel’s loud fast talking attitude, constant use of profanities and the way jive talkin’ loudmouth always tries to stick a banana up his tail pipe, and Axel doesn’t like the constant bloodbaths that Robocop causes (though Rosewood loves them). But in the end, having busted a lot of evil parking fine dodgers, they all become great friends.
And it has the “Axel F” theme tune from Harold Faltermeyer, so it must be cool.

MicroCHiPs:
Erik Estrada reprises his role of Officer Frank 'Ponch' Poncherello and has found himself a new biking buddy, Robocop!
Yes, the adventures of the two bronze California Highway Patrol motorcycle officers have returned to our screens, with the ever so slight change, for this time, Robocop is in the saddle and zooming around on his cool motorbike.
Together the cool cops fight crime, show off their tans (well, Robocop shows off his tanned chin) and smile lots with their perfect pearly white teeth.

Plus, coming soon, Robocop: The Sitcom.
A hilarious comedy show akin to ALF or Harry and the Hendersons, that sees Robocop living in the suburbs with the typical all-American family, including Ma, Pa, Junior and their dog. Throughout the series, Robocop sticks out like a sore thumb and has many hilarious run-ins with his sitcom neighbours, including special guests The Fonz, Bill Cosby, Gary Coleman, Ted Danson and Metal Mickey.

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