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Bollywood films are gradually getting more and more attention these days, but I’m not really interested in them. Though I’m sure there are some good Bollywood movies out there, they’re just not for me, I’m no expert and forgive my ignorance, but to me they all look the same: lots of hammy acting, lavish singing sections, vomit inducing love stories etc.
But, Bollywood movies are undeniably well-liked, so with the seemingly increasing popularity of the Bollywood film productions reaching our cinema screens nowadays, and the new(ish) Bollywood musical from Andrew Lloyd-Webber, I started to come over all Bollywood.
I wondered how producers could re-invigorate the genre and make it more appealing to those who don’t like the usual Bollywood films by relating them to Hollywood, and also giving Bollywood some Hollywood stories and razzmatazz.
I’m sure there are a few well-known or well-loved Hollywood films that could be remade or given sequels, but with an added Bollywood slant…
DOC BOLLYWOOD: The diminutive time-traveller Michael J. Fox is back in a big budget movie, a Bollywood romantic comedy musical full of spectacular singing and dancing.
When a young, gifted and rich doctor from Hollywood (J. Fox) has an unfortunate accident involving his fancy sports car and a fence when on his way to a cocktail party at his friend’s house in India, he is sentenced to many days community service at the local small-town hospital.
During his time at the town, he has many humorous happenings with the sceptical locals, is involved in a number of big Bollywood style musical routines and falls for a local girl.
Will he return to his hotshot pampered life in Hollywood when his sentence expires, leaving the love of his life, or will he remain as singing love doctor Doc Bollywood and get the girl?
4 MONSOON WEDDINGS & A FUNERAL: Though I don’t really know much about Bollywood films, most of them seem to feature marriages, so this film has not one, not two, not three, but FOUR lavish weddings featuring 4 arranged marriages.
The best bit is that the funeral featured in the movie that draws all the characters together is none other than that of upper class twit with foppish hair Hugh Grant, who dies a horrible death in a meat grinder in the films opening scene.
From then on it’s the usual Bollywood style song and dance numbers and lots of lavish weddings.
MR. NAANY: Similar to Bruce Lee’s “Way of the Dragon”, “Bollywood” Hulk Hogan reprises his successful and critically acclaimed role from Mr. Nanny.
He's big, he's bad and he's babysitting, but this time, he’s not looking after some little brats, he’s watching out for his friend’s Indian restaurant with the help of Mr. T.
The Hulkster struts his sweaty stuff in this all action Bollywood comedy Kung-Fu musical, where he must defend the restaurant from a load of angry building contractors and businessmen, who want to force the restaurant owner to sell up, so they can build India’s first huge drive-thru Starbucks.
Watch Hulk and Mr bash some heads, do some singing and win the day.
THE FIELD OF DREAMS 2: Kevin Costner is back in his field, but this time he’s playing cricket!!
We all know how the Indians love their cricket; they are fanatical about it, and treat their cricketing heroes like gods. So with this in mind, Kevin Costner, complete with his receding bouffant hair, has decided to cash in on this phenomenon by making a cricketing Bollywood film based on his Field of Dreams franchise.
Kevin is standing in his field one day, daydreaming about cricket, when he suddenly hears voices of great Indian cricketing legends. They say, “If you build it, he will come…again”.
So with this in mind, Kevin proceeds to demolish his under-used baseball stadium and builds a cricket stadium in his back garden, in the hope of staging a game.
During the film there are lots of lavish song and dance sequences, with Kevin singing classic songs such as “How dare you take my Wicket”, “Howzatt!!” “Shine my Ball” and “Bowl me a Googly you cheeky spinner”.
Because cricket is a time consuming sport, Field of Dreams 2 will be 6 hours long, just like JFK, The Postman and Waterworld, but hopefully will be more successful at the box office than those previous efforts.
BOMBAYWATCH: Baywatch was one of if not the most successful TV shows ever; the wonderful mix of great acting, bouncing flesh, believably deep characters and intelligent storylines blended together in perfect harmony, and the show was enjoyed by billions of near blind fans around the world.
In later years however, the jiggling of the hairy-chested Hasselmeister’s barrel like midriff was disappointing and the show sunk in the clear blue water. All the shows stars faded into obscurity, and Hasselhoff became a middle-aged pop phenomenon and groovy disco king in the dance clubs of Germany with his “Ker-azy disco muzik”, which satisfied the German’s need for more crap 80’s style disco that they can shake their mullets and dance in the “robot style” to.
Fear ye not though, for the TV shows stars have reunited for a Bollywood style feature film set in the waters around Bombay.
It has all the usual Baywatch goings on, there’s sun, sand, sea, surgically enhanced people and singing, with many water-based song and dance sequences.
It’s Baywatch crossed with Bollywood, enough said really.
THE TURBANATOR: Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn’t been too successful in Hollywood over the last few years, so he’s now trying his luck in the Bollywood film industry.
So here we have it, an all singing, all dancing Bollywood sci-fi musical set in the future, with reportedly the highest budget for any Bollywood film to date.
The Pakistan-India boarder disputes/Kashmir squabbles are still raging, so the Indian Government has developed a special Turban wearing cyborg (Arnie) and have sent him back in time to seek out a pregnant young woman who will one day give birth to a future war hero who will prove vital in the conflict.
Only former Tennis star and 007 sidekick Vijay Amritraj as Kyle Reese can stop the evil robot from running amok.
The sequel, Turbanator 2 will feature an enemy made out of liquid masala sauce.
BOMBAY HILLS COP: Eddie Murphy is trying to resurrect his career after the shocking “Pluto Nash debacle”, and like Arnie is choosing the lucrative market of Bollywood in which to focus his attentions.
Murphy reprises his role as fast talking Detroit cop Axel Foley who, together with his funny laugh and crappy blue Chevy Nova, travels to Bombay to solve the mystery of his friends murder. When there he gets in lots of funny situations such as sticking a banana up a car tailpipe and long lavish dancing sequences.
It’s your typical fish-out-of-water action Bollywood comedy, with Axel being in an alien environment, doing his funny laugh and swearing…a lot!
Plus, coming soon, “The Lord of the Singhs”, an epic Bollywood action/ adventure/ musical/ melodrama based on Lord of the Rings.
Being a humorous lot, I’m sure others came think up some other funny ones.
But, Bollywood movies are undeniably well-liked, so with the seemingly increasing popularity of the Bollywood film productions reaching our cinema screens nowadays, and the new(ish) Bollywood musical from Andrew Lloyd-Webber, I started to come over all Bollywood.
I wondered how producers could re-invigorate the genre and make it more appealing to those who don’t like the usual Bollywood films by relating them to Hollywood, and also giving Bollywood some Hollywood stories and razzmatazz.
I’m sure there are a few well-known or well-loved Hollywood films that could be remade or given sequels, but with an added Bollywood slant…
DOC BOLLYWOOD: The diminutive time-traveller Michael J. Fox is back in a big budget movie, a Bollywood romantic comedy musical full of spectacular singing and dancing.
When a young, gifted and rich doctor from Hollywood (J. Fox) has an unfortunate accident involving his fancy sports car and a fence when on his way to a cocktail party at his friend’s house in India, he is sentenced to many days community service at the local small-town hospital.
During his time at the town, he has many humorous happenings with the sceptical locals, is involved in a number of big Bollywood style musical routines and falls for a local girl.
Will he return to his hotshot pampered life in Hollywood when his sentence expires, leaving the love of his life, or will he remain as singing love doctor Doc Bollywood and get the girl?
4 MONSOON WEDDINGS & A FUNERAL: Though I don’t really know much about Bollywood films, most of them seem to feature marriages, so this film has not one, not two, not three, but FOUR lavish weddings featuring 4 arranged marriages.
The best bit is that the funeral featured in the movie that draws all the characters together is none other than that of upper class twit with foppish hair Hugh Grant, who dies a horrible death in a meat grinder in the films opening scene.
From then on it’s the usual Bollywood style song and dance numbers and lots of lavish weddings.
MR. NAANY: Similar to Bruce Lee’s “Way of the Dragon”, “Bollywood” Hulk Hogan reprises his successful and critically acclaimed role from Mr. Nanny.
He's big, he's bad and he's babysitting, but this time, he’s not looking after some little brats, he’s watching out for his friend’s Indian restaurant with the help of Mr. T.
The Hulkster struts his sweaty stuff in this all action Bollywood comedy Kung-Fu musical, where he must defend the restaurant from a load of angry building contractors and businessmen, who want to force the restaurant owner to sell up, so they can build India’s first huge drive-thru Starbucks.
Watch Hulk and Mr bash some heads, do some singing and win the day.
THE FIELD OF DREAMS 2: Kevin Costner is back in his field, but this time he’s playing cricket!!
We all know how the Indians love their cricket; they are fanatical about it, and treat their cricketing heroes like gods. So with this in mind, Kevin Costner, complete with his receding bouffant hair, has decided to cash in on this phenomenon by making a cricketing Bollywood film based on his Field of Dreams franchise.
Kevin is standing in his field one day, daydreaming about cricket, when he suddenly hears voices of great Indian cricketing legends. They say, “If you build it, he will come…again”.
So with this in mind, Kevin proceeds to demolish his under-used baseball stadium and builds a cricket stadium in his back garden, in the hope of staging a game.
During the film there are lots of lavish song and dance sequences, with Kevin singing classic songs such as “How dare you take my Wicket”, “Howzatt!!” “Shine my Ball” and “Bowl me a Googly you cheeky spinner”.
Because cricket is a time consuming sport, Field of Dreams 2 will be 6 hours long, just like JFK, The Postman and Waterworld, but hopefully will be more successful at the box office than those previous efforts.
BOMBAYWATCH: Baywatch was one of if not the most successful TV shows ever; the wonderful mix of great acting, bouncing flesh, believably deep characters and intelligent storylines blended together in perfect harmony, and the show was enjoyed by billions of near blind fans around the world.
In later years however, the jiggling of the hairy-chested Hasselmeister’s barrel like midriff was disappointing and the show sunk in the clear blue water. All the shows stars faded into obscurity, and Hasselhoff became a middle-aged pop phenomenon and groovy disco king in the dance clubs of Germany with his “Ker-azy disco muzik”, which satisfied the German’s need for more crap 80’s style disco that they can shake their mullets and dance in the “robot style” to.
Fear ye not though, for the TV shows stars have reunited for a Bollywood style feature film set in the waters around Bombay.
It has all the usual Baywatch goings on, there’s sun, sand, sea, surgically enhanced people and singing, with many water-based song and dance sequences.
It’s Baywatch crossed with Bollywood, enough said really.
THE TURBANATOR: Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn’t been too successful in Hollywood over the last few years, so he’s now trying his luck in the Bollywood film industry.
So here we have it, an all singing, all dancing Bollywood sci-fi musical set in the future, with reportedly the highest budget for any Bollywood film to date.
The Pakistan-India boarder disputes/Kashmir squabbles are still raging, so the Indian Government has developed a special Turban wearing cyborg (Arnie) and have sent him back in time to seek out a pregnant young woman who will one day give birth to a future war hero who will prove vital in the conflict.
Only former Tennis star and 007 sidekick Vijay Amritraj as Kyle Reese can stop the evil robot from running amok.
The sequel, Turbanator 2 will feature an enemy made out of liquid masala sauce.
BOMBAY HILLS COP: Eddie Murphy is trying to resurrect his career after the shocking “Pluto Nash debacle”, and like Arnie is choosing the lucrative market of Bollywood in which to focus his attentions.
Murphy reprises his role as fast talking Detroit cop Axel Foley who, together with his funny laugh and crappy blue Chevy Nova, travels to Bombay to solve the mystery of his friends murder. When there he gets in lots of funny situations such as sticking a banana up a car tailpipe and long lavish dancing sequences.
It’s your typical fish-out-of-water action Bollywood comedy, with Axel being in an alien environment, doing his funny laugh and swearing…a lot!
Plus, coming soon, “The Lord of the Singhs”, an epic Bollywood action/ adventure/ musical/ melodrama based on Lord of the Rings.
Being a humorous lot, I’m sure others came think up some other funny ones.
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Totoro wrote:
> Curry On Up the Khyber.
Wrong way, surely? :-)
> Curry On Up the Khyber.
Wrong way, surely? :-)
Curry On Up the Khyber.
LOL. I come back after a few hours and see some pretty darn funny ideas :)
The Madrass of King George, classic.
I'll have try and think up some more...
The Madrass of King George, classic.
I'll have try and think up some more...
Ground Coriander Day
?
?
oh dear, haven't laughed this much since this morning, bit of a long post, strained me eyes that did!
Jim Carey is...
THE MOSQUE!
Great post, Totoro.
THE MOSQUE!
Great post, Totoro.
Harry Gupta and the desert's pebble.
David Lynch's Taj Mahal-land Drive.
Bhuna Nights
Craw wrote:
> The Madrass of King George
Ha ha, excellent. I can forsee a huge Indiana Jones 4-style thread stretching into the future here. Can't think of anymore though, dammit.
> The Madrass of King George
Ha ha, excellent. I can forsee a huge Indiana Jones 4-style thread stretching into the future here. Can't think of anymore though, dammit.
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