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A day in a life of a video games henchman.
This document is a real life account of a fly on-the-wall teams view into the life of a henchman. Our subject for this episode will be Bill. Bill is a new employee, freshly re-spawned today for a special assignment. This assignment was given to him by unknown sources, but he feels sure that the task at hand won’t be dangerous or life threatening at all. Read on to find out more.
Bill wakes up with sweat dripping down his face. “What is the problem, dear?”, he’s wife asks. Bill thinks he has had a nightmare, but he doesn’t say anything. He gets out of bed and slides slowly over to the bathroom, badly clipping through the door as he enters. He takes off his pixilated PJ’s and jumps into the shower. This type of activity proves very tricky for Bill has he lacks the opposable digits to be able to turn or activate the shower facility. But somehow he manages it, hand morphing into the taps as he goes.
He gets out of the shower (already mysteriously dry) and goes to his cupboard, there are his clothes perfectly laid out in a line to the nearest millimeter. ‘Hhhmm which set of clothes should I wear today’, he would think to himself. ‘White shirt, black trousers, blue tie… or White shirt, Black trousers, blue tie….’ But as today is a Friday and Bill is feeling a bit adventurous, he goes for a White shirt, Black trousers and a blue tie. He puts his arm into the cupboard and the clothes are instantly on.
Bill decides he wants to surprise his boss and wants to get to work 20 minutes early and leaves the house. He gives a kiss to his wife and his kids, though during this affectionate event he horribly moulds into their heads and forms one mass of model. He quickly gets out of the transformation and shoots off into his car.
He has never driven his car off road yet, because it seems to be attached to some sort of track, not knowing of anything different he happily sits in his car whilst it slowly but steadily takes him over the edge of the universe.
He is soon presented with 3 words scribed into his eyes. “Loading, please wait…..” And suddenly out of nowhere at his workplace. Trying to find a parking space, Bill accidentally drives into another employees car. Though as this is a computer game henchmen, the word ‘through’ should be taken quite literally. He gets out of his car and runs up to the entrance to his work. Bill walks in and up the stairs, unaware to the fact that his feet are going through the floor with every step he takes. He makes his way through some winding corridors, finds some keys and jumps the occasional box or two, ending up with him having a eye scan taken before entering the locker rooms. He takes off his White Shirt, Black trousers and Blue tie and Takes out some camouflage gear from his compartment. This is instantly placed tightly around every contour of his body leaving almost nothing to the imagination.
He spots a friend from across the room. (its Tom, a coloured guy he used to go bowling with on Sundays)
“Hello Tom, How are you to-day”
“I am very good. Thank you Bill”
………………
The convosation goes on like this for only a matter of minutes, when Tom announces that every Henchman is to report to the briefing room. They head off together.
After about 2 minutes of navigating air vents and sewers, Bill and Tom say goodbye to each other as they reach the briefing room where they each have their own allocated seat. Bill isn’t allowed to sit next to Tom because of their names aren’t next to each other in the alphabet. All the Henchmen put their head gear on and have information downloaded into their head. After only a few seconds they are back up on their feet and are sliding precariously around the floor, Bill seems to be in a state of trance. He walks/slide through a door labeled “Top Secret”. Here he picks up a fairly standard machine gun and an unlimited ammo clip and heads off to the control center. Here he stands. And stands,…….. And stands……………., And stands!
6 hours have passed and he is still standing their. Only moving occasionally to look at his gun innately. He seems to be checking there is still ammo left or something, but its hard to tell. When suddenly, he hears a sound, it’s a theme tune….. a theme tune to something. He cant recognize it due to him not watching TV and have no recollection to what a Television is.
It turns out that the theme tune is the ever famous James Bond theme, which the super spy James has following him everywhere. Bill wants to know what this strange music is, so he decides to go to find Tom, which he believes is guarding the computer center. Bills’ beliefs are correct and sure enough Tom’s there standing and checking his gun.
“Hey Tom, did you hear that noise?”
“No. What noise?”, Tom replied
“I can hear theme mu…” But before Bill could finish his sentence Toms head gibs into dozens of pieces.
‘Oh no, what has happened’, Bill thinks to him self, he starts to turn, then for some unexplicable reason stops half way through the turn and starts to go the other way. (He’s struggling to find his waypoints.) With that Bill is shot in the arm. Luckily he’s just a computer generated AI character and doesn’t feel it. The only effect to him is that now he has numbers all over his eyes announcing that he only has 71 Health points left. He finally finds his waypoints and is facing our Mr. Bond... James is sidestepping behind a computer desk. He is out of sight, but not for long. Bill spots Bond jumping up onto a computer moniter. James fires a bullet.
Bill wakes up with sweat dripping down his face. “What is the problem, dear?”, he’s wife asks………..
This document is a real life account of a fly on-the-wall teams view into the life of a henchman. Our subject for this episode will be Bill. Bill is a new employee, freshly re-spawned today for a special assignment. This assignment was given to him by unknown sources, but he feels sure that the task at hand won’t be dangerous or life threatening at all. Read on to find out more.
Bill wakes up with sweat dripping down his face. “What is the problem, dear?”, he’s wife asks. Bill thinks he has had a nightmare, but he doesn’t say anything. He gets out of bed and slides slowly over to the bathroom, badly clipping through the door as he enters. He takes off his pixilated PJ’s and jumps into the shower. This type of activity proves very tricky for Bill has he lacks the opposable digits to be able to turn or activate the shower facility. But somehow he manages it, hand morphing into the taps as he goes.
He gets out of the shower (already mysteriously dry) and goes to his cupboard, there are his clothes perfectly laid out in a line to the nearest millimeter. ‘Hhhmm which set of clothes should I wear today’, he would think to himself. ‘White shirt, black trousers, blue tie… or White shirt, Black trousers, blue tie….’ But as today is a Friday and Bill is feeling a bit adventurous, he goes for a White shirt, Black trousers and a blue tie. He puts his arm into the cupboard and the clothes are instantly on.
Bill decides he wants to surprise his boss and wants to get to work 20 minutes early and leaves the house. He gives a kiss to his wife and his kids, though during this affectionate event he horribly moulds into their heads and forms one mass of model. He quickly gets out of the transformation and shoots off into his car.
He has never driven his car off road yet, because it seems to be attached to some sort of track, not knowing of anything different he happily sits in his car whilst it slowly but steadily takes him over the edge of the universe.
He is soon presented with 3 words scribed into his eyes. “Loading, please wait…..” And suddenly out of nowhere at his workplace. Trying to find a parking space, Bill accidentally drives into another employees car. Though as this is a computer game henchmen, the word ‘through’ should be taken quite literally. He gets out of his car and runs up to the entrance to his work. Bill walks in and up the stairs, unaware to the fact that his feet are going through the floor with every step he takes. He makes his way through some winding corridors, finds some keys and jumps the occasional box or two, ending up with him having a eye scan taken before entering the locker rooms. He takes off his White Shirt, Black trousers and Blue tie and Takes out some camouflage gear from his compartment. This is instantly placed tightly around every contour of his body leaving almost nothing to the imagination.
He spots a friend from across the room. (its Tom, a coloured guy he used to go bowling with on Sundays)
“Hello Tom, How are you to-day”
“I am very good. Thank you Bill”
………………
The convosation goes on like this for only a matter of minutes, when Tom announces that every Henchman is to report to the briefing room. They head off together.
After about 2 minutes of navigating air vents and sewers, Bill and Tom say goodbye to each other as they reach the briefing room where they each have their own allocated seat. Bill isn’t allowed to sit next to Tom because of their names aren’t next to each other in the alphabet. All the Henchmen put their head gear on and have information downloaded into their head. After only a few seconds they are back up on their feet and are sliding precariously around the floor, Bill seems to be in a state of trance. He walks/slide through a door labeled “Top Secret”. Here he picks up a fairly standard machine gun and an unlimited ammo clip and heads off to the control center. Here he stands. And stands,…….. And stands……………., And stands!
6 hours have passed and he is still standing their. Only moving occasionally to look at his gun innately. He seems to be checking there is still ammo left or something, but its hard to tell. When suddenly, he hears a sound, it’s a theme tune….. a theme tune to something. He cant recognize it due to him not watching TV and have no recollection to what a Television is.
It turns out that the theme tune is the ever famous James Bond theme, which the super spy James has following him everywhere. Bill wants to know what this strange music is, so he decides to go to find Tom, which he believes is guarding the computer center. Bills’ beliefs are correct and sure enough Tom’s there standing and checking his gun.
“Hey Tom, did you hear that noise?”
“No. What noise?”, Tom replied
“I can hear theme mu…” But before Bill could finish his sentence Toms head gibs into dozens of pieces.
‘Oh no, what has happened’, Bill thinks to him self, he starts to turn, then for some unexplicable reason stops half way through the turn and starts to go the other way. (He’s struggling to find his waypoints.) With that Bill is shot in the arm. Luckily he’s just a computer generated AI character and doesn’t feel it. The only effect to him is that now he has numbers all over his eyes announcing that he only has 71 Health points left. He finally finds his waypoints and is facing our Mr. Bond... James is sidestepping behind a computer desk. He is out of sight, but not for long. Bill spots Bond jumping up onto a computer moniter. James fires a bullet.
Bill wakes up with sweat dripping down his face. “What is the problem, dear?”, he’s wife asks………..
Yeah im back, and better than ever. With 3 new character voices and styles.
'Don up_in_smoke' "U wanna piece of me...???" "Eh, forge-a-bou it!" "geez"
'jittery coffeedrinker up_in_smoke "More caffine.. must have more caffine!"
'Kev up_in_smoke' "yo yo yo bo bo bo, give-us ya phone innit!!" "spot us a cigarette mate innit!!" "you got 50p so i can get the bus innit?" "yo, let us see your sim-card. i aint gonna knick your phone, but let me see if i have the same sim as you..... innit!"
If your dont know what a Kev is, its a term used in buckinghamshire for a guy (generally black - nothing racist here) who tries to knick your mobile or money, or fags.
'Don up_in_smoke' "U wanna piece of me...???" "Eh, forge-a-bou it!" "geez"
'jittery coffeedrinker up_in_smoke "More caffine.. must have more caffine!"
'Kev up_in_smoke' "yo yo yo bo bo bo, give-us ya phone innit!!" "spot us a cigarette mate innit!!" "you got 50p so i can get the bus innit?" "yo, let us see your sim-card. i aint gonna knick your phone, but let me see if i have the same sim as you..... innit!"
If your dont know what a Kev is, its a term used in buckinghamshire for a guy (generally black - nothing racist here) who tries to knick your mobile or money, or fags.
Possum in a bottle wrote:
> To be honest Up in SMoke, I cant be bothered to read it cos I'm so
> tired. But i thought I'd write you a poem as I know what its like to
> have no one post back and you posted to me so here is my poem to
> you.
> AHEM....
>
>
> Fish Fish do you like this dish?
> If I could have one wish
> It'd be to eat that fish!
>
> There you go. happier? thought so.
....... yeah..... cheers possum... O_o
> To be honest Up in SMoke, I cant be bothered to read it cos I'm so
> tired. But i thought I'd write you a poem as I know what its like to
> have no one post back and you posted to me so here is my poem to
> you.
> AHEM....
>
>
> Fish Fish do you like this dish?
> If I could have one wish
> It'd be to eat that fish!
>
> There you go. happier? thought so.
....... yeah..... cheers possum... O_o
ps. don't worry i'm not gay.
If anyone doesnt understand the story, just say ok. I dont really understand it, looking back on it now. :(
To be honest Up in SMoke, I cant be bothered to read it cos I'm so tired. But i thought I'd write you a poem as I know what its like to have no one post back and you posted to me so here is my poem to you.
AHEM....
Fish Fish do you like this dish?
If I could have one wish
It'd be to eat that fish!
There you go. happier? thought so.
AHEM....
Fish Fish do you like this dish?
If I could have one wish
It'd be to eat that fish!
There you go. happier? thought so.
When i thought of this idea a few days ago, i swear i had more ideas than this to write about. I kind of got stuck thinking of stuff to write about.
:(
:(
A day in a life of a video games henchman.
This document is a real life account of a fly on-the-wall teams view into the life of a henchman. Our subject for this episode will be Bill. Bill is a new employee, freshly re-spawned today for a special assignment. This assignment was given to him by unknown sources, but he feels sure that the task at hand won’t be dangerous or life threatening at all. Read on to find out more.
Bill wakes up with sweat dripping down his face. “What is the problem, dear?”, he’s wife asks. Bill thinks he has had a nightmare, but he doesn’t say anything. He gets out of bed and slides slowly over to the bathroom, badly clipping through the door as he enters. He takes off his pixilated PJ’s and jumps into the shower. This type of activity proves very tricky for Bill has he lacks the opposable digits to be able to turn or activate the shower facility. But somehow he manages it, hand morphing into the taps as he goes.
He gets out of the shower (already mysteriously dry) and goes to his cupboard, there are his clothes perfectly laid out in a line to the nearest millimeter. ‘Hhhmm which set of clothes should I wear today’, he would think to himself. ‘White shirt, black trousers, blue tie… or White shirt, Black trousers, blue tie….’ But as today is a Friday and Bill is feeling a bit adventurous, he goes for a White shirt, Black trousers and a blue tie. He puts his arm into the cupboard and the clothes are instantly on.
Bill decides he wants to surprise his boss and wants to get to work 20 minutes early and leaves the house. He gives a kiss to his wife and his kids, though during this affectionate event he horribly moulds into their heads and forms one mass of model. He quickly gets out of the transformation and shoots off into his car.
He has never driven his car off road yet, because it seems to be attached to some sort of track, not knowing of anything different he happily sits in his car whilst it slowly but steadily takes him over the edge of the universe.
He is soon presented with 3 words scribed into his eyes. “Loading, please wait…..” And suddenly out of nowhere at his workplace. Trying to find a parking space, Bill accidentally drives into another employees car. Though as this is a computer game henchmen, the word ‘through’ should be taken quite literally. He gets out of his car and runs up to the entrance to his work. Bill walks in and up the stairs, unaware to the fact that his feet are going through the floor with every step he takes. He makes his way through some winding corridors, finds some keys and jumps the occasional box or two, ending up with him having a eye scan taken before entering the locker rooms. He takes off his White Shirt, Black trousers and Blue tie and Takes out some camouflage gear from his compartment. This is instantly placed tightly around every contour of his body leaving almost nothing to the imagination.
He spots a friend from across the room. (its Tom, a coloured guy he used to go bowling with on Sundays)
“Hello Tom, How are you to-day”
“I am very good. Thank you Bill”
………………
The convosation goes on like this for only a matter of minutes, when Tom announces that every Henchman is to report to the briefing room. They head off together.
After about 2 minutes of navigating air vents and sewers, Bill and Tom say goodbye to each other as they reach the briefing room where they each have their own allocated seat. Bill isn’t allowed to sit next to Tom because of their names aren’t next to each other in the alphabet. All the Henchmen put their head gear on and have information downloaded into their head. After only a few seconds they are back up on their feet and are sliding precariously around the floor, Bill seems to be in a state of trance. He walks/slide through a door labeled “Top Secret”. Here he picks up a fairly standard machine gun and an unlimited ammo clip and heads off to the control center. Here he stands. And stands,…….. And stands……………., And stands!
6 hours have passed and he is still standing their. Only moving occasionally to look at his gun innately. He seems to be checking there is still ammo left or something, but its hard to tell. When suddenly, he hears a sound, it’s a theme tune….. a theme tune to something. He cant recognize it due to him not watching TV and have no recollection to what a Television is.
It turns out that the theme tune is the ever famous James Bond theme, which the super spy James has following him everywhere. Bill wants to know what this strange music is, so he decides to go to find Tom, which he believes is guarding the computer center. Bills’ beliefs are correct and sure enough Tom’s there standing and checking his gun.
“Hey Tom, did you hear that noise?”
“No. What noise?”, Tom replied
“I can hear theme mu…” But before Bill could finish his sentence Toms head gibs into dozens of pieces.
‘Oh no, what has happened’, Bill thinks to him self, he starts to turn, then for some unexplicable reason stops half way through the turn and starts to go the other way. (He’s struggling to find his waypoints.) With that Bill is shot in the arm. Luckily he’s just a computer generated AI character and doesn’t feel it. The only effect to him is that now he has numbers all over his eyes announcing that he only has 71 Health points left. He finally finds his waypoints and is facing our Mr. Bond... James is sidestepping behind a computer desk. He is out of sight, but not for long. Bill spots Bond jumping up onto a computer moniter. James fires a bullet.
Bill wakes up with sweat dripping down his face. “What is the problem, dear?”, he’s wife asks………..
This document is a real life account of a fly on-the-wall teams view into the life of a henchman. Our subject for this episode will be Bill. Bill is a new employee, freshly re-spawned today for a special assignment. This assignment was given to him by unknown sources, but he feels sure that the task at hand won’t be dangerous or life threatening at all. Read on to find out more.
Bill wakes up with sweat dripping down his face. “What is the problem, dear?”, he’s wife asks. Bill thinks he has had a nightmare, but he doesn’t say anything. He gets out of bed and slides slowly over to the bathroom, badly clipping through the door as he enters. He takes off his pixilated PJ’s and jumps into the shower. This type of activity proves very tricky for Bill has he lacks the opposable digits to be able to turn or activate the shower facility. But somehow he manages it, hand morphing into the taps as he goes.
He gets out of the shower (already mysteriously dry) and goes to his cupboard, there are his clothes perfectly laid out in a line to the nearest millimeter. ‘Hhhmm which set of clothes should I wear today’, he would think to himself. ‘White shirt, black trousers, blue tie… or White shirt, Black trousers, blue tie….’ But as today is a Friday and Bill is feeling a bit adventurous, he goes for a White shirt, Black trousers and a blue tie. He puts his arm into the cupboard and the clothes are instantly on.
Bill decides he wants to surprise his boss and wants to get to work 20 minutes early and leaves the house. He gives a kiss to his wife and his kids, though during this affectionate event he horribly moulds into their heads and forms one mass of model. He quickly gets out of the transformation and shoots off into his car.
He has never driven his car off road yet, because it seems to be attached to some sort of track, not knowing of anything different he happily sits in his car whilst it slowly but steadily takes him over the edge of the universe.
He is soon presented with 3 words scribed into his eyes. “Loading, please wait…..” And suddenly out of nowhere at his workplace. Trying to find a parking space, Bill accidentally drives into another employees car. Though as this is a computer game henchmen, the word ‘through’ should be taken quite literally. He gets out of his car and runs up to the entrance to his work. Bill walks in and up the stairs, unaware to the fact that his feet are going through the floor with every step he takes. He makes his way through some winding corridors, finds some keys and jumps the occasional box or two, ending up with him having a eye scan taken before entering the locker rooms. He takes off his White Shirt, Black trousers and Blue tie and Takes out some camouflage gear from his compartment. This is instantly placed tightly around every contour of his body leaving almost nothing to the imagination.
He spots a friend from across the room. (its Tom, a coloured guy he used to go bowling with on Sundays)
“Hello Tom, How are you to-day”
“I am very good. Thank you Bill”
………………
The convosation goes on like this for only a matter of minutes, when Tom announces that every Henchman is to report to the briefing room. They head off together.
After about 2 minutes of navigating air vents and sewers, Bill and Tom say goodbye to each other as they reach the briefing room where they each have their own allocated seat. Bill isn’t allowed to sit next to Tom because of their names aren’t next to each other in the alphabet. All the Henchmen put their head gear on and have information downloaded into their head. After only a few seconds they are back up on their feet and are sliding precariously around the floor, Bill seems to be in a state of trance. He walks/slide through a door labeled “Top Secret”. Here he picks up a fairly standard machine gun and an unlimited ammo clip and heads off to the control center. Here he stands. And stands,…….. And stands……………., And stands!
6 hours have passed and he is still standing their. Only moving occasionally to look at his gun innately. He seems to be checking there is still ammo left or something, but its hard to tell. When suddenly, he hears a sound, it’s a theme tune….. a theme tune to something. He cant recognize it due to him not watching TV and have no recollection to what a Television is.
It turns out that the theme tune is the ever famous James Bond theme, which the super spy James has following him everywhere. Bill wants to know what this strange music is, so he decides to go to find Tom, which he believes is guarding the computer center. Bills’ beliefs are correct and sure enough Tom’s there standing and checking his gun.
“Hey Tom, did you hear that noise?”
“No. What noise?”, Tom replied
“I can hear theme mu…” But before Bill could finish his sentence Toms head gibs into dozens of pieces.
‘Oh no, what has happened’, Bill thinks to him self, he starts to turn, then for some unexplicable reason stops half way through the turn and starts to go the other way. (He’s struggling to find his waypoints.) With that Bill is shot in the arm. Luckily he’s just a computer generated AI character and doesn’t feel it. The only effect to him is that now he has numbers all over his eyes announcing that he only has 71 Health points left. He finally finds his waypoints and is facing our Mr. Bond... James is sidestepping behind a computer desk. He is out of sight, but not for long. Bill spots Bond jumping up onto a computer moniter. James fires a bullet.
Bill wakes up with sweat dripping down his face. “What is the problem, dear?”, he’s wife asks………..