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"The (SR) Office"

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Tue 01/10/02 at 17:55
Regular
Posts: 787
The (SR) Office

*WARNING! SPOOF!*

========== ========== ==========
SCENE 1

========== ========== ==========

Tony: Yes. Welcome to my humble abode! Haha! No, not really...I'm very grateful for God giving me this big office...by the way, have you seen my picture on the new Special Reserve Magazine?

*shot goes out of Tony's office, to schroeder looking bored, doodling on the Special Reserve mag and giving Tony a moustache, beard and mullet*

Tony: Well, we here at Special Reserve believe that the consumer is the key to always being right, and that a penny saved is time, and time is money, so...

*phone rings*

Tony: That'll probably be FHM asking for an interview...TELL THEM I'M NOT IN! Haha! Actually, maybe it...I'd better answer it...

*Tony picks up the phone*

Tony: Fatey! Fate, my mate! Haha! How's your head, you nutter! *Tony looks towards the camera* we went out last night, she's mad is Fate. *he turns back towards the reviever* yeah...yeah I'll get the cleaning...don't worry love, your dinner'll be on the table when you get in, your clothes nice and clean...Fate love, I've got important business. Love you, bye...

*he hangs up*

Tony: The ol' ball and chain, eh? Haha! I have her wrapped around my little finger!

========== ========== ==========

SCENE 2

========== ========== ==========

Snuggly: Yeah, I'm head of Game a Day, You know, it's a tough, dirty job but y'know, someone's got to do it right? Good thing Tony picked me an' all, some of the others wouldn't last two minutes picking GADs. See, but I'm trained...I was in the TA, you know. They said I made the best tea the barracks'd ever seen....

*shot changes to outside, with loki fiddling around with Snuggly's stuff on his desk*

Snuggly: These guys like Hybrid Valves, wouldn't be able to hack it in th...'ang on. OI! OI LOKI! YOU...HEY! LOKI! LOKI!

*loki runs from Snuggly's desk, holding a glove. Snuggly chases after him*

Snuggly: No, mate, that ain't funny. Mate, give it back...

Loki: What's the matter Snuggly? Does baby want his ban hand back?

Snuggly: Do you want me to get Tony? Huh?

Loki: And then would you like me to tell him how that stain on the carpet near your desk REALLY got there?

Snuggly: You wouldn't...just...just give me back the ban hand, mate.

Loki: No.

Snuggly: Mate!

Loki: ...no!

Snuggly: Why?

*Snuggly has Loki cornered, back to the wall*

Loki: Because...

*loki edges towards the window*

Loki: ...because I don't have it anymore!

*he opens the window and tosses the ban hand out*

Snuggly: No mate, don't do that.

Loki: I already did.

Snuggly: So...so go get my ban hand back.

Loki: Why? It's your ban hand.

Snuggly: But...

Loki: Go get your ban hand before Tony sees you!

*Snuggly stands there, looking very upset, before running towards the double doors*

Loki: Idiot.

*he pulls the glove out from his trouser pocket, and walks over to schroeder at the reception desk*

Schroeder: You're so mean!

Loki: Haha...

*they continue to talk and flirt and joke as we go back into Tony's office*

========== ========== ==========

SCENE 3

========== ========== ==========

Tony: Yeah, I think we're a big company. I think there's a lot riding on whether I, as a manager, make the right decisions but I have what it takes. Everybody out there, see, everybody tapping away at their desks, right...they love me. They idolize me. I'm like the father they never had...no, better...I'm like the cool uncle they never had, who gave them a fiver every week when I came round, always with a new fit bird on my arm. But that's who I am. Well, not an uncle...but...and, well, I'm married to Fate but...well, they all love me.

*we go back outside to see Loki and Schroeder laughing at the defaced pic of Tony, before returning*

Tony: I mean, both me as a boss, you know, dedicated...and me as a person. I get 110% out of all of them, and at the end of the day they know I've done a good job. I'm a motivator, me. Real people person. I hand pick all my employees, and really, we're just one big family.

*he looks out the window, and sighs*

Tony: In fact, I think I'll go out right now!

SCENE 4

*Snuggly walks through the door, shirt all dirty and jacket ripped. He storms over to Loki and Schroeder*

Snuggly: Where's my ban hand mate?

Loki: I don't know...

Snuggly: You threw it out the window!

Loki: No I never.

Snuggly: You did, I saw you did!

Loki: Snuggly, you're working too hard...it's probably still in your drawer.

*Snuggly shakes his head, and goes over to his desk, and opens a drawer*

Loki: No, the other one.

*Snuggly opens the other one, and pulls out the ban hand...but there's some writing on it*

Snuggly: Oh, very funny.

Loki: What Snuggly?

Snuggly: You did this, didn't you?

Loki: Did what?

Snuggly: You wrote 'Snuggly loves boys' on it, didn't you?

Loki: N...n...

*he can't finish the sentence. Loki and schroeder burst out laughing, as Tony walks out of the office. He sees Snuggly's shirt and jacket*

Tony: Wahey! Where's the fire! Or..no, wait, fire burn...where's the earthquake? No, that isn't funny...uh...SNUGGER-LY!

Snuggly: Tony! Tony the Tiger! Grrrrr!

Tony: Grrrreat! Haha!

Snuggly: Haha! Grrrrr!

Tony: Grrrr!

*they both continue to laugh as schroeder and loki look on disgusted*

========== ========== ==========

SCENE 5

========== ========== ==========

*the reception phone rings, but schroeder is chatting on MSN*

Schroeder: I am...13...female...New York...a...s...l?

*the phone continues to ring as schroeder types away*

Schroeder: That's...cool...do you...do....cyber?

*Tony walks over, hearing the phone ringing. He grins widely, looking at the camera as schroeder suddenly closes the chat window and grabs the phone quickly, knocking the Special Reserve magazine. As she talks, Tony leans over, still trying to look at the camera, and picks up the mag. His smile slowly turns to a frown as he sees the pen over his picture.*

Schroeder: OK, bye.

*Schroeder hangs up, and Tony turns to her, trying to smile*

Tony: Who was that?

Schroeder: Oh, that was my Mr Gynaecologist.

Tony: ...do you happen to know anything about this?

*he shows her the picture, almost grimacing. Schroeder smiles, but catches herself and shakes her head*

Schroeder: I have no idea who did that...

*she turns around and presses a few buttons on the keyboard, but catches one with her elbow, by accident*

Schroder: Oh sh...!

*a window opens up, with the altered picture of Tony and a caption reading: "Tonysaurus - The Missing Link!". Tony looks at it, then at the camera, faintly smiling.*

Tony: Ooh. What...what's that, schroeder?

Schroeder: I don't know, Tony.

Tony: Are you sure?

*he looks at the camera and rolls his eyes, grinning again*

Tony: One of them viruses again, eh? Haha!

Schroeder: Umm...yes. Yes, that's it. Triple backslash virus injection bus. Drivers. Bus drivers.

Tony: Right...how do we get rid of it?

Schroeder: ...

*she switches off the computer, and starts to mess about with the fax machine*

========== ========== ==========

SCENE 6

========== ========== ==========

Loki: Yeah, well really this is just a way for me to fund my terrible crack habit...

*the cameraman laughs*

Loki: What? What? Anyways, it's a bit crap really. I have to sit opposite that divvy Alistair, or 'Snuggly, lord of the GADs' as he insists he is known. Look what he even gave us all yesterday?

*he pulls a piece of laminated card from his pocket*

Loki: A nametag, so we don't forget his full title. Sad case.

*outside we see Snuggly sharpening his pencil in an automatic sharpener. He then quickly looks, to see if anyone's around, and puts his little finger in. Within a second, he pulls out, with a loud but brief yelp.*

Loki: What was that?

*he turns around to see Snuggly sucking his finger*

Loki: Oh god. He's like a little kid, you know? As if at the end of the day Tony's gonna give him a gold star for being a socially retarded control freak. Not that Tony's much different. I mean, he thinks he's this matey-boss, but he's more like that weird uncle with the lazy eye who was always scratching himself and then squeezing your cheeks with the same hand.

*we cut outside, to see Snuggly talking to Hybrid Valves who is staring at the screen*

Snuggly: Yeah, um...I just want you to know, Hybrid, that I never wrote this and I do not in fact love boys.

Hybrid: Yeah, whatever weirdo. Leave me alone.

*Tony saunters over, smiling. He puts his hand over Snuggly's eyes*

Tony: Guess who!

Snuggly: Oh, I dunno...maybe the craziest, drunkest funniest man I know!

Tony: Now then now then! I am not a drunkard, far from it to be your job to accuse anyone of being an alcoholic, Mister Rat-faced! Haha! I have been known to have a glass or...

Hybrid: ...ten. Remember the Christmas do when you got sloshed, and tried to feel up fido dido? And everyone wondered why she left so quick...

*Tony grins, trying to laugh, but then he just stops, and walks off*

========== ========== ==========

SCENE 7

========== ========== ==========

*we're in the stock room, and schroeder and loki are chatting*

Loki: So I told him if his hand was bigger than his face he had eczema, and...

*the door is opened by Snuggly*

Loki: Hey Snuggly, ho...

*loki looks down onto the floor, and points*

Loki: Oops, you dropped your gay card.

*Snuggly looks down, worried, and loki and schroeder laugh*

Snuggly: Har, har. Very funny. Now, if you don't mind, I'm here to talk to schroeder.

*loki steps back, still smiling. Schroeder does her best to keep a straight face as Snuggly shows her his ban hand*

Snuggly: I just wanted to inform you that this, this crude slogan, is not true. I do not really 'love boys'.

Loki: You just like them.

Snuggly: What? No.

Schroeder: Yeah, sure Snugs. Look, I gotta get back to the desk...

*the door opens and Tony and Hybrid come in*

Tony: Ooh, cosy! Eh, Snuggly, you old perv! You got this fine young girl in here all alone with you and the lok-ster?

Loki: Tony, actually, it's just loki...

Tony: Yeh, yeh...anyway, I just wanted another SR magazine. Have you all seen my picture on it, by the way? Front cover! I'm a pin-up, haha!

*everyone nods glumly except for Snuggly, who laughs at the 'joke'*

Hybrid: I'm just here because I couldn't bare to talk another moron through the process of getting it out of the disc tray. Honestly, if I had a free game for every time I heard someone say "I dunno, it just got trapped" I'd...have lots of free games. Why do I have to be customer services anyway? Why can't I do the GADs for once?

Snuggly: You couldn't handle it mate. Pressure's too high for you...

Loki: Oh really Alistair?

Snuggly: Hey, did you not read the nametag? It's...

Loki: Yeah, we know what it is, and we all know what you are Snuggly. A sad, sad little man. If I had it my way, we'd...

Tony: Now now fellas, let's keep this down. There is a lady present you know...

*Tony winks at schroeder*

Schroeder: Ugh, you disgusting pig! That wasn't a virus you idiot...I DID IT! And I'd do it again!

Tony: See, you're already putting crazy ideas into her head...

Schroeder: Shut up! Shut up!

Snuggly: Hey, leave Tony alone, he's the boss...

Loki: Yes, and you're Lord God of giving saddo teenagers Playstation games...

Hybrid: Hey, I have a Playstation!

*the four of them continue arguing as Tony tries to open the door. It's stuck*

Tony: Uh oh...

*he smiles for the camera, and puts a bit more shoulder into it, to no avail*

Tony: Uh, guys...

*they carry on yelling. Tony shrugs his shoulders, and walks over to the magazines. He strokes his own face, and even kisses it as we fade to black*

========== ========== ==========

What will happen to the SR Staff? Will Snuggly ever realise that GAD isn't that important? Will Loki give up the crack? Will Hybrid finally succumb to that temptress, the PS2 disc tray? Will schroeder ever stop being a flirty minx and actually do some darn work? Will Tony ever realise nobody except for Snuggly likes him? Will they ever get out alive?!

Maybe I'll write another one. This was my first spoof, so be kind...like it? Thought it was dumb? Reasons for either appreciated.

Thanks for reading, and hopefully, replying.

-El Blokey
Sun 03/11/02 at 02:43
Posts: 220
Brilliant post, bit late but hey, you still get congratluated for it.
Fri 04/10/02 at 21:22
Posts: 0
Yip, you have you won. Not a bad spoof at all. Keep it up, Blokey.

UW.
Fri 04/10/02 at 20:36
Regular
"funky blitzkreig"
Posts: 2,540
did lord H get banned for yawning?

Wow, let's start a campaign or something.

Actually let's not I want to watch a film.
Fri 04/10/02 at 18:37
Regular
Posts: 5,630
Great post. You win GAD's, Lord H gets banned. Shows who knows what they're talking about, eh?
Fri 04/10/02 at 18:33
Regular
"no longer El Blokey"
Posts: 4,471
Just keep re-reading it for three days then ;-)
Fri 04/10/02 at 17:45
Regular
"Long time no see!"
Posts: 8,351
Well done, that was a great read. :)

I read it yesterday, laughed, but forgot to reply.

But unfortunately it won't quite be enough to keep me happy untill the new Episode of series 2 on Monday... a whole 4 days or something!! :S
Fri 04/10/02 at 16:34
Regular
"no longer El Blokey"
Posts: 4,471
!!!

Thank you very much SR!!
Thu 03/10/02 at 16:42
Regular
"That's right!"
Posts: 10,645
Lord H wrote:
> *yawns*

-------

*also yawns, because Lord H is like a broken record*
Thu 03/10/02 at 16:33
Regular
"no longer El Blokey"
Posts: 4,471
Lord H wrote:
> *yawns*

That spoiler warning was for your benefit, H.
Thu 03/10/02 at 07:59
Regular
"Foxes 4 Ever!!!"
Posts: 2,090
Foxxy_McFoxxington wrote:
> Good spoof El blokey.

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