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Vin Diesel was today proclaimed as the gurning champion of the world, despite not even entering the event!
In the Cornish town of Truro the annual gurning world championships took place, as they always do, during the last weekend in September. Thousands of uggers turned up, contorting their faces into horrific states, only to be disappointed by the eventual result.
"I could handle loosing out to a real competitor, but this guy didn't even attend!" Said Arthur Pennywise, before pulling his bottom lip over his head and swallowing his face.
Judges were left rather red faced by the whole thing, but were able to explain how it happened.
"A member of the crowd was reading the latest Empire magazine. When we saw the face on the cover, trying to give a 'moody' look, we thought it was one of the contestants. Nobody else here today came close to such a vacuous look, even Fred, who has four rows of teeth." Said Miguel Crawford, head judge and biscuit mogul.
Vin Diesel, whose new move 'xXx' is released here on the 18th October was unavailabe for comment on the matter, but his agent Basil Brush had the following to say.
"Vin will gladly take this award. He apologises for not being able to deliver his acceptance speech himself, but unfortunately the wind changed, and doctors are trying to save face."
Asia Argento, daughter of horror legend Dario, and Vin Diesels co-star in xXx said "It was like kissing a donkey."
Nicholas Cage was said to be "gutted" that he was unable to retain his crown as world gurning champion, blaming Uri Geller for bending his spoons beyond use.
In the Cornish town of Truro the annual gurning world championships took place, as they always do, during the last weekend in September. Thousands of uggers turned up, contorting their faces into horrific states, only to be disappointed by the eventual result.
"I could handle loosing out to a real competitor, but this guy didn't even attend!" Said Arthur Pennywise, before pulling his bottom lip over his head and swallowing his face.
Judges were left rather red faced by the whole thing, but were able to explain how it happened.
"A member of the crowd was reading the latest Empire magazine. When we saw the face on the cover, trying to give a 'moody' look, we thought it was one of the contestants. Nobody else here today came close to such a vacuous look, even Fred, who has four rows of teeth." Said Miguel Crawford, head judge and biscuit mogul.
Vin Diesel, whose new move 'xXx' is released here on the 18th October was unavailabe for comment on the matter, but his agent Basil Brush had the following to say.
"Vin will gladly take this award. He apologises for not being able to deliver his acceptance speech himself, but unfortunately the wind changed, and doctors are trying to save face."
Asia Argento, daughter of horror legend Dario, and Vin Diesels co-star in xXx said "It was like kissing a donkey."
Nicholas Cage was said to be "gutted" that he was unable to retain his crown as world gurning champion, blaming Uri Geller for bending his spoons beyond use.
Ive actually seen a gurning competition. But the people taking part were pretty ugly anyway, and didn't really need to gurn or pull a face. This bloke won it after doing a kind of 'les dawson' face.
Good post.
Good post.
I nearly entered one of these held at my school a couple of years ago for "charity", but I decided not to, for the young(er) uns' sake.
Nice writing.
Nice writing.
Vin Diesel was today proclaimed as the gurning champion of the world, despite not even entering the event!
In the Cornish town of Truro the annual gurning world championships took place, as they always do, during the last weekend in September. Thousands of uggers turned up, contorting their faces into horrific states, only to be disappointed by the eventual result.
"I could handle loosing out to a real competitor, but this guy didn't even attend!" Said Arthur Pennywise, before pulling his bottom lip over his head and swallowing his face.
Judges were left rather red faced by the whole thing, but were able to explain how it happened.
"A member of the crowd was reading the latest Empire magazine. When we saw the face on the cover, trying to give a 'moody' look, we thought it was one of the contestants. Nobody else here today came close to such a vacuous look, even Fred, who has four rows of teeth." Said Miguel Crawford, head judge and biscuit mogul.
Vin Diesel, whose new move 'xXx' is released here on the 18th October was unavailabe for comment on the matter, but his agent Basil Brush had the following to say.
"Vin will gladly take this award. He apologises for not being able to deliver his acceptance speech himself, but unfortunately the wind changed, and doctors are trying to save face."
Asia Argento, daughter of horror legend Dario, and Vin Diesels co-star in xXx said "It was like kissing a donkey."
Nicholas Cage was said to be "gutted" that he was unable to retain his crown as world gurning champion, blaming Uri Geller for bending his spoons beyond use.
In the Cornish town of Truro the annual gurning world championships took place, as they always do, during the last weekend in September. Thousands of uggers turned up, contorting their faces into horrific states, only to be disappointed by the eventual result.
"I could handle loosing out to a real competitor, but this guy didn't even attend!" Said Arthur Pennywise, before pulling his bottom lip over his head and swallowing his face.
Judges were left rather red faced by the whole thing, but were able to explain how it happened.
"A member of the crowd was reading the latest Empire magazine. When we saw the face on the cover, trying to give a 'moody' look, we thought it was one of the contestants. Nobody else here today came close to such a vacuous look, even Fred, who has four rows of teeth." Said Miguel Crawford, head judge and biscuit mogul.
Vin Diesel, whose new move 'xXx' is released here on the 18th October was unavailabe for comment on the matter, but his agent Basil Brush had the following to say.
"Vin will gladly take this award. He apologises for not being able to deliver his acceptance speech himself, but unfortunately the wind changed, and doctors are trying to save face."
Asia Argento, daughter of horror legend Dario, and Vin Diesels co-star in xXx said "It was like kissing a donkey."
Nicholas Cage was said to be "gutted" that he was unable to retain his crown as world gurning champion, blaming Uri Geller for bending his spoons beyond use.