The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Fresh from the multi-platinum success of "Silver-side Up", US rock band Nickelback have found themselves playing a pivotal role in the Bush government's war on terror. The four-piece have become an international sensation following chart-topping singles, such as "How You Remind Me" and "Too Bad". Both songs earned singer-songwriter Chad Kroeger massive acclaim from pro-vowel lobbies for his eschewal of the trend for "txt tlk" song titles favoured by consonant-conscious contemporaries such as Lnkn Prk. However, despite the international recognition, the band has been unable to penetrate the lucrative Iraqi market, following Saddam Hussein's ban on all bearded American rock groups.
With the ban in place, bearded bands, like Nickelback, are a hot commodity in Iraq, where the beard is now seen as a symbol of decadent rebellion by the majority Shiat Muslim population. Indeed, this explains the bizarre popularity of Britain's own Michael Eavis, organiser of the Glastonbury festival, among young Iraqis, said one such young man, cultivating his own tacheless wonder:
“Eavis' beard… it… it's an inspiration. I mean the beardy fashionistas will wax lyrical about Lord of the Rings, or worse still Fred Durst, but the true connoisseur will just shake his head, smile and think of Eavis… That beard, it grabs you by the ears and screams 'no, no, no moustache, I reject your linking presence and aesthetic appeal, for standing alone I possess a far greater, near symbolic, unity of which you may only dream!' It's a metaphor for the whole resistance."
The beard band ban was introduced in 1990 after ageing Texan songstrels ZZ Top staged an elaborate assassination attempt on their number one dictator fan. Hussein had invited them to Iraq to give him a private concert in one of his palaces. However, bearded band mates Billy and Dusty had other plans; having waited for an opportune moment, they proceeded to assault Hussein using drummer Frank Beard as a club, before merging seamlessly into a crowd of Arabic-looking types and flying home. Beard required extensive hair grafts after losing a pony-tail and facial hair in the botched attempt, but the consequences were far worse for Hussein, who was left so deeply traumatised by the beards, that not only did he have extensive hormone treatment on his face to prevent beard growth while promoting a fine moustache, but he also banned beer, because it sounded so similar. Most traumatically of all for the moustachioed playdespot, he was unable to sing-a-long to his personal ZZ top favourite, "Sharp Dressed Man", whose lyrics he had used to get dressed to every morning:
"Top coat, top hat,
I don't worry cause my wallet's fat.
Black shades, white gloves,
lookin' sharp and lookin' for love."
The UN was initially critical of the ploy. However, the lasting impact of his bearded assailants led Hussein to invade Kuwait after being told the country's population were deliberately growing beards simply to spite him. (There was some truth in this, as Kuwait's ruling family had spiked water supplies with testosterone, to promote maximum beardage, even among women.) Hussein's subsequent invasion gave the UN ample grounds on which to call for an attack on Iraq. Facing the same impossible desire over ten years on, the UN has called on the US government to deploy ZZ top's beard hairs apparent Nickelback in a strategic capacity, hoping again to provoke Hussein into an act of unfathomable aggression. Speaking on the subject of "deploying Nickelback in Iraq" for just a minute without repetition, hesitation or going off topic, defence chief Donald "Don" Rumsfeld commented:
"We all hope that Nickelback's award-winning dirge and groaning lyrics can provoke Saddam into doing something he might regret. I know he's still smarting from the ZZ top affair and those lyrics will…"
Unfortunately for the Don, foreign secretary Colin Powell picked up the points after spotting the repetition of "lyrics", and continuing "I know Nickelback tried to hit every stick of the grunge cliché tree on the way down, but we've persuaded them to include a cover of "Gimme all your loving" to really rile Hussein. YES! I win again! Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Rums-failed! Who's the daddy?"
Earlier this morning the band was parachuted on to Iraqi soil, along with a consignment of self-contained mega-amps. However, during the jump, the band immediately began to regret their decision to dress as life-size MIG assault planes, after coming under heavy anti-aircraft fire from the ground. In between falling and dodging flak, the band began a rendition of Kerrang TV favourite "How You Remind Me", prompting hoots of derision from human shields below. Said Omar, 21, between giggles "It was like a really crap version of that bit in Apocalypse Now where the helicopters come into view while playing Ride of the Valkyries.. Pathetic really"
With the last song still lingering in the desert dunes, Nickelback then proceeded to phase two of Operation Enduring Beard and unleashed a note-perfect rendition of ZZ top's classic "Gimme all your Lovin". Unfortunately, two minutes into the song, front man Chad Kroeger felt the full force of Saddam Hussein's bitter irony when the line "You got to whip it up and hit me like a ton of lead" was accompanied by the vaporising blast of a short-range nuclear war-head timed to maximum irony perfection by Iraq's top dog. Despite the demise of their top-selling group, Roadrunner Records remained remarkably upbeat about the whole incident. Said company President, Jonas Nachsin, "We all know dead men sell records, and we've got a new Nickelback album, written by Fred Durst and recorded by Puddle of Mudd, ready to roll. Also there's best of and tribute albums on the way, and a collection of Chad Kroeger's diaries being written, I mean collated, into a bestseller, sorry, book. Oh yeah and blah blah blah music's loss yadda yadda yadda greatly missed."
With Nickelback's destruction accomplished the US has just launched Operation Enduring Gettimback, a title which George W. Bush proudly boasts was his own idea:
"Do you see what I did there, huh? I took NickelBack and looked at it *reeeeeeal* hard, and then I changed the Nickel, into Gettim, because I don't really know how you spell "Get Him" and we’re going to get that Hussein back. Then Uncle Cheney told me to put "Operation Enduring" in front of it because it would sound cleverer."
With the President in such dangerously free-thinking form, and US troops amassing in Kuwait, Saddam Hussein will certainly be quaking in his boots.
With the ban in place, bearded bands, like Nickelback, are a hot commodity in Iraq, where the beard is now seen as a symbol of decadent rebellion by the majority Shiat Muslim population. Indeed, this explains the bizarre popularity of Britain's own Michael Eavis, organiser of the Glastonbury festival, among young Iraqis, said one such young man, cultivating his own tacheless wonder:
“Eavis' beard… it… it's an inspiration. I mean the beardy fashionistas will wax lyrical about Lord of the Rings, or worse still Fred Durst, but the true connoisseur will just shake his head, smile and think of Eavis… That beard, it grabs you by the ears and screams 'no, no, no moustache, I reject your linking presence and aesthetic appeal, for standing alone I possess a far greater, near symbolic, unity of which you may only dream!' It's a metaphor for the whole resistance."
The beard band ban was introduced in 1990 after ageing Texan songstrels ZZ Top staged an elaborate assassination attempt on their number one dictator fan. Hussein had invited them to Iraq to give him a private concert in one of his palaces. However, bearded band mates Billy and Dusty had other plans; having waited for an opportune moment, they proceeded to assault Hussein using drummer Frank Beard as a club, before merging seamlessly into a crowd of Arabic-looking types and flying home. Beard required extensive hair grafts after losing a pony-tail and facial hair in the botched attempt, but the consequences were far worse for Hussein, who was left so deeply traumatised by the beards, that not only did he have extensive hormone treatment on his face to prevent beard growth while promoting a fine moustache, but he also banned beer, because it sounded so similar. Most traumatically of all for the moustachioed playdespot, he was unable to sing-a-long to his personal ZZ top favourite, "Sharp Dressed Man", whose lyrics he had used to get dressed to every morning:
"Top coat, top hat,
I don't worry cause my wallet's fat.
Black shades, white gloves,
lookin' sharp and lookin' for love."
The UN was initially critical of the ploy. However, the lasting impact of his bearded assailants led Hussein to invade Kuwait after being told the country's population were deliberately growing beards simply to spite him. (There was some truth in this, as Kuwait's ruling family had spiked water supplies with testosterone, to promote maximum beardage, even among women.) Hussein's subsequent invasion gave the UN ample grounds on which to call for an attack on Iraq. Facing the same impossible desire over ten years on, the UN has called on the US government to deploy ZZ top's beard hairs apparent Nickelback in a strategic capacity, hoping again to provoke Hussein into an act of unfathomable aggression. Speaking on the subject of "deploying Nickelback in Iraq" for just a minute without repetition, hesitation or going off topic, defence chief Donald "Don" Rumsfeld commented:
"We all hope that Nickelback's award-winning dirge and groaning lyrics can provoke Saddam into doing something he might regret. I know he's still smarting from the ZZ top affair and those lyrics will…"
Unfortunately for the Don, foreign secretary Colin Powell picked up the points after spotting the repetition of "lyrics", and continuing "I know Nickelback tried to hit every stick of the grunge cliché tree on the way down, but we've persuaded them to include a cover of "Gimme all your loving" to really rile Hussein. YES! I win again! Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Rums-failed! Who's the daddy?"
Earlier this morning the band was parachuted on to Iraqi soil, along with a consignment of self-contained mega-amps. However, during the jump, the band immediately began to regret their decision to dress as life-size MIG assault planes, after coming under heavy anti-aircraft fire from the ground. In between falling and dodging flak, the band began a rendition of Kerrang TV favourite "How You Remind Me", prompting hoots of derision from human shields below. Said Omar, 21, between giggles "It was like a really crap version of that bit in Apocalypse Now where the helicopters come into view while playing Ride of the Valkyries.. Pathetic really"
With the last song still lingering in the desert dunes, Nickelback then proceeded to phase two of Operation Enduring Beard and unleashed a note-perfect rendition of ZZ top's classic "Gimme all your Lovin". Unfortunately, two minutes into the song, front man Chad Kroeger felt the full force of Saddam Hussein's bitter irony when the line "You got to whip it up and hit me like a ton of lead" was accompanied by the vaporising blast of a short-range nuclear war-head timed to maximum irony perfection by Iraq's top dog. Despite the demise of their top-selling group, Roadrunner Records remained remarkably upbeat about the whole incident. Said company President, Jonas Nachsin, "We all know dead men sell records, and we've got a new Nickelback album, written by Fred Durst and recorded by Puddle of Mudd, ready to roll. Also there's best of and tribute albums on the way, and a collection of Chad Kroeger's diaries being written, I mean collated, into a bestseller, sorry, book. Oh yeah and blah blah blah music's loss yadda yadda yadda greatly missed."
With Nickelback's destruction accomplished the US has just launched Operation Enduring Gettimback, a title which George W. Bush proudly boasts was his own idea:
"Do you see what I did there, huh? I took NickelBack and looked at it *reeeeeeal* hard, and then I changed the Nickel, into Gettim, because I don't really know how you spell "Get Him" and we’re going to get that Hussein back. Then Uncle Cheney told me to put "Operation Enduring" in front of it because it would sound cleverer."
With the President in such dangerously free-thinking form, and US troops amassing in Kuwait, Saddam Hussein will certainly be quaking in his boots.
lol, great post.
It was Sunday. People have nothing better to do on Sundays...
Anyway. Hur hur at Happys post. Like the Road Runner Execs bit :D
Anyway. Hur hur at Happys post. Like the Road Runner Execs bit :D
is today the forums "lets ALL try for a GAD day?"
Tribute wrote:
> By the way, Nickleback are canadian... So the 'bearded american' ban
> wouldn't include them.
---
Still, it's genius anyway. :-D
> By the way, Nickleback are canadian... So the 'bearded american' ban
> wouldn't include them.
---
Still, it's genius anyway. :-D
By the way, Nickleback are canadian... So the 'bearded american' ban wouldn't include them.
Genius, Happy.
:-)
:-)
If the ZZ top thing passed you by as well, then you need to go here:
http://www.autographseek.com/images/ZZ%20Top%20-%20Bild.jpg
The irony of this band is that while Billy and Dusty have insane beards, Frank Beard is the guy in the middle with the pitiful attempt at a goaty.
http://www.autographseek.com/images/ZZ%20Top%20-%20Bild.jpg
The irony of this band is that while Billy and Dusty have insane beards, Frank Beard is the guy in the middle with the pitiful attempt at a goaty.
For those of you wondering just who this Michael Eavis is, go here, and marvel at his fantastic tachless beard:
http://www.url.it/diarte/imgcop/eavis.jpg
http://www.url.it/diarte/imgcop/eavis.jpg
Wow, I read all that! Good Good!
Fresh from the multi-platinum success of "Silver-side Up", US rock band Nickelback have found themselves playing a pivotal role in the Bush government's war on terror. The four-piece have become an international sensation following chart-topping singles, such as "How You Remind Me" and "Too Bad". Both songs earned singer-songwriter Chad Kroeger massive acclaim from pro-vowel lobbies for his eschewal of the trend for "txt tlk" song titles favoured by consonant-conscious contemporaries such as Lnkn Prk. However, despite the international recognition, the band has been unable to penetrate the lucrative Iraqi market, following Saddam Hussein's ban on all bearded American rock groups.
With the ban in place, bearded bands, like Nickelback, are a hot commodity in Iraq, where the beard is now seen as a symbol of decadent rebellion by the majority Shiat Muslim population. Indeed, this explains the bizarre popularity of Britain's own Michael Eavis, organiser of the Glastonbury festival, among young Iraqis, said one such young man, cultivating his own tacheless wonder:
“Eavis' beard… it… it's an inspiration. I mean the beardy fashionistas will wax lyrical about Lord of the Rings, or worse still Fred Durst, but the true connoisseur will just shake his head, smile and think of Eavis… That beard, it grabs you by the ears and screams 'no, no, no moustache, I reject your linking presence and aesthetic appeal, for standing alone I possess a far greater, near symbolic, unity of which you may only dream!' It's a metaphor for the whole resistance."
The beard band ban was introduced in 1990 after ageing Texan songstrels ZZ Top staged an elaborate assassination attempt on their number one dictator fan. Hussein had invited them to Iraq to give him a private concert in one of his palaces. However, bearded band mates Billy and Dusty had other plans; having waited for an opportune moment, they proceeded to assault Hussein using drummer Frank Beard as a club, before merging seamlessly into a crowd of Arabic-looking types and flying home. Beard required extensive hair grafts after losing a pony-tail and facial hair in the botched attempt, but the consequences were far worse for Hussein, who was left so deeply traumatised by the beards, that not only did he have extensive hormone treatment on his face to prevent beard growth while promoting a fine moustache, but he also banned beer, because it sounded so similar. Most traumatically of all for the moustachioed playdespot, he was unable to sing-a-long to his personal ZZ top favourite, "Sharp Dressed Man", whose lyrics he had used to get dressed to every morning:
"Top coat, top hat,
I don't worry cause my wallet's fat.
Black shades, white gloves,
lookin' sharp and lookin' for love."
The UN was initially critical of the ploy. However, the lasting impact of his bearded assailants led Hussein to invade Kuwait after being told the country's population were deliberately growing beards simply to spite him. (There was some truth in this, as Kuwait's ruling family had spiked water supplies with testosterone, to promote maximum beardage, even among women.) Hussein's subsequent invasion gave the UN ample grounds on which to call for an attack on Iraq. Facing the same impossible desire over ten years on, the UN has called on the US government to deploy ZZ top's beard hairs apparent Nickelback in a strategic capacity, hoping again to provoke Hussein into an act of unfathomable aggression. Speaking on the subject of "deploying Nickelback in Iraq" for just a minute without repetition, hesitation or going off topic, defence chief Donald "Don" Rumsfeld commented:
"We all hope that Nickelback's award-winning dirge and groaning lyrics can provoke Saddam into doing something he might regret. I know he's still smarting from the ZZ top affair and those lyrics will…"
Unfortunately for the Don, foreign secretary Colin Powell picked up the points after spotting the repetition of "lyrics", and continuing "I know Nickelback tried to hit every stick of the grunge cliché tree on the way down, but we've persuaded them to include a cover of "Gimme all your loving" to really rile Hussein. YES! I win again! Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Rums-failed! Who's the daddy?"
Earlier this morning the band was parachuted on to Iraqi soil, along with a consignment of self-contained mega-amps. However, during the jump, the band immediately began to regret their decision to dress as life-size MIG assault planes, after coming under heavy anti-aircraft fire from the ground. In between falling and dodging flak, the band began a rendition of Kerrang TV favourite "How You Remind Me", prompting hoots of derision from human shields below. Said Omar, 21, between giggles "It was like a really crap version of that bit in Apocalypse Now where the helicopters come into view while playing Ride of the Valkyries.. Pathetic really"
With the last song still lingering in the desert dunes, Nickelback then proceeded to phase two of Operation Enduring Beard and unleashed a note-perfect rendition of ZZ top's classic "Gimme all your Lovin". Unfortunately, two minutes into the song, front man Chad Kroeger felt the full force of Saddam Hussein's bitter irony when the line "You got to whip it up and hit me like a ton of lead" was accompanied by the vaporising blast of a short-range nuclear war-head timed to maximum irony perfection by Iraq's top dog. Despite the demise of their top-selling group, Roadrunner Records remained remarkably upbeat about the whole incident. Said company President, Jonas Nachsin, "We all know dead men sell records, and we've got a new Nickelback album, written by Fred Durst and recorded by Puddle of Mudd, ready to roll. Also there's best of and tribute albums on the way, and a collection of Chad Kroeger's diaries being written, I mean collated, into a bestseller, sorry, book. Oh yeah and blah blah blah music's loss yadda yadda yadda greatly missed."
With Nickelback's destruction accomplished the US has just launched Operation Enduring Gettimback, a title which George W. Bush proudly boasts was his own idea:
"Do you see what I did there, huh? I took NickelBack and looked at it *reeeeeeal* hard, and then I changed the Nickel, into Gettim, because I don't really know how you spell "Get Him" and we’re going to get that Hussein back. Then Uncle Cheney told me to put "Operation Enduring" in front of it because it would sound cleverer."
With the President in such dangerously free-thinking form, and US troops amassing in Kuwait, Saddam Hussein will certainly be quaking in his boots.
With the ban in place, bearded bands, like Nickelback, are a hot commodity in Iraq, where the beard is now seen as a symbol of decadent rebellion by the majority Shiat Muslim population. Indeed, this explains the bizarre popularity of Britain's own Michael Eavis, organiser of the Glastonbury festival, among young Iraqis, said one such young man, cultivating his own tacheless wonder:
“Eavis' beard… it… it's an inspiration. I mean the beardy fashionistas will wax lyrical about Lord of the Rings, or worse still Fred Durst, but the true connoisseur will just shake his head, smile and think of Eavis… That beard, it grabs you by the ears and screams 'no, no, no moustache, I reject your linking presence and aesthetic appeal, for standing alone I possess a far greater, near symbolic, unity of which you may only dream!' It's a metaphor for the whole resistance."
The beard band ban was introduced in 1990 after ageing Texan songstrels ZZ Top staged an elaborate assassination attempt on their number one dictator fan. Hussein had invited them to Iraq to give him a private concert in one of his palaces. However, bearded band mates Billy and Dusty had other plans; having waited for an opportune moment, they proceeded to assault Hussein using drummer Frank Beard as a club, before merging seamlessly into a crowd of Arabic-looking types and flying home. Beard required extensive hair grafts after losing a pony-tail and facial hair in the botched attempt, but the consequences were far worse for Hussein, who was left so deeply traumatised by the beards, that not only did he have extensive hormone treatment on his face to prevent beard growth while promoting a fine moustache, but he also banned beer, because it sounded so similar. Most traumatically of all for the moustachioed playdespot, he was unable to sing-a-long to his personal ZZ top favourite, "Sharp Dressed Man", whose lyrics he had used to get dressed to every morning:
"Top coat, top hat,
I don't worry cause my wallet's fat.
Black shades, white gloves,
lookin' sharp and lookin' for love."
The UN was initially critical of the ploy. However, the lasting impact of his bearded assailants led Hussein to invade Kuwait after being told the country's population were deliberately growing beards simply to spite him. (There was some truth in this, as Kuwait's ruling family had spiked water supplies with testosterone, to promote maximum beardage, even among women.) Hussein's subsequent invasion gave the UN ample grounds on which to call for an attack on Iraq. Facing the same impossible desire over ten years on, the UN has called on the US government to deploy ZZ top's beard hairs apparent Nickelback in a strategic capacity, hoping again to provoke Hussein into an act of unfathomable aggression. Speaking on the subject of "deploying Nickelback in Iraq" for just a minute without repetition, hesitation or going off topic, defence chief Donald "Don" Rumsfeld commented:
"We all hope that Nickelback's award-winning dirge and groaning lyrics can provoke Saddam into doing something he might regret. I know he's still smarting from the ZZ top affair and those lyrics will…"
Unfortunately for the Don, foreign secretary Colin Powell picked up the points after spotting the repetition of "lyrics", and continuing "I know Nickelback tried to hit every stick of the grunge cliché tree on the way down, but we've persuaded them to include a cover of "Gimme all your loving" to really rile Hussein. YES! I win again! Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Rums-failed! Who's the daddy?"
Earlier this morning the band was parachuted on to Iraqi soil, along with a consignment of self-contained mega-amps. However, during the jump, the band immediately began to regret their decision to dress as life-size MIG assault planes, after coming under heavy anti-aircraft fire from the ground. In between falling and dodging flak, the band began a rendition of Kerrang TV favourite "How You Remind Me", prompting hoots of derision from human shields below. Said Omar, 21, between giggles "It was like a really crap version of that bit in Apocalypse Now where the helicopters come into view while playing Ride of the Valkyries.. Pathetic really"
With the last song still lingering in the desert dunes, Nickelback then proceeded to phase two of Operation Enduring Beard and unleashed a note-perfect rendition of ZZ top's classic "Gimme all your Lovin". Unfortunately, two minutes into the song, front man Chad Kroeger felt the full force of Saddam Hussein's bitter irony when the line "You got to whip it up and hit me like a ton of lead" was accompanied by the vaporising blast of a short-range nuclear war-head timed to maximum irony perfection by Iraq's top dog. Despite the demise of their top-selling group, Roadrunner Records remained remarkably upbeat about the whole incident. Said company President, Jonas Nachsin, "We all know dead men sell records, and we've got a new Nickelback album, written by Fred Durst and recorded by Puddle of Mudd, ready to roll. Also there's best of and tribute albums on the way, and a collection of Chad Kroeger's diaries being written, I mean collated, into a bestseller, sorry, book. Oh yeah and blah blah blah music's loss yadda yadda yadda greatly missed."
With Nickelback's destruction accomplished the US has just launched Operation Enduring Gettimback, a title which George W. Bush proudly boasts was his own idea:
"Do you see what I did there, huh? I took NickelBack and looked at it *reeeeeeal* hard, and then I changed the Nickel, into Gettim, because I don't really know how you spell "Get Him" and we’re going to get that Hussein back. Then Uncle Cheney told me to put "Operation Enduring" in front of it because it would sound cleverer."
With the President in such dangerously free-thinking form, and US troops amassing in Kuwait, Saddam Hussein will certainly be quaking in his boots.