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I should have seen it coming. Various indicative factors pointed to my imminent abduction: the fact that I have the inability to interact socially, my overactive imagination, the constant pursuit for attention I undertake in a daily basis by making up shaggy dog stories (Lassie come home was a best seller) and the gargantuan space craft that was hoovering above my house. Aliens have standards too and apparently they were expecting guests*.
First contact was made at exactly 22:00 and I know this to be true because I was engaged in banter with the speaking clock in the same manner I did every night for seven hours straight. I was sitting, lights off, in my lounge on my Lazy-boy recliner (I’ll teach him for not getting a proper education at school) and the DVD was whirring away playing England’s top 100 throw-ins that resulted in slightly amusing incidents. Then IT happened. They came for me.
My recollection of the first moment I saw THEM is as clear now as it was when I had watched that episode of the X-files when surprisingly similar aliens featured. Following a strange ringing sound and an inexplicable flash of light they entered the room. Tall, grey, beings they were with large dark eyes and long spindly arms that seemed to be impossibly impractical and useless. Each of the three or so “fingers” upon each hand was shaped just like a finger, probably best described as a human like finger and not a monkey like finger due to the lack of hair on them. And definitely not chocolate fingers as they would be melting in the high heat exuded by my roaring electric bar fire. I always maintain a hot lounge, as I like to sit around, just in my pants.
Their leader approached then tried to make Earth speak with me, using a dialect I had never encountered before. Quickly frustrated by the lack of progress, this Alien prince repeatedly pointed to a symbol on it’s body and gestured for me to decipher it. Elder Smith it said. I was about to speak my name back, in the most condescending manner I could muster to an intelligent entity that had figured out how to cross the vast distances of space, when my son said “Oh it’s those Mormon fellas again pa, shall I fetch the dogs?”
Anyway a couple of minutes later after I called off the stink hounds I was abducted by aliens. They came in a special vehicle with flashing lights on and took me to their “station” (space station?) and asked me questions all night long. They were in matching atmos-suits and had rounded helmets upon thier heads. Thankfully they let me go in the morning with a caution, which was probably about the ice caps melting or something as my attention span is limited, so I wasn’t listening and very often I rarely finish what I
As my dentist often says, “The tooth is out there, your dental hygiene is appalling”.
A lesson for us all I think.
* I later found out it was something called a Helicopter, which I think is another Government cover up!
First contact was made at exactly 22:00 and I know this to be true because I was engaged in banter with the speaking clock in the same manner I did every night for seven hours straight. I was sitting, lights off, in my lounge on my Lazy-boy recliner (I’ll teach him for not getting a proper education at school) and the DVD was whirring away playing England’s top 100 throw-ins that resulted in slightly amusing incidents. Then IT happened. They came for me.
My recollection of the first moment I saw THEM is as clear now as it was when I had watched that episode of the X-files when surprisingly similar aliens featured. Following a strange ringing sound and an inexplicable flash of light they entered the room. Tall, grey, beings they were with large dark eyes and long spindly arms that seemed to be impossibly impractical and useless. Each of the three or so “fingers” upon each hand was shaped just like a finger, probably best described as a human like finger and not a monkey like finger due to the lack of hair on them. And definitely not chocolate fingers as they would be melting in the high heat exuded by my roaring electric bar fire. I always maintain a hot lounge, as I like to sit around, just in my pants.
Their leader approached then tried to make Earth speak with me, using a dialect I had never encountered before. Quickly frustrated by the lack of progress, this Alien prince repeatedly pointed to a symbol on it’s body and gestured for me to decipher it. Elder Smith it said. I was about to speak my name back, in the most condescending manner I could muster to an intelligent entity that had figured out how to cross the vast distances of space, when my son said “Oh it’s those Mormon fellas again pa, shall I fetch the dogs?”
Anyway a couple of minutes later after I called off the stink hounds I was abducted by aliens. They came in a special vehicle with flashing lights on and took me to their “station” (space station?) and asked me questions all night long. They were in matching atmos-suits and had rounded helmets upon thier heads. Thankfully they let me go in the morning with a caution, which was probably about the ice caps melting or something as my attention span is limited, so I wasn’t listening and very often I rarely finish what I
As my dentist often says, “The tooth is out there, your dental hygiene is appalling”.
A lesson for us all I think.
* I later found out it was something called a Helicopter, which I think is another Government cover up!
well ive learned something.. heh .. monkeys
Made me laugh on many occasions
Well done Sir
Well done Sir
I should have seen it coming. Various indicative factors pointed to my imminent abduction: the fact that I have the inability to interact socially, my overactive imagination, the constant pursuit for attention I undertake in a daily basis by making up shaggy dog stories (Lassie come home was a best seller) and the gargantuan space craft that was hoovering above my house. Aliens have standards too and apparently they were expecting guests*.
First contact was made at exactly 22:00 and I know this to be true because I was engaged in banter with the speaking clock in the same manner I did every night for seven hours straight. I was sitting, lights off, in my lounge on my Lazy-boy recliner (I’ll teach him for not getting a proper education at school) and the DVD was whirring away playing England’s top 100 throw-ins that resulted in slightly amusing incidents. Then IT happened. They came for me.
My recollection of the first moment I saw THEM is as clear now as it was when I had watched that episode of the X-files when surprisingly similar aliens featured. Following a strange ringing sound and an inexplicable flash of light they entered the room. Tall, grey, beings they were with large dark eyes and long spindly arms that seemed to be impossibly impractical and useless. Each of the three or so “fingers” upon each hand was shaped just like a finger, probably best described as a human like finger and not a monkey like finger due to the lack of hair on them. And definitely not chocolate fingers as they would be melting in the high heat exuded by my roaring electric bar fire. I always maintain a hot lounge, as I like to sit around, just in my pants.
Their leader approached then tried to make Earth speak with me, using a dialect I had never encountered before. Quickly frustrated by the lack of progress, this Alien prince repeatedly pointed to a symbol on it’s body and gestured for me to decipher it. Elder Smith it said. I was about to speak my name back, in the most condescending manner I could muster to an intelligent entity that had figured out how to cross the vast distances of space, when my son said “Oh it’s those Mormon fellas again pa, shall I fetch the dogs?”
Anyway a couple of minutes later after I called off the stink hounds I was abducted by aliens. They came in a special vehicle with flashing lights on and took me to their “station” (space station?) and asked me questions all night long. They were in matching atmos-suits and had rounded helmets upon thier heads. Thankfully they let me go in the morning with a caution, which was probably about the ice caps melting or something as my attention span is limited, so I wasn’t listening and very often I rarely finish what I
As my dentist often says, “The tooth is out there, your dental hygiene is appalling”.
A lesson for us all I think.
* I later found out it was something called a Helicopter, which I think is another Government cover up!
First contact was made at exactly 22:00 and I know this to be true because I was engaged in banter with the speaking clock in the same manner I did every night for seven hours straight. I was sitting, lights off, in my lounge on my Lazy-boy recliner (I’ll teach him for not getting a proper education at school) and the DVD was whirring away playing England’s top 100 throw-ins that resulted in slightly amusing incidents. Then IT happened. They came for me.
My recollection of the first moment I saw THEM is as clear now as it was when I had watched that episode of the X-files when surprisingly similar aliens featured. Following a strange ringing sound and an inexplicable flash of light they entered the room. Tall, grey, beings they were with large dark eyes and long spindly arms that seemed to be impossibly impractical and useless. Each of the three or so “fingers” upon each hand was shaped just like a finger, probably best described as a human like finger and not a monkey like finger due to the lack of hair on them. And definitely not chocolate fingers as they would be melting in the high heat exuded by my roaring electric bar fire. I always maintain a hot lounge, as I like to sit around, just in my pants.
Their leader approached then tried to make Earth speak with me, using a dialect I had never encountered before. Quickly frustrated by the lack of progress, this Alien prince repeatedly pointed to a symbol on it’s body and gestured for me to decipher it. Elder Smith it said. I was about to speak my name back, in the most condescending manner I could muster to an intelligent entity that had figured out how to cross the vast distances of space, when my son said “Oh it’s those Mormon fellas again pa, shall I fetch the dogs?”
Anyway a couple of minutes later after I called off the stink hounds I was abducted by aliens. They came in a special vehicle with flashing lights on and took me to their “station” (space station?) and asked me questions all night long. They were in matching atmos-suits and had rounded helmets upon thier heads. Thankfully they let me go in the morning with a caution, which was probably about the ice caps melting or something as my attention span is limited, so I wasn’t listening and very often I rarely finish what I
As my dentist often says, “The tooth is out there, your dental hygiene is appalling”.
A lesson for us all I think.
* I later found out it was something called a Helicopter, which I think is another Government cover up!