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Everyone loves an Animal in a video game. Little Kids like them because they are furry and cute, adults like them because they don't have to clean up after them, Animal Rights activists are happy because they don't have to go and protest about the lack of Animals in Video Games and Animal beaters just like killing them on the game so they don't get locked up by the RSPCA.
All sorts of animals have graced our consoles - Cats (Blinx), Monkeys (Donkey Kong), Dog/Dinosaur hybrids (Yoshi) and even a hedgehog (Sonic) have all been superstars. But what about panthers? Do Games Developers not think that Panthers are exciting enough to star in a game? Do they not realise that they hurt too? Our Man on the street Papa Moomin investigates...
"Hello? Is this thing on? FUDGING BLOOMIN THING! What? You mean we're live? Erm... *COUGH* Papa Moomin here, Live outside Fake Games Team INC. headquarters. Tonight, I am going to find out just why Games don't have many Panthers in.
We experienced technical problems during the interview, so we will have to make it up instead.
The lead programmer of FGTINC. said that he would not be averse to coding panthers in games, because really they are just like dogs or cats, but bigger and faster. He seemed enthusiastic about the prospect of a Panther related game, saying
“I really like panthers. This one time, I went to the zoo and slipped into the panther cage when the warden wasn’t looking, and we made sweet lo…”
He then started salivating uncontrollably.
The MD of FGTINC, Morley Chudsworthy who said that he was not prepared to put Panthers in games, did not echo the feelings of the head programmer. He said that it was unfeasible and ridiculous, reporting
“It is not good business sense to be innovative. Stick to what people like, and what they know. Innovators never win, they just end up dead”
With this chilling remark, he ushered us out of the office.
When we spoke to his secretary, Miss Proomer, it was revealed that Mr. Chudsworthy had a deep fear of anything cat like, due to an incident in his youth. Miss Proomer explains
“ever since he was a small boy, he has been afraid of cats. I spoke to his mother about it, and she said it went back to a time when, as a child, Morley was at the zoo, and he was attacked by a Slender Loris. It traumatised him deeply. Even though Slender Loris’ are nothing like cats, it scarred him mentally”
So why can’t other games companies make games involving Panthers? Well, after speaking to many industry experts, it was revealed that this fear of cats is common in the computer entertainment industry. Blinx for Xbox was only given the go ahead after several killings.
One visionary, who doesn’t want to be names, for fear of retribution, has been speaking to us exclusively. We will call him Tribute. HE said
“I have always wanted to make a game involving panthers. I think that they would make excellent lead characters. Imagine being a panther and secretly sneaking up on little babies, without them even knowing you’re watching. At this point, the police entered the room and arrested Tribute. He has not been heard from since.
So in conclusion, there is a large stigma attached to making game involving Panthers. But I think we should speak out against this persecution. Panthers are great. Why not have games about them? Oh, I know, it’s because you’d rather have games about Slender Lorises.
All sorts of animals have graced our consoles - Cats (Blinx), Monkeys (Donkey Kong), Dog/Dinosaur hybrids (Yoshi) and even a hedgehog (Sonic) have all been superstars. But what about panthers? Do Games Developers not think that Panthers are exciting enough to star in a game? Do they not realise that they hurt too? Our Man on the street Papa Moomin investigates...
"Hello? Is this thing on? FUDGING BLOOMIN THING! What? You mean we're live? Erm... *COUGH* Papa Moomin here, Live outside Fake Games Team INC. headquarters. Tonight, I am going to find out just why Games don't have many Panthers in.
We experienced technical problems during the interview, so we will have to make it up instead.
The lead programmer of FGTINC. said that he would not be averse to coding panthers in games, because really they are just like dogs or cats, but bigger and faster. He seemed enthusiastic about the prospect of a Panther related game, saying
“I really like panthers. This one time, I went to the zoo and slipped into the panther cage when the warden wasn’t looking, and we made sweet lo…”
He then started salivating uncontrollably.
The MD of FGTINC, Morley Chudsworthy who said that he was not prepared to put Panthers in games, did not echo the feelings of the head programmer. He said that it was unfeasible and ridiculous, reporting
“It is not good business sense to be innovative. Stick to what people like, and what they know. Innovators never win, they just end up dead”
With this chilling remark, he ushered us out of the office.
When we spoke to his secretary, Miss Proomer, it was revealed that Mr. Chudsworthy had a deep fear of anything cat like, due to an incident in his youth. Miss Proomer explains
“ever since he was a small boy, he has been afraid of cats. I spoke to his mother about it, and she said it went back to a time when, as a child, Morley was at the zoo, and he was attacked by a Slender Loris. It traumatised him deeply. Even though Slender Loris’ are nothing like cats, it scarred him mentally”
So why can’t other games companies make games involving Panthers? Well, after speaking to many industry experts, it was revealed that this fear of cats is common in the computer entertainment industry. Blinx for Xbox was only given the go ahead after several killings.
One visionary, who doesn’t want to be names, for fear of retribution, has been speaking to us exclusively. We will call him Tribute. HE said
“I have always wanted to make a game involving panthers. I think that they would make excellent lead characters. Imagine being a panther and secretly sneaking up on little babies, without them even knowing you’re watching. At this point, the police entered the room and arrested Tribute. He has not been heard from since.
So in conclusion, there is a large stigma attached to making game involving Panthers. But I think we should speak out against this persecution. Panthers are great. Why not have games about them? Oh, I know, it’s because you’d rather have games about Slender Lorises.
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I refute the claims you refuted
I refute claims that you have any ice cream.
hahahahagen daaz
I have played it. And I refute claims that that was a panther.
Have you started puberty?
have you played on conkers?
Even if it aint a lie, it is. You know it is.
in the beginning...the king...with the milk...there was...honest!...i'll go now then...there was!!!
I think that it is LIES. You shouldn't lie to us.
even if there was, there wasn't
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