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Ant: Hello, I’m Ant and I’d like to welcome you to “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here”.
Dec: That’s right, this is the show where we will put 5 of your gaming heroes in the jungle and leave them there for a week. It may seem harsh, but it makes great T.V.
Ant: Indeed, right then, in alphabetical order here’s the list of gaming heroes and their videos for you to see.
~ Link’s video starts to play ~
Link: Hi, my name is Link and you may remember me from the Legend of Zelda series. At the moment, I am planning to change my appearance and become “Cel Shaded”. I will appear later next year in another of Nintendo’s great games. So, how am I feeling about going into the jungle? Well, to be honest it doesn’t sound all that bad, but I’ll never know until I get there.
Dec: What a guy, Link will be doing this for his charity “CSIGTF”. I’ll tell you what the charities stand for later in the show.
Ant: Right then, here’s the second of our gaming heroes for you to look at.
~ Mario’s video starts to play ~
* All of Mario’s speech is spoken in a strong Italian accent *
Mario: Oh, hello to all my fans out there. Today, I am a bit busy shooting my new game. It’s called “Super Mario Sunshine”, and is set to hit the shelves on the 14th of September over there in the United Kingdom. I’ll tell you a little about the game shall I? Well, all I can say really, is that it is going to be the best game to ever be released in the U.K. Well, I better get going, I don’t want to upset Mr. Miyamoto you know.
Ant: That’s right, we’re going to get to see Mario set in the jungle battling snakes, tigers and War… well we’ll let you find out for yourself later in the show. Mario will be battling for his charity “MNIMAIR”.
Dec: So, here’s the third of our five videos for you to admire.
~ Peach’s video starts to play ~
* Said in a soft voice *
Peach: Hi you’ll, my name is Peach as many of you may already know, and I’m going to appear on “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here”. Well, let me tell you a bit about my background. A lot of the time, I am under guarding after being kidnapped by either Bowser or Wario. But, thanks to Mario, I am now free from their grasp and going to lighten up your T.V.
Ant: Oh dear, have we got a surprise for Peach, any way, Peach has chosen the charity “IAM”.
Dec: So, three down and two to go. Here’s the fourth video for you all.
~ Pikachu’s video starts to play ~
* Translated from “Pikachanese” to English *
Pikachu: Hi, my name is Pikachu and I am from the Pokémon league. My owner Ash has let me go for a week, and I’ve chosen to appear on “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here” for charity. I am hoping to have a really good time on the show, and I hope that you all enjoy watching it.
Ant: That’s what I like to see, an animal willing to spend a fortnight in the jungle just for our pleasure.
Dec: Too true, well Pikachu has chosen to appear on the show in aid of the charity “PPA”.
Ant: Another one down, here’s the last of our videos for you to watch.
~ Wario’s video starts to play ~
Wario: Get out of my mansion. Go on, get out. Oh, and take that pesky vase with you while you’re at it.
Dec: Well, well. Who’s an angry boy then? So, that was the list of contestants, so lets take a look at how they did on their first day.
Day 1
=====
Mario: Well then, hello Peach.
Peach: Hi Mario, I hope you enjoy your stay.
Mario: I will don’t you worry.
* Wario walks past both Mario and Peach and starts to laugh in an evil way *
Peach: What’s his problem?
~ Time passes until an interesting conversation arouses at dinner ~
Link: So then, we had one luxury item that we could bring, what did you all bring with you?
Mario: Well, I brought my lucky napkin. What about you Pikachu?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pika.
Peach: Yes… well, I brought my lipstick. What about you Wario?
* An evil cackle can be heard coming from behind the bushes *
Pikachu: Pika Pika Pikachu.
* Pikachu goes to investigate the cackle *
Wario: What the…? What the hell do you think you’re doing here?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pika.
Wario: Yeah, that’s what I thought.
* The other contestants can hear a munching sound coming from the bushes *
Mario: What was that?
Link: I don’t know, we better go and check it out. Peach you stay here, O.K?
* Both Link and Mario look in Peach’s direction *
Mario: Peach, where have you gone?
Link: Mario, you go and look for peach, I’ll go and check out that noise.
Mario: O.K, lets go.
* Mario and Link head off in different directions, Link approaches the bushes and starts to look over them *
Link: Oh my God, what the **** happened here?
* Behind the bushes is a yellow piece of fur, drenched in blood *
Link: What could have killed Pikachu? Mario, look at this!
Mario: What happened here? Pikachu’s been killed.
Link: I know, and I bet I know who killed him as well.
Mario: Oh you think so do you? Well, here’s £50 that you’re wrong.
Link: Mario! This isn’t the time for gambling. Pikachu’s been murdered and I reckon that Wario did it. I also think that he’s kidnapped Princess Peach.
Mario: Wow Link, it would’ve taken me ages to think of that.
* Link blushes *
Link: Any way, lets get going and find Peach.
Mario: O.K.
* Mario and Link run of in the opposite direction, ducking under branches and jumping over tree roots *
Link: Come on Mario, has all that pasta weighed you down?
Mario: Well, just a little. I mean, plumbing isn’t really an active job is it now?
Link: Look, here’s an opening. Let’s stay the night here and look for Wario and Princess Peach Tomorrow.
~ The camera scene changes and is now back at the studio ~
Ant: Oh my days, Pikachu’s dead and now Peach has been kidnapped.
Dec: Yes, but lets make one thing clear first of all. We don’t know for sure that Wario killed Pikachu or has kidnapped Peach.
Dec: Now then, as we said before in the show, we are going to announce what the charities stand for and what they have been created to do. O.K then, here’s the list of charities.
CSIGTF – Cel Shading Is Going To Flop
MNIMAIR – My Name Is Mario And I Rule
IAM – I Admire Mario
PPA – Pokémon Protection Agency
Ant: Well, I’d imagine that Pikachu didn’t expect to be on the other side of his charity.
Dec: Exactly, well let’s get back to day 2 of “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here”.
Day 2
======
* Mario wakes up first and starts to cook breakfast, Link wakes up soon after *
Mario: Why hello Link, up for some good eating?
Link: What do you think you’re doing? You’ve got about 5 days’ worth of rations there.
Mario: What? This is a normal sized Italian meal, I’d usually eat double this on my own.
Link: Yes, and that’s why you’ve got a bear belly the size of France.
Mario: Hey, why you take the p*** out of me? All I know is, your “you know what” is the size of a toothpick.
Link: That’s it, I’ve had enough of your Italian ways. I’m going to find Peach on my own.
Mario: Suits me, I’ve been doing this job for years.
* Link walks off in a hump, leaving Mario behind to eat his meal *
Mario: Mamma Mia, that was great. Now then, time for seconds.
~ The camera leaves Mario and is now on Link ~
Link: What a pile of ****, I mean who does he think he is? “Hey, my name is Mario and I eat pasta all day”. But, he’s got one good aspect. He is kind of cute.
* Link hears a twig snap to his left, he runs over to the source of the noise and sees Princess Peach’s dress flash through the trees *
Link: Wario!
* Link carries on chasing after Peach, but looses his breath after a few minutes or so of chasing her *
Link: Wait! Oh god, I can’t carry on any more. I’ll just carry on in this direction.
~ The camera changes and is now on Mario ~
Mario: Excellent, well I better not eat any more. I should get going by now but I think I’ll let that Link do all the hard work. Any way, I’ll just walk over here really slowly.
* Mario walks over to where Peach had been seen by Link *
Mario: Hey, there’s some deep but tiny footprints over here. Whoever they belong to must have been running. Well, enough work for today. I’m going to take a nap.
~ The camera changes to Link ~
Link: Hey, look over there. There’s a massive castle, I’m going to go and look.
* Link starts to jog over in the castles direction *
Link: Huh? It looks like there’s someone running up the lane. All I can see, is a pink thing what looks like it’s running towards the castle. Wait, maybe it’s Princess Peach.
* Link starts to sprint through the jungle, and eventually reaches the beginning of the castle’s path *
Link: I bet it was Wario carrying Peach up here.
* Link reaches the castle’s door and opens it *
Link: Hello? Is anyone there?
* Link hears a creek in the floor from upstairs *
Link: Wario!
Day 3
=====
* Link continues to run up the castle’s stairs *
Link: Wario, you wait ‘til I get my hands on you.
Peach: Help!
Link: Princess Peach!
* An unknown voice is heard by Link coming from upstairs *
Unknown Voice: Link, what’s the point in progressing further? You are only used to lame bosses, now’s time for a strong opponent. If you can find me before 12:00 tonight that is.
Link: Wait! That’s only 30 seconds away.
Unknown Voice: Ah yes, you seem to be correct. I’ll give you until 12:00 noon to find Princess Peach and myself. If I do not see you before then, I will kill Peach.
Link: But Wario!
* The voice starts to cackle in an evil way *
Link: I swear Wario, I will get you.
~ The camera is now on Mario ~
Mario: Mamma, I better get going. I don’t want Link getting all the credit. But first, time for some good eating. Ah, where’s that pasta?
~ 10 minutes later ~
Mario: Double Mamma Mia, that was beautiful. So, what’s happened so far? Pikachu’s been murdered, Peach has been kidnapped and Link has gone looking for her. Aha, got it. Peach will be locked away in a castle, and the castle would happen to be… over there.
* Mario starts to run very slowly in the castle’s direction *
Mario: Wow, I better start getting fitter. Only 3 feet and I’m out of breath.
* Mario reaches the castle an hour later, sweating buckets and out of breath *
Mario: Aha, I have finally made it. In this situation, there’s only one thing to do, and that’s eat.
~ The camera switches to Link ~
Link: I’ve got to save Princess Peach, it’s the only thing that’ll keep me amused. Right then, the voice came from my right so I’ll go in that direction.
* When Link turns right, he sees two doors in front of him *
Link: So, there are two doors eh? One of which has a sign saying “Do Not Enter”. Well, better stick by the rules, I’ll try the other door.
~ The camera switches to Mario as he reaches the top of the castle’s stairs ~
Mario: Mamma Mia, that’ll take the breath out of any one. So what have we got here? Two doors, one of which has a sign saying “Do Not Enter”. Oh well, better do what it says.
* Mario enters the door with the sign on, as he does a flour bag falls on top of his head. Link hears the sound and runs into the room, smacking into the back of Mario *
Mario: What was that? Hey, Link what are you doing here?
Link: Trying to rescue Princess Peach, what do you think?
Mario: Well, I’ll tell you what. What if you just go back to the camp and I’ll rescue Peach. Don’t worry, Miyamoto is writing this spoof. I always rescue Peach, it’s just the way it is.
Link: See, that’s what I find so annoying about you. I mean, you came on this show acting like you owned it. But I’ve got one thing to tell you, you don’t!
Mario: Sorry Link, what were you saying.
Link: Ah, and that’s another thing I hate about you.
* Both Link and Mario hear an evil laugh *
Unknown Voice: So then, fighting over the girl are we? Well, what about this? What if I was to say to you, that neither of you will save her.
Mario: Sorry mister, but if you want a fight with me, I need to eat first.
Link: Ah!
* Link runs towards the door at the end of the room, flings it open and sees Pikachu sitting in a chair with Peach tied up beside him *
Link: Pikachu?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pik… I mean, what are you doing here?
Link: Pikachu, you can talk. And why have you got Peach tied up next to you?
Pikachu: Oh god, it’s always the same with you “Gaming Heroes”. You need the answer written down before you can get it. I was the one that kidnapped Peach.
Link: But what about that body we saw?
Pikachu: Oh my god, you are truly dumb. Can’t you tell between real fur and fake?
Link: Yeah, but what about Wario? He stole Peach, didn’t he?
Pikachu: No, I did. And I finished with Wario when we all heard him laugh. And now to say good-bye to all of you. Including Peach.
Link: No! Pikachu, don’t do it.
Pikachu: What? I was only joking.
Link: Oh.
* Whilst Link is puzzled and frozen to the floor, Pikachu runs out of the room with Peach and opens the other door *
Mario: Hey Pikachu, what are you doing with Peach?
Pikachu: Get out my way Mario, you stupid Italian plumber.
Mario: Wow, sorry there short stuff. I’m too fat, seems the obese facto can sometimes help.
Pikachu: Wait, no! Surely you can’t be that fat.
Mario: Well, guess again. Looks like my belly couldn’t hold on any longer, and what I time to give up.
Pikachu: I don’t give up that easily Mario.
* Pikachu starts to run towards Mario at an incredible speed *
Pikachu: Pik-a-chu!
* Pikachu runs into Mario’s belly, and is never seen again *
Mario: Sorry little guy. You better wipe yourself off, you’re dead.
Peach: Oh Mario, my hero.
* Peach runs towards Mario and gives him a great big hug *
Mario: What did you expect from your daddy Mario?
* Link walks back through the door and sees both Mario and Peach hugging each other *
Link: Group hug!
~ The camera returns to the studio ~
Ant: Err… due to legal reasons, this show will be termina…
Well, that’s the end. I don’t think it turned out as well as I thought it would, but I’ve been told by Microchips that I put down my own work. So, it wasn’t that bad writing it, and I hope it wasn’t too painful reading it,
Ben.
Dec: That’s right, this is the show where we will put 5 of your gaming heroes in the jungle and leave them there for a week. It may seem harsh, but it makes great T.V.
Ant: Indeed, right then, in alphabetical order here’s the list of gaming heroes and their videos for you to see.
~ Link’s video starts to play ~
Link: Hi, my name is Link and you may remember me from the Legend of Zelda series. At the moment, I am planning to change my appearance and become “Cel Shaded”. I will appear later next year in another of Nintendo’s great games. So, how am I feeling about going into the jungle? Well, to be honest it doesn’t sound all that bad, but I’ll never know until I get there.
Dec: What a guy, Link will be doing this for his charity “CSIGTF”. I’ll tell you what the charities stand for later in the show.
Ant: Right then, here’s the second of our gaming heroes for you to look at.
~ Mario’s video starts to play ~
* All of Mario’s speech is spoken in a strong Italian accent *
Mario: Oh, hello to all my fans out there. Today, I am a bit busy shooting my new game. It’s called “Super Mario Sunshine”, and is set to hit the shelves on the 14th of September over there in the United Kingdom. I’ll tell you a little about the game shall I? Well, all I can say really, is that it is going to be the best game to ever be released in the U.K. Well, I better get going, I don’t want to upset Mr. Miyamoto you know.
Ant: That’s right, we’re going to get to see Mario set in the jungle battling snakes, tigers and War… well we’ll let you find out for yourself later in the show. Mario will be battling for his charity “MNIMAIR”.
Dec: So, here’s the third of our five videos for you to admire.
~ Peach’s video starts to play ~
* Said in a soft voice *
Peach: Hi you’ll, my name is Peach as many of you may already know, and I’m going to appear on “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here”. Well, let me tell you a bit about my background. A lot of the time, I am under guarding after being kidnapped by either Bowser or Wario. But, thanks to Mario, I am now free from their grasp and going to lighten up your T.V.
Ant: Oh dear, have we got a surprise for Peach, any way, Peach has chosen the charity “IAM”.
Dec: So, three down and two to go. Here’s the fourth video for you all.
~ Pikachu’s video starts to play ~
* Translated from “Pikachanese” to English *
Pikachu: Hi, my name is Pikachu and I am from the Pokémon league. My owner Ash has let me go for a week, and I’ve chosen to appear on “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here” for charity. I am hoping to have a really good time on the show, and I hope that you all enjoy watching it.
Ant: That’s what I like to see, an animal willing to spend a fortnight in the jungle just for our pleasure.
Dec: Too true, well Pikachu has chosen to appear on the show in aid of the charity “PPA”.
Ant: Another one down, here’s the last of our videos for you to watch.
~ Wario’s video starts to play ~
Wario: Get out of my mansion. Go on, get out. Oh, and take that pesky vase with you while you’re at it.
Dec: Well, well. Who’s an angry boy then? So, that was the list of contestants, so lets take a look at how they did on their first day.
Day 1
=====
Mario: Well then, hello Peach.
Peach: Hi Mario, I hope you enjoy your stay.
Mario: I will don’t you worry.
* Wario walks past both Mario and Peach and starts to laugh in an evil way *
Peach: What’s his problem?
~ Time passes until an interesting conversation arouses at dinner ~
Link: So then, we had one luxury item that we could bring, what did you all bring with you?
Mario: Well, I brought my lucky napkin. What about you Pikachu?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pika.
Peach: Yes… well, I brought my lipstick. What about you Wario?
* An evil cackle can be heard coming from behind the bushes *
Pikachu: Pika Pika Pikachu.
* Pikachu goes to investigate the cackle *
Wario: What the…? What the hell do you think you’re doing here?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pika.
Wario: Yeah, that’s what I thought.
* The other contestants can hear a munching sound coming from the bushes *
Mario: What was that?
Link: I don’t know, we better go and check it out. Peach you stay here, O.K?
* Both Link and Mario look in Peach’s direction *
Mario: Peach, where have you gone?
Link: Mario, you go and look for peach, I’ll go and check out that noise.
Mario: O.K, lets go.
* Mario and Link head off in different directions, Link approaches the bushes and starts to look over them *
Link: Oh my God, what the **** happened here?
* Behind the bushes is a yellow piece of fur, drenched in blood *
Link: What could have killed Pikachu? Mario, look at this!
Mario: What happened here? Pikachu’s been killed.
Link: I know, and I bet I know who killed him as well.
Mario: Oh you think so do you? Well, here’s £50 that you’re wrong.
Link: Mario! This isn’t the time for gambling. Pikachu’s been murdered and I reckon that Wario did it. I also think that he’s kidnapped Princess Peach.
Mario: Wow Link, it would’ve taken me ages to think of that.
* Link blushes *
Link: Any way, lets get going and find Peach.
Mario: O.K.
* Mario and Link run of in the opposite direction, ducking under branches and jumping over tree roots *
Link: Come on Mario, has all that pasta weighed you down?
Mario: Well, just a little. I mean, plumbing isn’t really an active job is it now?
Link: Look, here’s an opening. Let’s stay the night here and look for Wario and Princess Peach Tomorrow.
~ The camera scene changes and is now back at the studio ~
Ant: Oh my days, Pikachu’s dead and now Peach has been kidnapped.
Dec: Yes, but lets make one thing clear first of all. We don’t know for sure that Wario killed Pikachu or has kidnapped Peach.
Dec: Now then, as we said before in the show, we are going to announce what the charities stand for and what they have been created to do. O.K then, here’s the list of charities.
CSIGTF – Cel Shading Is Going To Flop
MNIMAIR – My Name Is Mario And I Rule
IAM – I Admire Mario
PPA – Pokémon Protection Agency
Ant: Well, I’d imagine that Pikachu didn’t expect to be on the other side of his charity.
Dec: Exactly, well let’s get back to day 2 of “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here”.
Day 2
======
* Mario wakes up first and starts to cook breakfast, Link wakes up soon after *
Mario: Why hello Link, up for some good eating?
Link: What do you think you’re doing? You’ve got about 5 days’ worth of rations there.
Mario: What? This is a normal sized Italian meal, I’d usually eat double this on my own.
Link: Yes, and that’s why you’ve got a bear belly the size of France.
Mario: Hey, why you take the p*** out of me? All I know is, your “you know what” is the size of a toothpick.
Link: That’s it, I’ve had enough of your Italian ways. I’m going to find Peach on my own.
Mario: Suits me, I’ve been doing this job for years.
* Link walks off in a hump, leaving Mario behind to eat his meal *
Mario: Mamma Mia, that was great. Now then, time for seconds.
~ The camera leaves Mario and is now on Link ~
Link: What a pile of ****, I mean who does he think he is? “Hey, my name is Mario and I eat pasta all day”. But, he’s got one good aspect. He is kind of cute.
* Link hears a twig snap to his left, he runs over to the source of the noise and sees Princess Peach’s dress flash through the trees *
Link: Wario!
* Link carries on chasing after Peach, but looses his breath after a few minutes or so of chasing her *
Link: Wait! Oh god, I can’t carry on any more. I’ll just carry on in this direction.
~ The camera changes and is now on Mario ~
Mario: Excellent, well I better not eat any more. I should get going by now but I think I’ll let that Link do all the hard work. Any way, I’ll just walk over here really slowly.
* Mario walks over to where Peach had been seen by Link *
Mario: Hey, there’s some deep but tiny footprints over here. Whoever they belong to must have been running. Well, enough work for today. I’m going to take a nap.
~ The camera changes to Link ~
Link: Hey, look over there. There’s a massive castle, I’m going to go and look.
* Link starts to jog over in the castles direction *
Link: Huh? It looks like there’s someone running up the lane. All I can see, is a pink thing what looks like it’s running towards the castle. Wait, maybe it’s Princess Peach.
* Link starts to sprint through the jungle, and eventually reaches the beginning of the castle’s path *
Link: I bet it was Wario carrying Peach up here.
* Link reaches the castle’s door and opens it *
Link: Hello? Is anyone there?
* Link hears a creek in the floor from upstairs *
Link: Wario!
Day 3
=====
* Link continues to run up the castle’s stairs *
Link: Wario, you wait ‘til I get my hands on you.
Peach: Help!
Link: Princess Peach!
* An unknown voice is heard by Link coming from upstairs *
Unknown Voice: Link, what’s the point in progressing further? You are only used to lame bosses, now’s time for a strong opponent. If you can find me before 12:00 tonight that is.
Link: Wait! That’s only 30 seconds away.
Unknown Voice: Ah yes, you seem to be correct. I’ll give you until 12:00 noon to find Princess Peach and myself. If I do not see you before then, I will kill Peach.
Link: But Wario!
* The voice starts to cackle in an evil way *
Link: I swear Wario, I will get you.
~ The camera is now on Mario ~
Mario: Mamma, I better get going. I don’t want Link getting all the credit. But first, time for some good eating. Ah, where’s that pasta?
~ 10 minutes later ~
Mario: Double Mamma Mia, that was beautiful. So, what’s happened so far? Pikachu’s been murdered, Peach has been kidnapped and Link has gone looking for her. Aha, got it. Peach will be locked away in a castle, and the castle would happen to be… over there.
* Mario starts to run very slowly in the castle’s direction *
Mario: Wow, I better start getting fitter. Only 3 feet and I’m out of breath.
* Mario reaches the castle an hour later, sweating buckets and out of breath *
Mario: Aha, I have finally made it. In this situation, there’s only one thing to do, and that’s eat.
~ The camera switches to Link ~
Link: I’ve got to save Princess Peach, it’s the only thing that’ll keep me amused. Right then, the voice came from my right so I’ll go in that direction.
* When Link turns right, he sees two doors in front of him *
Link: So, there are two doors eh? One of which has a sign saying “Do Not Enter”. Well, better stick by the rules, I’ll try the other door.
~ The camera switches to Mario as he reaches the top of the castle’s stairs ~
Mario: Mamma Mia, that’ll take the breath out of any one. So what have we got here? Two doors, one of which has a sign saying “Do Not Enter”. Oh well, better do what it says.
* Mario enters the door with the sign on, as he does a flour bag falls on top of his head. Link hears the sound and runs into the room, smacking into the back of Mario *
Mario: What was that? Hey, Link what are you doing here?
Link: Trying to rescue Princess Peach, what do you think?
Mario: Well, I’ll tell you what. What if you just go back to the camp and I’ll rescue Peach. Don’t worry, Miyamoto is writing this spoof. I always rescue Peach, it’s just the way it is.
Link: See, that’s what I find so annoying about you. I mean, you came on this show acting like you owned it. But I’ve got one thing to tell you, you don’t!
Mario: Sorry Link, what were you saying.
Link: Ah, and that’s another thing I hate about you.
* Both Link and Mario hear an evil laugh *
Unknown Voice: So then, fighting over the girl are we? Well, what about this? What if I was to say to you, that neither of you will save her.
Mario: Sorry mister, but if you want a fight with me, I need to eat first.
Link: Ah!
* Link runs towards the door at the end of the room, flings it open and sees Pikachu sitting in a chair with Peach tied up beside him *
Link: Pikachu?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pik… I mean, what are you doing here?
Link: Pikachu, you can talk. And why have you got Peach tied up next to you?
Pikachu: Oh god, it’s always the same with you “Gaming Heroes”. You need the answer written down before you can get it. I was the one that kidnapped Peach.
Link: But what about that body we saw?
Pikachu: Oh my god, you are truly dumb. Can’t you tell between real fur and fake?
Link: Yeah, but what about Wario? He stole Peach, didn’t he?
Pikachu: No, I did. And I finished with Wario when we all heard him laugh. And now to say good-bye to all of you. Including Peach.
Link: No! Pikachu, don’t do it.
Pikachu: What? I was only joking.
Link: Oh.
* Whilst Link is puzzled and frozen to the floor, Pikachu runs out of the room with Peach and opens the other door *
Mario: Hey Pikachu, what are you doing with Peach?
Pikachu: Get out my way Mario, you stupid Italian plumber.
Mario: Wow, sorry there short stuff. I’m too fat, seems the obese facto can sometimes help.
Pikachu: Wait, no! Surely you can’t be that fat.
Mario: Well, guess again. Looks like my belly couldn’t hold on any longer, and what I time to give up.
Pikachu: I don’t give up that easily Mario.
* Pikachu starts to run towards Mario at an incredible speed *
Pikachu: Pik-a-chu!
* Pikachu runs into Mario’s belly, and is never seen again *
Mario: Sorry little guy. You better wipe yourself off, you’re dead.
Peach: Oh Mario, my hero.
* Peach runs towards Mario and gives him a great big hug *
Mario: What did you expect from your daddy Mario?
* Link walks back through the door and sees both Mario and Peach hugging each other *
Link: Group hug!
~ The camera returns to the studio ~
Ant: Err… due to legal reasons, this show will be termina…
Well, that’s the end. I don’t think it turned out as well as I thought it would, but I’ve been told by Microchips that I put down my own work. So, it wasn’t that bad writing it, and I hope it wasn’t too painful reading it,
Ben.
Brilliant story. A good read.
Goos post mate.
Ant: Hello, I’m Ant and I’d like to welcome you to “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here”.
Dec: That’s right, this is the show where we will put 5 of your gaming heroes in the jungle and leave them there for a week. It may seem harsh, but it makes great T.V.
Ant: Indeed, right then, in alphabetical order here’s the list of gaming heroes and their videos for you to see.
~ Link’s video starts to play ~
Link: Hi, my name is Link and you may remember me from the Legend of Zelda series. At the moment, I am planning to change my appearance and become “Cel Shaded”. I will appear later next year in another of Nintendo’s great games. So, how am I feeling about going into the jungle? Well, to be honest it doesn’t sound all that bad, but I’ll never know until I get there.
Dec: What a guy, Link will be doing this for his charity “CSIGTF”. I’ll tell you what the charities stand for later in the show.
Ant: Right then, here’s the second of our gaming heroes for you to look at.
~ Mario’s video starts to play ~
* All of Mario’s speech is spoken in a strong Italian accent *
Mario: Oh, hello to all my fans out there. Today, I am a bit busy shooting my new game. It’s called “Super Mario Sunshine”, and is set to hit the shelves on the 14th of September over there in the United Kingdom. I’ll tell you a little about the game shall I? Well, all I can say really, is that it is going to be the best game to ever be released in the U.K. Well, I better get going, I don’t want to upset Mr. Miyamoto you know.
Ant: That’s right, we’re going to get to see Mario set in the jungle battling snakes, tigers and War… well we’ll let you find out for yourself later in the show. Mario will be battling for his charity “MNIMAIR”.
Dec: So, here’s the third of our five videos for you to admire.
~ Peach’s video starts to play ~
* Said in a soft voice *
Peach: Hi you’ll, my name is Peach as many of you may already know, and I’m going to appear on “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here”. Well, let me tell you a bit about my background. A lot of the time, I am under guarding after being kidnapped by either Bowser or Wario. But, thanks to Mario, I am now free from their grasp and going to lighten up your T.V.
Ant: Oh dear, have we got a surprise for Peach, any way, Peach has chosen the charity “IAM”.
Dec: So, three down and two to go. Here’s the fourth video for you all.
~ Pikachu’s video starts to play ~
* Translated from “Pikachanese” to English *
Pikachu: Hi, my name is Pikachu and I am from the Pokémon league. My owner Ash has let me go for a week, and I’ve chosen to appear on “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here” for charity. I am hoping to have a really good time on the show, and I hope that you all enjoy watching it.
Ant: That’s what I like to see, an animal willing to spend a fortnight in the jungle just for our pleasure.
Dec: Too true, well Pikachu has chosen to appear on the show in aid of the charity “PPA”.
Ant: Another one down, here’s the last of our videos for you to watch.
~ Wario’s video starts to play ~
Wario: Get out of my mansion. Go on, get out. Oh, and take that pesky vase with you while you’re at it.
Dec: Well, well. Who’s an angry boy then? So, that was the list of contestants, so lets take a look at how they did on their first day.
Day 1
=====
Mario: Well then, hello Peach.
Peach: Hi Mario, I hope you enjoy your stay.
Mario: I will don’t you worry.
* Wario walks past both Mario and Peach and starts to laugh in an evil way *
Peach: What’s his problem?
~ Time passes until an interesting conversation arouses at dinner ~
Link: So then, we had one luxury item that we could bring, what did you all bring with you?
Mario: Well, I brought my lucky napkin. What about you Pikachu?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pika.
Peach: Yes… well, I brought my lipstick. What about you Wario?
* An evil cackle can be heard coming from behind the bushes *
Pikachu: Pika Pika Pikachu.
* Pikachu goes to investigate the cackle *
Wario: What the…? What the hell do you think you’re doing here?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pika.
Wario: Yeah, that’s what I thought.
* The other contestants can hear a munching sound coming from the bushes *
Mario: What was that?
Link: I don’t know, we better go and check it out. Peach you stay here, O.K?
* Both Link and Mario look in Peach’s direction *
Mario: Peach, where have you gone?
Link: Mario, you go and look for peach, I’ll go and check out that noise.
Mario: O.K, lets go.
* Mario and Link head off in different directions, Link approaches the bushes and starts to look over them *
Link: Oh my God, what the **** happened here?
* Behind the bushes is a yellow piece of fur, drenched in blood *
Link: What could have killed Pikachu? Mario, look at this!
Mario: What happened here? Pikachu’s been killed.
Link: I know, and I bet I know who killed him as well.
Mario: Oh you think so do you? Well, here’s £50 that you’re wrong.
Link: Mario! This isn’t the time for gambling. Pikachu’s been murdered and I reckon that Wario did it. I also think that he’s kidnapped Princess Peach.
Mario: Wow Link, it would’ve taken me ages to think of that.
* Link blushes *
Link: Any way, lets get going and find Peach.
Mario: O.K.
* Mario and Link run of in the opposite direction, ducking under branches and jumping over tree roots *
Link: Come on Mario, has all that pasta weighed you down?
Mario: Well, just a little. I mean, plumbing isn’t really an active job is it now?
Link: Look, here’s an opening. Let’s stay the night here and look for Wario and Princess Peach Tomorrow.
~ The camera scene changes and is now back at the studio ~
Ant: Oh my days, Pikachu’s dead and now Peach has been kidnapped.
Dec: Yes, but lets make one thing clear first of all. We don’t know for sure that Wario killed Pikachu or has kidnapped Peach.
Dec: Now then, as we said before in the show, we are going to announce what the charities stand for and what they have been created to do. O.K then, here’s the list of charities.
CSIGTF – Cel Shading Is Going To Flop
MNIMAIR – My Name Is Mario And I Rule
IAM – I Admire Mario
PPA – Pokémon Protection Agency
Ant: Well, I’d imagine that Pikachu didn’t expect to be on the other side of his charity.
Dec: Exactly, well let’s get back to day 2 of “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here”.
Day 2
======
* Mario wakes up first and starts to cook breakfast, Link wakes up soon after *
Mario: Why hello Link, up for some good eating?
Link: What do you think you’re doing? You’ve got about 5 days’ worth of rations there.
Mario: What? This is a normal sized Italian meal, I’d usually eat double this on my own.
Link: Yes, and that’s why you’ve got a bear belly the size of France.
Mario: Hey, why you take the p*** out of me? All I know is, your “you know what” is the size of a toothpick.
Link: That’s it, I’ve had enough of your Italian ways. I’m going to find Peach on my own.
Mario: Suits me, I’ve been doing this job for years.
* Link walks off in a hump, leaving Mario behind to eat his meal *
Mario: Mamma Mia, that was great. Now then, time for seconds.
~ The camera leaves Mario and is now on Link ~
Link: What a pile of ****, I mean who does he think he is? “Hey, my name is Mario and I eat pasta all day”. But, he’s got one good aspect. He is kind of cute.
* Link hears a twig snap to his left, he runs over to the source of the noise and sees Princess Peach’s dress flash through the trees *
Link: Wario!
* Link carries on chasing after Peach, but looses his breath after a few minutes or so of chasing her *
Link: Wait! Oh god, I can’t carry on any more. I’ll just carry on in this direction.
~ The camera changes and is now on Mario ~
Mario: Excellent, well I better not eat any more. I should get going by now but I think I’ll let that Link do all the hard work. Any way, I’ll just walk over here really slowly.
* Mario walks over to where Peach had been seen by Link *
Mario: Hey, there’s some deep but tiny footprints over here. Whoever they belong to must have been running. Well, enough work for today. I’m going to take a nap.
~ The camera changes to Link ~
Link: Hey, look over there. There’s a massive castle, I’m going to go and look.
* Link starts to jog over in the castles direction *
Link: Huh? It looks like there’s someone running up the lane. All I can see, is a pink thing what looks like it’s running towards the castle. Wait, maybe it’s Princess Peach.
* Link starts to sprint through the jungle, and eventually reaches the beginning of the castle’s path *
Link: I bet it was Wario carrying Peach up here.
* Link reaches the castle’s door and opens it *
Link: Hello? Is anyone there?
* Link hears a creek in the floor from upstairs *
Link: Wario!
Day 3
=====
* Link continues to run up the castle’s stairs *
Link: Wario, you wait ‘til I get my hands on you.
Peach: Help!
Link: Princess Peach!
* An unknown voice is heard by Link coming from upstairs *
Unknown Voice: Link, what’s the point in progressing further? You are only used to lame bosses, now’s time for a strong opponent. If you can find me before 12:00 tonight that is.
Link: Wait! That’s only 30 seconds away.
Unknown Voice: Ah yes, you seem to be correct. I’ll give you until 12:00 noon to find Princess Peach and myself. If I do not see you before then, I will kill Peach.
Link: But Wario!
* The voice starts to cackle in an evil way *
Link: I swear Wario, I will get you.
~ The camera is now on Mario ~
Mario: Mamma, I better get going. I don’t want Link getting all the credit. But first, time for some good eating. Ah, where’s that pasta?
~ 10 minutes later ~
Mario: Double Mamma Mia, that was beautiful. So, what’s happened so far? Pikachu’s been murdered, Peach has been kidnapped and Link has gone looking for her. Aha, got it. Peach will be locked away in a castle, and the castle would happen to be… over there.
* Mario starts to run very slowly in the castle’s direction *
Mario: Wow, I better start getting fitter. Only 3 feet and I’m out of breath.
* Mario reaches the castle an hour later, sweating buckets and out of breath *
Mario: Aha, I have finally made it. In this situation, there’s only one thing to do, and that’s eat.
~ The camera switches to Link ~
Link: I’ve got to save Princess Peach, it’s the only thing that’ll keep me amused. Right then, the voice came from my right so I’ll go in that direction.
* When Link turns right, he sees two doors in front of him *
Link: So, there are two doors eh? One of which has a sign saying “Do Not Enter”. Well, better stick by the rules, I’ll try the other door.
~ The camera switches to Mario as he reaches the top of the castle’s stairs ~
Mario: Mamma Mia, that’ll take the breath out of any one. So what have we got here? Two doors, one of which has a sign saying “Do Not Enter”. Oh well, better do what it says.
* Mario enters the door with the sign on, as he does a flour bag falls on top of his head. Link hears the sound and runs into the room, smacking into the back of Mario *
Mario: What was that? Hey, Link what are you doing here?
Link: Trying to rescue Princess Peach, what do you think?
Mario: Well, I’ll tell you what. What if you just go back to the camp and I’ll rescue Peach. Don’t worry, Miyamoto is writing this spoof. I always rescue Peach, it’s just the way it is.
Link: See, that’s what I find so annoying about you. I mean, you came on this show acting like you owned it. But I’ve got one thing to tell you, you don’t!
Mario: Sorry Link, what were you saying.
Link: Ah, and that’s another thing I hate about you.
* Both Link and Mario hear an evil laugh *
Unknown Voice: So then, fighting over the girl are we? Well, what about this? What if I was to say to you, that neither of you will save her.
Mario: Sorry mister, but if you want a fight with me, I need to eat first.
Link: Ah!
* Link runs towards the door at the end of the room, flings it open and sees Pikachu sitting in a chair with Peach tied up beside him *
Link: Pikachu?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pik… I mean, what are you doing here?
Link: Pikachu, you can talk. And why have you got Peach tied up next to you?
Pikachu: Oh god, it’s always the same with you “Gaming Heroes”. You need the answer written down before you can get it. I was the one that kidnapped Peach.
Link: But what about that body we saw?
Pikachu: Oh my god, you are truly dumb. Can’t you tell between real fur and fake?
Link: Yeah, but what about Wario? He stole Peach, didn’t he?
Pikachu: No, I did. And I finished with Wario when we all heard him laugh. And now to say good-bye to all of you. Including Peach.
Link: No! Pikachu, don’t do it.
Pikachu: What? I was only joking.
Link: Oh.
* Whilst Link is puzzled and frozen to the floor, Pikachu runs out of the room with Peach and opens the other door *
Mario: Hey Pikachu, what are you doing with Peach?
Pikachu: Get out my way Mario, you stupid Italian plumber.
Mario: Wow, sorry there short stuff. I’m too fat, seems the obese facto can sometimes help.
Pikachu: Wait, no! Surely you can’t be that fat.
Mario: Well, guess again. Looks like my belly couldn’t hold on any longer, and what I time to give up.
Pikachu: I don’t give up that easily Mario.
* Pikachu starts to run towards Mario at an incredible speed *
Pikachu: Pik-a-chu!
* Pikachu runs into Mario’s belly, and is never seen again *
Mario: Sorry little guy. You better wipe yourself off, you’re dead.
Peach: Oh Mario, my hero.
* Peach runs towards Mario and gives him a great big hug *
Mario: What did you expect from your daddy Mario?
* Link walks back through the door and sees both Mario and Peach hugging each other *
Link: Group hug!
~ The camera returns to the studio ~
Ant: Err… due to legal reasons, this show will be termina…
Well, that’s the end. I don’t think it turned out as well as I thought it would, but I’ve been told by Microchips that I put down my own work. So, it wasn’t that bad writing it, and I hope it wasn’t too painful reading it,
Ben.
Dec: That’s right, this is the show where we will put 5 of your gaming heroes in the jungle and leave them there for a week. It may seem harsh, but it makes great T.V.
Ant: Indeed, right then, in alphabetical order here’s the list of gaming heroes and their videos for you to see.
~ Link’s video starts to play ~
Link: Hi, my name is Link and you may remember me from the Legend of Zelda series. At the moment, I am planning to change my appearance and become “Cel Shaded”. I will appear later next year in another of Nintendo’s great games. So, how am I feeling about going into the jungle? Well, to be honest it doesn’t sound all that bad, but I’ll never know until I get there.
Dec: What a guy, Link will be doing this for his charity “CSIGTF”. I’ll tell you what the charities stand for later in the show.
Ant: Right then, here’s the second of our gaming heroes for you to look at.
~ Mario’s video starts to play ~
* All of Mario’s speech is spoken in a strong Italian accent *
Mario: Oh, hello to all my fans out there. Today, I am a bit busy shooting my new game. It’s called “Super Mario Sunshine”, and is set to hit the shelves on the 14th of September over there in the United Kingdom. I’ll tell you a little about the game shall I? Well, all I can say really, is that it is going to be the best game to ever be released in the U.K. Well, I better get going, I don’t want to upset Mr. Miyamoto you know.
Ant: That’s right, we’re going to get to see Mario set in the jungle battling snakes, tigers and War… well we’ll let you find out for yourself later in the show. Mario will be battling for his charity “MNIMAIR”.
Dec: So, here’s the third of our five videos for you to admire.
~ Peach’s video starts to play ~
* Said in a soft voice *
Peach: Hi you’ll, my name is Peach as many of you may already know, and I’m going to appear on “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here”. Well, let me tell you a bit about my background. A lot of the time, I am under guarding after being kidnapped by either Bowser or Wario. But, thanks to Mario, I am now free from their grasp and going to lighten up your T.V.
Ant: Oh dear, have we got a surprise for Peach, any way, Peach has chosen the charity “IAM”.
Dec: So, three down and two to go. Here’s the fourth video for you all.
~ Pikachu’s video starts to play ~
* Translated from “Pikachanese” to English *
Pikachu: Hi, my name is Pikachu and I am from the Pokémon league. My owner Ash has let me go for a week, and I’ve chosen to appear on “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here” for charity. I am hoping to have a really good time on the show, and I hope that you all enjoy watching it.
Ant: That’s what I like to see, an animal willing to spend a fortnight in the jungle just for our pleasure.
Dec: Too true, well Pikachu has chosen to appear on the show in aid of the charity “PPA”.
Ant: Another one down, here’s the last of our videos for you to watch.
~ Wario’s video starts to play ~
Wario: Get out of my mansion. Go on, get out. Oh, and take that pesky vase with you while you’re at it.
Dec: Well, well. Who’s an angry boy then? So, that was the list of contestants, so lets take a look at how they did on their first day.
Day 1
=====
Mario: Well then, hello Peach.
Peach: Hi Mario, I hope you enjoy your stay.
Mario: I will don’t you worry.
* Wario walks past both Mario and Peach and starts to laugh in an evil way *
Peach: What’s his problem?
~ Time passes until an interesting conversation arouses at dinner ~
Link: So then, we had one luxury item that we could bring, what did you all bring with you?
Mario: Well, I brought my lucky napkin. What about you Pikachu?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pika.
Peach: Yes… well, I brought my lipstick. What about you Wario?
* An evil cackle can be heard coming from behind the bushes *
Pikachu: Pika Pika Pikachu.
* Pikachu goes to investigate the cackle *
Wario: What the…? What the hell do you think you’re doing here?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pika.
Wario: Yeah, that’s what I thought.
* The other contestants can hear a munching sound coming from the bushes *
Mario: What was that?
Link: I don’t know, we better go and check it out. Peach you stay here, O.K?
* Both Link and Mario look in Peach’s direction *
Mario: Peach, where have you gone?
Link: Mario, you go and look for peach, I’ll go and check out that noise.
Mario: O.K, lets go.
* Mario and Link head off in different directions, Link approaches the bushes and starts to look over them *
Link: Oh my God, what the **** happened here?
* Behind the bushes is a yellow piece of fur, drenched in blood *
Link: What could have killed Pikachu? Mario, look at this!
Mario: What happened here? Pikachu’s been killed.
Link: I know, and I bet I know who killed him as well.
Mario: Oh you think so do you? Well, here’s £50 that you’re wrong.
Link: Mario! This isn’t the time for gambling. Pikachu’s been murdered and I reckon that Wario did it. I also think that he’s kidnapped Princess Peach.
Mario: Wow Link, it would’ve taken me ages to think of that.
* Link blushes *
Link: Any way, lets get going and find Peach.
Mario: O.K.
* Mario and Link run of in the opposite direction, ducking under branches and jumping over tree roots *
Link: Come on Mario, has all that pasta weighed you down?
Mario: Well, just a little. I mean, plumbing isn’t really an active job is it now?
Link: Look, here’s an opening. Let’s stay the night here and look for Wario and Princess Peach Tomorrow.
~ The camera scene changes and is now back at the studio ~
Ant: Oh my days, Pikachu’s dead and now Peach has been kidnapped.
Dec: Yes, but lets make one thing clear first of all. We don’t know for sure that Wario killed Pikachu or has kidnapped Peach.
Dec: Now then, as we said before in the show, we are going to announce what the charities stand for and what they have been created to do. O.K then, here’s the list of charities.
CSIGTF – Cel Shading Is Going To Flop
MNIMAIR – My Name Is Mario And I Rule
IAM – I Admire Mario
PPA – Pokémon Protection Agency
Ant: Well, I’d imagine that Pikachu didn’t expect to be on the other side of his charity.
Dec: Exactly, well let’s get back to day 2 of “I’m a Gaming Hero, Get Me Out of Here”.
Day 2
======
* Mario wakes up first and starts to cook breakfast, Link wakes up soon after *
Mario: Why hello Link, up for some good eating?
Link: What do you think you’re doing? You’ve got about 5 days’ worth of rations there.
Mario: What? This is a normal sized Italian meal, I’d usually eat double this on my own.
Link: Yes, and that’s why you’ve got a bear belly the size of France.
Mario: Hey, why you take the p*** out of me? All I know is, your “you know what” is the size of a toothpick.
Link: That’s it, I’ve had enough of your Italian ways. I’m going to find Peach on my own.
Mario: Suits me, I’ve been doing this job for years.
* Link walks off in a hump, leaving Mario behind to eat his meal *
Mario: Mamma Mia, that was great. Now then, time for seconds.
~ The camera leaves Mario and is now on Link ~
Link: What a pile of ****, I mean who does he think he is? “Hey, my name is Mario and I eat pasta all day”. But, he’s got one good aspect. He is kind of cute.
* Link hears a twig snap to his left, he runs over to the source of the noise and sees Princess Peach’s dress flash through the trees *
Link: Wario!
* Link carries on chasing after Peach, but looses his breath after a few minutes or so of chasing her *
Link: Wait! Oh god, I can’t carry on any more. I’ll just carry on in this direction.
~ The camera changes and is now on Mario ~
Mario: Excellent, well I better not eat any more. I should get going by now but I think I’ll let that Link do all the hard work. Any way, I’ll just walk over here really slowly.
* Mario walks over to where Peach had been seen by Link *
Mario: Hey, there’s some deep but tiny footprints over here. Whoever they belong to must have been running. Well, enough work for today. I’m going to take a nap.
~ The camera changes to Link ~
Link: Hey, look over there. There’s a massive castle, I’m going to go and look.
* Link starts to jog over in the castles direction *
Link: Huh? It looks like there’s someone running up the lane. All I can see, is a pink thing what looks like it’s running towards the castle. Wait, maybe it’s Princess Peach.
* Link starts to sprint through the jungle, and eventually reaches the beginning of the castle’s path *
Link: I bet it was Wario carrying Peach up here.
* Link reaches the castle’s door and opens it *
Link: Hello? Is anyone there?
* Link hears a creek in the floor from upstairs *
Link: Wario!
Day 3
=====
* Link continues to run up the castle’s stairs *
Link: Wario, you wait ‘til I get my hands on you.
Peach: Help!
Link: Princess Peach!
* An unknown voice is heard by Link coming from upstairs *
Unknown Voice: Link, what’s the point in progressing further? You are only used to lame bosses, now’s time for a strong opponent. If you can find me before 12:00 tonight that is.
Link: Wait! That’s only 30 seconds away.
Unknown Voice: Ah yes, you seem to be correct. I’ll give you until 12:00 noon to find Princess Peach and myself. If I do not see you before then, I will kill Peach.
Link: But Wario!
* The voice starts to cackle in an evil way *
Link: I swear Wario, I will get you.
~ The camera is now on Mario ~
Mario: Mamma, I better get going. I don’t want Link getting all the credit. But first, time for some good eating. Ah, where’s that pasta?
~ 10 minutes later ~
Mario: Double Mamma Mia, that was beautiful. So, what’s happened so far? Pikachu’s been murdered, Peach has been kidnapped and Link has gone looking for her. Aha, got it. Peach will be locked away in a castle, and the castle would happen to be… over there.
* Mario starts to run very slowly in the castle’s direction *
Mario: Wow, I better start getting fitter. Only 3 feet and I’m out of breath.
* Mario reaches the castle an hour later, sweating buckets and out of breath *
Mario: Aha, I have finally made it. In this situation, there’s only one thing to do, and that’s eat.
~ The camera switches to Link ~
Link: I’ve got to save Princess Peach, it’s the only thing that’ll keep me amused. Right then, the voice came from my right so I’ll go in that direction.
* When Link turns right, he sees two doors in front of him *
Link: So, there are two doors eh? One of which has a sign saying “Do Not Enter”. Well, better stick by the rules, I’ll try the other door.
~ The camera switches to Mario as he reaches the top of the castle’s stairs ~
Mario: Mamma Mia, that’ll take the breath out of any one. So what have we got here? Two doors, one of which has a sign saying “Do Not Enter”. Oh well, better do what it says.
* Mario enters the door with the sign on, as he does a flour bag falls on top of his head. Link hears the sound and runs into the room, smacking into the back of Mario *
Mario: What was that? Hey, Link what are you doing here?
Link: Trying to rescue Princess Peach, what do you think?
Mario: Well, I’ll tell you what. What if you just go back to the camp and I’ll rescue Peach. Don’t worry, Miyamoto is writing this spoof. I always rescue Peach, it’s just the way it is.
Link: See, that’s what I find so annoying about you. I mean, you came on this show acting like you owned it. But I’ve got one thing to tell you, you don’t!
Mario: Sorry Link, what were you saying.
Link: Ah, and that’s another thing I hate about you.
* Both Link and Mario hear an evil laugh *
Unknown Voice: So then, fighting over the girl are we? Well, what about this? What if I was to say to you, that neither of you will save her.
Mario: Sorry mister, but if you want a fight with me, I need to eat first.
Link: Ah!
* Link runs towards the door at the end of the room, flings it open and sees Pikachu sitting in a chair with Peach tied up beside him *
Link: Pikachu?
Pikachu: Pika Pikachu Pik… I mean, what are you doing here?
Link: Pikachu, you can talk. And why have you got Peach tied up next to you?
Pikachu: Oh god, it’s always the same with you “Gaming Heroes”. You need the answer written down before you can get it. I was the one that kidnapped Peach.
Link: But what about that body we saw?
Pikachu: Oh my god, you are truly dumb. Can’t you tell between real fur and fake?
Link: Yeah, but what about Wario? He stole Peach, didn’t he?
Pikachu: No, I did. And I finished with Wario when we all heard him laugh. And now to say good-bye to all of you. Including Peach.
Link: No! Pikachu, don’t do it.
Pikachu: What? I was only joking.
Link: Oh.
* Whilst Link is puzzled and frozen to the floor, Pikachu runs out of the room with Peach and opens the other door *
Mario: Hey Pikachu, what are you doing with Peach?
Pikachu: Get out my way Mario, you stupid Italian plumber.
Mario: Wow, sorry there short stuff. I’m too fat, seems the obese facto can sometimes help.
Pikachu: Wait, no! Surely you can’t be that fat.
Mario: Well, guess again. Looks like my belly couldn’t hold on any longer, and what I time to give up.
Pikachu: I don’t give up that easily Mario.
* Pikachu starts to run towards Mario at an incredible speed *
Pikachu: Pik-a-chu!
* Pikachu runs into Mario’s belly, and is never seen again *
Mario: Sorry little guy. You better wipe yourself off, you’re dead.
Peach: Oh Mario, my hero.
* Peach runs towards Mario and gives him a great big hug *
Mario: What did you expect from your daddy Mario?
* Link walks back through the door and sees both Mario and Peach hugging each other *
Link: Group hug!
~ The camera returns to the studio ~
Ant: Err… due to legal reasons, this show will be termina…
Well, that’s the end. I don’t think it turned out as well as I thought it would, but I’ve been told by Microchips that I put down my own work. So, it wasn’t that bad writing it, and I hope it wasn’t too painful reading it,
Ben.