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It was just another day in gaming land, I staggered down the street feeling rough and no doubt looking even worse. It had been a wild night. Mario and Luigi had taken me out on a drinking binge followed by a nice italian pizza before I went to bed. I must admit I only went to bed about 2 hours ago and now I am on my way home. So Mario and Luigi are the ultimate drinkers, way out of my league, or so I thought, the rumour wasn't all it was made out to be. Myself and Luigi decided to shave Mario's tache and dress him up in his wifes clothes, which didn't go down well with said wife and no doubt Mario will be mad when he becomes sobber.
It wasn't long before I had bumped into another friend, literally bumped right into them. Max Payne had finally gotten over his loss and was walking hand in hand with his new piece of stuff Lara Croft, who I have been told recently split up with Solid Snake who was dating another known to her as Meryl. The dog.
So Max told me of his new found hapiness but in my state all I could really do was stare at Lara's juggs. Sure it happens to the best of us, not just little old drunk me.
Eventually I get home and get the required sleep and water to get the hangover gone and feel like heading out. I start the car and drive of down the road, There is a game on at the Evolution stadium as I go past but I missed kick-off by 20 mins so I decided to go get lunch. Pop into Mario and Luigi's place and see if I can get a cheap pasta meal. I get there pretty quickly and laugh at the tache-less Mario and then run away as Luigi tells his wife it was all my idea. I get in my car and speed away fast - a little too fast and it is a good few minutes before I realise the police with lights flashing and sirens wailing behind me. Just as I begin to slow down bullets shatter my rear window, so naturally I speed up and try to loose them, which isn't hard in gaming land. My car is fast, like a racing driver I take turns fast and avoid crashes with ease, Ryan McKane was my driving instructor and lets just say those extra lessons at the race track helped out a lot.
So I ditch the car in an old friends lock up and decide to catch the bus. But before I reach the bus I became a little caught up in what can only be described as an all out mess, a gang war of some kind. I recieve a shot to the foot and as a body falls at my feet I decide to take the recently deceased gun and return fire to the idiot who shot me.
As I shoot down numerous gang members who all seem to shoot at me the others who I now appear to be helping take me with them back to their place and it now appears I may have a new job with some underground organisation.
I meet the head honcho and he gives me my own weapon and admires my bravery and also gets the doc to look at my foot.
A few hours later though I run away and decide that I don't want to be involved in gang wars - I want to save the world. Either that or play professional sports. I tried the sports thing before, Tony Hawk my neighbour let me skateboard with him at events and said I was quite good, I was even better when I made my debut at the Evolution Stadium but was injured a few weeks later and haven't played since.
I consider the WWE, they have a warehouse down town but consider that spandex isn't really my thing and believe that I am not gay enough to get in a ring with an oiled up beast. Time for a beer.
I head down the street, looking around at all the weird stuff that goes on, some bloke leaves home to go help save the world, I wish it was me on my own but it isn't so I decide to sit outside the church as the garden looks over into the gym and ladies are doing exercise there.
Link, Toad and Donkey kongs boy race past me with Yoshi and start to run around the garden - time for me to move on, hyper kids and odd animals just take up valuable beer time or saving the world time. I approach the pub but as I cross towards Bowsers pub someone calls my name, I turn and Joanna Dark is there. MMMM, so she says she is free later and she will come round for a meal at 8:30. Sorted, I now have a date with a fit bird to look forward to after my beer. Even she has saved the world at some point so I guess my turn must be soon. I cross the road to my second home and order a beer.
Bowsers pub is the best in town and also pretty cheap, the one beer I had planned turns into six and I am ready for more sleep. Bowsers daughter drives me home and helps me into my flat. I sleep like a baby and wake up. Strangely Joanna Dark is in my bed, I think she is my new girlfriend but I am not sure. I need to be sobber more when this happens. As usual I miss all the good stuff when the cut scene kicks in, a little bare skin but nothing which I really want to see. Anyway after realising that I get the full show I laugh at the gamers and get back to Joanna instead of glaring like a child at the tele. In the morning I wake up smiling like a cat, Joanna makes me breakfast and we head outside for a walk.
So it is a new day, another day in gaming land, who knows today maybe will be the day I save the world or finally shout at Herdy Gerdy for kicking his ball in my garden too much. Time to go and buy a monkey me thinks.
It wasn't long before I had bumped into another friend, literally bumped right into them. Max Payne had finally gotten over his loss and was walking hand in hand with his new piece of stuff Lara Croft, who I have been told recently split up with Solid Snake who was dating another known to her as Meryl. The dog.
So Max told me of his new found hapiness but in my state all I could really do was stare at Lara's juggs. Sure it happens to the best of us, not just little old drunk me.
Eventually I get home and get the required sleep and water to get the hangover gone and feel like heading out. I start the car and drive of down the road, There is a game on at the Evolution stadium as I go past but I missed kick-off by 20 mins so I decided to go get lunch. Pop into Mario and Luigi's place and see if I can get a cheap pasta meal. I get there pretty quickly and laugh at the tache-less Mario and then run away as Luigi tells his wife it was all my idea. I get in my car and speed away fast - a little too fast and it is a good few minutes before I realise the police with lights flashing and sirens wailing behind me. Just as I begin to slow down bullets shatter my rear window, so naturally I speed up and try to loose them, which isn't hard in gaming land. My car is fast, like a racing driver I take turns fast and avoid crashes with ease, Ryan McKane was my driving instructor and lets just say those extra lessons at the race track helped out a lot.
So I ditch the car in an old friends lock up and decide to catch the bus. But before I reach the bus I became a little caught up in what can only be described as an all out mess, a gang war of some kind. I recieve a shot to the foot and as a body falls at my feet I decide to take the recently deceased gun and return fire to the idiot who shot me.
As I shoot down numerous gang members who all seem to shoot at me the others who I now appear to be helping take me with them back to their place and it now appears I may have a new job with some underground organisation.
I meet the head honcho and he gives me my own weapon and admires my bravery and also gets the doc to look at my foot.
A few hours later though I run away and decide that I don't want to be involved in gang wars - I want to save the world. Either that or play professional sports. I tried the sports thing before, Tony Hawk my neighbour let me skateboard with him at events and said I was quite good, I was even better when I made my debut at the Evolution Stadium but was injured a few weeks later and haven't played since.
I consider the WWE, they have a warehouse down town but consider that spandex isn't really my thing and believe that I am not gay enough to get in a ring with an oiled up beast. Time for a beer.
I head down the street, looking around at all the weird stuff that goes on, some bloke leaves home to go help save the world, I wish it was me on my own but it isn't so I decide to sit outside the church as the garden looks over into the gym and ladies are doing exercise there.
Link, Toad and Donkey kongs boy race past me with Yoshi and start to run around the garden - time for me to move on, hyper kids and odd animals just take up valuable beer time or saving the world time. I approach the pub but as I cross towards Bowsers pub someone calls my name, I turn and Joanna Dark is there. MMMM, so she says she is free later and she will come round for a meal at 8:30. Sorted, I now have a date with a fit bird to look forward to after my beer. Even she has saved the world at some point so I guess my turn must be soon. I cross the road to my second home and order a beer.
Bowsers pub is the best in town and also pretty cheap, the one beer I had planned turns into six and I am ready for more sleep. Bowsers daughter drives me home and helps me into my flat. I sleep like a baby and wake up. Strangely Joanna Dark is in my bed, I think she is my new girlfriend but I am not sure. I need to be sobber more when this happens. As usual I miss all the good stuff when the cut scene kicks in, a little bare skin but nothing which I really want to see. Anyway after realising that I get the full show I laugh at the gamers and get back to Joanna instead of glaring like a child at the tele. In the morning I wake up smiling like a cat, Joanna makes me breakfast and we head outside for a walk.
So it is a new day, another day in gaming land, who knows today maybe will be the day I save the world or finally shout at Herdy Gerdy for kicking his ball in my garden too much. Time to go and buy a monkey me thinks.
That new day brings new hope, maybe I finally will save the world but first it is time to buy a monkey. Of all the places I thought to buy a monkey none of them brought hope to me having a monkey. The Zoo said no, the dodgy looking geezer in bowsers place had no monkey just a panda and some smarties.
I was sad. Until I remembered that place on the outskirts of town, the bowling place that has monkeys, monkeys in balls. I get in my superspeed race car and drive like a pro - because I am.
"Excuse me, may I buy a monkey?"
No is the reply. "Can I steal one?"
Sure thing he replies, or at least I think he said that. So I do and I am racing away with Jeff (the monkey) beside me.
I stop in to show Luigi and Mario, who looks very weird without tache. Very young and happy. He reminds me of Brad Pitt except he is pot ugly and speak italian. Eventually I show them Jeff. Luigi wants to keep him but he in mine and I push him back. Mario is more worried about the hygene and asks me to wash him before bringing him into there kitchen. I decide Jeff would like some clothes and a spikey hair do. I spike his hair and steal Mario's jump suit used in so many of his games. Never realised how small Mario is wouthout his daily intake of mushrooms.
Time for me and Jeff to hit the town. We check out the pubs but Jeff will only drink milk, better safe than sorry. Drunk monkeys don't make good pets. Or so I heard.
Max and Lara were in the pub. I dream or me, lara and Joanna but monkey gives me a slap when I don't respond to Max.
"excuse me?"
He goes on about how his old company might have a job that involves saving the world from terrorists. I once again stare at Laras assets as he speaks - I swear they are bigger today thatn they were yesterday. A lot bigger. Nice.
I decide to check out the offer. I fit the profile of the average world saver - male. Also if required I would dress up as a lady with large fake ones. "I just want to save the world"
I get an interview and it goes well. They are interested in making me the star with Jeff as my monkey in the ball sidekick. We accept.
I always thought that saving the world was easy, but it isn't. They flew us somewhere in gaming land, I had never been there but others had, there were bodies of people lying around and it smelled like my breath after a heavy night at Bowsers pub. I look in my bag and pockets and it seems I have more weapons than the Russian army. This could be fun.
Of course none of it is real in Gaming land, it looks and feels real but it isn't. I run around shooting bad guys, kissing girls I save and stop the bomb from being set of and blowing the world up. What about Jeff you say? Jeff was a star too, he knocked people over and used his Monkey-in-ball skills to block air vents to stop the deadly gases from spreading.
It was a tough day but I saved the world. I phoned mum just to tell her.
"Hi mum I bought a monkey and saved the world, bye."
She was never one for long talks, I also couldn't say I stole the monkey as thats bad.
The next day was weird. I was no longer the world saving hero. I was woken suddenly by Herdy Gerdy our little farmer turned city punk who every day kicks his ball of my wall. I asked Jeff to go sort him out but he refused for fear of being kicked. Instead I opted for the direct route. I threw a ball out the window knocking Herdy to his feet. "Eh, How do you like it!?"
Jeff decides to stay at home today, I decorated his room like a forrest and he loves it. If only monkeys could talk. Wait in gaming land they probably can.
"Hey Jeff you ok?"
Sure he replies. I feel like a genius or a trucker. Not sure which as I have never been neither. Today I want excitement. Not Joanna and Lara excitement but something else. All around me is the gamers that you people seem so interested in. Some of them are religious and praise the likes of Shigsy, others here are getting on, Poor Pac man and his wife are regularly seen at the corner shop but slowly getting worse and worse.
As I walk the street I notice I am being followed, seem the gang who I helped attack the other day didn't like it. As I turn the corner I run, they run. So I do the only sane thing. I steal a car, then the cops see me doing this and they give chase. I open my jacket up and thankfully there is a couple of guns there. Maybe Jeff put them there.
I fire of a few rounds to scare them off, but as usual they return fire.
I drive to the old factory before getting out and wasting them all, I am an action hero I think as my wanted level increases. Also I took a few shots to the leg so I better find some health before it is game over for me. Oh no, it the boss now and I ain't 100% ready, too late he blasts me with some super shot and thats it. "GameOver"
No,No, NO! Continue YES!
I try again and react quicker this time, jump on his head, fire a few rounds into the big glowing bit which looks wwuite weak and he is down. "I win"
i am very tired after this, time for bed. Another day gone and another game played and won. Maybe tomorrow I will be the game of the year? Never know, since Mario retired its an open race, and he looks like a girl now which makes it all better. An ugly girl mind.
I was sad. Until I remembered that place on the outskirts of town, the bowling place that has monkeys, monkeys in balls. I get in my superspeed race car and drive like a pro - because I am.
"Excuse me, may I buy a monkey?"
No is the reply. "Can I steal one?"
Sure thing he replies, or at least I think he said that. So I do and I am racing away with Jeff (the monkey) beside me.
I stop in to show Luigi and Mario, who looks very weird without tache. Very young and happy. He reminds me of Brad Pitt except he is pot ugly and speak italian. Eventually I show them Jeff. Luigi wants to keep him but he in mine and I push him back. Mario is more worried about the hygene and asks me to wash him before bringing him into there kitchen. I decide Jeff would like some clothes and a spikey hair do. I spike his hair and steal Mario's jump suit used in so many of his games. Never realised how small Mario is wouthout his daily intake of mushrooms.
Time for me and Jeff to hit the town. We check out the pubs but Jeff will only drink milk, better safe than sorry. Drunk monkeys don't make good pets. Or so I heard.
Max and Lara were in the pub. I dream or me, lara and Joanna but monkey gives me a slap when I don't respond to Max.
"excuse me?"
He goes on about how his old company might have a job that involves saving the world from terrorists. I once again stare at Laras assets as he speaks - I swear they are bigger today thatn they were yesterday. A lot bigger. Nice.
I decide to check out the offer. I fit the profile of the average world saver - male. Also if required I would dress up as a lady with large fake ones. "I just want to save the world"
I get an interview and it goes well. They are interested in making me the star with Jeff as my monkey in the ball sidekick. We accept.
I always thought that saving the world was easy, but it isn't. They flew us somewhere in gaming land, I had never been there but others had, there were bodies of people lying around and it smelled like my breath after a heavy night at Bowsers pub. I look in my bag and pockets and it seems I have more weapons than the Russian army. This could be fun.
Of course none of it is real in Gaming land, it looks and feels real but it isn't. I run around shooting bad guys, kissing girls I save and stop the bomb from being set of and blowing the world up. What about Jeff you say? Jeff was a star too, he knocked people over and used his Monkey-in-ball skills to block air vents to stop the deadly gases from spreading.
It was a tough day but I saved the world. I phoned mum just to tell her.
"Hi mum I bought a monkey and saved the world, bye."
She was never one for long talks, I also couldn't say I stole the monkey as thats bad.
The next day was weird. I was no longer the world saving hero. I was woken suddenly by Herdy Gerdy our little farmer turned city punk who every day kicks his ball of my wall. I asked Jeff to go sort him out but he refused for fear of being kicked. Instead I opted for the direct route. I threw a ball out the window knocking Herdy to his feet. "Eh, How do you like it!?"
Jeff decides to stay at home today, I decorated his room like a forrest and he loves it. If only monkeys could talk. Wait in gaming land they probably can.
"Hey Jeff you ok?"
Sure he replies. I feel like a genius or a trucker. Not sure which as I have never been neither. Today I want excitement. Not Joanna and Lara excitement but something else. All around me is the gamers that you people seem so interested in. Some of them are religious and praise the likes of Shigsy, others here are getting on, Poor Pac man and his wife are regularly seen at the corner shop but slowly getting worse and worse.
As I walk the street I notice I am being followed, seem the gang who I helped attack the other day didn't like it. As I turn the corner I run, they run. So I do the only sane thing. I steal a car, then the cops see me doing this and they give chase. I open my jacket up and thankfully there is a couple of guns there. Maybe Jeff put them there.
I fire of a few rounds to scare them off, but as usual they return fire.
I drive to the old factory before getting out and wasting them all, I am an action hero I think as my wanted level increases. Also I took a few shots to the leg so I better find some health before it is game over for me. Oh no, it the boss now and I ain't 100% ready, too late he blasts me with some super shot and thats it. "GameOver"
No,No, NO! Continue YES!
I try again and react quicker this time, jump on his head, fire a few rounds into the big glowing bit which looks wwuite weak and he is down. "I win"
i am very tired after this, time for bed. Another day gone and another game played and won. Maybe tomorrow I will be the game of the year? Never know, since Mario retired its an open race, and he looks like a girl now which makes it all better. An ugly girl mind.
It was just another day in gaming land, I staggered down the street feeling rough and no doubt looking even worse. It had been a wild night. Mario and Luigi had taken me out on a drinking binge followed by a nice italian pizza before I went to bed. I must admit I only went to bed about 2 hours ago and now I am on my way home. So Mario and Luigi are the ultimate drinkers, way out of my league, or so I thought, the rumour wasn't all it was made out to be. Myself and Luigi decided to shave Mario's tache and dress him up in his wifes clothes, which didn't go down well with said wife and no doubt Mario will be mad when he becomes sobber.
It wasn't long before I had bumped into another friend, literally bumped right into them. Max Payne had finally gotten over his loss and was walking hand in hand with his new piece of stuff Lara Croft, who I have been told recently split up with Solid Snake who was dating another known to her as Meryl. The dog.
So Max told me of his new found hapiness but in my state all I could really do was stare at Lara's juggs. Sure it happens to the best of us, not just little old drunk me.
Eventually I get home and get the required sleep and water to get the hangover gone and feel like heading out. I start the car and drive of down the road, There is a game on at the Evolution stadium as I go past but I missed kick-off by 20 mins so I decided to go get lunch. Pop into Mario and Luigi's place and see if I can get a cheap pasta meal. I get there pretty quickly and laugh at the tache-less Mario and then run away as Luigi tells his wife it was all my idea. I get in my car and speed away fast - a little too fast and it is a good few minutes before I realise the police with lights flashing and sirens wailing behind me. Just as I begin to slow down bullets shatter my rear window, so naturally I speed up and try to loose them, which isn't hard in gaming land. My car is fast, like a racing driver I take turns fast and avoid crashes with ease, Ryan McKane was my driving instructor and lets just say those extra lessons at the race track helped out a lot.
So I ditch the car in an old friends lock up and decide to catch the bus. But before I reach the bus I became a little caught up in what can only be described as an all out mess, a gang war of some kind. I recieve a shot to the foot and as a body falls at my feet I decide to take the recently deceased gun and return fire to the idiot who shot me.
As I shoot down numerous gang members who all seem to shoot at me the others who I now appear to be helping take me with them back to their place and it now appears I may have a new job with some underground organisation.
I meet the head honcho and he gives me my own weapon and admires my bravery and also gets the doc to look at my foot.
A few hours later though I run away and decide that I don't want to be involved in gang wars - I want to save the world. Either that or play professional sports. I tried the sports thing before, Tony Hawk my neighbour let me skateboard with him at events and said I was quite good, I was even better when I made my debut at the Evolution Stadium but was injured a few weeks later and haven't played since.
I consider the WWE, they have a warehouse down town but consider that spandex isn't really my thing and believe that I am not gay enough to get in a ring with an oiled up beast. Time for a beer.
I head down the street, looking around at all the weird stuff that goes on, some bloke leaves home to go help save the world, I wish it was me on my own but it isn't so I decide to sit outside the church as the garden looks over into the gym and ladies are doing exercise there.
Link, Toad and Donkey kongs boy race past me with Yoshi and start to run around the garden - time for me to move on, hyper kids and odd animals just take up valuable beer time or saving the world time. I approach the pub but as I cross towards Bowsers pub someone calls my name, I turn and Joanna Dark is there. MMMM, so she says she is free later and she will come round for a meal at 8:30. Sorted, I now have a date with a fit bird to look forward to after my beer. Even she has saved the world at some point so I guess my turn must be soon. I cross the road to my second home and order a beer.
Bowsers pub is the best in town and also pretty cheap, the one beer I had planned turns into six and I am ready for more sleep. Bowsers daughter drives me home and helps me into my flat. I sleep like a baby and wake up. Strangely Joanna Dark is in my bed, I think she is my new girlfriend but I am not sure. I need to be sobber more when this happens. As usual I miss all the good stuff when the cut scene kicks in, a little bare skin but nothing which I really want to see. Anyway after realising that I get the full show I laugh at the gamers and get back to Joanna instead of glaring like a child at the tele. In the morning I wake up smiling like a cat, Joanna makes me breakfast and we head outside for a walk.
So it is a new day, another day in gaming land, who knows today maybe will be the day I save the world or finally shout at Herdy Gerdy for kicking his ball in my garden too much. Time to go and buy a monkey me thinks.
It wasn't long before I had bumped into another friend, literally bumped right into them. Max Payne had finally gotten over his loss and was walking hand in hand with his new piece of stuff Lara Croft, who I have been told recently split up with Solid Snake who was dating another known to her as Meryl. The dog.
So Max told me of his new found hapiness but in my state all I could really do was stare at Lara's juggs. Sure it happens to the best of us, not just little old drunk me.
Eventually I get home and get the required sleep and water to get the hangover gone and feel like heading out. I start the car and drive of down the road, There is a game on at the Evolution stadium as I go past but I missed kick-off by 20 mins so I decided to go get lunch. Pop into Mario and Luigi's place and see if I can get a cheap pasta meal. I get there pretty quickly and laugh at the tache-less Mario and then run away as Luigi tells his wife it was all my idea. I get in my car and speed away fast - a little too fast and it is a good few minutes before I realise the police with lights flashing and sirens wailing behind me. Just as I begin to slow down bullets shatter my rear window, so naturally I speed up and try to loose them, which isn't hard in gaming land. My car is fast, like a racing driver I take turns fast and avoid crashes with ease, Ryan McKane was my driving instructor and lets just say those extra lessons at the race track helped out a lot.
So I ditch the car in an old friends lock up and decide to catch the bus. But before I reach the bus I became a little caught up in what can only be described as an all out mess, a gang war of some kind. I recieve a shot to the foot and as a body falls at my feet I decide to take the recently deceased gun and return fire to the idiot who shot me.
As I shoot down numerous gang members who all seem to shoot at me the others who I now appear to be helping take me with them back to their place and it now appears I may have a new job with some underground organisation.
I meet the head honcho and he gives me my own weapon and admires my bravery and also gets the doc to look at my foot.
A few hours later though I run away and decide that I don't want to be involved in gang wars - I want to save the world. Either that or play professional sports. I tried the sports thing before, Tony Hawk my neighbour let me skateboard with him at events and said I was quite good, I was even better when I made my debut at the Evolution Stadium but was injured a few weeks later and haven't played since.
I consider the WWE, they have a warehouse down town but consider that spandex isn't really my thing and believe that I am not gay enough to get in a ring with an oiled up beast. Time for a beer.
I head down the street, looking around at all the weird stuff that goes on, some bloke leaves home to go help save the world, I wish it was me on my own but it isn't so I decide to sit outside the church as the garden looks over into the gym and ladies are doing exercise there.
Link, Toad and Donkey kongs boy race past me with Yoshi and start to run around the garden - time for me to move on, hyper kids and odd animals just take up valuable beer time or saving the world time. I approach the pub but as I cross towards Bowsers pub someone calls my name, I turn and Joanna Dark is there. MMMM, so she says she is free later and she will come round for a meal at 8:30. Sorted, I now have a date with a fit bird to look forward to after my beer. Even she has saved the world at some point so I guess my turn must be soon. I cross the road to my second home and order a beer.
Bowsers pub is the best in town and also pretty cheap, the one beer I had planned turns into six and I am ready for more sleep. Bowsers daughter drives me home and helps me into my flat. I sleep like a baby and wake up. Strangely Joanna Dark is in my bed, I think she is my new girlfriend but I am not sure. I need to be sobber more when this happens. As usual I miss all the good stuff when the cut scene kicks in, a little bare skin but nothing which I really want to see. Anyway after realising that I get the full show I laugh at the gamers and get back to Joanna instead of glaring like a child at the tele. In the morning I wake up smiling like a cat, Joanna makes me breakfast and we head outside for a walk.
So it is a new day, another day in gaming land, who knows today maybe will be the day I save the world or finally shout at Herdy Gerdy for kicking his ball in my garden too much. Time to go and buy a monkey me thinks.