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It would seem that video games tend to transcend any and all class divides; they are suitable for all. But, do you ever wonder that games are sometimes not aimed far enough towards certain people, particularly Essex?
You can play through many games, yet many main characters/heroes tend to have middle class accents, and Mario is so upper class he was born with a silver spoon tied to his tongue, and how snobby is Lara Croft.
Many of the locations in games include New York, San Francisco, London, Tokyo etc, but no Essex.
In short, there are not enough games and games characters for Essex people to empathize with. Kids in Essex just wander around aimlessly, causing wanton vandalism; they need games they can relate to.
It was recently revealed that Essex County Council wanted to change the face of the typical Essex image, however, instead of that, they decided to commission Essex games to be made instead, celebrating all the Essex foibles.
METAL GEAR SO SOLID: The “music” group So Solid Crew are well-wicked geezers, popular with many Essex yoofs, but they’ve got a problem. Apart from being crap, they also have to get to their latest gig, but their tour bus driver is ill, and none of the 50 members of the group knows how to drive, so they need to carry all their gear, which happens to be metal, to the concert venue.
Based on Pikmin, but instead of carrying bits of spaceship, you must command the many many many members of the group to carry their weighty metal gear and guide them to the venue, and all the while avoiding armed rival posses who try to shoot at you.
RUDE BOY RACING: Yo, big up to all da rude boy racers out there!
You’ve seen The Fast & The Furious, you’ve read Max Power magazine, well now the thrilling world of late Essex street racing is now available on your console with Rude Boy Racing!
Choose from a large selection of cars including the white Ford Escort, Fiesta, VW Golf and many more rude boy favourites.
As you enter and win races you will earn prize money, which you can use to soup up your motor, with items such as alloy wheels, spoilers, go-faster-stripes, nitros, huge sound systems and all the usual ridiculous gear these people put on their cars.
There are also many selectable liveries/logos for you to decorate your car with, including Ben Sherman, Burberry, Max Power, and The Daily Star.
Secret vehicles to unlock during the game include the old abandoned Sainsbury’s trolley, overly loud scrambler bikes, dirty kids mini electric 4X4 and an old settee.
Tracks include Southend seafront, Romford backstreets, Lakeside carpark and many more, all accurately rendered with great attention to detail. As you race, litter even flies up at your windscreen and you occasionally get dog’s muck in your tire treds.
THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN BURBERRY: Wherever you go in Essex, you see them mooching and strutting around like “they’re all that and a packet of potato chips”. Yes, I’m talking about those Burberry clad Essex boys.
Ready to cash in on the Burberry craze is a new breed of hero, wearing his Burberry cape, mask, visor, scarf, cap, coat, shirt, trousers, socks, shoes and pants, he is Captain Burberry!
You must control Captain Burberry in the fight against taste and decency, doing not very much at all in level upon level of mindless action, set around many famous Essex locals, including Lakeside shopping centre, Romford market and Basildon council estates.
Difficulty levels include “Easy like an Essex girl”, “Sub-normal” and “Well ‘ard” and there’s a “wicked” soundtrack featuring Blazin’ Squad, So Solid Crew, Five and also features the songs “In the Ghetto” & “Common People”.
RATZ: As we all know, rats are vile, disgusting plague carrying rodent deathmongers who plague the streets of Essex. However, “Ratz” are cute and cuddly vermin ready to bring lots of pleasure to your PC desktop.
Following on from the successful “Petz” series games Catz and Dogz, the latest in the long running series has arrived.
You must treat your vermin well, feeding it old scraps and raise it from a small rat into a big healthy germ-carrying rat. You can give it a name, groom it, dress it up in Burberry, and give it toys to play with, and there are many fun backgrounds to interact with. You can also let it breed with other ratz, creating an army of loveable vermin.
An ideal game for younger gamers to enjoy.
HUNT THE PAEDOPHILE: There’s probably one of these crazy old characters on every Essex council estate, but you’ve made it your mission to eliminate them.
A real-time strategy game, you control an army of angry women with pushchairs and unemployed men with mullets who you must command around the estates with a mob mentality with extreme prejudice against any strange looking old men, guilty or innocent.
To help you find the dirty old men, you have a trusty “name & shame” newspaper report to help you, plus you have a number of chants such as “no no Paedo go”.
When you have captured/beaten up a certain number of the old men for that level, you get to progress onto the next.
However, if you beat up too many innocent old men, the fuzz will try to stop you. You can then accuse the police of brutality and go on a more vicious rampage, torching cars & stealing hubcaps if you choose to.
FRANK BUTCHER’S VIRTUAL DOG FIGHTING: Similar to the previously released “Dale Winton’s Virtual C0ck Fighting”, every hard nut Essex geezer loves dog fighting, and now you can enjoy their favourite blood sport from the comfort of your home with this brilliant virtual dog-fighting simulator. Mike Reid a.k.a Frank Butcher, himself a keen blood sport enthusiast and well-known dog fighting fan personally endorses this game.
Similar to Pokemon in style, the player must capture a wild dog; choose his diet, training regime and killing style.
You can select from a variety of mutts, including Dobermanns, Rottweilers, Bulldogs, mean little Jack Russells, Whippets or a Shih Tzu, and must then enter your dog into illegal tournaments, pitting your animal against other trainers’ dogs and watching the fur fly in the hope of winning prizes and money.
Increased money allows you to improve your dog training facilities, giving the mongrel improved speed and paw thrusting abilities, more stamina and other special moves. One such training aid is a realistic Jamie Oliver dummy, which you must order your dog to rip to pieces to increase its strength.
Authentic Essex back street locations are included, together with fat, sweaty punters in the background.
BARRYMORE’S PARTY: Similar to Mario Party, except this time you play this fun party board game in Michael Barrymore’s Essex mansion, with various hilarious mini games to play with the help of the deranged comedian.
Just try not to land on the swimming pool square.
KAT SLATER’S MAKE-UP CHALLENGE: Ever wondered if you could get away with a fake St Tropez tan, purple eye shadow and thick red lippy? Well now you can get to test out all those ideas as you join EastEnders tart extraordinaire, Kat Slater in this brilliant new multimedia make-up design package.
Using a digital camera (if you can nick one or get one off the back of a lorry), you can put your face into the game and either design your own make-up look, or let colourful Kat do it for you. This pack is extremely useful for trying out all those ridiculous ideas without actual applying all that muck to your face.
If you like your new orange look then you can wear it out with all the other mingers on a Friday night in Romford.
Includes free make-up applying trowel and make-up removing blowtorch.
Plus, coming soon is the Kat Slater Fashion Challenge expansion pack, featuring a variety of leopard look designs and big earrings.
All games can be found soon from any dodgy market trader, offered to you in a pub or off of the back of a lorry.
BTW, no offence to any Essex people, I’m one too (although technically I’m not as I was born in Oxford :D)
You can play through many games, yet many main characters/heroes tend to have middle class accents, and Mario is so upper class he was born with a silver spoon tied to his tongue, and how snobby is Lara Croft.
Many of the locations in games include New York, San Francisco, London, Tokyo etc, but no Essex.
In short, there are not enough games and games characters for Essex people to empathize with. Kids in Essex just wander around aimlessly, causing wanton vandalism; they need games they can relate to.
It was recently revealed that Essex County Council wanted to change the face of the typical Essex image, however, instead of that, they decided to commission Essex games to be made instead, celebrating all the Essex foibles.
METAL GEAR SO SOLID: The “music” group So Solid Crew are well-wicked geezers, popular with many Essex yoofs, but they’ve got a problem. Apart from being crap, they also have to get to their latest gig, but their tour bus driver is ill, and none of the 50 members of the group knows how to drive, so they need to carry all their gear, which happens to be metal, to the concert venue.
Based on Pikmin, but instead of carrying bits of spaceship, you must command the many many many members of the group to carry their weighty metal gear and guide them to the venue, and all the while avoiding armed rival posses who try to shoot at you.
RUDE BOY RACING: Yo, big up to all da rude boy racers out there!
You’ve seen The Fast & The Furious, you’ve read Max Power magazine, well now the thrilling world of late Essex street racing is now available on your console with Rude Boy Racing!
Choose from a large selection of cars including the white Ford Escort, Fiesta, VW Golf and many more rude boy favourites.
As you enter and win races you will earn prize money, which you can use to soup up your motor, with items such as alloy wheels, spoilers, go-faster-stripes, nitros, huge sound systems and all the usual ridiculous gear these people put on their cars.
There are also many selectable liveries/logos for you to decorate your car with, including Ben Sherman, Burberry, Max Power, and The Daily Star.
Secret vehicles to unlock during the game include the old abandoned Sainsbury’s trolley, overly loud scrambler bikes, dirty kids mini electric 4X4 and an old settee.
Tracks include Southend seafront, Romford backstreets, Lakeside carpark and many more, all accurately rendered with great attention to detail. As you race, litter even flies up at your windscreen and you occasionally get dog’s muck in your tire treds.
THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN BURBERRY: Wherever you go in Essex, you see them mooching and strutting around like “they’re all that and a packet of potato chips”. Yes, I’m talking about those Burberry clad Essex boys.
Ready to cash in on the Burberry craze is a new breed of hero, wearing his Burberry cape, mask, visor, scarf, cap, coat, shirt, trousers, socks, shoes and pants, he is Captain Burberry!
You must control Captain Burberry in the fight against taste and decency, doing not very much at all in level upon level of mindless action, set around many famous Essex locals, including Lakeside shopping centre, Romford market and Basildon council estates.
Difficulty levels include “Easy like an Essex girl”, “Sub-normal” and “Well ‘ard” and there’s a “wicked” soundtrack featuring Blazin’ Squad, So Solid Crew, Five and also features the songs “In the Ghetto” & “Common People”.
RATZ: As we all know, rats are vile, disgusting plague carrying rodent deathmongers who plague the streets of Essex. However, “Ratz” are cute and cuddly vermin ready to bring lots of pleasure to your PC desktop.
Following on from the successful “Petz” series games Catz and Dogz, the latest in the long running series has arrived.
You must treat your vermin well, feeding it old scraps and raise it from a small rat into a big healthy germ-carrying rat. You can give it a name, groom it, dress it up in Burberry, and give it toys to play with, and there are many fun backgrounds to interact with. You can also let it breed with other ratz, creating an army of loveable vermin.
An ideal game for younger gamers to enjoy.
HUNT THE PAEDOPHILE: There’s probably one of these crazy old characters on every Essex council estate, but you’ve made it your mission to eliminate them.
A real-time strategy game, you control an army of angry women with pushchairs and unemployed men with mullets who you must command around the estates with a mob mentality with extreme prejudice against any strange looking old men, guilty or innocent.
To help you find the dirty old men, you have a trusty “name & shame” newspaper report to help you, plus you have a number of chants such as “no no Paedo go”.
When you have captured/beaten up a certain number of the old men for that level, you get to progress onto the next.
However, if you beat up too many innocent old men, the fuzz will try to stop you. You can then accuse the police of brutality and go on a more vicious rampage, torching cars & stealing hubcaps if you choose to.
FRANK BUTCHER’S VIRTUAL DOG FIGHTING: Similar to the previously released “Dale Winton’s Virtual C0ck Fighting”, every hard nut Essex geezer loves dog fighting, and now you can enjoy their favourite blood sport from the comfort of your home with this brilliant virtual dog-fighting simulator. Mike Reid a.k.a Frank Butcher, himself a keen blood sport enthusiast and well-known dog fighting fan personally endorses this game.
Similar to Pokemon in style, the player must capture a wild dog; choose his diet, training regime and killing style.
You can select from a variety of mutts, including Dobermanns, Rottweilers, Bulldogs, mean little Jack Russells, Whippets or a Shih Tzu, and must then enter your dog into illegal tournaments, pitting your animal against other trainers’ dogs and watching the fur fly in the hope of winning prizes and money.
Increased money allows you to improve your dog training facilities, giving the mongrel improved speed and paw thrusting abilities, more stamina and other special moves. One such training aid is a realistic Jamie Oliver dummy, which you must order your dog to rip to pieces to increase its strength.
Authentic Essex back street locations are included, together with fat, sweaty punters in the background.
BARRYMORE’S PARTY: Similar to Mario Party, except this time you play this fun party board game in Michael Barrymore’s Essex mansion, with various hilarious mini games to play with the help of the deranged comedian.
Just try not to land on the swimming pool square.
KAT SLATER’S MAKE-UP CHALLENGE: Ever wondered if you could get away with a fake St Tropez tan, purple eye shadow and thick red lippy? Well now you can get to test out all those ideas as you join EastEnders tart extraordinaire, Kat Slater in this brilliant new multimedia make-up design package.
Using a digital camera (if you can nick one or get one off the back of a lorry), you can put your face into the game and either design your own make-up look, or let colourful Kat do it for you. This pack is extremely useful for trying out all those ridiculous ideas without actual applying all that muck to your face.
If you like your new orange look then you can wear it out with all the other mingers on a Friday night in Romford.
Includes free make-up applying trowel and make-up removing blowtorch.
Plus, coming soon is the Kat Slater Fashion Challenge expansion pack, featuring a variety of leopard look designs and big earrings.
All games can be found soon from any dodgy market trader, offered to you in a pub or off of the back of a lorry.
BTW, no offence to any Essex people, I’m one too (although technically I’m not as I was born in Oxford :D)
Funny.
Except this can be offensive and discrimanating towards people from Essex.
Except this can be offensive and discrimanating towards people from Essex.
very good. Gad worthy! (and will be!)
It would seem that video games tend to transcend any and all class divides; they are suitable for all. But, do you ever wonder that games are sometimes not aimed far enough towards certain people, particularly Essex?
You can play through many games, yet many main characters/heroes tend to have middle class accents, and Mario is so upper class he was born with a silver spoon tied to his tongue, and how snobby is Lara Croft.
Many of the locations in games include New York, San Francisco, London, Tokyo etc, but no Essex.
In short, there are not enough games and games characters for Essex people to empathize with. Kids in Essex just wander around aimlessly, causing wanton vandalism; they need games they can relate to.
It was recently revealed that Essex County Council wanted to change the face of the typical Essex image, however, instead of that, they decided to commission Essex games to be made instead, celebrating all the Essex foibles.
METAL GEAR SO SOLID: The “music” group So Solid Crew are well-wicked geezers, popular with many Essex yoofs, but they’ve got a problem. Apart from being crap, they also have to get to their latest gig, but their tour bus driver is ill, and none of the 50 members of the group knows how to drive, so they need to carry all their gear, which happens to be metal, to the concert venue.
Based on Pikmin, but instead of carrying bits of spaceship, you must command the many many many members of the group to carry their weighty metal gear and guide them to the venue, and all the while avoiding armed rival posses who try to shoot at you.
RUDE BOY RACING: Yo, big up to all da rude boy racers out there!
You’ve seen The Fast & The Furious, you’ve read Max Power magazine, well now the thrilling world of late Essex street racing is now available on your console with Rude Boy Racing!
Choose from a large selection of cars including the white Ford Escort, Fiesta, VW Golf and many more rude boy favourites.
As you enter and win races you will earn prize money, which you can use to soup up your motor, with items such as alloy wheels, spoilers, go-faster-stripes, nitros, huge sound systems and all the usual ridiculous gear these people put on their cars.
There are also many selectable liveries/logos for you to decorate your car with, including Ben Sherman, Burberry, Max Power, and The Daily Star.
Secret vehicles to unlock during the game include the old abandoned Sainsbury’s trolley, overly loud scrambler bikes, dirty kids mini electric 4X4 and an old settee.
Tracks include Southend seafront, Romford backstreets, Lakeside carpark and many more, all accurately rendered with great attention to detail. As you race, litter even flies up at your windscreen and you occasionally get dog’s muck in your tire treds.
THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN BURBERRY: Wherever you go in Essex, you see them mooching and strutting around like “they’re all that and a packet of potato chips”. Yes, I’m talking about those Burberry clad Essex boys.
Ready to cash in on the Burberry craze is a new breed of hero, wearing his Burberry cape, mask, visor, scarf, cap, coat, shirt, trousers, socks, shoes and pants, he is Captain Burberry!
You must control Captain Burberry in the fight against taste and decency, doing not very much at all in level upon level of mindless action, set around many famous Essex locals, including Lakeside shopping centre, Romford market and Basildon council estates.
Difficulty levels include “Easy like an Essex girl”, “Sub-normal” and “Well ‘ard” and there’s a “wicked” soundtrack featuring Blazin’ Squad, So Solid Crew, Five and also features the songs “In the Ghetto” & “Common People”.
RATZ: As we all know, rats are vile, disgusting plague carrying rodent deathmongers who plague the streets of Essex. However, “Ratz” are cute and cuddly vermin ready to bring lots of pleasure to your PC desktop.
Following on from the successful “Petz” series games Catz and Dogz, the latest in the long running series has arrived.
You must treat your vermin well, feeding it old scraps and raise it from a small rat into a big healthy germ-carrying rat. You can give it a name, groom it, dress it up in Burberry, and give it toys to play with, and there are many fun backgrounds to interact with. You can also let it breed with other ratz, creating an army of loveable vermin.
An ideal game for younger gamers to enjoy.
HUNT THE PAEDOPHILE: There’s probably one of these crazy old characters on every Essex council estate, but you’ve made it your mission to eliminate them.
A real-time strategy game, you control an army of angry women with pushchairs and unemployed men with mullets who you must command around the estates with a mob mentality with extreme prejudice against any strange looking old men, guilty or innocent.
To help you find the dirty old men, you have a trusty “name & shame” newspaper report to help you, plus you have a number of chants such as “no no Paedo go”.
When you have captured/beaten up a certain number of the old men for that level, you get to progress onto the next.
However, if you beat up too many innocent old men, the fuzz will try to stop you. You can then accuse the police of brutality and go on a more vicious rampage, torching cars & stealing hubcaps if you choose to.
FRANK BUTCHER’S VIRTUAL DOG FIGHTING: Similar to the previously released “Dale Winton’s Virtual C0ck Fighting”, every hard nut Essex geezer loves dog fighting, and now you can enjoy their favourite blood sport from the comfort of your home with this brilliant virtual dog-fighting simulator. Mike Reid a.k.a Frank Butcher, himself a keen blood sport enthusiast and well-known dog fighting fan personally endorses this game.
Similar to Pokemon in style, the player must capture a wild dog; choose his diet, training regime and killing style.
You can select from a variety of mutts, including Dobermanns, Rottweilers, Bulldogs, mean little Jack Russells, Whippets or a Shih Tzu, and must then enter your dog into illegal tournaments, pitting your animal against other trainers’ dogs and watching the fur fly in the hope of winning prizes and money.
Increased money allows you to improve your dog training facilities, giving the mongrel improved speed and paw thrusting abilities, more stamina and other special moves. One such training aid is a realistic Jamie Oliver dummy, which you must order your dog to rip to pieces to increase its strength.
Authentic Essex back street locations are included, together with fat, sweaty punters in the background.
BARRYMORE’S PARTY: Similar to Mario Party, except this time you play this fun party board game in Michael Barrymore’s Essex mansion, with various hilarious mini games to play with the help of the deranged comedian.
Just try not to land on the swimming pool square.
KAT SLATER’S MAKE-UP CHALLENGE: Ever wondered if you could get away with a fake St Tropez tan, purple eye shadow and thick red lippy? Well now you can get to test out all those ideas as you join EastEnders tart extraordinaire, Kat Slater in this brilliant new multimedia make-up design package.
Using a digital camera (if you can nick one or get one off the back of a lorry), you can put your face into the game and either design your own make-up look, or let colourful Kat do it for you. This pack is extremely useful for trying out all those ridiculous ideas without actual applying all that muck to your face.
If you like your new orange look then you can wear it out with all the other mingers on a Friday night in Romford.
Includes free make-up applying trowel and make-up removing blowtorch.
Plus, coming soon is the Kat Slater Fashion Challenge expansion pack, featuring a variety of leopard look designs and big earrings.
All games can be found soon from any dodgy market trader, offered to you in a pub or off of the back of a lorry.
BTW, no offence to any Essex people, I’m one too (although technically I’m not as I was born in Oxford :D)
You can play through many games, yet many main characters/heroes tend to have middle class accents, and Mario is so upper class he was born with a silver spoon tied to his tongue, and how snobby is Lara Croft.
Many of the locations in games include New York, San Francisco, London, Tokyo etc, but no Essex.
In short, there are not enough games and games characters for Essex people to empathize with. Kids in Essex just wander around aimlessly, causing wanton vandalism; they need games they can relate to.
It was recently revealed that Essex County Council wanted to change the face of the typical Essex image, however, instead of that, they decided to commission Essex games to be made instead, celebrating all the Essex foibles.
METAL GEAR SO SOLID: The “music” group So Solid Crew are well-wicked geezers, popular with many Essex yoofs, but they’ve got a problem. Apart from being crap, they also have to get to their latest gig, but their tour bus driver is ill, and none of the 50 members of the group knows how to drive, so they need to carry all their gear, which happens to be metal, to the concert venue.
Based on Pikmin, but instead of carrying bits of spaceship, you must command the many many many members of the group to carry their weighty metal gear and guide them to the venue, and all the while avoiding armed rival posses who try to shoot at you.
RUDE BOY RACING: Yo, big up to all da rude boy racers out there!
You’ve seen The Fast & The Furious, you’ve read Max Power magazine, well now the thrilling world of late Essex street racing is now available on your console with Rude Boy Racing!
Choose from a large selection of cars including the white Ford Escort, Fiesta, VW Golf and many more rude boy favourites.
As you enter and win races you will earn prize money, which you can use to soup up your motor, with items such as alloy wheels, spoilers, go-faster-stripes, nitros, huge sound systems and all the usual ridiculous gear these people put on their cars.
There are also many selectable liveries/logos for you to decorate your car with, including Ben Sherman, Burberry, Max Power, and The Daily Star.
Secret vehicles to unlock during the game include the old abandoned Sainsbury’s trolley, overly loud scrambler bikes, dirty kids mini electric 4X4 and an old settee.
Tracks include Southend seafront, Romford backstreets, Lakeside carpark and many more, all accurately rendered with great attention to detail. As you race, litter even flies up at your windscreen and you occasionally get dog’s muck in your tire treds.
THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN BURBERRY: Wherever you go in Essex, you see them mooching and strutting around like “they’re all that and a packet of potato chips”. Yes, I’m talking about those Burberry clad Essex boys.
Ready to cash in on the Burberry craze is a new breed of hero, wearing his Burberry cape, mask, visor, scarf, cap, coat, shirt, trousers, socks, shoes and pants, he is Captain Burberry!
You must control Captain Burberry in the fight against taste and decency, doing not very much at all in level upon level of mindless action, set around many famous Essex locals, including Lakeside shopping centre, Romford market and Basildon council estates.
Difficulty levels include “Easy like an Essex girl”, “Sub-normal” and “Well ‘ard” and there’s a “wicked” soundtrack featuring Blazin’ Squad, So Solid Crew, Five and also features the songs “In the Ghetto” & “Common People”.
RATZ: As we all know, rats are vile, disgusting plague carrying rodent deathmongers who plague the streets of Essex. However, “Ratz” are cute and cuddly vermin ready to bring lots of pleasure to your PC desktop.
Following on from the successful “Petz” series games Catz and Dogz, the latest in the long running series has arrived.
You must treat your vermin well, feeding it old scraps and raise it from a small rat into a big healthy germ-carrying rat. You can give it a name, groom it, dress it up in Burberry, and give it toys to play with, and there are many fun backgrounds to interact with. You can also let it breed with other ratz, creating an army of loveable vermin.
An ideal game for younger gamers to enjoy.
HUNT THE PAEDOPHILE: There’s probably one of these crazy old characters on every Essex council estate, but you’ve made it your mission to eliminate them.
A real-time strategy game, you control an army of angry women with pushchairs and unemployed men with mullets who you must command around the estates with a mob mentality with extreme prejudice against any strange looking old men, guilty or innocent.
To help you find the dirty old men, you have a trusty “name & shame” newspaper report to help you, plus you have a number of chants such as “no no Paedo go”.
When you have captured/beaten up a certain number of the old men for that level, you get to progress onto the next.
However, if you beat up too many innocent old men, the fuzz will try to stop you. You can then accuse the police of brutality and go on a more vicious rampage, torching cars & stealing hubcaps if you choose to.
FRANK BUTCHER’S VIRTUAL DOG FIGHTING: Similar to the previously released “Dale Winton’s Virtual C0ck Fighting”, every hard nut Essex geezer loves dog fighting, and now you can enjoy their favourite blood sport from the comfort of your home with this brilliant virtual dog-fighting simulator. Mike Reid a.k.a Frank Butcher, himself a keen blood sport enthusiast and well-known dog fighting fan personally endorses this game.
Similar to Pokemon in style, the player must capture a wild dog; choose his diet, training regime and killing style.
You can select from a variety of mutts, including Dobermanns, Rottweilers, Bulldogs, mean little Jack Russells, Whippets or a Shih Tzu, and must then enter your dog into illegal tournaments, pitting your animal against other trainers’ dogs and watching the fur fly in the hope of winning prizes and money.
Increased money allows you to improve your dog training facilities, giving the mongrel improved speed and paw thrusting abilities, more stamina and other special moves. One such training aid is a realistic Jamie Oliver dummy, which you must order your dog to rip to pieces to increase its strength.
Authentic Essex back street locations are included, together with fat, sweaty punters in the background.
BARRYMORE’S PARTY: Similar to Mario Party, except this time you play this fun party board game in Michael Barrymore’s Essex mansion, with various hilarious mini games to play with the help of the deranged comedian.
Just try not to land on the swimming pool square.
KAT SLATER’S MAKE-UP CHALLENGE: Ever wondered if you could get away with a fake St Tropez tan, purple eye shadow and thick red lippy? Well now you can get to test out all those ideas as you join EastEnders tart extraordinaire, Kat Slater in this brilliant new multimedia make-up design package.
Using a digital camera (if you can nick one or get one off the back of a lorry), you can put your face into the game and either design your own make-up look, or let colourful Kat do it for you. This pack is extremely useful for trying out all those ridiculous ideas without actual applying all that muck to your face.
If you like your new orange look then you can wear it out with all the other mingers on a Friday night in Romford.
Includes free make-up applying trowel and make-up removing blowtorch.
Plus, coming soon is the Kat Slater Fashion Challenge expansion pack, featuring a variety of leopard look designs and big earrings.
All games can be found soon from any dodgy market trader, offered to you in a pub or off of the back of a lorry.
BTW, no offence to any Essex people, I’m one too (although technically I’m not as I was born in Oxford :D)