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"Lame Gamers Gene - Shocking New Discovery!"

Hot on the heels of the recent finding of what is believed to be “The Criminal Gene”, Scientists today announced the discovery of “The Lame Gamers Gene” (LGG).

The gene’s detector, a Dr StereotypicalGermanNameAndAccent from Munich, Germany, announced the discovery in a press conference this morning. “Zis discovery iss a real breakthrough in ze game-genology vield. Alzough it may not look like much” he said, “zis gene iss ze missing link between bad video-game players und average vuns. Wiz furder research, I strongly believe zat von day ve may be able to create a vace off SUPER-HUMAN-GAMES-PLAYERS!! ZE’S HUMAN’S VILL TOPPLE ZE WORLDS GOVERNMENTS UND ZEN I VILL BE RULER...!” At this point, men in white coats stormed the conference and Dr. StereotypicalGermanNameAndAccent was heavily sedated and carried away to a nearby mental institute.
The LGG is twice as likely to appear in girls than boys as it exists only on the X chromosome and in chronic sufferers appears multiple times on the Double Helix (www.geocities.com/rbs2k2/gene-helix.gif). A test to determine whether or not a patient HAS the LGG has already been devised and it’s current accuracy rating is 99.9%. The test can be done from home with only a SNES and a copy of Streetfighter II needed. All that is required is to give the suspected sufferer a control pad with the either Eddie Honda or Blanka selected. If they then proceed through the game by doing nothing but the Hundred Handslap (Honda) or the Electricity move (Blanka) then the presence of the LGG (www.geocities.com/rbs2k2/gene-iso.gif) is confirmed.

The Patron Saint Of Prozac, Carol Smiley, had this to say on the discovery, “Helloooo, I’m Carol Smiley. Well, this really is an incredible discovery, it means that Lame Gamers can now blame their usefulness on their genes. How do you think they discovered it, Linda?”
Linda Painter then appeared from behind a Japanese Water feature and gave this statement “Well, what they did was they cleared out all that blood from a lame gamer and, using a microscope that Hand Andy knocked up from a leftover piece of ply board, a monocle and a sheet of sticky-back plastic, they analysed the DNA and spotted the gene!”. She then walked off to talk to a plant while we made a hasty exit.

Their are however skeptists who are... well... skeptical. The Cynical Gits Society have issued this statement:
“God, not another one. If there’s anything bad about you these day’s it’s because of your genes. You’re a criminal, it’s your genes. You smoke, it’s your genes. You “hang” a little to the left, yep, you guessed it, it’s your genes! What next?! the discovery of a gene that means you have a tendency to grow an afro, wear flares, take LSD and say ‘man’ at the end of every sentence?!
Why can’t people simply accept that some things just ARE, instead of having to find a clinical reason all the time? Utter tosh.
Signed,
The C.G.S
P.S The end of the world is nigh, and even if it weren’t we’re all going to be nuked to death in a few weeks anyway. Who cares anyway? Mortality is futile.”

A helpline has been set-up for LGG sufferers the number of which is obtainable from the Lame Gamers website (www.ICan’tHelpItIfI’mNaff.com) Staff are there 24 hours a day and will help in anyway possible. You can also chat to other Lame Gamers via the forums on the website. It’s important to remember that you really are not alone and that there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s just your genes.

Dr. StereotypicalGermanNameAndAccent can be found mumbling to himself and nutting the walls of his cell in the ‘The Wheel’s Still Turning But The Hamsters Long Dead’ mental hospital.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news today:

A new gene named the “AfroGrowing-FlareWearing-HallucinogenicDrugTaking-Annoying AmericanCatchphraseRepeating Gene” has been found, a Monkey named Jeffrey has been elected as President of the U.S.A and the C.G.S have issued a baffling statement which simply reads “Christ almighty...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:-D

Cheers,
RBS

LOL RastaBillySkank.

AfroJoe wrote:

> > Bah! How did you find out?
>
> :-D

I have my ways... MUAH! :-D

RastaBillySkank wrote:
> Hehe, you appear to be a sufferer of that one :-D

---

Bah! How did you find out?

:-D

AfroJoe wrote:

> Now that's what I like to hear.
>
> :-D

Hehe, you appear to be a sufferer of that one :-D

RastaBillySkank wrote:
> A new gene named the
> “AfroGrowing-FlareWearing-HallucinogenicDrugTaking-Annoying
> AmericanCatchphraseRepeating Gene” has been found

----

Now that's what I like to hear.

:-D

Rosalind wrote:
> This obviously needs further research. If the gene is a mutant
> causing loss of function it is possible that a treatment could be
> found. I'll get on to the lab immediatly. This has got to precident
> over trying to cure cancer. Think of the children!
>
> :P

Heheh, couldn't agree more :-D

Hmm interesting. I wonder if it a dominant of recessive gene. i hope it isn't dominant. If it is then I really feel sorry for my future children.

This obviously needs further research. If the gene is a mutant causing loss of function it is possible that a treatment could be found. I'll get on to the lab immediatly. This has got to precident over trying to cure cancer. Think of the children!

:P

.....HA!

Good work.

>Carol Smiley, had this to say on the discovery, “Helloooo, I’m Carol Smiley.

Smiley, Smiley CAROL SMILEY :-),

Good post.

LOL
RastaBillySkank! Dude!