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It may seem quite an odd idea to think that your common horse or duck could be the member of their own specific religion, but when you really think what’s so weird about it? Sheep are known world wide as great followers and the vow of silence given by the rabbits is textbook stuff.
But what are these religions? Where did they come from? And how come you haven’t heard of them?
Well lucky I have been taking feline as a third language at school (when will those fools at the school board learn that speaking German is useless?) and have had many a deep thoughtful conversation with my moggy about the religious world. She has told loads of interesting facts and tales so today I am here to share a few.
Spider
Our first subject today is the spider. Many may not know this but all spiders originated from Egypt thousands of years ago. When the plagues began to happen (e.g raining frogs, dying cattle, armys of locus) most spiders made a quick run for it and migrated to the four corners of the world on the fact that they didn’t like the idea of being dropped from the sky or killed for no reason. But with them they took they’re beliefs, and one of the strongest of these is the after life and they’re bound with flies. You see spiders think that after you die you go to either heaven or hell depending on how you lived you life and a good deed would help you reach eternal bliss.
When people see spiders and flies they instantly get it into they’re head that the spiders going to eat the fly. Wrong. Now flies to spiders are like cats to Egyptians, (very important and holy) the deal is when a fly is about to die it goes to the spider who then mummifies it (preserving the body for the after life) on its web. Then when nightfall comes they take the bodies and bury them in the imperial fly graveyard (the nearest compost heap). The spider then gets another point towards heaven.
Goldfish
It is common knowledge that a goldfish has a memory span of 5 seconds. They only can keep one thing in their minds at a time and after 5 seconds it becomes blurry. The first (and only) thing a goldfish learns in the first 5 seconds of their life is “god is real, you follow him and you’re a Christian.” Unfortunately after that the goldfish disowns their parents because they believe them to be strangers (as they can’t remember seeing them before) and can only just remember what they’ve been told.
The only problem is they don’t actually know who god is or why to follow him but only that they are a Christian (what ever that is) so they become a born again Christian. Until 5 seconds later when they become a Christian again (on avenge 1 goldfish becomes a born again Christian 458 times in its life).
Then when they have kids they tell them “god is real, you follow him and you’re a Christian,” and the cycle continues.
Slugs and snails
I know it’s obvious but some people don’t realize that slugs are just homeless snails and what’s more they don’t know that all slugs/snails are Rastafarian. That’s right, and to prove this just looking at them with a magnifying glass (wearing their chunky headphones blaring out Bob Marilee).
I didn’t believe it at first until I saw a snail in my garden on da herb.
Many religions believe in holy animals, such as cows in India. (They are said to be sacred and if anyone harms one, it could lead to imprisonment or even death. Cows get to walk through traffic and even go into bars under age.) So what’s so funny about sheep having holy people?
In the texts of baa-ram (the sheep’s holy book) it speaks of a man named Shep who would walk about in baggy clothes with a staff herding the sheep away from danger and leading them to the holy land (now called barnsley). Today they honor this man by getting a bearded farmer (preferably chewing a blade of grass) to carry a staff and lead them around the field in a reenactment of their ancestors journey.
So what have we learnt today? Spiders like flies, snails are junkys, goldfish are born with religion and never look at porn on the internet with your cat watching or she’ll black mail you for the rest of your life.
Anyway I must be off, gotta go buy another tin of whiskers and fluff Ginger’s pillow.
But what are these religions? Where did they come from? And how come you haven’t heard of them?
Well lucky I have been taking feline as a third language at school (when will those fools at the school board learn that speaking German is useless?) and have had many a deep thoughtful conversation with my moggy about the religious world. She has told loads of interesting facts and tales so today I am here to share a few.
Spider
Our first subject today is the spider. Many may not know this but all spiders originated from Egypt thousands of years ago. When the plagues began to happen (e.g raining frogs, dying cattle, armys of locus) most spiders made a quick run for it and migrated to the four corners of the world on the fact that they didn’t like the idea of being dropped from the sky or killed for no reason. But with them they took they’re beliefs, and one of the strongest of these is the after life and they’re bound with flies. You see spiders think that after you die you go to either heaven or hell depending on how you lived you life and a good deed would help you reach eternal bliss.
When people see spiders and flies they instantly get it into they’re head that the spiders going to eat the fly. Wrong. Now flies to spiders are like cats to Egyptians, (very important and holy) the deal is when a fly is about to die it goes to the spider who then mummifies it (preserving the body for the after life) on its web. Then when nightfall comes they take the bodies and bury them in the imperial fly graveyard (the nearest compost heap). The spider then gets another point towards heaven.
Goldfish
It is common knowledge that a goldfish has a memory span of 5 seconds. They only can keep one thing in their minds at a time and after 5 seconds it becomes blurry. The first (and only) thing a goldfish learns in the first 5 seconds of their life is “god is real, you follow him and you’re a Christian.” Unfortunately after that the goldfish disowns their parents because they believe them to be strangers (as they can’t remember seeing them before) and can only just remember what they’ve been told.
The only problem is they don’t actually know who god is or why to follow him but only that they are a Christian (what ever that is) so they become a born again Christian. Until 5 seconds later when they become a Christian again (on avenge 1 goldfish becomes a born again Christian 458 times in its life).
Then when they have kids they tell them “god is real, you follow him and you’re a Christian,” and the cycle continues.
Slugs and snails
I know it’s obvious but some people don’t realize that slugs are just homeless snails and what’s more they don’t know that all slugs/snails are Rastafarian. That’s right, and to prove this just looking at them with a magnifying glass (wearing their chunky headphones blaring out Bob Marilee).
I didn’t believe it at first until I saw a snail in my garden on da herb.
Many religions believe in holy animals, such as cows in India. (They are said to be sacred and if anyone harms one, it could lead to imprisonment or even death. Cows get to walk through traffic and even go into bars under age.) So what’s so funny about sheep having holy people?
In the texts of baa-ram (the sheep’s holy book) it speaks of a man named Shep who would walk about in baggy clothes with a staff herding the sheep away from danger and leading them to the holy land (now called barnsley). Today they honor this man by getting a bearded farmer (preferably chewing a blade of grass) to carry a staff and lead them around the field in a reenactment of their ancestors journey.
So what have we learnt today? Spiders like flies, snails are junkys, goldfish are born with religion and never look at porn on the internet with your cat watching or she’ll black mail you for the rest of your life.
Anyway I must be off, gotta go buy another tin of whiskers and fluff Ginger’s pillow.
This is in the wrong forum.
It may seem quite an odd idea to think that your common horse or duck could be the member of their own specific religion, but when you really think what’s so weird about it? Sheep are known world wide as great followers and the vow of silence given by the rabbits is textbook stuff.
But what are these religions? Where did they come from? And how come you haven’t heard of them?
Well lucky I have been taking feline as a third language at school (when will those fools at the school board learn that speaking German is useless?) and have had many a deep thoughtful conversation with my moggy about the religious world. She has told loads of interesting facts and tales so today I am here to share a few.
Spider
Our first subject today is the spider. Many may not know this but all spiders originated from Egypt thousands of years ago. When the plagues began to happen (e.g raining frogs, dying cattle, armys of locus) most spiders made a quick run for it and migrated to the four corners of the world on the fact that they didn’t like the idea of being dropped from the sky or killed for no reason. But with them they took they’re beliefs, and one of the strongest of these is the after life and they’re bound with flies. You see spiders think that after you die you go to either heaven or hell depending on how you lived you life and a good deed would help you reach eternal bliss.
When people see spiders and flies they instantly get it into they’re head that the spiders going to eat the fly. Wrong. Now flies to spiders are like cats to Egyptians, (very important and holy) the deal is when a fly is about to die it goes to the spider who then mummifies it (preserving the body for the after life) on its web. Then when nightfall comes they take the bodies and bury them in the imperial fly graveyard (the nearest compost heap). The spider then gets another point towards heaven.
Goldfish
It is common knowledge that a goldfish has a memory span of 5 seconds. They only can keep one thing in their minds at a time and after 5 seconds it becomes blurry. The first (and only) thing a goldfish learns in the first 5 seconds of their life is “god is real, you follow him and you’re a Christian.” Unfortunately after that the goldfish disowns their parents because they believe them to be strangers (as they can’t remember seeing them before) and can only just remember what they’ve been told.
The only problem is they don’t actually know who god is or why to follow him but only that they are a Christian (what ever that is) so they become a born again Christian. Until 5 seconds later when they become a Christian again (on avenge 1 goldfish becomes a born again Christian 458 times in its life).
Then when they have kids they tell them “god is real, you follow him and you’re a Christian,” and the cycle continues.
Slugs and snails
I know it’s obvious but some people don’t realize that slugs are just homeless snails and what’s more they don’t know that all slugs/snails are Rastafarian. That’s right, and to prove this just looking at them with a magnifying glass (wearing their chunky headphones blaring out Bob Marilee).
I didn’t believe it at first until I saw a snail in my garden on da herb.
Many religions believe in holy animals, such as cows in India. (They are said to be sacred and if anyone harms one, it could lead to imprisonment or even death. Cows get to walk through traffic and even go into bars under age.) So what’s so funny about sheep having holy people?
In the texts of baa-ram (the sheep’s holy book) it speaks of a man named Shep who would walk about in baggy clothes with a staff herding the sheep away from danger and leading them to the holy land (now called barnsley). Today they honor this man by getting a bearded farmer (preferably chewing a blade of grass) to carry a staff and lead them around the field in a reenactment of their ancestors journey.
So what have we learnt today? Spiders like flies, snails are junkys, goldfish are born with religion and never look at porn on the internet with your cat watching or she’ll black mail you for the rest of your life.
Anyway I must be off, gotta go buy another tin of whiskers and fluff Ginger’s pillow.
But what are these religions? Where did they come from? And how come you haven’t heard of them?
Well lucky I have been taking feline as a third language at school (when will those fools at the school board learn that speaking German is useless?) and have had many a deep thoughtful conversation with my moggy about the religious world. She has told loads of interesting facts and tales so today I am here to share a few.
Spider
Our first subject today is the spider. Many may not know this but all spiders originated from Egypt thousands of years ago. When the plagues began to happen (e.g raining frogs, dying cattle, armys of locus) most spiders made a quick run for it and migrated to the four corners of the world on the fact that they didn’t like the idea of being dropped from the sky or killed for no reason. But with them they took they’re beliefs, and one of the strongest of these is the after life and they’re bound with flies. You see spiders think that after you die you go to either heaven or hell depending on how you lived you life and a good deed would help you reach eternal bliss.
When people see spiders and flies they instantly get it into they’re head that the spiders going to eat the fly. Wrong. Now flies to spiders are like cats to Egyptians, (very important and holy) the deal is when a fly is about to die it goes to the spider who then mummifies it (preserving the body for the after life) on its web. Then when nightfall comes they take the bodies and bury them in the imperial fly graveyard (the nearest compost heap). The spider then gets another point towards heaven.
Goldfish
It is common knowledge that a goldfish has a memory span of 5 seconds. They only can keep one thing in their minds at a time and after 5 seconds it becomes blurry. The first (and only) thing a goldfish learns in the first 5 seconds of their life is “god is real, you follow him and you’re a Christian.” Unfortunately after that the goldfish disowns their parents because they believe them to be strangers (as they can’t remember seeing them before) and can only just remember what they’ve been told.
The only problem is they don’t actually know who god is or why to follow him but only that they are a Christian (what ever that is) so they become a born again Christian. Until 5 seconds later when they become a Christian again (on avenge 1 goldfish becomes a born again Christian 458 times in its life).
Then when they have kids they tell them “god is real, you follow him and you’re a Christian,” and the cycle continues.
Slugs and snails
I know it’s obvious but some people don’t realize that slugs are just homeless snails and what’s more they don’t know that all slugs/snails are Rastafarian. That’s right, and to prove this just looking at them with a magnifying glass (wearing their chunky headphones blaring out Bob Marilee).
I didn’t believe it at first until I saw a snail in my garden on da herb.
Many religions believe in holy animals, such as cows in India. (They are said to be sacred and if anyone harms one, it could lead to imprisonment or even death. Cows get to walk through traffic and even go into bars under age.) So what’s so funny about sheep having holy people?
In the texts of baa-ram (the sheep’s holy book) it speaks of a man named Shep who would walk about in baggy clothes with a staff herding the sheep away from danger and leading them to the holy land (now called barnsley). Today they honor this man by getting a bearded farmer (preferably chewing a blade of grass) to carry a staff and lead them around the field in a reenactment of their ancestors journey.
So what have we learnt today? Spiders like flies, snails are junkys, goldfish are born with religion and never look at porn on the internet with your cat watching or she’ll black mail you for the rest of your life.
Anyway I must be off, gotta go buy another tin of whiskers and fluff Ginger’s pillow.