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"you, look on the bright side. Even if there isn't one, make one up"

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Tue 12/09/06 at 22:49
Regular
"Ooh, A Tagline"
Posts: 2
It was 11.32 am on Monday the 5th January 2007. She'd been there for approximatley 4 minutes and 12 seconds. With every moment that went by more and more blood seeped through the deep punctures.

It was 11.32 am on Monday dth January 2007. Ramacamdra needed the loo, badly!
"Please Miss, please!" She begged crossing her skinny, shapeless, legs in exaggeration.
"You had break... 12 minutes ago! You should have gone then" Her teacher replied, several stern lines furrowing in her brow.
"But Miss please! I..."
"No buts! Just go and sit down and do your work!"

It was 11.56 am on Monday the 5th January 2007. She'd now been there for around 28 minutes and 36 seconds. With every moment that went by her voice became more and more pathetic and hoarse.

It was 11.56 am on Monday 5th January 2007. Ramacamdra still needed the loo, badly.
"Miss, I..."
"No! Go back to your seat!"
"Please, I am seriously going to wet myself!"
"Ramacamdra, if I let you go now I don't want to hear a peep out of you for the rest of the year! Go! I expect you back within... 4minutes!"

It was 11.58 am on Monday the 5th January 2007. She'd been there for 30 minutes and 14 seconds. She gave one last pathetic cry for help before breathing a long rattling breath and...

It was 11.58 am on Monday the 5th January 2007. Ramacamdra dawdled through the third storey corridor of the Maths department at Johnathon Beckett College, headed slowly for the 9/10/11 Girls toilets. She was within feet of the door when she slipped and landed painfully on her left elbow. Scrabling to her feet she paused to see what it was she had slipped on.

It was 12.00 pm on Monday 5th January 2007. Ramacandra Burst through the door of Miss Browns maths Classroom on the third storey of the Maths department at Johnathon Beckett College.
"Miss... I... You... I... There..." She stammered, her eyes wide. With her messy dark hair and shocked, open mouth, she closely resembled one of the victims in the Japanese 'Ring'.
"Ramacamdra! What on earth...? You're covered in..."

It was 12.01 pm on Monday 5th January 2007. Miss Browns year 11 top set Mmaths class stood huddled around the entrance to the year 9/10/11 girls toilets on the third storey corridor of the Maths department at Johnathon Beckett College. No-one made a sound. They just stood there, staring stunned. It was Miss Brown herself who broke the silence. After pushing her way to the front of her pupils, they watched motionless as he face contorted from that of their Stern, harsh, cold teacher into one completley beyond recognition.

It was 12.02 pm on Monday 5th of January. The moment that, or the first time in her career, Jennifer Brown lost it in front of her students. Her mouth went from stern to trembling to open in a wide, horrific scream within milliseconds. She did not stop after one scream: Over and over again her mouth resumed this shape and made that awful, toe curling sound.

It was 12.03 pm on Monday the 5th of January 2007. Every classroom door on the third storey corridor of the Maths department at Johnathon Beckett College was flung open. A gaggle of disorganised students ranging from 11-16 poured out into the corridor. Each stopped dead when they saw it.

It was 3.41pm on Monday 5th of January 2007. The parents of the pupils now 41 minutes late home from school had arrived only to find the whole building deserted. They made their way up through the Maths department and when they reached the third floor each parent saw a sight they would never forget.

It was 4.00 pm on Monday 5th of January when the first Hearse arrived.

The last Hearse left at 5.55 pm on Monday 5th January 2007.
Fri 06/10/06 at 17:00
Regular
"Author of Pain"
Posts: 395
This is alright actually, although seriously lacking in a good proof-read. The meaning started to dissolve a little towards the end, too.
Sat 23/09/06 at 22:19
Regular
Posts: 5,848
Notice

Just to say that Alfonse was right snake, constructive criticisms only in this forum.

As a result snake's post has been deleted, and so has yours Alfonse simply because there's no need for it now snakes' has gone and because the wording was not... 'entirely appropriate'.

Thanks, tnc.

p.s This will be judged tomorrow along with the other entries, look forward to it =)
Sat 23/09/06 at 20:18
Regular
"tut tut tsk tsk etc"
Posts: 19
Rock on Alfonse
Wed 13/09/06 at 19:24
Regular
"tut tut tsk tsk etc"
Posts: 19
Great. Liked the... all of it.
Tue 12/09/06 at 22:49
Regular
"Ooh, A Tagline"
Posts: 2
It was 11.32 am on Monday the 5th January 2007. She'd been there for approximatley 4 minutes and 12 seconds. With every moment that went by more and more blood seeped through the deep punctures.

It was 11.32 am on Monday dth January 2007. Ramacamdra needed the loo, badly!
"Please Miss, please!" She begged crossing her skinny, shapeless, legs in exaggeration.
"You had break... 12 minutes ago! You should have gone then" Her teacher replied, several stern lines furrowing in her brow.
"But Miss please! I..."
"No buts! Just go and sit down and do your work!"

It was 11.56 am on Monday the 5th January 2007. She'd now been there for around 28 minutes and 36 seconds. With every moment that went by her voice became more and more pathetic and hoarse.

It was 11.56 am on Monday 5th January 2007. Ramacamdra still needed the loo, badly.
"Miss, I..."
"No! Go back to your seat!"
"Please, I am seriously going to wet myself!"
"Ramacamdra, if I let you go now I don't want to hear a peep out of you for the rest of the year! Go! I expect you back within... 4minutes!"

It was 11.58 am on Monday the 5th January 2007. She'd been there for 30 minutes and 14 seconds. She gave one last pathetic cry for help before breathing a long rattling breath and...

It was 11.58 am on Monday the 5th January 2007. Ramacamdra dawdled through the third storey corridor of the Maths department at Johnathon Beckett College, headed slowly for the 9/10/11 Girls toilets. She was within feet of the door when she slipped and landed painfully on her left elbow. Scrabling to her feet she paused to see what it was she had slipped on.

It was 12.00 pm on Monday 5th January 2007. Ramacandra Burst through the door of Miss Browns maths Classroom on the third storey of the Maths department at Johnathon Beckett College.
"Miss... I... You... I... There..." She stammered, her eyes wide. With her messy dark hair and shocked, open mouth, she closely resembled one of the victims in the Japanese 'Ring'.
"Ramacamdra! What on earth...? You're covered in..."

It was 12.01 pm on Monday 5th January 2007. Miss Browns year 11 top set Mmaths class stood huddled around the entrance to the year 9/10/11 girls toilets on the third storey corridor of the Maths department at Johnathon Beckett College. No-one made a sound. They just stood there, staring stunned. It was Miss Brown herself who broke the silence. After pushing her way to the front of her pupils, they watched motionless as he face contorted from that of their Stern, harsh, cold teacher into one completley beyond recognition.

It was 12.02 pm on Monday 5th of January. The moment that, or the first time in her career, Jennifer Brown lost it in front of her students. Her mouth went from stern to trembling to open in a wide, horrific scream within milliseconds. She did not stop after one scream: Over and over again her mouth resumed this shape and made that awful, toe curling sound.

It was 12.03 pm on Monday the 5th of January 2007. Every classroom door on the third storey corridor of the Maths department at Johnathon Beckett College was flung open. A gaggle of disorganised students ranging from 11-16 poured out into the corridor. Each stopped dead when they saw it.

It was 3.41pm on Monday 5th of January 2007. The parents of the pupils now 41 minutes late home from school had arrived only to find the whole building deserted. They made their way up through the Maths department and when they reached the third floor each parent saw a sight they would never forget.

It was 4.00 pm on Monday 5th of January when the first Hearse arrived.

The last Hearse left at 5.55 pm on Monday 5th January 2007.

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