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This spoof is based on Enemy at the gates. Enjoy! :D
It was September 15th, Category D, 700 Watts. DW had already begun his Household domination attempt, and was progressing through the Kitchen. He had already claimed most of the room, with the loss of the Blender, the Oven, the Toaster and the table and chairs. Only the Microwave stands before the Fridge, and if DW were to capture that, the Kitchen would lose all of their foodstuff supplies, causing great economic depression.
I was aboard a plate, speeding along the worktop towards the Microwave. The DW's were progressing quickly through the kitchen. We were drafted from all over the Kitchen. Badgerman there, he is from the captured Oven, that's AfroJoe, he comes from the blender. Myself, I come from the freezer. My name is Microchips.
I grew up in the freezer, learning invaluable skills, such as shooting peas and defending from an attack of ice cream. My Father, Mr McCain, was killed before I was born, so I learnt from my Granddad, the Great McCain. He was a great teacher; he was patient when I missed a Pea, and when I let some Ice Cream enter our storage tray. It was hard learning to shoot. I would have to hold the Ice-Lolly between the lid of my box, and stand still as I fired the lolly stick at the peas. Normally I would miss, but sometimes, if the coolant in the freezer was blowing my way, I would hit.
We soon reached the end of the worktop. I looked down to see a woman, who had hairy armpits and a stubby chin. I didn't know her name, but she looked funny, yet scary. We rushed off of the plate and clambered onto the bowl, that would eventually take us across the sink, towards our destination, the Microwave. The DW's were bombing us with carrots all the time, and with great pilots, such as CDouch and Gerrid flying over our heads, we didn't stand a chance. Many causalities were lost during the trip, Gamezfreak and Reddy being the noticeable ones. When we reached the microwave, we climbed onto the rotating dish, but we were already under heavy fire. Under the instructions of Sgt. Pepper, we collected a lolly, one between two, and charged at the DW's. Our attack was stopped in an instant, as if we were all cooked in our own microwave. It was horrific. I climbed under the dish, where I hid from the DW's. A plate flew past me, but got flipped over by a carrot attack. The character hurried over to where I was and lay beside me.
"Hi, I'm Microchips."
"Sssh. They'll hear! Oh, my name is Quinty. Um, are you any good with a lolly?"
"I'm O.K, but not that great."
"Here, take it then. Can you see the enemy General?"
"Yeah, I can. I'll just load my Lolly and shoot."
"No, wait until a carrot explosion."
The Tupperware containers flew over head, and carrots were dropped. I fired. The lolly stick flew into his head and he slumped to the tiled floor of the kitchen. One by one, I shot soldiers alarmed by the Generals death, and they, too, fell to the tiled floor. When I had ended, Quinty and I ran over to the edge of the Worktop, clambered down the cupboards and took their Fridge-tags. We then hurried back to our local headquarters, situated in the bread bin. I read out the names on the Fridge-tags. Maverick, Joe Dark, Shadow, all were shot by me. I came to the Generals fridge-tag. His name was RM18.
Quinty told our Local commander, BIGMAN, about my courageous efforts, and I was promoted from foot soldier to the Sniper baguette division.
A few days passed, our division was hiding in an abandoned shelf, when we spotted a little boy running towards us. My division consisted of Kerrang, Fosbe, Tom, davyboy and me. We came out from hiding and walked over to him.
"Hi. My name is Mandatare. You're, you're that Microchips. I read about you in the shopping lists. How many today then?"
"Only two today, we didn't want to give away our position."
"You can come back to my place. We live in a drawer below the Microwave"
"Great!"
We walked over to the drawer, and jumped in. A man was standing there, his name turned out to be HallowHowArtThou. He greeted us and handed over some warm soup.
"It's very nice of you to let us stay here for the night, Mr. Thou."
"Oh, it's no problem, especially for you Mr. Chips."
"Please, call me Micro."
Quinty knocked at the door, entered, thanked HalloHowArtThou, and walked over. He handed me some letters. I read one.
"Dear Mr. Chips,
Thank-you for fighting against the DW's. We read the shopping lists every day, and we hear of your courageous efforts. Our spirits are with you.
The Chicken Legs in the Fridge."
Quinty instructed me on what to write. As I lived in the Freezer all my life, I was quite illiterate. Quinty, however, was one of the few smart soldiers we had in our Army. He comes from the Gas Cooker. I wrote back to all the letters, and we went to sleep.
The next morning, Kerrang awaked me, and we headed off to find a location. We went out of the drawer, snuck along the Tiles and passed under the table. We took cover on the lamp. As we were heading back, all of my division was shot dead, apart from Kerrang and I, but Kerrang was heavily wounded. We climbed back into the drawer, where Quinty was waiting with bad news. He had gathered information from Edgy, Twain and Whitestripes that the DW Army had sent out a Sniper from their Baguette division, for the sole purpose of killing me. It seemed that if I were Dead, it would give the DW army a huge Morale boost. His name, was MoJoJoJo.
There was another knock at the drawer, a woman entered. I could easily recognise those Hairy Armpits and that stubby Chin. HallowHowArtThou told us that her name was Mystique. She grew up on an orange juicer, protecting her land with her Father from the Bedroomians. It turned out that she knew how to speak DW, so she was drafted into Beeper division, where she would be able to tap into DW messages.
Since my division was all killed or wounded, Quinty pulled some strings and got a few more Snipers to join me. I was now sniping with my baguette along with the likes of Phi11ip, Hercules, Auf Deutsch and Foreman. Mandatare ran along to tell me some good news.
"Mr. Chips sir, it seems that the DW's have stopped the attacks from the knives and forks and concentrated on sniping and Carrot bombing."
"Oh, good. At least we won't have to put up with that constant barraging."
I waved goodbye to everyone in the drawer, left, and took cover in a cupboard. We tried every possible tactic to try and give away MoJoJoJo's position, but he was too experienced, and we lost Foreman and Auf Deutsch in the process. As we relocated for the last time, I spotted a gleaming light in the wine rack. I aimed and fired. A sniper Baguette dropped to the tiles below, followed by the sniper. We rushed over, grabbed his Fridge-tag, but Hercules was shot. He cried out for our help, but if we went to help him, we, too, would be shot. We decided to leave him and went back to the drawer.
"It seems that his name was Starlight." Said Quinty, as he walked over to show me.
"Indeed, it does seem that way. This MoJo bloke, he's, too, what's the word, baked for my liking."
"He trained in the oven before the war, as we were allied with the Bedroomian's then. He was drafted into the DW army because of his skill with a baguette."
Quinty warned me that there were very experienced Pilot's attacking us that day. What we didn't know, was that this was going to be, for most people, our last day. Mystique complained, again, that she wanted to use a Baguette, so she was brought back into the Sniper Baguette division. We all left, but before we did, Quinty mentioned some of the Pilot's names. I froze.
"Quinty, can you repeat those names?" I asked.
"Indian Dude, Cyclone, Evilist and Mikelar, why?"
"I…I knew them from before this war. They used to live in the Garden, and were experienced leaf flyers, so it makes sense that they were brought into the DW army. This is no longer an easy fight. We will have to keep our wits about us if we are going to survive."
We headed out of the drawer for the last time. Mystique decided to stay in the drawer, and, er, 'Talk' to Quinty, about, er, 'Stuff'. As we approached our hideout, Phi11ip told me that he saw a character hiding on the windowsill. We took position, and as we were camouflaging in, Phi11ip was shot in the head. I lay there, alone, my lid was shaking, I had chips in my box and they were making me, for the first time, feel ill. Quinty approached, hid, and crawled up towards me.
"I'm sorry Chips, but I want you to promise me something."
"Sorry? For what? Sure, I'll keep the promise."
"I want, I want you to get him. MoJoJoJo I mean. And tell Mystique her hairy armpits never bothered me."
"Sure, but, but, what are you doing?"
"Giving MoJo's location away." And with that, he took off his helmet, consisting of a pasta shell, and stood up. A baguette flew into his head. He died instantly.
"Noo!" I cried, "Not Quinty!" I left my location, and hid behind a pack of mushrooms. MoJoJoJo came off of the windowsill, walked over to where Quinty lay, and froze. In the corner of his eye, he saw a box of Microchips smirking at him. He unscrewed his tail, layed it next to him, and shouted, "gooben DW" which means, "Hail DW!" I shot him. I picked up his tail, rested it onto Quinty's lap, and walked back to Headquarters. All the survivors were there. BIGMAN, Mystique and the rest of our Army greeted me. The ruler of the Kitchen, the Chef known as Tiltawhirl entered, and awarded me with a medal, engraved with the words, "For outstanding frying of the enemy" I was a hero of the Kitchen, and I would never be forgotten.
Two years passed. BIGMAN and Mystique settled down in the oven, and I was reunited with AfroJoe. We traveled back to the freezer, and entered. We each set up our home in a different freezer tray, and we built a statue made entirely of beef. It was a beef Quinty, a Quinty that would never be forgotten.
Thanks for reading.
Microchips, hero of the Kitchen.
It was September 15th, Category D, 700 Watts. DW had already begun his Household domination attempt, and was progressing through the Kitchen. He had already claimed most of the room, with the loss of the Blender, the Oven, the Toaster and the table and chairs. Only the Microwave stands before the Fridge, and if DW were to capture that, the Kitchen would lose all of their foodstuff supplies, causing great economic depression.
I was aboard a plate, speeding along the worktop towards the Microwave. The DW's were progressing quickly through the kitchen. We were drafted from all over the Kitchen. Badgerman there, he is from the captured Oven, that's AfroJoe, he comes from the blender. Myself, I come from the freezer. My name is Microchips.
I grew up in the freezer, learning invaluable skills, such as shooting peas and defending from an attack of ice cream. My Father, Mr McCain, was killed before I was born, so I learnt from my Granddad, the Great McCain. He was a great teacher; he was patient when I missed a Pea, and when I let some Ice Cream enter our storage tray. It was hard learning to shoot. I would have to hold the Ice-Lolly between the lid of my box, and stand still as I fired the lolly stick at the peas. Normally I would miss, but sometimes, if the coolant in the freezer was blowing my way, I would hit.
We soon reached the end of the worktop. I looked down to see a woman, who had hairy armpits and a stubby chin. I didn't know her name, but she looked funny, yet scary. We rushed off of the plate and clambered onto the bowl, that would eventually take us across the sink, towards our destination, the Microwave. The DW's were bombing us with carrots all the time, and with great pilots, such as CDouch and Gerrid flying over our heads, we didn't stand a chance. Many causalities were lost during the trip, Gamezfreak and Reddy being the noticeable ones. When we reached the microwave, we climbed onto the rotating dish, but we were already under heavy fire. Under the instructions of Sgt. Pepper, we collected a lolly, one between two, and charged at the DW's. Our attack was stopped in an instant, as if we were all cooked in our own microwave. It was horrific. I climbed under the dish, where I hid from the DW's. A plate flew past me, but got flipped over by a carrot attack. The character hurried over to where I was and lay beside me.
"Hi, I'm Microchips."
"Sssh. They'll hear! Oh, my name is Quinty. Um, are you any good with a lolly?"
"I'm O.K, but not that great."
"Here, take it then. Can you see the enemy General?"
"Yeah, I can. I'll just load my Lolly and shoot."
"No, wait until a carrot explosion."
The Tupperware containers flew over head, and carrots were dropped. I fired. The lolly stick flew into his head and he slumped to the tiled floor of the kitchen. One by one, I shot soldiers alarmed by the Generals death, and they, too, fell to the tiled floor. When I had ended, Quinty and I ran over to the edge of the Worktop, clambered down the cupboards and took their Fridge-tags. We then hurried back to our local headquarters, situated in the bread bin. I read out the names on the Fridge-tags. Maverick, Joe Dark, Shadow, all were shot by me. I came to the Generals fridge-tag. His name was RM18.
Quinty told our Local commander, BIGMAN, about my courageous efforts, and I was promoted from foot soldier to the Sniper baguette division.
A few days passed, our division was hiding in an abandoned shelf, when we spotted a little boy running towards us. My division consisted of Kerrang, Fosbe, Tom, davyboy and me. We came out from hiding and walked over to him.
"Hi. My name is Mandatare. You're, you're that Microchips. I read about you in the shopping lists. How many today then?"
"Only two today, we didn't want to give away our position."
"You can come back to my place. We live in a drawer below the Microwave"
"Great!"
We walked over to the drawer, and jumped in. A man was standing there, his name turned out to be HallowHowArtThou. He greeted us and handed over some warm soup.
"It's very nice of you to let us stay here for the night, Mr. Thou."
"Oh, it's no problem, especially for you Mr. Chips."
"Please, call me Micro."
Quinty knocked at the door, entered, thanked HalloHowArtThou, and walked over. He handed me some letters. I read one.
"Dear Mr. Chips,
Thank-you for fighting against the DW's. We read the shopping lists every day, and we hear of your courageous efforts. Our spirits are with you.
The Chicken Legs in the Fridge."
Quinty instructed me on what to write. As I lived in the Freezer all my life, I was quite illiterate. Quinty, however, was one of the few smart soldiers we had in our Army. He comes from the Gas Cooker. I wrote back to all the letters, and we went to sleep.
The next morning, Kerrang awaked me, and we headed off to find a location. We went out of the drawer, snuck along the Tiles and passed under the table. We took cover on the lamp. As we were heading back, all of my division was shot dead, apart from Kerrang and I, but Kerrang was heavily wounded. We climbed back into the drawer, where Quinty was waiting with bad news. He had gathered information from Edgy, Twain and Whitestripes that the DW Army had sent out a Sniper from their Baguette division, for the sole purpose of killing me. It seemed that if I were Dead, it would give the DW army a huge Morale boost. His name, was MoJoJoJo.
There was another knock at the drawer, a woman entered. I could easily recognise those Hairy Armpits and that stubby Chin. HallowHowArtThou told us that her name was Mystique. She grew up on an orange juicer, protecting her land with her Father from the Bedroomians. It turned out that she knew how to speak DW, so she was drafted into Beeper division, where she would be able to tap into DW messages.
Since my division was all killed or wounded, Quinty pulled some strings and got a few more Snipers to join me. I was now sniping with my baguette along with the likes of Phi11ip, Hercules, Auf Deutsch and Foreman. Mandatare ran along to tell me some good news.
"Mr. Chips sir, it seems that the DW's have stopped the attacks from the knives and forks and concentrated on sniping and Carrot bombing."
"Oh, good. At least we won't have to put up with that constant barraging."
I waved goodbye to everyone in the drawer, left, and took cover in a cupboard. We tried every possible tactic to try and give away MoJoJoJo's position, but he was too experienced, and we lost Foreman and Auf Deutsch in the process. As we relocated for the last time, I spotted a gleaming light in the wine rack. I aimed and fired. A sniper Baguette dropped to the tiles below, followed by the sniper. We rushed over, grabbed his Fridge-tag, but Hercules was shot. He cried out for our help, but if we went to help him, we, too, would be shot. We decided to leave him and went back to the drawer.
"It seems that his name was Starlight." Said Quinty, as he walked over to show me.
"Indeed, it does seem that way. This MoJo bloke, he's, too, what's the word, baked for my liking."
"He trained in the oven before the war, as we were allied with the Bedroomian's then. He was drafted into the DW army because of his skill with a baguette."
Quinty warned me that there were very experienced Pilot's attacking us that day. What we didn't know, was that this was going to be, for most people, our last day. Mystique complained, again, that she wanted to use a Baguette, so she was brought back into the Sniper Baguette division. We all left, but before we did, Quinty mentioned some of the Pilot's names. I froze.
"Quinty, can you repeat those names?" I asked.
"Indian Dude, Cyclone, Evilist and Mikelar, why?"
"I…I knew them from before this war. They used to live in the Garden, and were experienced leaf flyers, so it makes sense that they were brought into the DW army. This is no longer an easy fight. We will have to keep our wits about us if we are going to survive."
We headed out of the drawer for the last time. Mystique decided to stay in the drawer, and, er, 'Talk' to Quinty, about, er, 'Stuff'. As we approached our hideout, Phi11ip told me that he saw a character hiding on the windowsill. We took position, and as we were camouflaging in, Phi11ip was shot in the head. I lay there, alone, my lid was shaking, I had chips in my box and they were making me, for the first time, feel ill. Quinty approached, hid, and crawled up towards me.
"I'm sorry Chips, but I want you to promise me something."
"Sorry? For what? Sure, I'll keep the promise."
"I want, I want you to get him. MoJoJoJo I mean. And tell Mystique her hairy armpits never bothered me."
"Sure, but, but, what are you doing?"
"Giving MoJo's location away." And with that, he took off his helmet, consisting of a pasta shell, and stood up. A baguette flew into his head. He died instantly.
"Noo!" I cried, "Not Quinty!" I left my location, and hid behind a pack of mushrooms. MoJoJoJo came off of the windowsill, walked over to where Quinty lay, and froze. In the corner of his eye, he saw a box of Microchips smirking at him. He unscrewed his tail, layed it next to him, and shouted, "gooben DW" which means, "Hail DW!" I shot him. I picked up his tail, rested it onto Quinty's lap, and walked back to Headquarters. All the survivors were there. BIGMAN, Mystique and the rest of our Army greeted me. The ruler of the Kitchen, the Chef known as Tiltawhirl entered, and awarded me with a medal, engraved with the words, "For outstanding frying of the enemy" I was a hero of the Kitchen, and I would never be forgotten.
Two years passed. BIGMAN and Mystique settled down in the oven, and I was reunited with AfroJoe. We traveled back to the freezer, and entered. We each set up our home in a different freezer tray, and we built a statue made entirely of beef. It was a beef Quinty, a Quinty that would never be forgotten.
Thanks for reading.
Microchips, hero of the Kitchen.
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An entertaining read Chipsy.
:D
:D
Microchips wrote:
> king cool wrote:
> they are useful and heat things quickly.
>
> Indeed, that's what microwaves normally doo, fool.
Microwaves are also small ripples in water!
Microwaves, geddit?!
MWAHAAHA!
> king cool wrote:
> they are useful and heat things quickly.
>
> Indeed, that's what microwaves normally doo, fool.
Microwaves are also small ripples in water!
Microwaves, geddit?!
MWAHAAHA!
Indeed, you are rught there Mandatare, but what most peopel haven't noticed is that with some people, i only said they were shot, not dead. :D So expect to see a few 'casualities' from this one apearing in the next one.
Mandy, you also return too! :D
Do you have Msn? :D
Mandy, you also return too! :D
Do you have Msn? :D
OMG!
It was a good read which is an achievement since most spoofs i read quite bore me.
I found it genius using appliances for the story.
Another great was i was in the story, AND SURVIVED!
If you're doing a sequel then shouldn't those who died in this, not be in the next one.
Well done Microchips.
It was a good read which is an achievement since most spoofs i read quite bore me.
I found it genius using appliances for the story.
Another great was i was in the story, AND SURVIVED!
If you're doing a sequel then shouldn't those who died in this, not be in the next one.
Well done Microchips.
king cool wrote:
> y r u hating microwaves
LOL! If you actaully read it, you would know that the Microwave was protecting the frisge. I don't see any anti-microwave comments in this spoof at all.
> they are useful and heat things quickly.
Indeed, that's what microwaves normally doo, fool.
> i look down on u
Great, Just don't stare too long or i'll have to get the shotgun. :P
> i have been here 550 days
Great. People have been here longer, y'know.
Grow up and think before you type.
:P
> y r u hating microwaves
LOL! If you actaully read it, you would know that the Microwave was protecting the frisge. I don't see any anti-microwave comments in this spoof at all.
> they are useful and heat things quickly.
Indeed, that's what microwaves normally doo, fool.
> i look down on u
Great, Just don't stare too long or i'll have to get the shotgun. :P
> i have been here 550 days
Great. People have been here longer, y'know.
Grow up and think before you type.
:P
y r u hating microwaves
they are useful and heat things quickly.
i look down on u
i have been here 550 days
they are useful and heat things quickly.
i look down on u
i have been here 550 days
Microchips wrote:
> Lol Quinty! :)
Shouldn't that be thanks Quinty :D
> Lol Quinty! :)
Shouldn't that be thanks Quinty :D
Lol Quinty! :)
cloud994 wrote:
> number 1. what the hell????????????????
> number 2. what were you on?????????????
> number 3. you watched enemy at the gates to many times
> number 4. what the hell????????????????
Erm, numbers 1,2 and 4 are the same.
In fact "What the hell" perfectly sums up you're reply really.
> number 1. what the hell????????????????
> number 2. what were you on?????????????
> number 3. you watched enemy at the gates to many times
> number 4. what the hell????????????????
Erm, numbers 1,2 and 4 are the same.
In fact "What the hell" perfectly sums up you're reply really.
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