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This is my first attempt at a spoof, but I have kept a lot of the serious stuff from the film in, especialy at the end, as I feel S**t is an excellent film, and a very thought provoking message.
Apocalypse Now Redux 2. Completely re-mastered!
---------------------
HallohowartThou lay on his bed, thinking. The fan spun fast above, as he thought of all that was to come, and what had been before. Oddly enough, some music was playing at the same time, but he wasn’t sure from where, and images of helicopters and burning landscapes kept on imprinting themselves on his vision. Peculiar that.
“Basildon. S*S**t. I’m still only in Basildon.”
“Every time I wake up, thinking I’m gonna be baf**k in the concrete jungle, wS**th Tony out there”
Another odd thing. His own voice was playing over the scene! Coming from the walls. Ah well, he thought. Must have been the drink.
“Every minute I sS**t in this room I get weaker, and every minute Tony squats in the bush, he gets stronger”
He was baf**k in that horrific place - that obscure centre, where Special Reserve had many forces, around their superstores of power, far in the East, far from home.
He then went slightly crazy, and punched the mirror, causing his hand to bleed nastily. Ow.
He blaf**ked out.
-----------------------------
“Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a mission, and for my sins they gave me one. Brought S**t up to me like room service”
“Room service!” shrieked Grix Thraves in an oddly camp voice.
“Captain HalloHowArtThou?”
“You in there?”
Grix and his attendent, Meka Dragon entered, and found the Captain in a sorry state. He read out the orders. Then he noticed the blood.
“Oooo! Blood! How did you do that, you naughty boy?”
“We’re going to take a shower!”
The captain could only scream.
-------------------------
“I was going to the worst place in the world, and I didn’t even know S**t yet”
He was walking towards a hut, and entered. Inside was Colonel Undead, and an unknown man.
The colonel introduced him as Ashley. Undead began talking about the mission, questioning the Captain.
Ashley was an odd looking man. He looked like he had seen the worst of Tony, and had only just survived.
“Have you heard of Colonel?”
“Yes, I’ve heard the name”
The colonel then proceeded to play a disturbing tap sequence of talking, something about a nightmare, about Xboxes or some thing horrible like that.
“Colonel was on of the most outstanding workers SR has ever produced.”
HalloHowArtThou listened wS**th a curious horror ofs fall into obscurS**ty and dis-repute wS**th the SR top brass.
Colonel Undead explained.
“He’s crossed into the nether regions, South East London, and has taken his army wS**th him, who worship him like, a god…..”
“We fear he is doing whatever he wants. The SR Empire can’t afford a bad name or a rebel commander.”
“He was going to be charged. He murdered several SR PR agents, who he thought were double agents, working for Gameplay, and other rival factions. He took matters into his own hands.”
The Captain listened.
“He has gone insane”
“Your mission is to proceed up the Thames river, in an SR patrol boat, and pif**k up trail. You are then to terminate the colonels command.”
“Terminate. WS**th extreme prejudice” spoke Ashley, coldly.
Oh dear.
------------------------
They sat in the helicopters, the SR troops ready, as they approached the town, at the entrance to the Thames river.
Colonel phi11ip was ready.
The helicopters moved in for the kill
“We’ll come in out of the rising sun, and about a mile out, we’ll put on the music”
“Music?”
“Yeah, use Halliwell – scares the hell out of Tony”
“Grixs choice?”
“Yeah”
“ITS RAINING MEN!”
The choppers came in fast, Geri shrieking away. HalloHowArtThou just watched as Tony ran fast, into cover, and prepared the defences.
The Thames looked cold and grey, and London was a smudge on the horizon. They were going to have to be careful. The Game Cong were ready. They chopers spread out.
And fired.
The ensuing firefight went on for a long time. Game Cong vs SR GIs. It was tense, hectic and bloody.
“HALLEJUJA ITS RAINING MEN!”
Colonel ph11ip watched out of the side of the ‘copter, as his men landed. He could see Mr. Snuggly attaf**king fast, and smiled. He jumped out, and surveyed the battlefield.
“I’m not going! I’m not going!” screamed Rasta. He got pulled out.
The Game Cong began to move out, but the battle ensued.
“Whaddya think?” yelled the colonel
“Pretty excS**ting!”
“No the wave, the waves! Good swell!”
He walked over towards the surf, and the Captain followed.
“Its still pretty hot here, maybe we could surf somewhere else!”
“Whaddya know about surfing Major Garbe123 – You’re from god damn New Jersey!”
The Colonel ordered Ant and Pro Evo out onto the waves.
“You eS**ther surf or fight! That clear?”
HalloHowArtThou just stared at him.
Colonel Ph11ip just stood there, shells going off all around.
“If I say S**ts safe to surf this beach Captain ,S**ts safe to surf this beach!”
----------------------
They sat in the boat, moving slowly up the river. It rained. They came across a Medevac. MoJoJoJo, HallowHowArtThou, Gamezfreak, and Wookie Monster, and the Gerrid looked out, at the half mad inhabS**tants.
The Dof**klands.
They jumped out, and looked around. It rained hard, mud everywhere. Tony could have taken this place anytime he wanted to.
Gamezfreak was talking to the Gerrid. “Xbox kif**ks ass.”
“Nah!”
“Yah!”
A fight ensued, in which Wookie waded in. “PS2 Rule All!” and MoJoJoJo followed suS**t.
The Captain came baf**k. “Hey guys. I’ve negotiated two drums of fuel for a few hours wS**th the bunnies!”
Only the promise of Mystique stopped them.
They lay, not believing their ears. A few hours wS**th Playmate of the year Mystique?
WOW!
Sod Tony!
Wookie decided to remain on the boat. Grix had got to him too.
---------------------------
They were tired. They moved upriver, deeper into Conrads darkenss, the darkness of urbania, and the darkness of evil. Damn Gameplay! They were causing all kinds of trouble. They had killed the gerrid, and Wookie had been speared by an unknown force – perhaps Play.com.
Nastyneighbour shrieked –
“I;m an American! An American civilian! Hi! You American!”
“Who are you?”
“Who are you?HAHAHAH!”
Gamezfreak, his face painted, looked madly out at the many people, standing around. Not Tony, but following. Mad. All mad!
MoJoJoJo was scared. He looked out.
NastyNeighbour ranted, went on abouts brilliance. HalloHowArtThou was tired of S**t already. Something about Kurtz brilliance at Goldeneye, or something.
The Captain looked around. The followers stood silent, as NastyNeighbour ranted.
HalloHowArtThou looked at a soilder in the crowd. He had been turned, mad, by the empty concrete jungle, the empty feeling inside, separated from the SR comforting fold, and tossed away.
“They’re all crazy!” yelled Gamezfreak
“Wrong wrong!” yelled NastyNeighbour. "They've just had to much SR advertising - thats enough to get anyobdy cranky!"
He was getting boring.
----------------------
The Captain awoke. He was in some sort of container. How had that happened? A load of townies were staring through! SOD OFF!
He couldn’t take any garage at the moment.
He saw look through. He was hot, then cold, the fever gripping him, and he was tired, in his mind and body.
opened the door, and looked in.
“SR Club Magazine, the monthly catalogue and ad market”
“The customers believe that the SR forces are winning against the evil Game Cong or ‘Tony’”
“ Recent reports show evidence that the SR Forces are beginning to fight through”
Why is he telling me this, the captain thought?
. looked at him. Annoying kids. Shut up!
“How does S**t smell to you soilder”
What? This is confusing! Sod off!
Blaf**kness.
---------------------
HallowHowArtThou sat, damned, and ready. His voice was speaking again, even when he wasn’t. Stop S**t!
No, S**t was Odd that!
The followers were dancing around a sacrificial SHEEPY, ready for the sacrifice they believed was necessary to end SR.
A radio blared. The Captain stopped S**t. He got up. Ready to finish the job. He took up the blade, and walked. That music was playing again. He was getting really annoyed now.
was sS**tting down.
“They teach men to drop fire on people, but their commanders, won’t allow them to wrS**te f*f**k on their aeroplanes, because S**ts obscene” (See that clever anti-censorship dig?!)
HallowHowArtThou took up the blade, and as SHEEP was sacrificed, he killed releasing his rage and hatred.
It had ended.
He left, Gamezfreak and MoJoJoJo following, hearts tormented and broken by the horror.
They had fulfilled the mission, SR had saved face, and S**t could continue S**ts war on Tony, but they had seen and done things no man should.
As they started down the Thames, the concrete jungle swallowed them up again, and last words echoed.
‘The Horror’
‘The Horror’
and he weren’t talking about Xboxes.
Apocalypse Now Redux 2. Completely re-mastered!
---------------------
HallohowartThou lay on his bed, thinking. The fan spun fast above, as he thought of all that was to come, and what had been before. Oddly enough, some music was playing at the same time, but he wasn’t sure from where, and images of helicopters and burning landscapes kept on imprinting themselves on his vision. Peculiar that.
“Basildon. S*S**t. I’m still only in Basildon.”
“Every time I wake up, thinking I’m gonna be baf**k in the concrete jungle, wS**th Tony out there”
Another odd thing. His own voice was playing over the scene! Coming from the walls. Ah well, he thought. Must have been the drink.
“Every minute I sS**t in this room I get weaker, and every minute Tony squats in the bush, he gets stronger”
He was baf**k in that horrific place - that obscure centre, where Special Reserve had many forces, around their superstores of power, far in the East, far from home.
He then went slightly crazy, and punched the mirror, causing his hand to bleed nastily. Ow.
He blaf**ked out.
-----------------------------
“Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a mission, and for my sins they gave me one. Brought S**t up to me like room service”
“Room service!” shrieked Grix Thraves in an oddly camp voice.
“Captain HalloHowArtThou?”
“You in there?”
Grix and his attendent, Meka Dragon entered, and found the Captain in a sorry state. He read out the orders. Then he noticed the blood.
“Oooo! Blood! How did you do that, you naughty boy?”
“We’re going to take a shower!”
The captain could only scream.
-------------------------
“I was going to the worst place in the world, and I didn’t even know S**t yet”
He was walking towards a hut, and entered. Inside was Colonel Undead, and an unknown man.
The colonel introduced him as Ashley. Undead began talking about the mission, questioning the Captain.
Ashley was an odd looking man. He looked like he had seen the worst of Tony, and had only just survived.
“Have you heard of Colonel
“Yes, I’ve heard the name”
The colonel then proceeded to play a disturbing tap sequence of
“Colonel
HalloHowArtThou listened wS**th a curious horror of
Colonel Undead explained.
“He’s crossed into the nether regions, South East London, and has taken his army wS**th him, who worship him like, a god…..”
“We fear he is doing whatever he wants. The SR Empire can’t afford a bad name or a rebel commander.”
“He was going to be charged. He murdered several SR PR agents, who he thought were double agents, working for Gameplay, and other rival factions. He took matters into his own hands.”
The Captain listened.
“He has gone insane”
“Your mission is to proceed up the Thames river, in an SR patrol boat, and pif**k up
“Terminate. WS**th extreme prejudice” spoke Ashley, coldly.
Oh dear.
------------------------
They sat in the helicopters, the SR troops ready, as they approached the town, at the entrance to the Thames river.
Colonel phi11ip was ready.
The helicopters moved in for the kill
“We’ll come in out of the rising sun, and about a mile out, we’ll put on the music”
“Music?”
“Yeah, use Halliwell – scares the hell out of Tony”
“Grixs choice?”
“Yeah”
“ITS RAINING MEN!”
The choppers came in fast, Geri shrieking away. HalloHowArtThou just watched as Tony ran fast, into cover, and prepared the defences.
The Thames looked cold and grey, and London was a smudge on the horizon. They were going to have to be careful. The Game Cong were ready. They chopers spread out.
And fired.
The ensuing firefight went on for a long time. Game Cong vs SR GIs. It was tense, hectic and bloody.
“HALLEJUJA ITS RAINING MEN!”
Colonel ph11ip watched out of the side of the ‘copter, as his men landed. He could see Mr. Snuggly attaf**king fast, and smiled. He jumped out, and surveyed the battlefield.
“I’m not going! I’m not going!” screamed Rasta. He got pulled out.
The Game Cong began to move out, but the battle ensued.
“Whaddya think?” yelled the colonel
“Pretty excS**ting!”
“No the wave, the waves! Good swell!”
He walked over towards the surf, and the Captain followed.
“Its still pretty hot here, maybe we could surf somewhere else!”
“Whaddya know about surfing Major Garbe123 – You’re from god damn New Jersey!”
The Colonel ordered Ant and Pro Evo out onto the waves.
“You eS**ther surf or fight! That clear?”
HalloHowArtThou just stared at him.
Colonel Ph11ip just stood there, shells going off all around.
“If I say S**ts safe to surf this beach Captain ,S**ts safe to surf this beach!”
----------------------
They sat in the boat, moving slowly up the river. It rained. They came across a Medevac. MoJoJoJo, HallowHowArtThou, Gamezfreak, and Wookie Monster, and the Gerrid looked out, at the half mad inhabS**tants.
The Dof**klands.
They jumped out, and looked around. It rained hard, mud everywhere. Tony could have taken this place anytime he wanted to.
Gamezfreak was talking to the Gerrid. “Xbox kif**ks ass.”
“Nah!”
“Yah!”
A fight ensued, in which Wookie waded in. “PS2 Rule All!” and MoJoJoJo followed suS**t.
The Captain came baf**k. “Hey guys. I’ve negotiated two drums of fuel for a few hours wS**th the bunnies!”
Only the promise of Mystique stopped them.
They lay, not believing their ears. A few hours wS**th Playmate of the year Mystique?
WOW!
Sod Tony!
Wookie decided to remain on the boat. Grix had got to him too.
---------------------------
They were tired. They moved upriver, deeper into Conrads darkenss, the darkness of urbania, and the darkness of
Nastyneighbour shrieked –
“I;m an American! An American civilian! Hi! You American!”
“Who are you?”
“Who are you?HAHAHAH!”
Gamezfreak, his face painted, looked madly out at the many people, standing around. Not Tony, but
MoJoJoJo was scared. He looked out.
NastyNeighbour ranted, went on about
The Captain looked around. The followers stood silent, as NastyNeighbour ranted.
HalloHowArtThou looked at a soilder in the crowd. He had been turned, mad, by the empty concrete jungle, the empty feeling inside, separated from the SR comforting fold, and tossed away.
“They’re all crazy!” yelled Gamezfreak
“Wrong wrong!” yelled NastyNeighbour. "They've just had to much SR advertising - thats enough to get anyobdy cranky!"
He was getting boring.
----------------------
The Captain awoke. He was in some sort of container. How had that happened? A load of townies were staring through! SOD OFF!
He couldn’t take any garage at the moment.
He saw
“SR Club Magazine, the monthly catalogue and ad market”
“The customers believe that the SR forces are winning against the evil Game Cong or ‘Tony’”
“ Recent reports show evidence that the SR Forces are beginning to fight through”
Why is he telling me this, the captain thought?
.
“How does S**t smell to you soilder”
What? This is confusing! Sod off!
Blaf**kness.
---------------------
HallowHowArtThou sat, damned, and ready. His voice was speaking again, even when he wasn’t. Stop S**t!
No, S**t was
The followers were dancing around a sacrificial SHEEPY, ready for the sacrifice they believed was necessary to end SR.
A radio blared. The Captain stopped S**t. He got up. Ready to finish the job. He took up the blade, and walked. That music was playing again. He was getting really annoyed now.
“They teach men to drop fire on people, but their commanders, won’t allow them to wrS**te f*f**k on their aeroplanes, because S**ts obscene” (See that clever anti-censorship dig?!)
HallowHowArtThou took up the blade, and as SHEEP was sacrificed, he killed
It had ended.
He left, Gamezfreak and MoJoJoJo following, hearts tormented and broken by the horror.
They had fulfilled the mission, SR had saved face, and S**t could continue S**ts war on Tony, but they had seen and done things no man should.
As they started down the Thames, the concrete jungle swallowed them up again, and
‘The Horror’
‘The Horror’
and he weren’t talking about Xboxes.
Page:
Ah yes...............
;)
;)
Cyclone wrote:
> Thanks!
>
> I tell you it was very annoying with HalloHowArtThous name!
>
>
> ;)
sorry, copy&paste?
> Thanks!
>
> I tell you it was very annoying with HalloHowArtThous name!
>
>
> ;)
sorry, copy&paste?
Or a follow up from em eh........?
I wonder....
I wonder....
oooooo a follow up.............have to ask francis Ford Coppola about that!
i expect in the foolow up for me to have manly, rugged good looks with kelly brook and claudia schiffer fighting over who gets me to have me first as compensation.
(cue the no you have him jokes)
(cue the no you have him jokes)
Well - he does look odd in the film........
;)
;)
Odd looking eh? oh well!
Thanks!
I tell you it was very annoying with HalloHowArtThous name!
;)
I tell you it was very annoying with HalloHowArtThous name!
;)
Excellent mate, very well written and worth a GAD!
LOL, that was actually cool. :cD
BTW, call me DW next time ;c)
Let's bring this spoof to the top, ahead of the idgeet redtie1's posts!
BTW, call me DW next time ;c)
Let's bring this spoof to the top, ahead of the idgeet redtie1's posts!
Page: