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Joy of joys, it's that time of year again already. The time when 2 million people congregate just outside my house and start blowing whistles very loudly. Bah, eardrums are for wimps anyway.
Having been to Carnival for the last 7 years, I have witnessed its steady conversion into a highly commercial event. This has finally culminated in a new quick-cash game license from EA Dance. It's a fairly standard fare dance simulation that captures the claustrophobia and unbearable sweatiness of the real event. It will naturally be dance-mat compatible. Just scatter empty beer cans, broken glass and 'home-made cigarette' butts over the mat for extra authenticity.
So far, EA have released details of the first 6 levels:
LEVEL ONE: The classic Notting Hill Carnival cliche. You control a policeman dancing enthusiastically with an elderly Trinidadian lady for the benefit of onlooking Daily Mail photographers. Get the bobby booty-shaking so that fellow party-goers comment on how PC (politically correct) that PC (police constable) is.
LEVEL TWO: Another common carnival phenomenon, you play a white teen from Weybridge gettin down with a Rasta from Peckham in front of a hard-ragga sound-system. If you bop with enough spirit, you might even pull that Tara Trustafarian type... that girl from Sloane Square with dirty great dreadlocks.
LEVEL THREE: Ah, the ubiquitous American tourist. You must control a slightly bewildered looking American middle age lady wearing a pink shell-suit with matching sun-visor. The sound of UK garage is new and unheard to this particular character, so you must improvise to the 2-step beat using a variety of 'jive', 'twist' and other aged 'rock'n'roll' dance manouvres.
LEVEL FOUR: This level puts you in contol of an up'n'coming cheeky chappy MTV presenter. You must build up your credibility in-front of the crowds by head-nodding sagely to rare reggae 45" vinyl played from the Studio One Sound System. Fari my rudebwoy bredders.
LEVEL FIVE: Always a great opportunity for advertising, level 5 sees you controlling the lady from the Lilt advert. You must strut the funky-Lilt-calypso on the big Lilt carnival float. You must dance so well, and in such a Caribbean fashion, that everyone develops a thirst for a pineapple and grapefruit flavoured fruit crush.
LEVEL SIX: 'Bob', the mad tramp who lives on a bench in the Carnival zone, loves it when the party comes to town. After polishing off the dregs of Special Brew from the thousands of half-empty lager cans littering the streets, Bob loves nothing more than to hardstep to some intelligent-jazz fusion-drum'n'bass... "Mwurara... hmphhh.... buuurp.... maaah dippy dippy rer na?"
----------------------------------------------------
Bonus levels are set to incorporate:
FIND THE TOILET MISSION: You have 3 hours to find somewhere in which to unleash nature's fury. It may sound simple... but 3 porcelain bowls divided by 2 million people means it's a near-impossible task.
FOLLOW THE BEER TROLLEY: You must spot a sign scrawled with the message '4 cans of Red Stripe 4 a £5' and follow the man with the lager-trolley, aiming to catch up with him before a primary school carnival float stops you dead in your tracks and maroons you on the wrong side of the road for the next hour and a half.
SHOOT TIM WESTWOOD: A simple enough premise me-thinks.
----------------------------------------------------
So far, confirmed artists for the game soundtrack include:
Smoothy Jam & The Crispy Cracker Crew
Judge Dreddy (ft Brian the Lion from Zion)
Ahmhaiignubu
DJ Hairy Cornflake & MC Cheggers
The Wailing Backyard Dawgz
Rasta Elvis
Vulcanized Biking Leather Kru
De Erb Gardeners (with special PA from Alan Titchmarsh)
Having been to Carnival for the last 7 years, I have witnessed its steady conversion into a highly commercial event. This has finally culminated in a new quick-cash game license from EA Dance. It's a fairly standard fare dance simulation that captures the claustrophobia and unbearable sweatiness of the real event. It will naturally be dance-mat compatible. Just scatter empty beer cans, broken glass and 'home-made cigarette' butts over the mat for extra authenticity.
So far, EA have released details of the first 6 levels:
LEVEL ONE: The classic Notting Hill Carnival cliche. You control a policeman dancing enthusiastically with an elderly Trinidadian lady for the benefit of onlooking Daily Mail photographers. Get the bobby booty-shaking so that fellow party-goers comment on how PC (politically correct) that PC (police constable) is.
LEVEL TWO: Another common carnival phenomenon, you play a white teen from Weybridge gettin down with a Rasta from Peckham in front of a hard-ragga sound-system. If you bop with enough spirit, you might even pull that Tara Trustafarian type... that girl from Sloane Square with dirty great dreadlocks.
LEVEL THREE: Ah, the ubiquitous American tourist. You must control a slightly bewildered looking American middle age lady wearing a pink shell-suit with matching sun-visor. The sound of UK garage is new and unheard to this particular character, so you must improvise to the 2-step beat using a variety of 'jive', 'twist' and other aged 'rock'n'roll' dance manouvres.
LEVEL FOUR: This level puts you in contol of an up'n'coming cheeky chappy MTV presenter. You must build up your credibility in-front of the crowds by head-nodding sagely to rare reggae 45" vinyl played from the Studio One Sound System. Fari my rudebwoy bredders.
LEVEL FIVE: Always a great opportunity for advertising, level 5 sees you controlling the lady from the Lilt advert. You must strut the funky-Lilt-calypso on the big Lilt carnival float. You must dance so well, and in such a Caribbean fashion, that everyone develops a thirst for a pineapple and grapefruit flavoured fruit crush.
LEVEL SIX: 'Bob', the mad tramp who lives on a bench in the Carnival zone, loves it when the party comes to town. After polishing off the dregs of Special Brew from the thousands of half-empty lager cans littering the streets, Bob loves nothing more than to hardstep to some intelligent-jazz fusion-drum'n'bass... "Mwurara... hmphhh.... buuurp.... maaah dippy dippy rer na?"
----------------------------------------------------
Bonus levels are set to incorporate:
FIND THE TOILET MISSION: You have 3 hours to find somewhere in which to unleash nature's fury. It may sound simple... but 3 porcelain bowls divided by 2 million people means it's a near-impossible task.
FOLLOW THE BEER TROLLEY: You must spot a sign scrawled with the message '4 cans of Red Stripe 4 a £5' and follow the man with the lager-trolley, aiming to catch up with him before a primary school carnival float stops you dead in your tracks and maroons you on the wrong side of the road for the next hour and a half.
SHOOT TIM WESTWOOD: A simple enough premise me-thinks.
----------------------------------------------------
So far, confirmed artists for the game soundtrack include:
Smoothy Jam & The Crispy Cracker Crew
Judge Dreddy (ft Brian the Lion from Zion)
Ahmhaiignubu
DJ Hairy Cornflake & MC Cheggers
The Wailing Backyard Dawgz
Rasta Elvis
Vulcanized Biking Leather Kru
De Erb Gardeners (with special PA from Alan Titchmarsh)
This is rather brilliant.
Well done.
Well done.
It's funny because it's true!
Hilarious stuff once again.
Oh my god! I've never laughed so much at a post on these forums.
If he does'nt win GAD then i'm chasing Snuggers with a stick!
If he does'nt win GAD then i'm chasing Snuggers with a stick!
Joy of joys, it's that time of year again already. The time when 2 million people congregate just outside my house and start blowing whistles very loudly. Bah, eardrums are for wimps anyway.
Having been to Carnival for the last 7 years, I have witnessed its steady conversion into a highly commercial event. This has finally culminated in a new quick-cash game license from EA Dance. It's a fairly standard fare dance simulation that captures the claustrophobia and unbearable sweatiness of the real event. It will naturally be dance-mat compatible. Just scatter empty beer cans, broken glass and 'home-made cigarette' butts over the mat for extra authenticity.
So far, EA have released details of the first 6 levels:
LEVEL ONE: The classic Notting Hill Carnival cliche. You control a policeman dancing enthusiastically with an elderly Trinidadian lady for the benefit of onlooking Daily Mail photographers. Get the bobby booty-shaking so that fellow party-goers comment on how PC (politically correct) that PC (police constable) is.
LEVEL TWO: Another common carnival phenomenon, you play a white teen from Weybridge gettin down with a Rasta from Peckham in front of a hard-ragga sound-system. If you bop with enough spirit, you might even pull that Tara Trustafarian type... that girl from Sloane Square with dirty great dreadlocks.
LEVEL THREE: Ah, the ubiquitous American tourist. You must control a slightly bewildered looking American middle age lady wearing a pink shell-suit with matching sun-visor. The sound of UK garage is new and unheard to this particular character, so you must improvise to the 2-step beat using a variety of 'jive', 'twist' and other aged 'rock'n'roll' dance manouvres.
LEVEL FOUR: This level puts you in contol of an up'n'coming cheeky chappy MTV presenter. You must build up your credibility in-front of the crowds by head-nodding sagely to rare reggae 45" vinyl played from the Studio One Sound System. Fari my rudebwoy bredders.
LEVEL FIVE: Always a great opportunity for advertising, level 5 sees you controlling the lady from the Lilt advert. You must strut the funky-Lilt-calypso on the big Lilt carnival float. You must dance so well, and in such a Caribbean fashion, that everyone develops a thirst for a pineapple and grapefruit flavoured fruit crush.
LEVEL SIX: 'Bob', the mad tramp who lives on a bench in the Carnival zone, loves it when the party comes to town. After polishing off the dregs of Special Brew from the thousands of half-empty lager cans littering the streets, Bob loves nothing more than to hardstep to some intelligent-jazz fusion-drum'n'bass... "Mwurara... hmphhh.... buuurp.... maaah dippy dippy rer na?"
----------------------------------------------------
Bonus levels are set to incorporate:
FIND THE TOILET MISSION: You have 3 hours to find somewhere in which to unleash nature's fury. It may sound simple... but 3 porcelain bowls divided by 2 million people means it's a near-impossible task.
FOLLOW THE BEER TROLLEY: You must spot a sign scrawled with the message '4 cans of Red Stripe 4 a £5' and follow the man with the lager-trolley, aiming to catch up with him before a primary school carnival float stops you dead in your tracks and maroons you on the wrong side of the road for the next hour and a half.
SHOOT TIM WESTWOOD: A simple enough premise me-thinks.
----------------------------------------------------
So far, confirmed artists for the game soundtrack include:
Smoothy Jam & The Crispy Cracker Crew
Judge Dreddy (ft Brian the Lion from Zion)
Ahmhaiignubu
DJ Hairy Cornflake & MC Cheggers
The Wailing Backyard Dawgz
Rasta Elvis
Vulcanized Biking Leather Kru
De Erb Gardeners (with special PA from Alan Titchmarsh)
Having been to Carnival for the last 7 years, I have witnessed its steady conversion into a highly commercial event. This has finally culminated in a new quick-cash game license from EA Dance. It's a fairly standard fare dance simulation that captures the claustrophobia and unbearable sweatiness of the real event. It will naturally be dance-mat compatible. Just scatter empty beer cans, broken glass and 'home-made cigarette' butts over the mat for extra authenticity.
So far, EA have released details of the first 6 levels:
LEVEL ONE: The classic Notting Hill Carnival cliche. You control a policeman dancing enthusiastically with an elderly Trinidadian lady for the benefit of onlooking Daily Mail photographers. Get the bobby booty-shaking so that fellow party-goers comment on how PC (politically correct) that PC (police constable) is.
LEVEL TWO: Another common carnival phenomenon, you play a white teen from Weybridge gettin down with a Rasta from Peckham in front of a hard-ragga sound-system. If you bop with enough spirit, you might even pull that Tara Trustafarian type... that girl from Sloane Square with dirty great dreadlocks.
LEVEL THREE: Ah, the ubiquitous American tourist. You must control a slightly bewildered looking American middle age lady wearing a pink shell-suit with matching sun-visor. The sound of UK garage is new and unheard to this particular character, so you must improvise to the 2-step beat using a variety of 'jive', 'twist' and other aged 'rock'n'roll' dance manouvres.
LEVEL FOUR: This level puts you in contol of an up'n'coming cheeky chappy MTV presenter. You must build up your credibility in-front of the crowds by head-nodding sagely to rare reggae 45" vinyl played from the Studio One Sound System. Fari my rudebwoy bredders.
LEVEL FIVE: Always a great opportunity for advertising, level 5 sees you controlling the lady from the Lilt advert. You must strut the funky-Lilt-calypso on the big Lilt carnival float. You must dance so well, and in such a Caribbean fashion, that everyone develops a thirst for a pineapple and grapefruit flavoured fruit crush.
LEVEL SIX: 'Bob', the mad tramp who lives on a bench in the Carnival zone, loves it when the party comes to town. After polishing off the dregs of Special Brew from the thousands of half-empty lager cans littering the streets, Bob loves nothing more than to hardstep to some intelligent-jazz fusion-drum'n'bass... "Mwurara... hmphhh.... buuurp.... maaah dippy dippy rer na?"
----------------------------------------------------
Bonus levels are set to incorporate:
FIND THE TOILET MISSION: You have 3 hours to find somewhere in which to unleash nature's fury. It may sound simple... but 3 porcelain bowls divided by 2 million people means it's a near-impossible task.
FOLLOW THE BEER TROLLEY: You must spot a sign scrawled with the message '4 cans of Red Stripe 4 a £5' and follow the man with the lager-trolley, aiming to catch up with him before a primary school carnival float stops you dead in your tracks and maroons you on the wrong side of the road for the next hour and a half.
SHOOT TIM WESTWOOD: A simple enough premise me-thinks.
----------------------------------------------------
So far, confirmed artists for the game soundtrack include:
Smoothy Jam & The Crispy Cracker Crew
Judge Dreddy (ft Brian the Lion from Zion)
Ahmhaiignubu
DJ Hairy Cornflake & MC Cheggers
The Wailing Backyard Dawgz
Rasta Elvis
Vulcanized Biking Leather Kru
De Erb Gardeners (with special PA from Alan Titchmarsh)