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Here we are at the c meeting where many game characters are telling what they really want.
In Washington D.C. a coalition of video game characters representing the nation's leading systems appeared before Congress monday to decry the spinning blades in videdo game landscapes.
"We are here to demand an end to the shockingly casual placement of dangerous blades in our places of work" declared Tomb Raider star Lara Croft, who estimates that she has lost more than 500,000 lives to spinning, falling, swinging, and appearing out of nowhere blades this year alone. "This kind of thing has been going on since the days of Pitfall Harry, and it has got to stop.
Croft, flanked by Metal Gear Solid Snake, Super Mario 64's Mario, and both the soldiers from Contra, called upon Congress to revise laws to extend proction to the digitally rendered.
"From Pitfall to Bad Dudes Versus Dragon Ninja to Gaunlet, the deadly spinning blade has been with us so long, we no longer even question it," Croft said. "It's high time it was done with once and for all."
Exacerbating the situation, Mario said, is it the seemingly abitrary placement of the hazards. "I could see why, if you're in a factory, you might find yourself jumping around on dangerous conveyor belts moving in different derections," he said. "But why would you have conveyor belts in a castle? Or in the middle of a forest? Nintendo and these other companies are always talking about how realistic their graphics are. Well, what's so realistic about killer turtles shooting out of clouds and such?"
In addition to the standard spinning blade, the coalition is seeking restrictions on random whriling fireball chains, falling blocks, spikepit traps, and invisible cross corridor laser arrays.
Legislators listened attentively as the digitized characters told of their near death encounters.
"Just the other day, I was running through the British Museum's Egyptology exhibit when a bunch of six foot scythes suddenly burst out of a sarcophagus," Croft countinued. "Fortunately, I managed to leap out of the way at the last possible second. But a situation like that could have easily turned trajic."
"We're not so different from you," the blue jacketed guy from Double Dragon said. "We just want to be left alone to do our jobs like saving princesses, finding lost treasures, and destroying out of control nuclear equipted robots. But it's nearly impossible to go about your daily life when you're living in constant fear of some giant, evil mushroom suddenly lunging at you from out of nowhere.
"I mean, would you put up with a row of whriling knives in the cereal aisle at the supermarket?" the Double Dragon guy countinued, "Of course not. Why, then, should Duke Nukem have to run through a corridor of them to get the health pack he needs to survive?"
The characters said thay intend to boycott their respective video games until Nintendo, Sega, Sony, and other manufacturers take significant measures to improve safety.
"In addition to mandatory warning lights and buzzers at least eight seconds before the appearence of a blade, spike, or other health hazard, we are calling for mapping features in all 3D rendered enviroments, large flashing arrows to highlight such hidden objects as health and life bonuses, and in the case of Sonic Team games, safety guardrails on all loops."
Sonic announces out of the blue, "And would it kill you to put good music in games. I almost didnt make it through that jungle level last time.
This has been the Ben Stalkingjew at channel 456 news.
In Washington D.C. a coalition of video game characters representing the nation's leading systems appeared before Congress monday to decry the spinning blades in videdo game landscapes.
"We are here to demand an end to the shockingly casual placement of dangerous blades in our places of work" declared Tomb Raider star Lara Croft, who estimates that she has lost more than 500,000 lives to spinning, falling, swinging, and appearing out of nowhere blades this year alone. "This kind of thing has been going on since the days of Pitfall Harry, and it has got to stop.
Croft, flanked by Metal Gear Solid Snake, Super Mario 64's Mario, and both the soldiers from Contra, called upon Congress to revise laws to extend proction to the digitally rendered.
"From Pitfall to Bad Dudes Versus Dragon Ninja to Gaunlet, the deadly spinning blade has been with us so long, we no longer even question it," Croft said. "It's high time it was done with once and for all."
Exacerbating the situation, Mario said, is it the seemingly abitrary placement of the hazards. "I could see why, if you're in a factory, you might find yourself jumping around on dangerous conveyor belts moving in different derections," he said. "But why would you have conveyor belts in a castle? Or in the middle of a forest? Nintendo and these other companies are always talking about how realistic their graphics are. Well, what's so realistic about killer turtles shooting out of clouds and such?"
In addition to the standard spinning blade, the coalition is seeking restrictions on random whriling fireball chains, falling blocks, spikepit traps, and invisible cross corridor laser arrays.
Legislators listened attentively as the digitized characters told of their near death encounters.
"Just the other day, I was running through the British Museum's Egyptology exhibit when a bunch of six foot scythes suddenly burst out of a sarcophagus," Croft countinued. "Fortunately, I managed to leap out of the way at the last possible second. But a situation like that could have easily turned trajic."
"We're not so different from you," the blue jacketed guy from Double Dragon said. "We just want to be left alone to do our jobs like saving princesses, finding lost treasures, and destroying out of control nuclear equipted robots. But it's nearly impossible to go about your daily life when you're living in constant fear of some giant, evil mushroom suddenly lunging at you from out of nowhere.
"I mean, would you put up with a row of whriling knives in the cereal aisle at the supermarket?" the Double Dragon guy countinued, "Of course not. Why, then, should Duke Nukem have to run through a corridor of them to get the health pack he needs to survive?"
The characters said thay intend to boycott their respective video games until Nintendo, Sega, Sony, and other manufacturers take significant measures to improve safety.
"In addition to mandatory warning lights and buzzers at least eight seconds before the appearence of a blade, spike, or other health hazard, we are calling for mapping features in all 3D rendered enviroments, large flashing arrows to highlight such hidden objects as health and life bonuses, and in the case of Sonic Team games, safety guardrails on all loops."
Sonic announces out of the blue, "And would it kill you to put good music in games. I almost didnt make it through that jungle level last time.
This has been the Ben Stalkingjew at channel 456 news.
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Here we are at the c meeting where many game characters are telling what they really want.
In Washington D.C. a coalition of video game characters representing the nation's leading systems appeared before Congress monday to decry the spinning blades in videdo game landscapes.
"We are here to demand an end to the shockingly casual placement of dangerous blades in our places of work" declared Tomb Raider star Lara Croft, who estimates that she has lost more than 500,000 lives to spinning, falling, swinging, and appearing out of nowhere blades this year alone. "This kind of thing has been going on since the days of Pitfall Harry, and it has got to stop.
Croft, flanked by Metal Gear Solid Snake, Super Mario 64's Mario, and both the soldiers from Contra, called upon Congress to revise laws to extend proction to the digitally rendered.
"From Pitfall to Bad Dudes Versus Dragon Ninja to Gaunlet, the deadly spinning blade has been with us so long, we no longer even question it," Croft said. "It's high time it was done with once and for all."
Exacerbating the situation, Mario said, is it the seemingly abitrary placement of the hazards. "I could see why, if you're in a factory, you might find yourself jumping around on dangerous conveyor belts moving in different derections," he said. "But why would you have conveyor belts in a castle? Or in the middle of a forest? Nintendo and these other companies are always talking about how realistic their graphics are. Well, what's so realistic about killer turtles shooting out of clouds and such?"
In addition to the standard spinning blade, the coalition is seeking restrictions on random whriling fireball chains, falling blocks, spikepit traps, and invisible cross corridor laser arrays.
Legislators listened attentively as the digitized characters told of their near death encounters.
"Just the other day, I was running through the British Museum's Egyptology exhibit when a bunch of six foot scythes suddenly burst out of a sarcophagus," Croft countinued. "Fortunately, I managed to leap out of the way at the last possible second. But a situation like that could have easily turned trajic."
"We're not so different from you," the blue jacketed guy from Double Dragon said. "We just want to be left alone to do our jobs like saving princesses, finding lost treasures, and destroying out of control nuclear equipted robots. But it's nearly impossible to go about your daily life when you're living in constant fear of some giant, evil mushroom suddenly lunging at you from out of nowhere.
"I mean, would you put up with a row of whriling knives in the cereal aisle at the supermarket?" the Double Dragon guy countinued, "Of course not. Why, then, should Duke Nukem have to run through a corridor of them to get the health pack he needs to survive?"
The characters said thay intend to boycott their respective video games until Nintendo, Sega, Sony, and other manufacturers take significant measures to improve safety.
"In addition to mandatory warning lights and buzzers at least eight seconds before the appearence of a blade, spike, or other health hazard, we are calling for mapping features in all 3D rendered enviroments, large flashing arrows to highlight such hidden objects as health and life bonuses, and in the case of Sonic Team games, safety guardrails on all loops."
Sonic announces out of the blue, "And would it kill you to put good music in games. I almost didnt make it through that jungle level last time.
This has been the Ben Stalkingjew at channel 456 news.
In Washington D.C. a coalition of video game characters representing the nation's leading systems appeared before Congress monday to decry the spinning blades in videdo game landscapes.
"We are here to demand an end to the shockingly casual placement of dangerous blades in our places of work" declared Tomb Raider star Lara Croft, who estimates that she has lost more than 500,000 lives to spinning, falling, swinging, and appearing out of nowhere blades this year alone. "This kind of thing has been going on since the days of Pitfall Harry, and it has got to stop.
Croft, flanked by Metal Gear Solid Snake, Super Mario 64's Mario, and both the soldiers from Contra, called upon Congress to revise laws to extend proction to the digitally rendered.
"From Pitfall to Bad Dudes Versus Dragon Ninja to Gaunlet, the deadly spinning blade has been with us so long, we no longer even question it," Croft said. "It's high time it was done with once and for all."
Exacerbating the situation, Mario said, is it the seemingly abitrary placement of the hazards. "I could see why, if you're in a factory, you might find yourself jumping around on dangerous conveyor belts moving in different derections," he said. "But why would you have conveyor belts in a castle? Or in the middle of a forest? Nintendo and these other companies are always talking about how realistic their graphics are. Well, what's so realistic about killer turtles shooting out of clouds and such?"
In addition to the standard spinning blade, the coalition is seeking restrictions on random whriling fireball chains, falling blocks, spikepit traps, and invisible cross corridor laser arrays.
Legislators listened attentively as the digitized characters told of their near death encounters.
"Just the other day, I was running through the British Museum's Egyptology exhibit when a bunch of six foot scythes suddenly burst out of a sarcophagus," Croft countinued. "Fortunately, I managed to leap out of the way at the last possible second. But a situation like that could have easily turned trajic."
"We're not so different from you," the blue jacketed guy from Double Dragon said. "We just want to be left alone to do our jobs like saving princesses, finding lost treasures, and destroying out of control nuclear equipted robots. But it's nearly impossible to go about your daily life when you're living in constant fear of some giant, evil mushroom suddenly lunging at you from out of nowhere.
"I mean, would you put up with a row of whriling knives in the cereal aisle at the supermarket?" the Double Dragon guy countinued, "Of course not. Why, then, should Duke Nukem have to run through a corridor of them to get the health pack he needs to survive?"
The characters said thay intend to boycott their respective video games until Nintendo, Sega, Sony, and other manufacturers take significant measures to improve safety.
"In addition to mandatory warning lights and buzzers at least eight seconds before the appearence of a blade, spike, or other health hazard, we are calling for mapping features in all 3D rendered enviroments, large flashing arrows to highlight such hidden objects as health and life bonuses, and in the case of Sonic Team games, safety guardrails on all loops."
Sonic announces out of the blue, "And would it kill you to put good music in games. I almost didnt make it through that jungle level last time.
This has been the Ben Stalkingjew at channel 456 news.